Silver

by Pieslak, Dixie

  This time I was alone in the pews. I had a strong clamp on the magnetic pull that emanated from Henna, but she was close by, all right, somewhere on campus. The temptation to seek her out might win, but I needed time to settle unruly hormones. Bring out the cerebral. Perhaps the spiritual. Or memories. Anything would do.

  The organist played Bach and I relaxed into the powerful heaviness of ageless music, the creation long surviving the creator, touching the souls of humanity and my soul, too. Because I wanted escape from the present and because female craving badgered at me, I took my thoughts back to Marisela, with her terrible French and wonderful laughter. Louie had cared for her, maybe even loved her. She was with us for twelve years, which was how she realized that, as she moved from eighteen years old to thirty, Louie and I never changed at all.

  Marisela came from a village in Portugal, fleeing old world constraints for the dazzling craziness of 1930’s Paris. She lived on the fringe, indulging herself, dancing through the night and playing with the fire that was Louie. He provided everything for her and she gave him gaiety and sex and, unknowingly, fed us both. But she held within the old superstitions of her family.

  At first she just hinted, but we saw the roots of belief taking hold and one evening, confused and scared, she flung her suspicions. Louie merely shrugged. She turned to me.

  “You think I don’t know? I can see it. I’ve been watching a long time. Not just Louie, but you, too. Both of you. You’re using me.” She stomped and cried, wanting a denial, wanting to be talked out of it. Finally she bolted. I debated then charged after her.

  It was too late. She was caught up in a surprise sweep. I watched the German soldiers herd couples and old people and innocent Marisela into the back of a military vehicle.

  If Louie was worried he hid it well, even from my sharp senses. “She’ll be back,” he said. “It was just chance that they took her with the others. They’ll do what they do then let her go and she’ll come back here. She needs us, Brecken. She’s using us, too. We’ll wait for her.”

  Neither of us understood the Nazis yet, and how they worked. We didn’t understand the bargaining factor used to coerce information. We didn’t understand the fear of a Portuguese girl being questioned and threatened in occupied France.

  Louie was both right and wrong. Marisela did come back, but not alone.

  The organist left, nodding at me as he passed. I sat for another hour, the weight of the ages somehow hard upon me. I thought of people I’d known, now long gone. I thought of lives I’d helped and lives I’d taken, of war and desperation and our difficult decision to leave Europe. I thought of Louie and wished he would return to Claremont. Briefly, I considered leaving this town and where I might go. I thought of my writing and the twisting air that burned in my chest and the flow of life and what I wanted.

  I didn’t know what I wanted and mildly fumed at not knowing. My mind turned to God and whether I was still His as He was mine. “Oh, yes,” I whispered to the beautiful stillness of the chapel. “Surely yes.” I thought of art and long visits to the Uffizi Gallery in Firenze and the Louvre in Paris. And I thought of Henna Landau, with her sweet voice and confusing energy.

  Perhaps I should quit listening to Bach.

  Chapter 15

  As soon as I stepped from the chapel the energy was on me, burrowing like a worm in freshly dug soil. Without thinking I veered towards the two story building across the way, waves of bitterness washing over me as my mouth watered and the membrane covering my fangs dissolved. Madness. Absurdity. In a flash I’d gone from an easy, reasoning person to acting like a trapped, obsessed wolf. Yet Henna was searching and I traced the flow, unable to resist.

  I could hear her now, just behind the upper window talking with a music professor. Her manner of speaking was flowery, filled with imagery and interesting words. I heard the intelligence that makes her a good song writer, a good artist, and I lingered, listening. This wasn't the way she talked to her cousin and definitely not the way she spoke to me. Two Hennas, then? No problem. Two of me, also.

  The professor left. Like it was a casual game, Henna cast out that searching vibe and if she looked out the window, she would find me under the oaks. I almost wanted her to.

  Unthinkable to want that. I shuddered, angry at her and angry at myself. Angry at the dissipation of peace I’d felt in the chapel. Why was this happening? Who am I? I’m the predator, not the robot. I am danger and explosion and I’m twisting like a trapped fish. Hooks stabbed in and my body followed the line. The thought nauseated me.

  In a moment I knew she would, indeed, look out that window, for I was pulling back, tugging on the line, savagely testing, daring her. She moved!

  Furious, but not so insane as to be careless, I stepped behind a tree, cowered from her eyes at the window, felt the energy pass by and sweep back again. I wanted to smash it, wanted to smash its source. I shook with the power of her probe and sucked in, hiding my presence.

  It felt horrible and wonderful. Horrible to bite at the line she cast - wonderful to bite at the line she cast. More wonderful, if it were truly a bite. Aching gums opened as fangs slipped out and human me dimmed, darkness seeking its rightful place. Maybe I should jump out from hiding so she could see what was caught and understand the dangerous game she played.

  Henna widened her search. She stood in silence, her deep uneasiness welling through the air and surrounding my tree with its force. I wrestled, shrinking from the attraction and the compulsion to leap into the path of her energy and leap into the building and destroy the pull that drew me to her. Destroy the source of the pull. Dark thoughts from my darkest self. I shoved against my vampire, struggling to maintain control. Except, I was already losing it somehow, to her.

  My kind is rife with defenses, as she would learn right now. I gripped a branch of the tree, squeezed the rough bark into crumbles and blasted, reeling her with vampire darkness - black, harsh and painful. It worked. She staggered from the window and I bolted free.

  But my vampire was on top now and making the decisions. Free, not held under, not released on short parole but truly out and in control. I shoved hard, stomping and burying my human self, ignoring tentative looks from the walking food that is called students. They scuttled past and I gazed at them through lowered lids. Ah, the scent, the throb of richness under their skin.

  Daylight, open campus, fangs ready. Risky, but perhaps …. No. Animals only. Henna's touch zinged through me and I had another choice. Lure her or flee? Both were solid ideas, both pulled at me. Only one was wise.

  I joined a new group of students on the walk that passed by her building, but I could feel the itchy tingle, could feel her suddenly detect my specific presence. With a jolt I realized she was no longer on the second story but was rapidly moving down the stairs.

  For the moment I was out of sight and as students moved off, I cautiously moved with them. Across the expanse of green lawn I looked back and saw her standing on the front steps, staring my way then marching my way, fast, directed, purposeful.

  This wouldn’t do, could not be happening. There were no trees to block me, open spaces everywhere. A wisp of curling energy stretched from her to the bunched group trying to edge away from me. It prickled like a fingering lightening bolt, flaring arousal and alarm.

  My breath caught and desire coursed down my spine, spread through my gut. Reach out, take her will, unmask my true self, give away my identity and take her to my bed. Sink into her body and suck her blood into me. I licked my lips and lost myself in the image and my human shoved. I teetered - and fell.

  Half dazed, I watched Henna on the walkway, heading this way. Yet, no real way for her to know it was me that she sought. It was my energy, my essence that she felt and it would lead her straight as an arrow to my physical body if I didn’t get out of here.

  We neared buildings and the cluster of concealing students began to split and Henna was closing in. I dashed into the closest building and saw only faculty offices. People worked be
hind those doors and I was swept with a shuddering hunger. Knock? Barge in and - what? Henna could still find me. Too many humans, too many minds to control all at once. My throat was tight. I had to get farther away.

  There was a double door at the end of the long hall and I rushed towards it, trailing the spoor of my passing, accepting that she could follow. I didn’t know if she saw me enter the building, but the hook was in me and the chase was on.

  I exited into a small retreat garden dotted with tables and surrounded by tall growth. The garden was fully enclosed, no gate, hedges twelve feet tall and thick. No escape. My vulnerability soared as resolve wavered. She mustn't see me. Unless I just took her mind and made her forget. No. Not Henna. I wanted from her, but of her own free will.

  I circled in confused thought, almost panting. Suddenly muscles twisted, an explosive grunt, then a half curse as I toppled myself once more. My God, I love it and hate it when I do that. Now, again dark me in charge. Darkness wanting all, but darkness being smart this time. I laughed, loving both selves but free to act as I will. Wrong time to drink from luscious Henna. Good time to jump.

  I dropped to a crouch on the other side of the hedge, out of sight and out of reach except for her questing. She would still sense me here and for sure would wonder how I got on the wrong side of the hedge. I needed to be gone before she opened the door to the garden.

  I ran fast. Vampire fast in the middle of the day, visible to all in spite of my impossible speed. Rather cool, I thought, if I could turn into mist or an owl or a bat like in my novels. Although, diminish awareness and humans notice little. I fled up the street, broadcasting my ‘not thereness’ in vast waves before me.

  Yet she was running, too, exquisite bloodhound on the scent. While I had ambled in pseudo casualness onto the campus, now I was desperate, with Henna following as I raced towards home. I lashed out at her prodding tendrils, my vamp angrily slamming energy to stumble her focus and confuse her direction.

  Startled, I felt her accept my slam, ingest my blackness, assimilate the dense pressures I thrust against her. How did she do that? This was insanity. She could find me anywhere, even in my own house. Unless, yes, I could open my door to her and open the throbbing veins in her neck to me. Dizzying thought.

  Bloody damn. I faltered, staggering on the top rung, slashed by my own self. My teeth snapped as I mentally twisted, gasping and writhing for control. Both ways I win, but which of me would win. I was out, freed by my own struggle rather than permission and I wanted to stay out, wanted to rule my body. Wanted to lure Henna into the house, drive my fangs deep, taste human blood again. And sex. That too, and it had been a very long abstinence.

  I hissed with longing. Henna tugged at me, tempting on so many levels. And I also wanted to escape this torment and continue my peaceful life and retain freedom to walk in the sun. I wanted both ways. My teeth gnawed as I ran up the driveway of my home.

  What now? Stay and entrap? Guzzle, enjoy and destroy or …? My dark side tumbled.

  Overwhelmed, I leaped at my car and gunned out the drive and up the street away from the Village and away from Henna. Away from the unbelievable shock of running away from anything, much less a girl. My head reeled. Henna was more desirable and more dangerous than I ever conceived.

  I should be irate, but I was too shaken. She had followed after the powerful energy of me, yet I didn’t believe she actually looked for Brecken, since she hasn’t actually caught me stalking. Keep telling yourself that, my vamp laughed. Good trick if you can fool us both into believing such drivel. Okay, so sometimes I believe what I want to believe.

  I headed out of Claremont and left her behind. But my mind tossed with wild images of Henna feeling my nature, probing inside and seeing the part of me that champs in confusion and thirst. I couldn’t continue this charade. Couldn’t let any of that happen.

  Two miles into the foothills I threw myself from the car and pounded my fist into the dirt. This Henna was not the same girl who cautiously checked for a burglar, walked with others to her car and looked carefully out the window before sleeping. She had upped the stakes and if I didn’t do the same, I could no longer hide. This girl didn’t just probe and attract. She pulled and sucked at me, and she did it with her own guard intact.

  I flopped on my back and shielded my face from the accusing sun. Do I risk losing it? I forced analysis, decided the daylight was secure. But how could I spy on Henna if she knew I was around? I should feel safer than I do, since she could have no concept of what she has found in me.

  To the eye she was just a musician, talented and charismatic, yet I couldn’t resist any part of her and I ground my teeth with humiliation. A wisp of a girl ran me off. Ha! Cowering in the raw foothills because of a human female.

  What the crap?

  Frustrated, I realized that my life in Claremont might be in jeopardy. I might have to leave. Really leave. I've been a fool, skulking after her, kidnapping Kyler. Stealing an earring, for God’s sake.

  I dug the earring from my pants pocket where I carried it around like an idiot, dallied with it like a stupid fetish. This obsession is over. Starting now. I stood up and flung the earring deep into the shrubs.

  Phone in my hand. “Louie, are you in Canyon Lake?”

  “Oui, Brecken.” He sensed my agitation and gave me calm. Love Louie.

  I knew what I craved. Didn’t struggle, didn’t fight it. Damn it, I would have what I needed and keep the daylight, too. “Spur of the moment and all, but got anyone handy I can share?”

  He snorted in that French way of his. “Mais, certainement, mon frère. But, it’s been a long while. What's happened?”

  “I'll tell you afterwards. Be there in an hour or so. Call me in at the gate.”

  “Done.”

  “I’m coming for lunch and dinner and overnight. Might stay 'til doomsday.”

  “Stay as long as you wish, but don't bring doomsday with you, Brecken.”

  I grunted. “Merci. Et Louie...?”

  “Oui?”

  “It would be good if lunch were there when I arrive.”

  He snorted again. “Done.”

  My body slumped for a moment then heaved as darkness surged to control. Both of me felt eager, both fixed on the end of the seventy mile drive. But my vamp would direct the way. I started the car and drove down the hill then made a U-turn, tore into the shrubs and retrieved the hoop earring.

  Chapter 16

  Even a vamp can be organized. Text Mark that I won’t be running for a few days. So sorry, Ev; you think you know something, observing me right and left? Ought to be watching me an hour from now.

  Best do Amie's cats, though felines easily survive days of neglect. Lock up, get gas and get out of town. Let existence be what it is - the life of my yesterdays, today and all my tomorrows.

  “I am wholly vampire,” I shouted to no one as I drove through the Village. “And wholly human. But today, beautiful Claremont, this vamp is rampant, uncurbed and hungry.”

  Someone heard my cries and yelled back. “Yay for uncurbed hunger.”

  So ridiculous. So apt.

  The 15 freeway is fast and I drove through Canyon Lake's main gate an hour later. Customary for our kind, Louie was waiting at his front door. He pointed to the woman sitting on the couch. “That's Sherry and here is my woman, Yvonne. They work together in Murrieta and are taking the afternoon off. “With a little persuasion,” he added in French.

  Attractive women they were, older like Louie prefers and of course, much, much younger than we. I controlled myself for Louie's sake and greeted them courteously - though far too eagerly. But they wouldn't realize that.

  The women were vaguely pleased to meet me. They smelled clean and female and were undoubtedly interesting, if talk were on the menu. But then, the women were mesmerized, unaware of the smiles they gave and the words we all spoke. Careful Louie had taken their conscious minds before I arrived. Savory deliciousness prepared for me.

  I eyed Sherry and shuffled my f
eet, impatient, gums swollen, mouth parched yet dripping like Pavlov's dog. Louie's lips hardly moved. “Careful, vampire. Stop after four.”

  My gaze slid to his perfect face. “Or?”

  “Or I will stop you of course. We don't want that, do we?”

  My human side can go slow and easy. Not me and not today. I gave it a smiling two minutes while I struggled to breath and my gums ached and watered and then I was snuggled up next to Sherry, barely noticing when Louie led Yvonne out to the back deck. I don’t require privacy but Louie prefers it for himself and left me to my devices.

  Perfect that Yvonne was here, also. Dinner, perhaps? Yet, though she was under, it really wouldn’t do for Yvonne to witness my lips clamped to the largest arteries in her friend’s body.

  Louie's home, his rules. From dark depths roared the urge to rip the human at my side, open the fount, bathe in the spurt, gurgle and guzzle and take. Drain her into me. Slide to the carpet and shove into her while I drank. Lose myself in her, instinct acting without thought.

  Wildly ravenous, yes, but I'm not stupid. Instinct brought the sanity of will power. I forced control for Louie's sake and for my own. Besides, if explosive attainment be bliss, so, I well knew, was the tantalizing journey.

  Sherry gazed past me and I tugged on her hair, moving her chin from side to side, teasing myself. My fangs had been out for the last hour and now I let her see them, lifted her finger to touch, pricked her flesh, sucked that finger and hissed in gulps of air at the flush of pleasure. Mine to take, anyway I wished. Not her life because of Louie. And perhaps because of the sun. Still, she was here and I had only to make the move. Savage her body or prolong the feast? How could I do both?

  Wanting her to see my mouth against her flesh, I placed Sherry across my lap, chest against mine, legs tucked beside me. I nipped at her wrist, lapping the slight welling of blood off her skin. Her mind drifted and Oh God my body swelled and hummed. First human blood in years. How insipid that other me has been. This is my natural food. Exquisite. My senses spun. I grabbed a frantic breathe and lost myself to frenzy, licking up her arm to her throat. I thrust fear into her mind and the artery beneath my tongue throbbed with adrenaline as I stabbed hard and deep. Her cheek flopped on my shoulder and I burrowed into soft flesh and her life force surged hot across my teeth.