Forever: A Friends Novel

by Monica Murphy

  The spell is broken by the waiter returning and setting the plate of mozzarella sticks on our table. Jordan lets go of my hand and grabs one, dipping it in the marinara sauce before he shoves the entire thing in his mouth. His eyes go wide and he chews fast before he’s taking a big drink from his soda.

  “Too hot?” I ask amusedly.

  “Yeah, but I’m hungry, so I sort of don’t care.” He grabs another one and downs it too. He’s like a little boy who’s been deprived of delicious food for far too long and now he wants to eat all the things. All I can do is watch him, occasionally sipping on my Sprite. Until I remember this one particular question I want to ask him.

  “You’re not going to eat a mozzarella stick?” he asks before I can get a word out.

  I shake my head. “No thanks. So hey…can I ask you something?”

  “Sure.” He takes a drink from his soda and waits.

  “Why weren’t you at school today?”

  “I was there,” he says carefully, his gaze narrowing. “You saw me at practice, right?”

  “Well, yeah, but I’m talking earlier. You weren’t in class. I didn’t see you in English, or at lunch. I didn’t even pass you in the hallway.” I watch him closely, searching for a reaction but he doesn’t so much as flinch. “Where were you?”

  “I had stuff to do.” He shrugs those broad shoulders of his. “Took up most of the day.”

  “What sort of stuff?” I hate prying, but he’s not giving me anything here.

  “Just stuff, Amanda. You know, school stuff. Family stuff.” He grabs another cheese stick and shoves it into his mouth, his gaze shifting away from mine. That’s it. That’s all he’s going to give me.

  His reaction tells me that maybe he does have something to hide.

  “Hey.” I settle in a chair across from Em. It’s Friday, and the entire week has been incredibly busy with school and practice and homework and work and Jordan. I never got a chance to talk to Em about her Google research. When she saw me in the senior hall earlier this morning, she asked me to meet her in the library at the same table we were at Monday during lunch, so here I am. “What’s going on?”

  “I wanted to tell you about my Tuttle research.” Em smiles, looking pleased with herself. “Would you like to know what I found out?”

  Duh. “Yeah, but keep your voice down, okay? I don’t want anyone else to hear us.” I glance around the room before I move to the other side of the table so I’m sitting in the chair next to hers. That way we can whisper in each other’s ears if we have to. I trust no one. Anyone could be lurking behind the stacks.

  “Ooh, I like this. I feel like a spy.” Em snatches the kettle chips bag out of my hand and munches on a couple before she starts talking. “I’ve been sneaking in searches when I can, and I was finally able to dedicate a few hours last night to the cause.” The disappointment on her face is obvious. “I have to admit he doesn’t leave much of a trail.”

  “You were searching for hours?” I’m shocked. Why would she waste that much time if she couldn’t find much? Em only started in on this so-called investigation a week ago, and I haven’t done any digging beyond that night he took me to dinner, and got absolutely nowhere.

  It felt wrong, trying to dig into his life, searching for his secrets. So that was the last time I questioned him. And he’s been readily available ever since. Always at school, at practice, driving me home or dropping me off at Yo Town when I had to work. My hours have shrunk so I’m only working one night a week and both Saturday and Sunday, and Jordan seemed pleased by that.

  “I get to spend more time with you,” he’d said just before he pulled me in for a kiss. That turned into another kiss. And another and another…

  “I was bored,” Em says, knocking me from my thoughts. “Didn’t want to do my homework, was sick of looking at everyone’s stupid Snapchat stories. So I went into full on investigative mode and dug up a few things. Not much though, so don’t be too disappointed.”

  “I won’t be disappointed. I feel bad that we’re even doing this,” I mumble, my appetite evaporating the more I think about it. I hand over my bag of chips to Em and she takes them gleefully, tearing into them like she’s starving.

  “Don’t feel bad,” she says between mouthfuls. “All of this information is on the World Wide Web. If he didn’t want it known, he would’ve had the information wiped.”

  “Can a person actually do that?”

  She sends me a look. “Come on. Of course, someone can do that. Especially if that someone has a ton of money, like Tuttle.”

  “Well, don’t keep me in suspense! Show me what you’ve got.”

  “I don’t have anything to show you. More like stuff I can tell you.” She leans back in her chair and I lean forward, not wanting too much distance between us. Again, I don’t want anyone to overhear. “His dad is cheating on his mom.”

  My mouth drops open then snaps back shut. “I already know that.”

  Em lifts a brow. “Really? What do you know?”

  “I only know—that.” I’m not going to spill to Em what Jordan told me. It doesn’t feel right.

  “Well, I saw photos of dear old dad with his arm around a woman who isn’t Jordan’s mom. So I did a little digging on the old man and discovered something very interesting. It seems that Mr. Tuttle likes to mess with girls who are barely legal. I’m talking women who are only a few years older than us. There are photos of him with all sorts of pretty blonde women all over the ’net. But there was one in particular who appeared in photos with him again and again. Every time I saw her, it bugged me because her face was familiar. More digging gave me her last name.” She smiles triumphantly. “You will never guess who it is.”

  “Who?”

  The smile fades, and her expression turns serious. “Lauren Mancini’s older sister.”

  “What?” I shake my head, like I can shake some sense into it. “You’re telling me that Jordan’s dad is having an affair with Lauren’s sister?”

  “Yes, can you freaking believe it? I always knew Candace Mancini had a few tricks up her sleeve, but I didn’t realize she actually turned real tricks.” Em starts laughing, obviously pleased with her crude joke.

  “Ha ha, very funny.” I go over the information in my mind, remembering the woman we saw his dad with at the restaurant when we went out with Ryan and Livvy. That woman couldn’t have been Candace Mancini. I thought she was older. And Jordan hadn’t recognized her, not in that way. Surely he would’ve known and maybe said something about it to me?

  But then again, maybe he knew and chose not to say anything at all.

  “You have to admit, it’s pretty scandalous,” Em says just before she tips the mostly empty chip bag into her mouth and shakes out the rest of the crumbs.

  “It is,” I agree. “But what does it have to do with Jordan? Did you find out anything about him?” I feel guilty even asking the question. I don’t care what his dad is doing—unless it affects Jordan. But this bit of information shouldn’t matter.

  “Oh, come on. It definitely has something to do with Jordan. His dad is boffing the older sister of his ex-girlfriend. That’s so freaking scandalous, I feel like we’re living in an episode of Pretty Little Liars here. Or The Vampire Diaries, without the vampires,” Em says with a giggle. “This is juicy stuff.”

  And she’s reveling in it. “So you didn’t find out anything about Jordan?”

  Em shrugs. “His relationship with his parents is awful. Word on the street is his mom is addicted to painkillers. He’s the only one left in that house, so he bears the brunt of all the bullshit delivered by his parents, and that’s gotta be a lot of pressure on his mostly capable shoulders.”

  I’m so relieved she didn’t discover something awful about Jordan. At least this is just involving his dad. It would’ve been another thing entirely if she found out Jordan was the one having an affair with Candace Mancini. “He doesn’t like his parents much.”

  “Who would? They sound like awful people
.” Em leans in closer, her voice lowering. “Another rumor I’ve heard is that his dad is willing to pay the University of Oregon a lot of money to accept his son, especially since that’s dear old dad’s alma mater. But the normally dutiful son doesn’t want to go there.”

  I already know this too. So there really aren’t any deep dark secrets concerning Jordan.

  “He’s donated a lot of money to the football organization. Guess he was a Duck once upon a time and had dreams of becoming a professional football player, but then he blew out his knee and the dream died.”

  I lean away from Em so I can meet her gaze. “You did find out a lot of information, didn’t you?”

  “It wasn’t that hard with the dad. He’s a public figure. Mom keeps to herself. She’s always at the spa, on vacation, or locked away in that giant mansion taking too many pills and drinking too much alcohol.” Em frowns. “You think Tuttle will end up a total mess because of the way his parents are?”

  “I don’t know.” I start chewing on my thumbnail. “I hope not.”

  “But he’s kind of a mess already, right? Secretive when he doesn’t need to be. Very standoffish. Doesn’t have many close friends, yet he’s always drinking and having parties.”

  I’m in immediate defense mode. “He’s really smart. He does well in school, he always has. And he cares about his team.”

  “Does he care about you?”

  “He says he does.” The doubt creeps into my voice without my meaning it to, and Em latches on to it.

  “But you don’t believe him?”

  “After everything that happened between us before…” I shrug. “I don’t know what to believe sometimes. It’s hard.”

  “I get it.” She nods. “I trust no one, and that includes Cannon. He’s just—too sweet. I’m waiting for him to do something awful. I know it’s going to happen, and I just wish it would go down soon so we can get this over with.”

  The bitterness in her tone is telling. “You two are officially dating then?”

  “I date no one.” She sounds just like Jordan. “Relationships are a set up for disappointment. Remember?”

  I do remember. But her down-on-relationships talk makes me feel stupid so I change the subject. “Hey, have you ever heard any rumors about a girl getting—raped by a senior when she was a freshman?”

  “Are you talking recent rumors?”

  “No, a few years ago. Like…I think it happened to someone from our class, but when we were freshmen.” I bite my lip, hoping I haven’t given away too much. If Kyla knew I was talking about what she told me, she’d hate me forever. And I’d deserve her hatred too.

  “Amanda, I know you live in your sweet little protected bubble most of the time, but rape stories do circulate around this campus. More often than you’d think.” Em shakes her head, her eyes sad. “But I don’t remember hearing anything about a girl from our class getting raped by a senior when we were freshmen. And if it’s true, that’s just awful. Besides, don’t you think we would’ve heard about it by now?”

  Not if the victim kept it a secret. “Yeah, you’re right. We probably would’ve.” I frown and dip my head, hating that I doubted Kyla’s story for even a second. I shouldn’t doubt her. She was so upset, so traumatized just from our short conversation. Then she cleared right up and acted like nothing was wrong, which is totally not normal.

  “Why do you ask anyway?”

  “Oh.” I lift my head and offer up a faint smile. “No reason. I Just thought I heard a story about a girl, but maybe it happened at another school.”

  “Maybe…” Em’s voice drifts and she tilts her head, scrutinizing me. “Wait a minute. You’re not hiding any deep, dark secrets, are you? About yourself?”

  “What? No! I’m not talking about myself, I swear.” I shake my head vehemently. “The most traumatic thing that’s ever happened to me is Jordan Tuttle.”

  “Ha, and don’t forget when you walked in on your ex-boyfriend and your best friend going at it at Tuttle’s house,” Em reminds me. Though how she knows about that, I have no clue. Maybe Livvy told her? Maybe the story spread so wide that everyone knows?

  Probably.

  “Great, thanks. I didn’t need the reminder,” I say sarcastically as I push back in my chair and stand. “I’m gonna go. Check out the cafeteria and maybe grab something to eat before the bell rings. Wanna come with?”

  “Nah,” Em says as I grab my backpack and sling it over my shoulder. “I’m going to stay here and catch up on some homework.”

  “Okay.” I hesitate, then go ahead and say what’s on my mind. “Maybe we should quit the investigation, you know what I mean?”

  Em’s surprised gaze meets mine and she lifts her brows. “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah.” I nod. “It—it doesn’t feel right, sneaking around behind his back and digging into his life. I’d hate to find out he did something like that to me, so I don’t want to do it to him.”

  “Hey. I get it.” She nods and offers up a closed-lipped smile. “Your secret is safe with me.”

  I exit the library, trying to ignore the nagging feeling that Em might be lying to me.

  It’s always when you’re minding your own business that the worst encounters happen, you know what I mean? It’s so cliché, and I totally get it if you’re rolling your eyes right now.

  But guess what? I’m minding my own business, sitting in yearbook class and going over a new layout for the volleyball page spread when someone sits in the chair beside me.

  I turn to find it’s…Thad.

  As in Thad the douche, my ex-boyfriend.

  “Amanda.” He gives me a chin nod, looking nervous. “What’s good?”

  Did he really just ask me what’s good? He’s ridiculous.

  “What are you doing in here?” My tone is super snotty, but I really don’t give a crap. “Aren’t you supposed to be in band?”

  He frowns, his forehead creasing. “Well, yeah, but I skipped out. Said I had to use the can.” Lovely. He’s so classy. What did I ever see in him again?

  I check him out because I can. And then I remember what I saw in him. He may be a year younger than me, but he’s cute. He always has a ready smile, and he made me laugh. He wasn’t the best kisser and he had a habit of groping me when he got too intense with the kissing, but overall, our relationship hadn’t been awful. It had been tentative and new and fun and exhilarating for a too-brief time.

  The ending is what was awful. Finding him naked with my best friend Tara, actually having sex in one of Tuttle’s guest bedrooms. That night, I thought I was the one who was going to end up doing it with Thad. Instead it was Tara.

  I haven’t spoken to either of them since. Until now.

  A big sigh escapes me and I turn to face him fully. “What do you want, Thad?”

  He ducks his head, his gaze focused on the table in front of us. “I feel bad about what happened.”

  “You should.”

  “Yeah.” He lifts his head, his face sad. “Tara broke up with me. This morning. That’s why I don’t wanna be in band today.”

  I don’t even feel a pang of sympathy for him. “Really.”

  Thad nods, his brown hair flopping into his eyes. He shoves it back irritably. “Said she couldn’t be with me anymore. Something about me being too immature when she wants a man.”

  Well, maybe that’s true. “And why are you telling me this again?”

  “Because I’ve been feeling really guilty lately about…everything that happened between us. It’s like you saw us that night, and that was it. You never talked to me or Tara again. You dropped out of band, you started hanging out with different people, you started going out with Tuttle, the most popular guy in school.” Thad shakes his head. “It was weird. It is weird. Why’d you change so much and so fast, Amanda?”

  This guy doesn’t deserve an answer from me. Yet I still feel compelled to give him one. “I guess I was tired of the old me.”

  “Are you happy with the new version of your
self?” He watches me closely, waiting for my answer, and I take a deep breath, staring off into the distance.

  Am I happy? I like the direction I’m going. Classes are good and I’m not scared of the future, otherwise known as college. I like my new friends, though that uneasy feeling about Em still lingers. I have a job that I like, but more hours would be nice. I don’t miss band as much as I thought I would because I have new things to occupy my time. And then there’s Jordan.

  He makes me happy, even if that happiness is mixed with a healthy dose of panic and uneasiness.

  “Yes, I’m happy.” My voice is firm and when my gaze meets Thad’s once more, I can see the sadness lingering in his eyes. Over what he lost?

  I hope so.

  “Then I’m happy for you too, Amanda.” His voice is hollow, so I know his words are too. A smile plays upon my lips and I turn away from him, not wanting him to see it.

  He’s getting everything he deserves.

  It’s been a little over a week since Cannon’s party. The rumors died quick. Cannon and I took care of that, though I’m still pissed at him for interfering with Amanda and me in the first place. He needs to focus on his own problems. Like the fact that he likes Em, and she’s just stringing him along. She’s a hot mess. Yeah, I can admit she’s definitely hot—but she’s also crazy. Messed up in the head. Unpredictable. Who needs that?

  Not me. I’m messed up enough.

  Amanda’s black eye has faded to almost nothing, and I’m fucking glad. Seeing her with that ugly bruise on her face every single day was tearing me up inside. The constant reminder that I did that to her sucked. Gave me all of those I-don’t-deserve-her type feelings.

  But I do deserve her. I deserve happiness too. I don’t need to remain alone and focused only on school and football. I can have a life too. I can prove that to my parents and then they won’t be able to say jack shit to me. Then they’ll have to eat their words.

  I’ve been keeping it slow with Amanda, just like I told her I would. There’s no need to rush this, no matter how much just looking at her makes me burn. It’s hard though. So damn hard. When she smiles at me, it’s like my heart is in free-fall. And when I actually get to kiss her, touch her, pull her into my arms and hold her close? It’s never enough.