The Impostor, A Love Story

by Tiffany Carmouche

  “How about Jess?” How is all this affecting her?”

  “She misses you, Nicole, but she has no idea what is going on with Ronald. We are trying to keep her life as normal as possible and protect her from all the drama. That’s why we didn’t say anything to you either.”

  “You should have told me, Mom. I would have come back sooner.”

  “That is why we didn’t tell you, honey. We didn’t want you to worry.”

  “God, it’s so good to be home. I missed you all so much.”

  “We missed you too, but I’m so glad you are away from here and away from him. You look good, Nicole. You seem more at peace. I don’t think I have seen you this radiant in years.”

  “It really is good for me up there, Mom. I’m starting to see things the way I used to. It’s so beautiful, and I have a few really good friends. Emily’s boyfriend is great, and I have a wonderful boss.”

  “I can see it. You look happy.”

  “And I met someone, Mom. I really like him. He is showing me a world I used to just dream about.”

  “You are glowing.”

  “He took me to an art museum.” I could feel my smile grow. “It was hard at first, but then I was able to relax and remember just how much art meant to me.”

  “I like him already.” My mom leaned over to kiss me on the forehead.

  “It’s the little things he does that I fell in love with, and then he does things that make me feel like I’m in a fairytale or something. He’s good for me, Mom. He is helping me move past the pain, and he’s helping me to not be afraid. I never told him how important art used to be to me, but somehow he was able to see it. He has been encouraging me to paint. He even surprised me with a canvas. He is helping me find myself again. He’s helping me rediscover things I let die.”

  My mother put the knitting needles on the bed, went over to the closet, and pulled out an old picture frame.

  “You were really good, Nicole. And you loved it so much.” She handed me the frame.

  My hand rubbed against the dusty pane.

  “It killed me to find out you had stopped.”

  It was my acceptance letter to college. My mom found it torn up in my pocket when I went to the hospital. I ran my hand across the glass again.

  “You taped it back together and framed it?” I swallowed, holding back my tears.

  “God gives some of us gifts, Nicole, and you were certainly blessed. But not only were you talented, you loved it so much. It was a part of you. As a mother, it was hard enough to have you go back to Ronald after he beat you so badly, but to see you abandon your dreams—I will never forgive Ronald for robbing you of that.”

  “I haven’t been able to create anything, yet, but I’m beginning to appreciate the beauty in the world like I used to.”

  “That is a good start. I really think Alaska is good for you, and I can’t wait to meet this young man. Maybe we can go visit you this summer.”

  “That would be wonderful. I’m renting a couple rooms in a beautiful house with a view of the mountains. I’d love for you to come visit.”

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  The night before we were to go back to Alaska, Emily and I decided to go to a bar a little out of the way to see some old friends. We were sitting at a table when Ronald came out of nowhere. I began to squirm, searching for the nearest exit.

  “Who told him I was here?” I demanded.

  “He just wants to talk,” Bobby, an old friend of ours, admitted.

  “Bobby, why would you do that? He tried to kidnap my daughter!” Bobby hadn’t heard what I had been going through.

  “Nicole, how are you, honey?” Ronald came over to me like we were still dating and nothing was wrong.

  “Don’t honey me, Ronald.”

  “I’m sorry, Nicole. Things are different now. I’ve changed.”

  “Last time I heard that, I ended up with a black eye.”

  “I was drunk. It’s different now, sweetheart. I stopped drinking. It’s best for Jessica that we are together. She needs a father.”

  “Like hell she needs you in her life. Don’t you ever try to take her again.” What had I seen in this idiot before? Dylan made me realize I deserved better. “It’s over, Ronald. Give up. I have full custody. Leave us alone.”

  I could see the anger build under his skin, but he didn’t react. Instead, he left the bar. A few hours later when we were walking back to our cars, Ronald startled us, grabbing my arm. He reeked of alcohol. The veins in his neck began to bulge.

  “No one walks out on me.” He slammed me against the building, hitting my head against the concrete. “No one!” He banged me again against the bricks, and my nose started to bleed. “You think you can leave me? You think you can make a fool of me?” He punched me in the ribs. As I doubled over, he jabbed me again.

  “Calm down, man,” Bobby and John screamed. I heard them running out of the bar. They grabbed Ronald’s arm before he could punch me again. “Calm down.” I looked up, holding my stomach. As I wiped the blood from my nose, I saw the guilt in Bobby’s eyes. He had led Ronald right to me.

  “You bitch! You think you can put me in jail and get away with it? You think you can leave me? I’ll find you again, bitch. I will find you, and you will get what’s coming to you!”

  Ronald continued to scream as Emily helped me make it to the car. With each step, I could feel a stabbing sensation between my ribs.

  “Calm down, man.” Bobby yelled, and turned to John. Call the cops.” The two guys kept Ronald cornered.

  John looked over to me.“You okay?”

  I nodded.

  “We’ll make sure he can’t follow you,” He had seen me in the hospital before, and he was not going to let it happen again. “Someone call the cops.”

  Em and I sped down the highway. Ronald didn’t want me. He just wanted to control me. He just wanted a convenient punching bag that cooked and cleaned and even paid all the bills.

  When I got home, I tried to hide the confrontation from my parents, but they saw I was favoring one side, and Emily let it slip. We told them the whole story.

  “Nicole, it’s not safe for you here,” my parents said hysterically. They had spent too many years trying to save their daughter from an abusive relationship.

  “Let’s get you to the hospital.”

  “No, I’m fine. They are just bruised. I’ll be fine, really.”

  Even though it was hard to say goodbye, they were happy Jess and I were getting away from him. They were worried that if I spent too much time home, something would happen to me again.

  The next morning, tears filled my parents’ eyes as they hugged us in the airport.

  “You will have to come and visit us soon!” We waved, blowing kisses as we began toward our gate.

  Emily, Jess, and I boarded the plane back to Alaska. I held my baby’s hand and kissed her little forehead. Ronald could never hurt us again.

  Chapter Thirty

  Flying back to Alaska over the hundreds of miles of snow-covered mountain tops was so exciting for Jessica. We pointed out the airplane window, one mountain top more beautiful than the other. I focused on the beauty out the windows and my wonderful daughter sitting beside me. I put my arm around her, squeezing her tight.

  We landed in Alaska. The streets were covered in snow as far as the eye could see, decorated like a winter wonderland. It wasn’t like the few inches back home. There were six feet on the ground. Steve picked us up from the airport and took us out to dinner.

  “Where are the boys?” I asked. “Are they with Marta?”

  “She had some issues with immigration again. It’s nothing to worry about, but it will hold her up about a week. The plan is still that she will pick up the boys on her way back, so they don’t have to fly alone.”

  “She’s not here?” I tried to conceal the disappointment in my voice. I had already planned to take off a week, but I was really banking on this time to get to know the nanny and help Jessica feel comfortable
with her. There was nothing I could do, so I changed the subject. When we arrived at the house, I walked Jessica around the plowed sidewalk.

  “Jessica, close your eyes.” I took her hand and led her in front of the gingerbread house.

  “Now open them.”

  “Mommy, Mommy! It’s beautiful. Is it our new house?” She was so excited, her eyes sparkled. The pastel house decorated with wooden candy belonged in a storybook.

  “I love it, Mommy. I Loooovve it . . . Can we go inside the pretty house?”

  “Let’s turn on the lights.” I flipped the switch.

  “Wow.” She was so excited by the flickering, candle-shaped lights. We stepped back in time as if in a storybook.

  “Honey, I’m so hungry. Can you make me something to eat?”

  “Of course, I will.” At first, she started mixing imaginary food together.

  “Look, sweetie. They have pots and pans,” I opened the cupboard with all the plastic foods and utensils. “And watch this . . .” I turned on the sink.

  “I can make you the bestest dinner in the world, Mommy.”

  She put all kinds of concoctions together. We had so much fun, spending hours making gourmet dishes with the plastic food. Then we pretended to sleep on the little wooden beds.”

  “Can we sleep here all night, Mommy?”

  “We will sleep in the big house tonight, but we can play in this house every day.”

  Her blue eyes sparkled. When we got inside, Steve was in the kitchen.

  “Look what I got.” He had made ice cream sundaes for everyone.

  “Oh, yummy.”

  “I’ve got gummy bears, if it’s okay with your mom,” he enticed.

  “That would be great. I’m sure she will love that.”

  “Yummy!”

  “Nicole, I found this box in the attic, and I’m going to donate it, but there were a couple things that I thought Jessica might like.”

  I guessed the people who lived here before had daughters.

  “There are some Barbies, and look what I found, another locket. I thought maybe she could put a picture of her mommy in it.” He took out the locket and left it on the table.

  “We can be twins, Mommy!” Jess ran to the table and picked it up. “I will have a big-girl necklace!”

  “That’s right, baby. We will be match and match!”

  “And look, a horsey for Barbie! Thank you, Mr. Steve.”

  “If you want, you can watch the Lion King. It’s one of my son’s favorites.”

  “Can we, Mommy?”

  “Sure we can, Angel.” Jessica and I cuddled on the couch as the movie began. Steve walked over to me and handed me a glass of wine.

  “No, thank you.”

  I wished there was a TV downstairs. Steve was nice, but I missed my own space. The motel had been small, but it was just Emily and me, and we didn’t have to feel obligated to spend time with anyone. Steve sat on the couch next to us and looked at us. I figured he was happy for me. Shortly after the movie began, Jessica fell asleep.

  “I’ll carry her downstairs if you like. I got a couple movies out if you want to watch any. I already opened up a bottle of wine.”

  “Oh, no. I got her. I’m about ready for bed, too. It was a long flight. Goodnight, Steve.”

  I carried Jessica down to my room and had her sleep with me. I didn’t want her to wake up in a strange place and freak out. Emily had already gone to bed for the night.

  For the next few days, I couldn’t sleep. I was trying to think of fun things I could do with Jessica before returning to work. I had the lights off and ran through different ideas in my head. One night, I heard a creak on the stairs as if someone was walking down them, but Emily had already gone to bed.

  “Emily,” I called out. After a few moments, the footsteps returned back upstairs. Maybe Steve had to get something from the laundry room. Because of the noise, I decided to bring Jessica into my room. I picked my little girl up in my arms and cuddled with her. Watching her sleep, I couldn’t help but smile. My angel was finally here, and we finally had a place we could call home.

  Chapter Thirty-one

  Emily wanted to go to work Monday, but I wanted to spend the day with Jessica in Anchorage. I decided I’d drop Emily off at work, so I’d have the car for the day.

  “If you want, you can let Emily have the car. I can take off today and take you to the zoo or wherever you would like,” Steve cut in the conversation.

  “That is really sweet of you, but I don’t mind driving.”

  “Have you driven in six feet of snow before?” Emily had used the car a lot more than I had because of work, but I had driven in it a few times.

  “Yeah, I will be fine.”

  “Why don’t you let me take you guys around? I’d hate for something to happen to you with Jessica in the car.”

  “I will be fine,” I repeated. “Thank you.”

  He was very nice, but I really wanted to be alone with my daughter. He seemed to be a little annoyed that I didn’t want him to join us. But the truth was, he constantly invited himself to be a part of our plans, and he was starting to just assume it was okay. At first, we felt obligated since it was his home, but after a while, we made up excuses. It was like he wanted to be around me all the time. I think he was just lonely and wanted a friend, so I tried to be nice.

  “Have you heard anything about the nanny yet?” I asked Steve.

  “No. No, I haven’t. It should be any day, though. She seemed to think everything was done.”

  “Did she lose her residency or something?” I thought all of the paperwork had been finished.

  “It was a work visa and she had to reapply. It will be fine. We just thought it would be easier since she has been working for me for years.”

  I thought the nanny was in the Lower 48. Come to find out, she had to go back to Guatemala to resubmit a new application. Why did he tell us she would be here in two weeks if he didn’t know?

  I loved the location for Jessica, but living so far was making it hard to find a sitter. My savings was dwindling, and I really had to be able to work soon.

  The phone rang. Part of me hoped it was the nanny, but part of me hoped it was Dylan. Either way, I wanted to answer the phone.

  “Can I get it?” I ran to the phone.

  Steve answered it, rolling his eyes. He handed me the phone.

  “Nicole?”

  Oh, to hear his voice.

  “Dylan.”

  “Hey, baby, I wanted to give you a few days to get reacquainted with your princess there. I couldn’t wait any longer. I had to hear your voice. How are doing?”

  “I’m wonderful now. I miss you so much.” I started to bring the portable phone downstairs. I turned to Emily, Steve, and Jessica. “Excuse me, I’ll be right back.” I left the dining room, ran downstairs, and closed the door to my room.

  “Oh, it’s so good to hear your voice.” I lay on the bed. “I wish you were here.”

  “I wish I was anywhere you are. God, I miss holding you. Mmm . . . I miss your lips.”

  “I miss your everything.”

  Jessica walked in the door. “Mommy, can we go to the zoo?”

  “Is that Jessica? How is she doing?”

  I told him all about the playhouse and the snow fights.

  “So did you go shopping with her yet?”

  “Dylan, no, I didn’t. It’s too expensive.”

  “What am I going to do with you, young lady? So, can I talk to her?” he asked, surprising me.

  “Angel, I have a friend that wants to talk to you.” I turned the speaker on.

  “Hello,” her angelic voice began.

  “Hi, Jessica. How are you doing?”

  “I’m doing very good, thank you. How are you?” she asked so matter-of-factly.

  “I’m doing wonderful. I miss your mom, though. How is she doing?”

  “Mommy, he says he misses you,” she called out and I smiled even though I could hear it on the speaker.


  “Can you take care of her for me?” Dylan asked.

  “Of course,” her precious voice answered. “She loves my soup.”

  “I bet she does. I hear you make the best soup in town.” It warmed my heart. He was so sweet with her.

  “It’s not real, so we only can pretend that it’s yummy.”

  “I bet you have a lot of fun with Mommy, don’t you?”

  “I do! She’s the bestest.”

  “I agree. Jessica, do you like princesses?”

  “I love princesses.”

  “I bet you do. I gave your mom a magic card for you to use at a special store just for good little girls and boys. I think you are a good little girl, right?”

  I shook my head. “Dylan!”

  “I am. I am,” Jess interrupted. She nodded her head as if he could see her big, blue, convincing eyes over the phone.

  “Cause you can only use the magic card if you are a good little girl.”

  “I am.” She continued to nod her head.

  “Well, your mom has the card, and it’s just for you. The only problem is, you have to go to the store and use the magic card today or tomorrow or it will disappear. Make sure she takes you there. It’s really important, okay? You promise?”

  “Dylan!” I jumped in again.

  “I promise,” she said with excitement in her voice.

  “And you have to pick out what you really want because the card will know, okay? Tell me all about it next time I call? Promise?”

  “I promise.”

  “Will you do something else for me?”

  “Sure I will.”

  “Can you tell your mom she is beautiful?”

  Jessica smiled really big. “Mommy, he says you are beautiful and you have a magic card for me.”

  “Dylan, look what you have done!”

  “The magic card . . . can we go there today Mommy? Can we go to the store with the magic card that has princesses?”

  “Let Mommy talk to him, okay?”

  “Goodbye, Mr. Dylan. Thank you for the magic card.”

  “Goodbye, sweetheart.”

  I took the phone as she walked out of the room. “What are you telling her about this magic card? I told you I didn’t want to take her shopping.”