Knit One Pearl One

by Gil McNeil

  “Okay.”

  “When you were having Pearl, when did you find out?”

  “Sorry?”

  “That you were pregnant.”

  “In the car park, at the supermarket. Well that’s when it first dawned on me. I went in and got a test, and then had a mini-meltdown in the customer loos and rang Ellen.”

  “Can you buy some more?”

  “Sorry? Oh. Right, well yes, of course.”

  “Just make sure nobody sees you. There’s press everywhere, and I can’t ask Max, I don’t want her to know, not until I know, and there’s nobody else I can ask.”

  “Of course.”

  “Can you go now? And bring the basket in with the wool when you get back. Yes?”

  “Sure.”

  “And be as quick as you can.”

  Bloody hell, I’m not really cut out for clandestine missions, and I’m sure there’s a car following me as I drive back into town, but then it turns left as I go right, and I start to relax. But still, bloody hell. Gran didn’t seem at all bothered that I was nipping back to get some more wool for Grace, but even so. I really don’t know what I’ll do if I see someone I know while I’m tipping pregnancy testing kits into my trolley. I think I’ll head to the retail park on the road to Fordingham; there’s a big chemist’s there, and less people go that way. Crikey, I wonder who the father is, if it’s someone who’ll be around or not. Maybe it’s one of the actors from the last film. God, the press are going to go nuts; the whole town will be besieged by hacks wanting snippets. I must remember not to ask her, not even show a hint of curiosity about it. I really hated that when I was having Pearl. People are so rude, even the nice ones, asking questions about what’s going on, when you’re not even sure yourself. But still, I wonder who it is. Bloody hell.

  I pile a large bottle of shampoo, a couple of bottles of baby lotion, and a big pack of baby wipes on top of the tests and then stagger with my basket to the tills. I’ve got six tests, because I’m thinking Grace will be just like Ellen and one test will definitely not be enough. The woman gives me a strange look and smiles at me like I’m one of life’s tragic people, which I can’t quite understand until I suddenly realize she thinks I’m buying baby supplies before I’ve even done the tests. Bloody hell, it comes to £92.78; I’d forgotten how expensive they are. Great, this is all so mortifying, all I need is to bump into Annabel Morgan and it’ll be perfect. Gran will be round knocking on my front door tomorrow morning and asking me if there’s anything I want to tell her.

  By the time I’ve driven back to Graceland, arranged the balls of wool over the top of the tests, and walked through the hall, I’m almost having a full-blown panic attack. I’ll have to breathe into a paper bag if I carry on like this.

  “I can’t believe she sent you back for more wool. Honestly, sometimes I think she lives on an entirely different planet to the rest of us. Do you want a drink?”

  “Please Max, that’d be great.” Preferably a triple vodka.

  “Go straight up, she’s in the blue room. I’ll send up some tea and tell her the first guests are arriving, so if she could get a move on we’d all be very grateful.”

  “Sure.”

  I half race up the stairs, so I’m out of breath by the time I’m walking down the corridor.

  “I’m in here, Jo. Could you give me a minute, darling? Actually, make that ten. I just need a time-out with my knitting coach. Moment of calm, yes?”

  The makeup woman nods and closes the door behind her.

  “Maxine is sending up some tea, and she says the guests are starting to arrive.”

  Grace takes the bag from me, gives me a rather shaky smile, and goes into the bathroom.

  Christ, I’m so nervous that when there’s a knock on the door I nearly jump out of my seat.

  “Tea?”

  “Thank you.”

  I take the tray from a gorgeous-looking waiter. He must be part of the catering team. God, I wish she’d hurry up; I don’t think I can take much more of this. Although I don’t actually know what result she’s hoping for, so that’s going to be tricky, and I really don’t want to get this wrong. Bloody hell, I’m definitely going to have to find a paper bag in a minute. Either that or pass out.

  The door opens.

  “Tea. Great.”

  She looks very calm.

  “Everything okay?” Damn. I’ve crossed the invisible line again, where she can tell you things but you never ask. Too many people ask her things, all the time.

  “Absolutely fine.”

  “Good. Shall I pour the tea?”

  Right. Okay, she doesn’t want to talk about this, and that’s fine. Of course she bloody doesn’t. My hands are shaking as I pour the tea, but I manage to avoid blurting out “Tell me, tell me” or anything mortifying like that. She needs peace and calm. I must get a grip and give her some space.

  There’s a silence, quite a long silence actually, and then she smiles. “Aren’t you going to ask me then?”

  “It’s none of my business, Grace, as long as you’re okay.”

  I’m quite pleased with this answer, but not as pleased as she is. She walks toward me and kisses me on my forehead, and then sits down.

  “Absolutely fine. And absolutely positive.”

  “Oh Grace, how lovely. Sorry, I mean, is it? Because if it’s not that’s fine too, well, of course it is. Christ, sorry, just ignore me. I’ll pull myself together in a minute.”

  I’m gripping the teapot so hard now in an effort to shut up I’m at serious risk of snapping the bloody handle off.

  “It’s perfect. Only I don’t want anyone to know, anyone at all. It’s very early.”

  “Of course.”

  “Promise? Nobody. Not Max, not yet, and definitely not your friend Ellen.”

  “Of course.”

  I hand her a cup of tea, and she smiles. “Thanks. It should probably be champagne, but here, let’s raise a cup to new beginnings. And snow. It always brings me luck when it snows.”

  “Does it? Well, I’ll definitely drink to that.”

  We clink our cups, and she does one of her Diva smiles that seem to light up the whole room, and I realize she’s completely delighted, so deep down happy she doesn’t really know what to do with herself. She puts her hand on her tummy, just for a second, when she thinks I’m not looking.

  “Thanks Jo.”

  “My pleasure.”

  “And—”

  “I promise. Relax Grace, I’m not a blurter. Well, with you I am, I do admit that, but sometimes I can’t help it. But unless there’s another major film star about to quiz me, I’ll be fine. I can keep things secret squirrel when I need to, I promise I can.”

  She smiles. “What’s a secret squirrel?”

  “When I worked in news we had a whole list of secret stuff, it was part of the job, and Ellen and I used to call it our secret squirrel file. I didn’t care about most of them of course, so it was different. But I can definitely keep things secret. And I know what it’s like, people asking you questions when it’s none of their business. I hated it. So subject closed. Now please, can you get ready? Because Maxine is going to kill me if I don’t get you downstairs soon.”

  She’s smiling again. “Sure, get the makeup girl back in, would you, and tell Max I’ll be ten minutes. And we’ll do the knitting thing later. I think I might be doing quite a bit of knitting in the next few months.”

  There are quite a few guests milling about as I go downstairs.

  “Is she on her way?” Maxine is looking anxious.

  “Ten minutes.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, she’s almost ready.”

  “Good. Oh, and it’s bloody snowing again. So we might need those sledges after all.”

  “It’ll be fine, Max.”

  “She was banging on about snow being lucky this morning, although for who is beyond me.”

  “Was she? Well, it’s lucky if you like snow, I suppose. Are the kids still in the pool? I
’d better go and rescue Cinzia.”

  “Don’t worry; she’s got quite a few of the waiters trooping in and out checking if she needs anything.”

  “Has she? Sorry, that does tend to happen.”

  “I bet. No, she’s fine, nice girl actually. She adores your kids, doesn’t she? Really sweet.”

  “Yes, but they do tend to take advantage. Particularly Archie. I better go and get them out.”

  Good God, I’d be such a hopeless spy. I feel like blurting and nobody’s even asked me a bloody question yet. Time to calm down. Get the kids and calm down. I know nothing. I’m going to wipe it from my mind. Keep calm and carry on.

  Christ.

  I’m having a quiet moment with a pistachio meringue when Ellen wanders over.

  “Fabulous party, isn’t it? The kids are having a lovely time with the magic show. Harry’s just taken Eddie in; your gran’s in there, with Elsie.”

  “I know, I just asked them to go in and help Cinzia. Not that she needs any help, but they were starting to wear me out.”

  She laughs. “I don’t blame them, darling. I’ve just been talking to Luke Baker, and I’ve always had a bit of a thing about him. I almost went a bit wobbly. Why is he here, do you know?”

  “He was in the Bedknobs and Broomsticks film with Grace, wasn’t he?”

  “Oh yes, of course, she was great in that. Particularly the knitting scenes.”

  It was rather thrilling, sitting in the cinema and seeing her up on the big screen, knitting while the children are fishing; it was the scene they were filming when I visited, when I was pregnant. Except I’m trying to avoid thinking about anyone being pregnant.

  “Yes, she looked great, didn’t she? But then she always does.”

  “Hello ladies. Enjoying ourselves, are we? I gather this was your idea, Jo. Great theme, Mother’s Day, right on target.”

  “Thanks Ed, but it was Grace’s idea really.”

  “Well, she’s loving it, so that’s a relief. She can get a bit full-on when she’s not happy. You may have noticed.”

  “Really?”

  He grins and turns to Ellen. “I hear the new series has got the green light. When do you start?”

  “In a couple of weeks, and I wanted to have a word with you on that, I was—”

  “Ellen, you promised. No work today.”

  “Relax, darling, I promised not to badger your Diva, but I can have a little quiet word with her agent surely?”

  Ed gives her a rather hard look. “Depends what the word is, darling.”

  “Just an idea for Grace. I thought she might like to join me, on the program. We could do it around the launch of the new film. We’ll avoid the forbidden questions, all the usual. We could do Amazing Grace at home, or maybe in her local wool shop with her knitting coach, taking part in her local community, not too snooty to join in, something like that. We could do a prerecord, you can have approval, all the usual, or she can come in and join me on one of my new exquisite sofas, whichever you prefer.”

  “I’ll add it to the list.”

  “Seriously?”

  He grins. “Sure, I quite like it.”

  “Like what?”

  Oh, God.

  “Hi Grace, just pitching a little idea to your agent.”

  “So I heard, and the knitting angle is nice, Ed, let’s look at it.”

  I’m giving Ellen a furious look, or my best attempt at one, which just makes Ellen laugh.

  “I should probably say this wasn’t Jo’s idea, Grace, before she kicks me. You know what a shrinking violet she is. She made me promise not to ask, but if you would like to do it, I’d be thrilled, I—”

  “I adore violets. Lovely to see you again, Ellen, so glad you could join us. Jo, walk with me for a minute, would you?”

  Bugger. I really didn’t want Ellen to ask her, and now I’m going to get Told Off.

  “I’m really sorry about that, Grace. She promised me she wouldn’t pitch anything, but she just can’t help herself.”

  “It’s fine, darling, I quite like the idea, but don’t tell her that. But I’d put yourself on standby for a bit of filming in your shop. Be great for business, wouldn’t it?”

  “Yes, but only if you really want to.”

  “I never do anything I don’t want to, darling. You should know that by now. Keep walking, and talk to me, like there’s something urgent we have to sort out. Emma Fox is on her way over, and I can’t stand her.”

  Naturally I can’t think of a thing to say.

  “Sorry, I can’t think of anything, but the party is wonderful, everyone seems to be loving it, and I’m sorry about my gran, she’s not usually like that.”

  Gran got so overawed introducing Reg earlier she held Grace’s hand, and didn’t let go, for what felt like hours. And Elsie did one of her special half curtsies, which she usually reserves for Lady Denby, who actually sold this house to Grace, so it was rather apt in a way, but she got so carried away she was practically on the floor, and Jeffrey had to help her back up.

  Grace leans forward and nods as if there’s just been a domestic calamity. “Don’t be, I thought she was sweet. Let’s go into the kitchen, we’ll be safe in there.”

  She blows a kiss to Emma, who very theatrically blows a kiss of her own, as we walk past her toward the kitchen.

  Mark is inevitably deep in conversation with one of the caterers, talking about cakes. He promised Connie he’d be only five minutes, about half an hour ago.

  Grace goes into full Diva mode.

  “I just wanted to say thank you all, so much; everything is perfect. At least so I hear. I haven’t actually tasted anything yet. So I’m taking a five-minute break. Sam, can you choose a few things for me, darling?”

  How clever of her. She’s given Sam the upgrade of being her proper chef, and the two caterers and the waiters milling about are all looking thrilled with the compliments.

  “Let’s sit over here for a minute, Jo. Max will be here in about thirty seconds; once I’ve gone off radar, she usually tracks me down.”

  The view from the French windows is lovely, down toward the lake.

  “Would you like a drink, some water perhaps?”

  “Lovely, thanks darling.”

  Maxine appears, as if by magic. “Do you need anything, Grace?”

  “No thanks, Sam is sorting me out a taster plate, and Jo’s getting me some water. I think we’ve got it all under control. How’s it going? They all seem to be enjoying themselves.”

  “Mr. Magic is about to start the children’s disco.”

  “Oh God, I better get back in there, Archie can get a bit carried away when he’s dancing.”

  Grace laughs. “Off you go then. Maxine will get me a glass of something cooling. Have we got any of that elder flower? I like that.”

  “Coming right up.”

  She’s extraordinary. I’ve been watching her, for most of the afternoon, greeting her guests and being every inch the megastar, like she’s got nothing on her mind except making sure everyone has a great time.

  The disco is in full swing, with a bubble machine for extra excitement.

  “Hasn’t it been lovely, pet? Look at our Archie dancing with Pearl, aren’t they a picture?”

  “Yes Gran.”

  Cinzia’s dancing with them, and attracting very longing looks from assorted dads and waiters. She seems oblivious to this and is trying to encourage Jack to join in. Which he won’t, but that’s not stopping her from trying.

  “I’ve had such a nice afternoon, pet.”

  “Where’s Elsie?”

  “Over in the corner, with her Jeffrey, talking to your Ellen.”

  “Oh. Right.”

  Ellen is giving me one of her get-this-nutter-off-me looks, which I ignore. Serve her right.

  Tina comes over. “We’ve had such a nice time, Jo. Thanks ever so much for getting us invited, Travis has loved it. Have you seen my Graham? Only he went off a while back with that security man.”

 
“Bruno?”

  “Yes, to look at the fire alarm. I told him, they don’t need you poking about checking their circuits, but you know what he’s like.”

  “I’m sure Bruno will bring him back soon.”

  Unless Graham is keen on dogs, in which case he could be ages.

  “I better go and get Travis; he’s trying to get the magician to tell him how he does his tricks.”

  Travis is very clever and likes to get answers to his questions, proper detailed answers, with diagrams if required. Sometimes I don’t know how Tina copes.

  “He’s on at me to get him a rabbit now; he says it would be interesting.”

  We exchange slightly nervous looks.

  “I’m sure he wouldn’t hurt it.”

  “Of course he wouldn’t, Tina. He’s very gentle.”

  “I know, but he gets carried away, that’s the problem. He wants a rat too, he says he can train it to do tricks. Can you imagine? My mum would faint dead away. Mind you, Graham thinks that might be handy; they don’t really get on.”

  One of the media types from London, in a smart black suit, is handing his card to Cinzia. I think it might be time for us to gather our things before she ends up with the promise of a screen test.

  I walk over and pick up Pearl, who snuggles in for a cuddle. She’s got cake in her hair, and seems blissed out but very tired. I know the feeling.

  “I think we should probably get going, Cinzia.”

  “Yes, and did you see the Principessa dancing? She is so happy, all the kidlings are, with the swimming and the magic.”

  “Yes, I did, and thanks for taking them swimming.”

  “I love it, the pool, it was so beautiful.”

  “Can we go swimming again, Mum?”

  “No, it’s nearly home time now, love.”

  Jack sighs. “I’ve had a lovely party, Mum, really lovely.”

  “Have you, sweetheart? Well that’s good.”

  Archie’s eating more cake. “We should have a party like this. We could have it in the shop and everyone can have ice cream.”

  “Maybe, let’s see.”

  Archie tuts. “No, let’s not see, let’s just do it.”