The Impostor, A Love Story

by Tiffany Carmouche

  “Yeah, yeah, I’m messing around,” Steve confessed.

  We ended up having a nice meal together.

  “Can I have more gummy bears?” Jessica’s asked, holding out her ice cream sundae.

  After we finished eating, Steve rushed into the kitchen and came back with dishwashing gloves on his hands. He picked up Dylan’s glass, fork, and knife from the table.

  “I’ll clean up,” Steve commented. “I know this is your last day here, and you have to get to the airport.” Steve went back into the kitchen.

  “We can help you clean up,” we all said in unison and scurried to pick up everything on the table. Steve seemed a little moody, and I figured it would be better not to have him feel like our maid. When we got to the kitchen, I noticed Dylan’s glass and utensils were not in the sink. Not thinking too much about it, we brought the rest of the dishes to the counter.

  “We can do the dishes. You did most of the cooking.”

  “If you insist.” Steve seemed to be pleased at our offer and handed us each fresh dishwashing gloves. Dylan placed them on the counter as if he had never seen a man wear them before.

  “So you think you are too macho to wear the gloves?” Steve smirked. Dylan looked at me, raising an eyebrow, and put them on to avoid an argument.

  “Why don’t you dry?” I handed Dylan a towel.

  “Mommy, can I help you?” Jessica pulled a chair over to the sink to stand on. Emily put the dishes away, and we finished quickly, putting our gloves on the counter. Steve walked over and picked them up to put them away.

  “You all should be leaving. Look at the time,” Steve commented.

  Dylan took my hand and led me over to the corner of the room. He gave me a little kiss and handed me an envelope. “Put this in your room before we leave.”

  “What is it?”

  “It’s going to be almost four weeks before I see you again. You need a little buffer since you haven’t been able to work. It will give you a little spending money for Jessica.”

  “I can’t take it,” I protested, handing him back the envelope.

  “I’m hard headed,” he reminded me, placing it in my hands.

  I peeked in the envelope. “Five thousand dollars,” I gasped. “You are crazy!”

  “I will not take no for an answer.” I took it to keep him from being too loud since Emily and Steve were across the room, and I knew Dylan would insist.

  “Put this somewhere safe. We gotta get to the airport.”

  When we were on the way to the airport, the subject came up again.

  “Nicole, I really don’t like this Steve guy. I wish you would let me get you a place of your own.”

  “He’s not usually like that. I think he’s just upset about the nanny not showing up, and he’s probably missing his kids. Maybe he’s a little threatened by you. I mean, you look like a gladiator.” I leaned over and kissed him. “My gladiator.”

  “At least think about it, especially if you see any yellow carnations.” We both laughed.

  “Yeah, that was a little weird, wasn’t it?” I tried to change the subject. “What do you want for Christmas?”

  “You. All I want is you.” He was about to board the airplane. I didn’t want to say goodbye.

  “Four weeks is going to be like an eternity.”

  “But I will have you for the holidays.” He smiled as he kissed me.

  I had been the one asking him to wait. Now I wanted him so bad I couldn’t stand it. Just being close to him made my heart excited. I couldn’t wait to be in his arms again. He kissed me one last time, taking my hands in his.

  “I love you, Miss Nicole Carlisle.” He gently squeezed my hands. “I love you.”

  A warm feeling consumed me as he spoke the words. I love you too Dylan. I love you more than you will ever know. I don’t know why I was afraid to tell him. It was like once I spoke the words I would wake up and it would be over. He was like a dream, a fairytale. I looked up at him. “Why do you have to go,” I held him tight. “I don’t want you to go Dylan.”

  “I’ll be back soon baby, before you know it, it will be Christmas.”

  When I arrived home from the airport, Steve had gone somewhere. Hearing the sound of my tire tracks, Timothy came out of the garage.

  “Timothy, how are you doing?” I asked as I exited the car.

  “Doing okay? I thought you were Steve,” Timothy replied.

  “Nope, just Nicole. Hey, where is Alan? I haven’t seen him for almost a week.”

  “I heard he went back to the Lower 48.” Timothy seemed a little upset.

  “Really? I thought he was staying here for a while.”

  “So did I, but apparently after Steve paid him, he decided to go back. Maybe it was too cold for him.”

  “He didn’t say anything to you?”

  “No, he left without saying goodbye.”

  “That stinks. Ya’ll seemed like pretty good friends.”

  “That’s what I thought, but he left no phone number or anything.”

  The cold air got to me. I figured I’d only be out in it for a few seconds, so left my bulky winter coat in my room.

  “I’m sorry, Timothy. I have to get inside. You don’t go leaving without saying goodbye, okay?”

  “I’m not going anywhere,” he assured me.

  “Keep warm.” I ran to the house.

  Chapter Thirty-seven

  When I woke up the next morning, I saw Steve sitting in the dining room, talking to someone on the phone.

  “You can be here tomorrow? That’s perfect. What? Five thousand dollars? The banks are closed, so I can’t wire it to you today. Do you know the next time you can catch a flight? I can wire it tomorrow when the banks open.” He paused. “That doesn’t make sense. They only fly to the US once a week? You won’t be able to leave until next week? I guess we’ll have to wait because, like I said, the banks are closed. And they don’t take credit cards? I’ll see what I can do. Call me in two hours. I think you’ll just have to come in next week.” He hung up the phone, irritated.

  Steve turned to me. “That was the nanny. She said she could leave tomorrow, but I’d have to wire the money today. She’s in a small town, and they only fly up here on Mondays. I can’t believe she waited till a Sunday to call. The banks are closed, and I can’t take that kind of money out of an ATM. I guess I’ll have to wait another week. I can send it out there tomorrow.”

  I knew he had the money. He was really well-off. Maybe I could let him borrow it until tomorrow. I knew he was good for it, and I really needed the nanny to get here. I couldn’t work until she arrived.

  “You could get the money tomorrow?”

  “Of course, it’s in the bank.”

  “Dylan let me borrow some money. I need it right back, but if it would help get them here tomorrow, it would be worth it. I haven’t had the chance to go to the bank.” I went to the room and pulled out the envelope.

  “I can’t ask you to do that. I can wait one more week. It’ll be fine”

  “No, it’s fine. I don’t need it today and you do, and like I said, I know you are good for it. I can’t wait till the nanny gets here. I can’t wait to meet your kids, either.” It was really the nanny I was waiting for.

  “I will go to Western Union now so I’ll be back when she calls. She said she could fly to Oregon and pick up the kids, and they would get here late tomorrow night.”

  “That will be amazing.”

  I did not want to spend any of Dylan’s money. I was going to pretend it didn’t exist, anyway. I wouldn’t miss it. It was like I was putting it in the bank. Steve was good for it.

  The next morning, Steve slammed the front door as he entered the house. Timothy didn’t show up for work and it enraged Steve. I didn’t dare ask him about the money.

  We anticipated the arrival of the nanny and the boys. I was so excited about finally getting to go to work. I really needed the money. We waited and waited, but she never showed up. Steve was even more upset, so I
didn’t ask him for the money on Tuesday, either. I didn’t want to seem too eager about it, but I needed it back. Especially since the nanny didn’t show up again.

  It was getting to the point that I would need to find someone else who was trustworthy and pay them. I was starting to worry. What if she just stole the money? What if she had no intention of ever coming?

  The phone rang and Steve answered it. In a gruff voice he spit out, “It’s for you, Nicole,” and he disappeared upstairs into his room. I picked up the phone. I heard a clicking sound, then it stopped, but the phone call still seemed a little muffled. I assumed it was on Dylan’s end.

  “Baby, I miss you so much. I can’t wait to hold you again,” he began. Before long, I told him about the trouble with the nanny and how I was unable to work. He told me to use the money he had given me to move out and find my own nanny. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I gave all the money to Steve. I felt so stupid.

  “Nicole, I really don’t like you living there. Steve kind of rubbed me the wrong way.”

  “I’m fine, Dylan, but when you get back, maybe you can help me find something of my own. That way you could stay with us when you are in town.”

  I hoped by then I would have the money back. I heard the clicking on the phone again. Then the phone call seemed much clearer. “Listen, I have to go, but I’ll call you tomorrow and we can talk more. I really want you to move out of there.”

  A week went by. Most evenings Steve entered the house cursing under his breath. Timothy, Steve complained, went back to the Lower 48 after he was paid and so he was left to work in the shop by himself. He was so busy that he was unable to make it to the bank before closing. I wondered why Timothy left, especially since the week before he said he wasn’t going anywhere.

  Three days later, we still hadn’t heard anything from the nanny. I set Jess on the bed and kissed her goodnight, then returned to my room, trying to figure out what I could do.

  Resting on the back of the chair was the sweater I had worn the last day Dylan and I were together. I picked it up, sitting on my bed, and brought it to my face. The sweet smell of his cologne filled my nose. I really missed him. He never called back. When I told him we could stay together when he was in town, maybe he figured I was asking him to move in with me and it freaked him out. I curled up with the sweater on my bed and closed my eyes. Why didn’t he call? I needed to talk to him.

  I heard the rumbling of our car pulling into the driveway. I looked at the clock. Emily arrived home hours early. I sat back up on my bed, upset about the nanny and sad about Dylan. I needed someone to talk to and get advice on how to ask Steve for the money back without offending him.

  The sound of her footsteps pounded on the stairs as she rushed into her room and slammed the door shut behind her. I opened my door and walked down the hall—a slight whimper escaped through the walls.

  “Emily, you okay?” I knocked gently. “Emily?” She didn’t answer. “Emily?” I turned the knob and it was unlocked. I entered. She was lying on the bed, her head buried in her pillow. I closed the door behind me and ran over to sit on her bed.

  “You okay Emily? What is wrong?” She didn’t answer me. I rubbed her back as she lay there in tears. “Is it Chris? I will kick his ass.”

  She finally rolled over, her face smeared with wet mascara. “It’s my dad.” She was hyperventilating. I searched for a bag or something she could breathe into. I found a little paper one with nail polish in it and emptied it onto her dresser. She sat up on the bed, steadying her breath with the small paper bag.

  “Your dad? What’s wrong? I thought he was getting better.” I continued to rub her back.

  She pulled the bag from her face. “We all did.” Hyperventilating again, she returned the bag to her mouth. It puffed up like a balloon. As she sucked in the air, it deflated again.

  Finally, her crying subsided, and she was able to breathe on her own. She continued, “They just found out he has cancer. He’s not doing good, Nicole. He’s not doing good at all. I have to go back.”

  Cancer? “I’m so sorry. I wish there was something I could do. I love your dad.”

  “I think I’m going to leave in two weeks. They need me there.”

  Two weeks? “I understand.” Poor thing. I couldn’t imagine. Her dad was wonderful. Emily had his smile. He loved his kids so much. Ever since the first day I met him, he made me feel like I was part of the family. So funny, so friendly, I couldn’t imagine him ill. I couldn’t imagine what Emily was going through.

  “I talked to my sister today when I was on break. Brad let me off early; he could tell I was upset.”

  “What can I do to help?”

  “I don’t know. I can’t think right now.” She cradled her head in her hands and wiped away the tear that was cascading down her cheek. “Can we talk in the morning? I just want to be alone. Don’t say anything to anyone, okay?”

  “Of course not. Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”

  She wiped her eyes again. “I think so.”

  “Emily, if there is anything I can do, you have to let me know, okay? I will leave now, but I reserve permission to reenter if I feel you need company.” I held her for a minute. “I’m just a few rooms away. Do you want something to eat? To drink?” She shook her head no.

  We didn’t have any tissues. I grabbed a toilet paper roll from the hall bathroom and brought it in to her.

  Her father’s illness was really difficult for her. Every so often, throughout the next week, she would break down in tears. She was truly my best friend and it was hard to see her go, but even harder to watch her suffering.

  Chris would be out of town for another month, and she had no way to contact him when he was on contract—he had to be under the radar. She didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye, but she had no choice.

  “He will understand, Em. I’ll make sure he knows how to get in touch with you.”

  “I’m scared, Nicole. I’m really scared. My dad’s voice seemed so weak on the phone.”

  I held her tight as the tears poured out of her eyes. I wished there was something I could do to relieve her pain.

  Chapter Thirty-eight

  One evening, Steve offered to watch Jessica. I needed to make money more than ever. I’d be paying for everything myself now that Emily was leaving.

  Steve drank a couple beers. I didn’t feel comfortable having him babysit, but Brad told me I should come in for part of the night to make sure Butch wouldn’t take me off the schedule forever. Steve wasn’t drunk, and I had no one else to turn to.

  With Emily leaving, I decided I wanted to move back to Anchorage as soon as I could. I was really starting to doubt the nanny would ever show up. Steve told me, however, that he would get my money, which relieved me. He just asked if I could wait until Wednesday when he finished the rush job he was working on.

  I wanted to stay at Steve’s at least until he paid me back. We had already paid him for the month, so I had a place to stay and as soon as I got the money back, it would be easy to get a place on my own. I didn’t love the idea of living in the house without Emily there. And I knew Dylan would be furious if I stayed, but I didn’t have the money to move anywhere else yet. I was stuck. I had gone through almost all of my savings.

  “Honey, I’ll come home as soon as I can.” I kissed Jessica. “Did you know Mr. Steve made the gingerbread house outside? I will come home as soon as I can, okay honey?”

  “She will be fine. I have ice cream and the Little Mermaid movie. I’m sure she will be asleep before you know it,” Steve assured me.

  Emily and I started driving away.

  “She will be fine. He has kids of his own.” I was trying to convince myself I wasn’t making a mistake. “Obviously he was a good dad or he wouldn’t have gotten sole custody.”

  We made it out to the highway when I heard Dylan’s voice in my head.

  “He is a stranger. You can’t move in with a stranger.”

  I felt safe around Ste
ve, but the idea of leaving my daughter with him was starting to freak me out a little, especially since I knew he’d had a couple beers. I began thinking even more. It had been another week, and the nanny still hadn’t shown up. He still hadn’t returned my money. Questions started building up in my mind.

  “Emily, I’m sorry, but we have to turn back. I can’t leave her there by herself. I’m really sorry. I have a bad feeling.”

  Emily turned the car around.

  The knot in my stomach made me feel like something was wrong. I walked quietly to the front door and opened it. Jessica was sitting on his lap. Another opened beer rested on the coffee table.

  “Mommy, you’re home.” She jumped up and ran to me.

  “Did you forget something?” His eyes darted around the room, and his voice sounded a little tense.

  “No, I’m actually not really feeling well. I figured Jessica and I could turn in early.”

  “Are you sure? Don’t you want to watch a movie or something?”

  “Not tonight. I’m not going to make you watch another kid movie. You can watch whatever you would like.”

  I carried Jessica to my room. We sat on the bed as I slowly brushed her hair.

  “Mommy, sometimes do people have secrets?” Her sweet little voice pierced me with her words.

  What? “Like what kind of secrets?” I started to get a sick feeling in my stomach but knew I had to control my reaction.

  “I don’t know . . . the special kind.”

  Maybe I came home at the right time. The idea sickened me. I swallowed. What did she mean by that?

  “Honey, you never have secrets from me, okay? Little girls never have secrets from their mommies. Do you have any secrets you want to tell me?”

  “No, Mommy. Mr. Steve asked me if I was good at keeping secrets.” My stomach twisted, and I could feel the muscles in my face contort out of disgust.

  “Did he ask you to keep a secret? Did he . . . touch you?”

  “No Mommy, he just put me on his lap and asked me if I was good at keeping secrets.”