Almost three weeks after our meeting, Tyler sent me a note with Donovan that read, I forgive you. Nothing more, nothing less. Per Donovan, he’s returning the trust fund I created for Hunter, suggesting I donate it to some charity.
Mae called me today. She wanted to know if I had a plan. I told her that I’ve repaired my heart, liberated myself from the guilt, and accepted that life will happen with or without me. That my attitude toward the future doesn’t shield me from anything, and only hurts my loved ones.
I tap my chest; my heart is out of whack again.
“Soon.” I blow a kiss toward the sky. “You’ll be by my side to tune it. We’ll make music together. This time forever.” I stare at my right forearm tracing the words, Music Never Fails to Speak For Me.
It’ll happen. The solo song I released is playing on the radio. Hopefully she’ll listen to it soon.
I shut the door of my car and make it through the cemetery. This time there’s no alcohol involved, only the flowers Norah loved.
“Hi, Norah.” I place a bouquet of daisies on top of her headstone. I kneel, take my Swiss Army knife out of my pocket, and dig a hole deep enough. I take off my stud earring, place it there, and cover it with the pile of dirt. “I tried to do everything you asked for, but I failed. You asked so much from a kid that had too little to give. There was a different story behind what you said, but none of that matters anymore.”
I read her tombstone, and for the first time, I realize that maybe we were meant to be in each other’s lives for a mere moment. That her sudden loss didn’t allow for me to grasp the reason why we crossed paths. It wasn’t a constant. I wasn’t supposed to be a permanent part of who she was or how everyone remembers her.
Norah Renee Stinson
Daughter, Wife, Mother.
“I think what I’m trying to say here, is that when you died, I should have taken the best of our relationship with me and cherished our time together. Not lived with the grief that losing you created, the guilt of not loving you the same way I love my girl. I did love you, Norah, but not the way you expected me to. I’m sorry.”
Kissing the tips of my fingers and touching her headstone, I prepare myself to say the final goodbye.
“It is time for me to let you go, to start living. Thank you for being a part of my life.”
It’s done. She was really only a momentary inclusion in my heart and life. A few, short months. When I think back, they weren’t as easy as I thought. She had lied to me. But I don’t need to hold on to that anymore. It’s time to focus on my future. Pria. My Twinkle. She is my heart, my soul, my future. It’s time.
I lost my way
I lost my soul, my heart
I lost myself the day my shining star moved into a different sky
My bright light that illuminated my path
[Chorus]
As it was written in the stars, you came back
One day you appeared high in the sky
Twinkle, you fixed my battered heart
I only need one more chance
Let me love you until the end of time
I promised to wait
But destiny played me again and again
Until one day I could no longer breathe
Some days I wished death would take me away
[Chorus]
As it was written in the stars, you came back
One day you appeared high in the sky
Twinkle, you fixed my battered heart
I only need one more chance
Let me love you until the end of time
I want to hold your hand
Taste your heavenly lips
Love you every night while you shine for me
Wander the eternal life with you by my side
[Chorus]
As it was written in the stars, you came back
One day you appeared high in the sky
Twinkle, you fixed my battered heart
I only need one more chance
Let me love you until the end of time
“Did you hear the new song?” Maeve wakes me up at midnight. “I swear it’s you.”
“Really, the last time I called you and said that, you swore he probably didn’t even remember my name.”
“I doubt I said that. And that was ten years ago, Cypriana. Are you seriously coming to San Diego tomorrow and leaving him behind?”
I have no idea.
“What happened to being ready to fight for your guy, Pria?”
I said that after they released me from the hospital in Ecuador. The fear of dying from some terminal illness had me thinking about being old Pria, and that perhaps I need to find some middle ground between Ana and Pria. Dare to get my feet wet with the muddy life of a celebrity. Fight for the rock star that stole my heart years ago. Coming back and finding him still tangled with Norah had erased all those resolutions.
“Maybe San Diego has what I’m looking for,” I cowardly suggest. “I want to be close to you.”
“You want to hide behind me, and I won’t allow it.” Her voice muffles for a few beats. “I’m happy, because I decided to open myself to the possibilities of life. Once, when our mother died, a wise girl told me I had to live the way I’ll make myself and my mother proud. How about that girl starts living in a way that, fifty years from now, she’ll be proud of having that life?”
“I have to go if I want to head to the hospital tomorrow before my plane takes off, Mae.”
“God, Cypriana, you’re making a mistake.”
“Goodnight, Maeve Philomena.”
I rock back and forth while holding Grace, who is almost three weeks old and should head home in a day or two.
“Hello, beautiful ladies,” AJ whispers as she enters the room.
“You’re walking normally. I’m going to miss the wobbling.” AJ smiles as she waltzes into the incubator room, where I’m holding her precious daughter. “How are you feeling?”
“Still weak. Controlling my blood sugar is tricky now that I’m breast feeding.” Her face dims and she gives me that sad smile. “Are you really leaving today?” I bob my head twice while I’m rocking the most beautiful baby I’ve ever held. “I thought you’d stay longer since…you met her.”
“I stayed long enough, and it’s time for me to leave, Ainsley Janine. Though I’m going to miss you. You’ve my best friend almost since the day I met you. Meeting you was one of the best things that could’ve happened to me. Not because of all the help, but because of our friendship.” I touch Grace’s tiny fingers and then lift my gaze. “This was a good visit though. My sister moved south and that’s where I have to be. I’m planning on settling close to Maeve. It’s close to Los Angeles, and if your parents can let me say that I worked for them…I could draw a huge clientele.”
“But Jacob…” I glare at her, hopping to stop her from talking on his behalf.
“Is it because he can’t have kids that you won’t give him a chance?” AJ frowns. “He’s the reason why you’re leaving. You promised things wouldn’t change between us. Now you’re saying goodbye forever. He loves you. You know that, right?”
I drop my gaze and look at the adorable girl in my arms, and I shake my head.
“No, it wouldn’t matter at all. There’s other ways to have children.” I pause, lift my head and look at my best friend. “He released a new song. Is he going solo?”
“You should ask my brother about his plans …Pria.”
“You called me Pria.” I chuckle.
“Yeah, he hates the name Ana.”
“I don’t know what to do, AJ.”
Thankfully, she doesn’t dive in with an answer. We both look at her precious bundle and I sigh, thinking how much I am going to miss them both.
“I believe every person has a soulmate,” AJ says, breaking the silence. “My fathers say that when you find that person that makes you
want to become a better version of yourself, you’ve found your other half. Promise you won’t close yourself to the possibilities.”
“That I can do.” I sigh, relieved she’s not making me promise that I’ll wait for her brother to stop pining for Norah. “As long as you promise that you’ll come and visit us often. Mae would love to meet this precious girl. I might need you soon, so please promise you’ll be there.”
AJ reaches out for a couple of tissues. She hands me one while she clears the tears she shed. I mirror her movements. Before leaving, I’m going to have a chat with him. Fair is fair.
“Of course, Pria, you’re my first best friend.”
“There’s Donna and Karen,” I remind her. I like them, but we never clicked because they’re married and have children. I don’t have much in common with them. “Remember the mommy and baby parties you’re going to organize with them.”
“I love them, but it’s not the same, Cypriana Walker.” She sniffs.
“Is this a good time?” Chris Decker opens the door. “This is nice, three of my favorite girls in one room. But crying?”
“She’s leaving, Papi.” AJ points at me.
“I heard, and I’m not happy.” He closes the door and looks at me with a determined gaze. “Anything I can do to persuade you to stay with us?”
“No. There’s nothing you can say that will persuade me, but if you allow me to update my website,” I squeeze my eyes getting ready for a no, “my business will bloom if I advertise I’ve worked for your record company. Perhaps include that I did a few implementations to your husband’s production company. Now that I’m moving to California, I need something that’ll put me on the map.”
“If I don’t agree, will you stay?” I shake my head. By the sad expression on his face and the placement of his hands on his hips, I can see he is disappointed by my decision. “Update that website, and quote me saying something nice about your firm—make me sound smart.”
“You’re smart, Father,” Ainsley reminds him. “Pria, add the Academy too. Even post pictures of my brother, before and after.” She releases a huge laugh. “Kidding, but you can put him on the list of clients, can’t you?”
I shrug. “Thank you for everything. I’ll send you a picture of my new place once I find it. Promise to send pics of Grace?”
“As I’ve been doing since day one. Now hand over my baby.” I kiss her tiny head and hug her one last time before I surrender her. Chris takes a couple of strides and takes the baby away from me. I rise from my seat and hug AJ, shedding more tears while I’m saying goodbye. “Call us if you need us. We’re your family too.”
“You’re family, never forget that,” Chris reassures me, giving me a hug. I’m going to miss this man, and his husband too. I haven’t experienced a present father for over five years now, and the love and acceptance they have shown me has warmed my heart. “Don’t close yourself to love, child. It’s scary, but worth it.”
I’ve done a lot of crazy things since I met Jacob, including risking my mother’s wrath. I need to say goodbye to him. One more risk shouldn’t harm me.
“Do you know where I can find Jacob?” I ask.
“My house. He’s in the studio.” Chris smiles at me. “Gabe is there, so he’ll be able to open the door for you.”
I brace myself and head to face the music.
As I play the last chords on my guitar and open my eyes, a vision is in front of me.
“That was…great.” Her voice is a faint whisper. “Heard you’re going solo.”
“Part of the master plan to regain my life, my freedom.” …and you.
She stares at my wrist, which no longer has the leather cuff but syringe wrap. It hurts like hell after all the damn laser removal I went through for the past weeks, that plus the new tattoo I had done on top of it. A music stave with a segment of “Never Endless Sky.”
“Do you have like a minute?” Her fingers fidget with the hem of her sweater. “I’m leaving, but…I want to know if what you said the other day is true…that you love me? You asked me not to give up on you… I want to fight for us, but… Something happened to me during my trip and when I came back I wanted to…”
I smile at her. She’s nervous and looks adorable.
“I—it’s a long explanation.” Her voice reminds me of a soft flute. “Can we talk?”
“What if I go first?” I set my guitar on the stand and take her hand, leading her outside the studio, to the backyard, and settling on the bench facing the lake. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask for the last ten years.”
She releases a laugh. “Ten years?” A war of emotions flit across her face. “You’ve waited so long, can you wait a little longer?”
I rub my hands, then wipe them on my thighs, rise to my feet, and then squat in front of her. I need her to see she has my complete attention. “I’m all ears.”
“It’s complicated.” Her dark eyes meet mine; they shine with a light I haven’t seen before. “I want to ask if I have a chance. I want to fight for us, because of one simple reason: I love you. My heart tells me that you feel something for me too, and my soul knows it’s true. However, I fear that it might not be enough, and that’s what sets me back from saying anything. Norah—”
“We shouldn’t speak about her, Twinkle. My relationship with her is in the past and that’s where it should stay.” I take both of her hands and kiss them.
I won’t speak ill about Norah. I buried her and the past. The façade she presented me from the moment she entered in my life until she died. My parents were right, I was a stupid kid. Some idiotic brat that couldn’t see beyond his personal pain and ended up caught in a relationship that hurt me even more. I gave up trying to decipher what her motive was for everything she did, including Hunter. My peace with that chapter of my life happened days ago, and I’m ready for the one person I’ve always loved. Pria.
“You lost your turn. It’s now mine. If you recall, since the first time I laid eyes on you, our souls entwined with each other. They interweaved together like the roots of a redwood tree’s grasp onto the ground.”
Pria shakes her head and as she’s about to open her mouth, I reach for her lips, giving her a peck. “That day my heart recognized its lifetime partner, and from that point forward, it tuned to the rhythm of your beat.” I touch my chest and tap it with my palm a few times simulating those beats. “Listen, it’s working again, but only because you’re around. Even though we had to walk alone for the past several years, and learn our hard lessons from the hardships of life, I believe it’s time for us to hold on to each other again. Build together a future based on our dreams, start a new life where our eternal love can run free and outlast the end of times, as it’s written in the stars. I love you, Pria Walker. You’re my present, my future, and my forever. Would you be my—”
“Wait.” She places her open palm in front of me. “What if you change your mind after what I have to say? It’s important that you listen before you make up your mind.”
I stifle a smile; my mouth dries as I wait for the words that will seal my future and explain why she stopped me when I handed her my heart.
“We’ll keep the proposal on hold for now.” Frightened of what she has to say, I stall her explanation that I fear might shatter my world forever. “Unless you want to forget it and say yes; guarantee our happily ever after.”
“What you said is…perfect. I heard the song you wrote, Jace. Did you write it for me?” I nod and kiss her hand. “Thank you.” She’s quiet, and an awful pessimism descends upon my mind. She looks into the horizon, avoiding my eyes.
“A few weeks ago I became ill.” She looks at me and bites her lips. “I developed some of the same symptoms my mother showed when she became sick, like fever, nausea, headaches; I lost five pounds in a week.”
Cold chills run down my spine. I know what she’s talking about. I had
a brief glimpse of those symptoms in Norah.
My blood drains, and all I can get out is, “Whatever it is we’ll fight it together.”
“I wouldn’t ask you to do that, not after everything you’ve gone through.” She squeezes me back. “That’s not why I’m here.”
“Pria, I love you, and I want to hold your hand and wander through life with you, as long as I can have you. That includes the good days, the bad days, and the Mondays too.” This can’t be happening. No. Please. Everything I’ve lived with her for the past months, including Mae’s discussion about leaving versus living, make me change my anxiety for reassurance. She needs me. “If you leave before I do, I’ll spend the rest of my life living as if you were with me. I’ll make you proud of who I am even if you leave my side. Please, let me be with you.”
Pria looks at me with overflowing teary eyes and wet cheeks; her lips quiver. I move my mouth over hers, tasting heaven, and finally arriving home.
“I haven’t finished my story, Jace, but I’m not sick or dying.” She stops me with that commanding voice I love to hate. “After almost a week of wallowing in self-pity, alone without communicating with the outside world, I went to the doctor.”
“He mentioned that if it were cancer, it couldn’t be stage four. He handed me an olive branch of hope.” Pria twists her mouth to the right. “He explained, from what I told him, that Mom ignored her symptoms for years. They sent me to the hospital to get the results faster. I was poked and tested. They overwhelmed me with questions. My only hope was that if I had cancer, we would catch it in time. You following me here?” I nod, waiting for the worst. “The next morning I went back to the doctor who had my test results. He had a series of follow-up questions, including when was the date of my last period, which I had no idea of because for years I’ve used the injection as my contraceptive. I missed the shot while trekking the world. But I told him that the possibilities of me being pregnant were zero.” She pats my leg. “The only guy I have had sex with in the past years is you and… Sorry, I had to tell him about your accident and that you can’t have children.”
Uncharted (Unexpected Book 3) Page 34