This time, Caroline couldn’t help but smile at him. Couldn’t help but want to like him even more than she was already inclined to do. He genuinely wanted to know about who they were, what they valued, and why.
“No. I think Gram was one of the original hippies who never outgrew it. Not the drugs part. The natural living. Mom used to say that she was humiliated by Gram and all her nature stuff. And I guess I went through that phase. But over the years, I’ve realized that Gram’s the only one who’s ever had my back.”
Then she spied Andrew walking over to the shed. “And Andrew and Allie. The three of us have come to depend on one another. And Gram.”
“How did you all end up coming to live with her?”
Hayden’s question brought back the sadness Caroline had forgotten had existed, something she hadn’t expected to feel after all these years.
“There’s this thing called puberty.” Caroline gave a tiny laugh, then shook her head. “Sorry, that was probably crass. But the truth is, I’ve never fit in with my parents, and when I hit those turbulent years, I got an attitude. They sent me to live with Gram, supposedly for a summer, but even with as crazy as Gram is, I was never happier. To their credit, they tried to get me to come home, but I threw such a fit, and made their lives so miserable, they sent me right back. I suppose it hurts Mom’s feelings that I always preferred Gram to her.”
This time, Caroline’s sigh was more about realizing that as much as she resented her parents’ lack of interest in her life, she hadn’t done much reaching out to them either. Maybe she could take advantage of the time they were here and try again. Surely they could find some common ground.
Hayden’s eyes were full of sympathy for her, and again, she couldn’t help but think he was probably a pretty decent guy.
“As for Andrew and Allie,” Caroline continued, “their parents actually lived here until about ten years ago. But Uncle Bart got some great job opportunity that meant moving to Spokane, and Andrew and Allie begged to stay. I don’t know why they let them, but they did. Andrew did go away for college and then a job for a while, but he came back. That part’s his story, though, so you’ll have to ask him.”
Opening up to Hayden was a lot easier than it should have been, especially since she had no reason to tell him these things. Understanding her family situation was not part of the job here, but it felt good to talk to someone who didn’t already know all the details. It was like God was working in a new part of her heart.
“What about college,” Hayden asked. “Did you and Allie go?”
“I graduated from Boise State with a degree in Environmental Studies with a minor in Sustainability. Allie, well, that’s another story.”
She grabbed the plants she needed, then pointed to a bucket. “Grab that and we’ll get the compost Gram wants.”
“Sounds like this is all you’ve ever wanted to do,” Hayden said as he followed her directions.
“I did go through a phase where I wanted to be a truck driver. I always thought it would be cool to sleep in one of those big rigs.”
Hayden’s grin warmed her.
“What about you? Are you close with your family? Is the lawyer thing what you always wanted to do?”
* * *
After Caroline’s revelations, Hayden didn’t feel right not answering her questions. But how could he explain to her the drive in him that she seemed to lack? Sometimes it sounded pathetic in his own head.
“We had similar upbringings, at least not being raised by our parents. My mom died when I was nine, and my dad didn’t know what to do, so he shipped me off to boarding school. I always wanted to be a lawyer like him, because then I thought we could work together and finally get to know each other.”
“So you work with your dad,” she said, smiling. “I guess your story turned out a little better than mine.”
No, but he didn’t feel like telling her that. Not after the phone call he’d received this afternoon from his father, angry because it was going to be a month before he could seal the deal.
“Something like that,” he said, then turned toward a big pile of dirt. “Is this the compost she wants us to use?”
“Yeah. Let me get you a shovel.” Caroline touched his shoulder briefly as he passed. “I get it, you know. It’s hard to admit you aren’t measuring up to what your parents want for you. Mine were furious when I chose Boise State and environmental garbage, as they called it. Gram and Gramps gave me their life savings so I could go, because Mom and Dad refused to waste their money on my stupid fantasy.”
He turned and looked at her. “I don’t understand. I didn’t say that about my father.”
“You didn’t have to.” Softness shone in her eyes. “If your father cared about you the way you want him to, you wouldn’t have to prove yourself. Love isn’t something you have to earn. The sooner you figure that out, the happier you’ll be.”
Shaking his head slowly, Hayden looked back at her. “What do you know about all that?”
“Plenty.” Caroline turned and grabbed a nearby shovel. “Here.”
He took the shovel and began filling the bucket.
“I’m not very good at this, so bear with me,” Caroline said. “Basically it boils down to Jesus. Until I moved in with Gram, I’d never gone to church. But Gram and Pastor Harris taught me that love isn’t something you earn. You can’t earn God’s love, and you shouldn’t have to earn human love.”
Though he heard the words, they didn’t make sense to Hayden. That wasn’t the kind of life he’d led. Everything had to be earned- privileges at school, time off, money, everything a person owned.
“That sounds nice,” he said. “But that’s not how the world works.”
She nodded slowly. “Most of it, maybe. But that’s not how God works. And I’ve learned that it’s best to do things God’s way. Which is mostly Gram’s way. One of the house rules is that you will have to go to church with us tomorrow. It’s part of why Mom and Dad never stay here. You don’t go to church, you don’t get to stay under Gram’s roof.”
“I can handle church.” He’d gone a few times with well-meaning friends who’d invited him, or business associates who thought it was important for him to go with them.
But like earlier, Caroline seemed to see through his easy acceptance. “Do me a favor, okay? Just keep an open mind. I know we’ve given you a lot of weird things to process, but it’s really heavy on my heart to let you know how much God loves you.”
Tears filled her eyes, and she wiped them away with the back of her hand. “I’m sorry, like I said, I’m so not good at this. But I just know this is really important. And I don’t know why, because I’m trying really hard not to like you. To not be your friend, but I keep feeling like that’s exactly what God wants me to do.”
Who was this woman? Because right now, all Hayden wanted to do was wrap her in his arms and tell her that he... that he what? He didn’t even know how to make this weird emotional thing coming out of her better.
But he hugged her anyway.
“Thank you,” he said. “I don’t know how to process any of this, but I appreciate your honesty. You’re a good person, Caroline Hearst, and I’m sorry that you don’t get the love you deserve from your parents. They’re really missing out.”
He held her tight against him, noting how her hair smelled like lavender, and having her in his embrace seemed to have the same calming effect as the herb. Caroline gave him another squeeze as she let go and stepped back.
“I know they are.” Then she smiled at him. “And so is your dad. I don’t know what you think you have to do to make him love you, but I hope you know that here, we love you just as you are.”
“Even if you don’t want to like me, huh?” Hayden winked and picked up the bucket of dirt.
Caroline shrugged. “Yeah, well, as you can see, that hasn’t been working out so well for me.”
“If it’s any consolation, I like you too.”
Her cheeks dimpled, and Hayden caugh
t a hint of a blush on her cheeks. The trouble with admitting the enemy wasn’t so bad after all was that sometimes it led to figuring out that maybe you wanted something a little more than just being friends. If it weren’t for Andrew standing expectantly at the back door, pots in his hands, Hayden might have thought about kissing her just then.
But that was probably taking things a little too far. Caroline’s sweet speech aside, Hayden did have to earn his father’s love, or at least his approval, and the only way to do that was going to break all of their hearts. It was all well and good that Caroline thought she had an in on unconditional love. But Hayden didn’t have that luxury.
And so, he’d bide his time. Find a way to get through the days as best as he could without becoming too attached, and hopefully at the end, well, it wouldn’t all be okay, but maybe he could work something out to...
Well, he didn’t know what. But maybe this God he’d asked for help earlier would show up at church tomorrow with some answers. Probably not, but he’d taken chances on worse odds. At this point, it couldn’t hurt to try.
Chapter 5
Hayden survived services at Arcadia Valley Community Church. That, in and of itself, seemed like a miracle, since the little old lady brigade seemed to be out in full force. Owed, in part, due to Enid’s injury, and everyone wanting to make sure she was okay. The other part clearly a result of his presence.
“Are you here with Caroline or Allie?” One of them asked.
“Neither,” Hayden said, smiling. “Just here on business.”
The old lady eyed him suspiciously. “You’re not like that yahoo who dated Caroline to get her to convince Enid to sell the farm, are you? If you are, I think you should know that I know Kung Fu. And I’m not afraid to use it.”
“Mona...” Caroline put her arm around the old lady. “Let’s not be getting too crazy here. The town hasn’t recovered from the last time you did Kung Fu.”
“I can’t help it if I’m fierce.” Mona, who had to be less than five feet tall, barely a hundred pounds soaking wet, and probably over ninety years old, pulled a face that was probably supposed to be a mean face, but looked so adorable, Hayden wanted to kiss her.
“You are the fiercest.” Caroline gave the old woman a hug. “But I don’t think I’ll be needing your protection anytime soon.”
“Well, that boy just better not play with your heart the way that other fellow did. The Grannies and I will take care of him if he does.”
She cast Hayden a menacing look that was more cute than anything else. Still, he understood the threat. And he could see why Caroline was so attached to this place. These people genuinely cared about her. What was that like, having someone care about you like that?
“I suppose if he tries anything, The Grannies can have what’s left after I get through with him. My aim is much better these days, and Gram bought me a new shotgun for my birthday.” Caroline winked at Mona, who nodded.
Then Caroline turned to Hayden. “By way of explanation, The Grannies is a social club Mona started a few years back. At first, they called it a knitting group, but got annoyed with their husbands, who had their own hunting club, so they took up hunting and shooting as a means of showing them up. So now, they get together and do whatever they feel like, and much of the time, it does involve firearms.”
He stared at her. Gun-toting grannies?
“Not always.” Mona crossed her arms across her chest. “Lucille’s grandson got himself a Harley, and he’s going to teach us all how to ride it next week.”
“You can count Gram out on that one. She’s not allowed to put any weight on her leg for the next couple of months. And then it’s going to be intensive physical therapy.”
Mona nodded, scanning the crowd. “How is she, anyway? I saw Andrew wheeling her in. Poor thing. I should go see if she needs anything.”
Hayden watched as Mona scurried away. “She is something else.”
“Mona means well. Her husband was pretty controlling, so when he died about ten years ago, she jumped into life with a vengeance, taking all of her girlfriends with her. As for the other thing…”
He held up a hand. “No need to explain. Like you said, she was just watching out for you.”
“No. I do want to explain.” She looked around, then took him by the hand, leading him around the side of the church. When it was clear no one else was around, she spoke again.
“Things got a little... Intimate... yesterday. I don’t usually share that much of myself with anyone, let alone someone like you.”
He scanned her face. “Someone like me? What is that supposed to mean?”
Lines squeezed her face into a hardened mass, which he hadn’t seen on her since they met in the hospital lobby.
“You, in your fancy suit, your slicked back hair, and your city ways. You’re here to find a way to turn the farm into a place where people like you can be happy. But the farm is meant for people like me, who want to be comfortable, free, and live their lives without having to worry about all that pretentious garbage.”
Each word tore at a little piece inside his heart. Was that how she saw him? As a pretentious snob? Hayden looked down at his shoes. Shiny Italian leather. Hers: beat-up cowboy boots. From what he’d seen in the mudroom, those were probably her good boots.
But what she didn’t understand was that part of him would be willing to trade it all- the condo overlooking the bay, the BMW, and all the suits in his closet, for people to look at him and treat him the way Caroline’s friends and family did.
“I don’t think you know me as well as you think you do,” he said quietly, hating the way this all made him feel like that little boy, sitting alone in his dormitory, envying all the other kids whose parents were there for parents’ weekend.
“And I don’t want to,” Caroline said firmly. “You got under my skin, I’ll admit that. But everything you say, everything you do here is just to make us amenable to your plans. I’ve been through this before. Another developer wanted to turn the farm into a luxury residential golf course community. He wined me, dined me, and made me feel like no other man had.”
He hated the sadness in her eyes, the same sadness that had compelled him to take her into his arms yesterday. But then she gave him such a hard look that it forced him to take a step back.
“But it was all a lie. He had a pregnant girlfriend in Seattle, waiting for him to close the deal so he’d have big fat commission they could use for their wedding and down payment on her dream home.”
What a scumbag. But the pain and rage on Caroline’s face wouldn’t be fixed by his sympathy. Hayden had done a lot of borderline unethical things in his day to seal the deal, but nothing that extreme. His father, though, well, Hayden wouldn’t be surprised.
“I only found out because Andrew was living in Seattle at the time. He saw Jack with his pregnant girlfriend and did a little digging. It didn’t take much. Fortunately, the weekend before, we’d been to the Arcadia Valley Harvest Festival and had our picture taken together, which is how Andrew recognized Jack. Gram was so proud, she’d sent him a picture.”
Caroline shook her head, her eyes full of tears. “Had our lawyer not been on vacation, we’d have signed the papers. But we didn’t, and rather than selling the farm, we came up with the idea to turn it into a lavender farm.”
He supposed he was supposed to feel sorry for her, but truthfully, Hayden could only look at Caroline with deep admiration. Yes, she’d nearly been screwed over by some jerk, but she’d used it to get stronger, and make something of her life.
“Caroline, I—”
“Don’t.” She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders as she looked him in the eye. “I’m telling you this so that you know I’m not that weak anymore. I’m not that gullible. And I’m not so desperate to have a man love me that I’m willing to accept someone who isn’t all in on making the farm work. Back then, we were desperate, because Gramps’ medical bills were astronomical, and we had no other way to pay them. But we’re
okay now. No debt, no reason to give up other than my father’s stupid plot. What happened yesterday won’t happen again.”
She turned and walked away from him, not giving him the chance to answer. He followed behind, slowly, trying to give her space, but wishing he could defend himself against her veiled accusations.
Would he seduce her to get the deal? No. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t feeling things for her that were at odds with what he knew he had to do. He almost kissed her yesterday. Would have, but for the job they had to do. And now...
A strong hand clapped him on the back.
“Hayden.”
Andrew.
“What’s up?”
“I see you’ve already learned why I don’t want you messing around with Caroline.”
Hayden spun to look at the other man. Andrew was smiling, but something menacing glimmered in his eyes.
“Yeah. I get it.”
“I’m adding my own warning.” The smile disappeared from Andrew’s face. “You and I both know how this is going to end. You’re going to make an offer, and we’re going to refuse. Go home. Don’t spend the next month flirting with her, making her wish for things she can’t have, and then go breaking her heart. Caroline is one of the best women I know, and she deserves better than that.”
There was no easy way around that one. Andrew spoke the truth, but it didn’t get to the longing in Hayden’s heart. To wanting to do the right thing for everyone.
“What if I want to find a way to compromise?”
“There is no compromise. We aren’t selling. There is no offer you can make that will get any of us to change our minds. The only reason Gram even gave the option of having you stay a month is because she thinks she’s going to convert you into living our lifestyle and not destroy any family farm. But you and I both know that’s not how it works.”
“What if it does?” Things were changing inside Hayden, and he couldn’t explain it.
Andrew shook his head slowly. “You’d give up the city to move out to the farm?”
Romance Grows in Arcadia Valley (Arcadia Valley Romance Book 0) Page 44