False Start (Love and Skate)

by Felix, Lila

  I did laundry and folded the tiny clothes, pretending not to be chomping at the bit, waiting for Ella to come. After all the laundry was put away and the twins were back asleep Ella came in. She checked on the babies and then asked where Reed was. I pulled her to the kitchen for some privacy from the gossip train.

  “Ella, I need to talk to you. Reed’s been crying all the time. She doesn’t leave the bedroom, hasn’t since that one time. She won’t let me get near her, not that I’m trying anything, but I want to kiss my wife. She is refusing more and more to nurse the babies, which is fine. I don’t care if she never breastfeeds them again. But that’s what she wanted. I don’t know what to do. Please, if she needs to go to the doctor and get some medication or whatever—we’ll do whatever.”

  “I’ll go talk to her and check her out and see. Every mother has a little baby blues.”

  “Okay, thank you.”

  She went into the bedroom and I made not so subtle hints that I wanted my sister in laws gone. Nellie was pissed, but she’d get over it. This was my wife.

  Not even fifteen minutes later, Reed emerged, dressed in yoga pants and one of her favorite hoodies. Her hair was combed and braided in a way I’d never seen it, which led me to believe Ella had done it. They went outside together and Reed didn’t spare me a glance.

  I took the opportunity to get into the bedroom and change the sheets. Then I opened all the windows just to get some fresh air in the room. Maybe she’d just gotten tired of being cooped up all the time. But it had only been a few days.

  I grasped at all kinds of conclusions—and came up empty handed.

  I ran through a quick shower and changed into jeans and a very worn Full Metal Jacket t-shirt. I didn’t even bother with the Mohawk. Going into the living room, I sat in the recliner next to the babies and began to doze off when Reed and Ella came back in. Ella said her goodbyes to Reed, who somehow had managed to look like a new person in just a short amount of time. Ella then patted me on the shoulder and cooed over the girls one more time before heading out the front door. Reed sat down on the arm of the recliner, but I didn’t budge.

  For the first time, I didn’t know how to act around my wife.

  “We need to talk.” She whispered. It had been so long since she whispered to me. There was no need, I knew all her secrets—or so I thought.

  “Talk.”

  “Ella thinks if this—funk or whatever continues I need to see a doctor. But I swear just getting dressed in real clothes and walking outside worked wonders. She also said I’m not eating enough. It’s just…” She slipped down slowly and sat in my lap, which was more contact than we’d had in days. “It’s just a lot harder than I thought. Those damned books suck. They didn’t tell me I’d feel like dragging sludge. And the breastfeeding—it makes me feel like a cow, just here for the milk and nothing else.”

  “Poppy, you are everything. It’s a miracle. You gave birth to our babies and then you can feed them without any outside help. Don’t you know how amazing that is? I feel like a helpless twerp here, just trying to do whatever. Hell, I’m just trying not to kill anyone.”

  She threw her willowy arms around me and I could feel her smile against my neck.

  “And I feel weird,” she secreted in my ear, “I’m like a mother now. But I’m also a wife. It’s a strange thing. I wanted kiss the hell out of you this morning in the bathroom but then my boobs are full of milk and it kinda ruined it for me.”

  I chuckled. She always did have a way of saying things so they were funny.

  “It’s only been a few days. Give yourself a break.”

  She gasped and pulled away from me, “That’s the other thing. I think I had this ideal of what it would all be like and it’s just effing not.”

  “How about this? We just take everything one minute at a time. We do what we can and we’re gonna have to lower our standards on some things. I’m off indefinitely, so we have time. We’re not perfect, no one is.”

  She leaned over to look into the tiny sleepers next to us, “Are you sure? I see two babes who are just about as perfect as can be.”

  “They’re just like you, Poppy. They’re sweet and beautiful. But I mean it, we’ll do whatever we have to so that you’re well.”

  Settling against me again, she sighed. “You know how stubborn I am. Ella practically read me the riot act for not telling you.”

  “She should. We both know where secrets get you.”

  “Yes. Secrets get me a new house and a new car and wait, secrets are bad. Secrets are very, very bad.”

  “Don’t joke.”

  “Okay, now kiss me, Husband, before those babies wake up.”

  And I did. It was more than kissing my wife. It was kissing the woman who’d made a pair a full house. There was no better gift she could ever give me.

  Hayes

  The great thing about wrestling dough? You get arms like Tina Turner.

  I woke at ten the next morning and had actually slept for the first time in a while. I blamed it on the fresh air and on the hoodie.

  How weird would be to wear it on the date?

  I shucked the hoodie, my pajama pants and jumped in the shower. I used my favorite pumpkin spice soap and washed up as fast as I could. I’d need the extra time for my hair. I jumped out and dried my hair as fast as possible. I got a text from Vera asking if we were still on. I answered that we were but I worried about the possibility of being stuck in an aquarium with a fighting couple and a guy I’m dating.

  A second date with a guy—I kinda expected the Guinness World Record people to pop champagne and roll out a red carpet for me when Rex picked me up.

  I put in all the particular product after straightening my hair and then barely had enough time to pick out something to wear before it was eleven. I didn’t want to go too dressy for a casual date but I also wanted to look hot. I chose a pair of dark washed jeans, ones that I often didn’t wear because they were tight, skinny jeans, and I never found a reason to wear them. Pairing them with a soft Henley with lace sleeves and a pair of Chucks, I scrambled to throw on some make-up and get downstairs.

  I hated to be late.

  I hated when other people were late.

  When my feet hit the floor, there was a knock. He was right on time. He probably didn’t know what a big deal that was.

  I flung the door open, “Hi.”

  “Hey, you look great.” He did too, but he also carried a disappointed face.

  “What’s wrong? You look deflated… Wait, I’m so rude, come in.”

  He stepped into the doorway, hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth on his toes and heels.

  “Falcon said it’s not a good day to visit the babies. Reed’s really tired or something.”

  “Oh, well, that’s fine. Is that why you have that long face?”

  “Yes. I just didn’t want to disappoint you.”

  “No way, it’s fine. I don’t blame her. I’d probably shun the world if I had twins. So, do you want to hang out here or just go to lunch early?

  “Let’s just go eat early.”

  A new glow consumed his face, “What? Did you think I would cancel the date or something just because plans change? I’m a pantser. It’s no sweat, really.”

  He chuckled, clearly relieved, “A pantser?”

  “Yes, I fly by the seat of my pants. I’m not hard to please.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.” As we stood there and stared, I just knew he and I were talking about one thing but thinking about another entirely. And I usually made sure to look people in the eye when they talked to me, but I couldn’t help but watch as his mouth formed different words.

  “So, where are you taking me today? I was impressed with the Asian place, by the way. I was mostly impressed that you ordered grown up food.” I grabbed my purse and began to head out.

  “It’s kinda chilly outside. You might want to grab a jacket.”

  Then he shrugged like it was no big deal.

  “Ok, thanks.”
I pulled a light jacket down from the hook behind the door and went out. He closed my front door behind him and then twisted the knob to make sure it was locked.

  I wished guys knew how much the little things mattered. Rex? He got all the little things just right.

  We got into his truck and as he shifted it into gear he asked, “So, tell me about what guy ordered kids’ food.”

  “Wait, that’s like a rule, right? I’m not supposed to talk about past dates?”

  Rex drummed his thumbs on the steering wheel to some invisible beat, “You are a contradiction. First you say you’re a self-named pantser, now you’re talking about rules. Pick one.”

  He was laughing the entire time he said it and I realized what a frosted flake I must seem like.

  “Just tell me what asshat took you out and then ordered the Happy Meal.”

  “His name was Rob. I didn’t know people were still named Rob.”

  He shrugged, “Vanilla Ice’s real name is Rob.”

  I sat dumbstruck for a few seconds after that. That was one random fact I didn’t need to know.

  “So anyway, first he couldn’t remember my name. He kept calling me Haley. Then he was snorting his snot up into his sinus cavities and then, the piece de resistance, he ordered chicken strips and fries from the kids’ menu on the back. I thought for a minute he was gonna whine about his blue, yellow and red crayons so he could do the maze. I wanted to push the chicken strips up his nostrils so he couldn’t hock snot anymore and use those crayons to write my name on his forehead. There’s just no excuse for a grown man to order chicken strips.”

  I realized halfway through that I probably should’ve been less graphic. Everyone said I was always too graphic, too morose, and too gory. I supposed it was the product of one too many zombie movies and episodes of The Walking Dead.

  “Sorry. I’m too graphic.”

  He said nothing until we finally parked at what looked like a laundromat turned restaurant. I could see the red and white checked vinyl tablecloths from the truck.

  “You wouldn’t have to be graphic if that guy hadn’t treated you like that. Plus, I kinda like how you describe everything. What a jerk. He didn’t know what he was missing out on.”

  “Thanks,” I said, muttering.

  He pointed to the place in front of us, “So, this looks like a dump, right? Wrong. It’s owned by one of Falcon’s clients and she told us to come in for a meal on the house once. So we did. The—best—Philly cheesesteaks on the planet. Trust me?”

  “Yeah, let’s go.”

  We walked in and a large woman came around the counter cawing and cackling at the sight of Rex. Her apron got the brunt of her greasy hands as she ran over to him and smothered him in a hug. As per the usual Rex, it took him a few seconds to defrost before he patted her on the back several time. She reached out and pinched his cheeks a few times and went on and on about how handsome he was before she even noticed me.

  “Rex, who did you bring to see me?”

  His cheeks were red from the pinching and he cleared his throat, “This is Hayes,” he enunciated my name, reminding me of Vanilla Ice and how he didn’t. “Hayes, this is Mrs. Blanchard. She owns the place.”

  She did not appreciate his introduction as she propped her fists on her hefty hips and slapped him right on the butt.

  “If my husband ever dies, I’ll own you too. Remember Hayes, he’s only yours temporarily.”

  I giggled at the woman who was a little bit joking and a lot not joking.

  “I’ll remember that. But he’s been raving about your food.”

  “That’s right. My boy knows where his bread’s buttered. Let me go make you two some of my best. Find yourself a table and there’s napkins if the smell makes you drool too much.”

  I laughed at the imagery of Rex being the bread and this boisterous woman buttering him. He chauffeured me to a table in the corner, a booth with a slick seat and a sticky table.

  “You should’ve warned me at least. I didn’t know I had such stiff competition.”

  Looking at me under the canopy of his brow, he rumbled, “Trust me, there is nothing stiff about her kind of competition.”

  And that’s when I realized how funny he was. He was leaned over the table, his shoulders bunched. His eyebrows were a little scraggly but to me it was a good thing. Boys who had perfect eyebrows worried me. Like potentially they spent more time primping in front of the mirror than I did. Like maybe they judged all people by the shape, context and clarity of their eyebrows. Any moment, you could be striking up a competition and they and two of their friends would suddenly hold up white cards with your score.

  He looked like he wanted to kiss me. Hovering he moved in closer, his eyes on my lips, my eyes on his eyes.

  “No lunch if you kiss my man!” Mrs. Blanchard interrupted all the way from the open kitchen window. I backed up, laughing with my hands in the air. I had been arrested and read my Miranda rights.

  Rex backed away, scrubbing a hand over his face, “Remind me to get our orders to go from now on.”

  Next time, that was a new thing to hear.

  “I will.”

  “How long have you been friends with Vera?”

  “Since forever. When we moved she was my first friend in high school. But shortly after she met Colt and they’ve been inseparable ever since. But then after we graduated she went to school and he went to work on the oil rigs. It’s hard on her with him being gone all the time.”

  “You never talk about you when I ask you questions. Last night or this morning, you talked about Vera and your sister. Tell me about you.”

  And then I was saved by a foot long steaming steak sandwich with tons of cheese, onions, and peppers.

  “Enjoy!” Mrs. Blanchard cooed at Rex.

  He stared at me, waiting for me to further the conversation, but instead I stuffed a huge bite into my mouth and then immediately regretted it. The roof of my mouth burned and stung as the meat and cheese mixture touched it. I reached for a drink, but there was none.

  “You’d rather burn your mouth than talk about yourself—nice. By the way, try not to burn your lips. You’ll need those later.”

  Then I almost choked.

  He got up and run/walked to the counter and ordered some drinks, we’d forgotten to get any. He came back seconds later with two glasses of lemonade, no ice.

  Yes, with Rex doing all of those cute little things, I would definitely need the use of my lips later, even if I had to pin him down with my dough muscles and lay it on him in surprise.

  “Thank you.”

  “Sure.

  He sat down next to me and ate all of his onion rings first. He was a lot smarter than me who just stuffed her mouth full of blistering cheese.

  Wiping his hands after polishing off the last one, he cleared his throat. “I feel like I should apologize in advance here. I formally pre-apologize for anything I say in front of your friends or, more what I’m infamous for, do not say. I’m better one on one.”

  I laughed. A pre-apology. He should round up all of my other dates and teach them about the pre-apology.

  “Don’t worry. Vera will take up most of the air space talking.”

  I ate as much as I could and then he polished off the rest. He tried to pay but his sugar mama waved him off and then slapped him on the butt again as he walked away.

  “She likes your ass.”

  “No kidding. It’s worth it for the sandwiches though.”

  He opened my door for me and then went around and we started towards the Aquarium.

  “We’re early,” I tapped on the digital clock on the dash.

  “Better early than late. We can go in the tunnel and wait for them.”

  “You’ve been here before?”

  “You’ve met Scout?”

  I laughed, “You’ve probably been here thousands of time.”

  “Yes. Because Uncle Rex is a pushover. He buys her one of those huge sharks or whatever other stuffed animal she can fin
d every single time. Ugh,” he shook his head.

  “That’s so cute.”

  “Cute? Do you see this beard? Do you see these tattoos? Not cute.”

  He reached over and tickled my ribs as he spoke.

  “Okay, okay, I give. You’re rugged and manly and so bad ass I can’t even stand to be in this truck anymore.”

  I got out quickly, laughing but inwardly extremely uncomfortable with him touching me so close to what lay beneath the surface. I never had to worry about that before. But I knew this relationship would have some kind of progression. And I craved it. Moving beyond the chit-chat and into the difficult conversations—that’s what I looked forward to—the depth.

  But with that would come admitting things—things I’d only told counselors and my parents. Hazel didn’t even know the half of it.

  “Let’s go in,” his hands were in his pockets, but I’d have to push this if it were to go anywhere.

  But he wouldn’t get his damned hand out of his pocket.

  Stubborn as a mule.

  Rex

  Coon shit in shallow water,

  Licked his ass and ran for the holler.

  I’d been there so many times before with Scout. The sharks and eels no longer held the same awe as before, mostly because there was a new fascination right next to me. I held my hands stiffly in my pockets, absorbing her facial expressions as each new animal swam by. Hayes seemed to find joy in everything—except talking about herself.

  It was probably a small thing, holding a girl’s hand. Her hand became my only focus, staring it down hoping it would give me permission.

  What’s the worst she can do—tell me no?

  That might just be the end of me.

  I wasn’t good at coy, so I just inched closer, taking my hand out of my pocket until our fingers touched. It was a new thing for me, aching to touch someone and be touched in return. I usually avoided it at all cost, but I could feel the sprouting of sweat beads on my forehead. How was I ever going to kiss her if just the thought of holding her hand had me reeling this badly?