Gentle On My Mind (Reapers MC: Pema Chapter Book 1)

by Bijou Hunter

  Maverick grabs his weapons and heads for the door. “You should stay here.”

  “If they’re looking for me, let them find me. No way am I hiding in my room like a child.”

  As his green eyes flash with rage, Maverick assumes the shit downstairs is related to the Idyllwild people. He hesitates when I join him at the door.

  “If I hide,” I explain softly, “they’ll keep thinking I’m the weak link.”

  Maverick can be so certain when faced with club business. He never misses a beat on the firehouse remodel despite it being a huge project on a short timetable. But with me, he hesitates because I’m his weak link.

  “You brought me to Pema knowing what we’d face with these people,” I say when he won’t open the door. “I know you thought you could protect me. But they’re sneaky fuckers with no boundaries. Of course, they’d fuck with me to mess with you. They lack the balls to challenge you straight on. No offense, Mav, but you’re terrifying.”

  Allowing a smirk, he takes my hand and opens the door. We skip the elevator and head down the stairs to arrive at a lobby in chaos.

  “We have a report of a missing person at this location,” Officer#1 says over Io’s screaming.

  “Name the missing!” Avery cries, carrying her agitated daughter around the lobby. “Is it me? Am I missing?”

  “Ma’am, calm down,” Officer#2 says and then frowns at Shelby pointing her camera at him. “Ma’am, that’s not necessary.”

  “I’m a new mom. I record all fun moments for posterity.”

  “Is Violet Navarro at this location?” asks Officer#3.

  “That’s me!” I announce, waving. “I’m the missing.”

  “Can we see some ID?”

  “I’m writing down your badge numbers,” Savannah says, typing into her phone. “You know, so I can write a positive review on Facebook.”

  After Officer#1 barely glances at my ID, he hands it back and sizes me up. “You were reported missing by your parents.”

  “Yes, over five years ago. I haven’t been missing in a long time.”

  “Do they know that?”

  “My father shot my mom in the face and then used that same weapon to shoot himself in the face. It was in the papers,” I explain and sigh dramatically. “So, no, I don’t think they know much of anything anymore.”

  The cops share a look before noticing Dean at the doorway and Maverick at my side. Up until now, they somehow managed to miss a giant and the scary-as-fuck killer to my left. I suspect they’re distracted by Shelby’s camera and Avery chanting anti-war slogans. At least, Io is no longer crying and now shakes her fist at The Man.

  “Should I call a lawyer?” Bjorn asks from the lounge. “I have one in Louisville.”

  “No need,” Officer#2 mutters, probably realizing this little mission for the Idyllwild cocks planted targets on the cops’ backs.

  “Now, wait,” Officer#3 says, deciding to double down on trouble, “we should get everyone’s IDs and check them out.”

  I smile at Maverick’s lack of reaction. He seems dead-eyed and uninterested, like a teenage girl forced to listen to her parents’ nostalgic stories. But I know he’s ready to attack. Killing three police officers in the lobby of our hotel seems unlikely. However, Maverick views most people as threats, and he’ll put down any danger to protect his family.

  That’s why I remain calm despite the police and noise and hearing my last name used so effortlessly. Maverick has shit handled if I don’t.

  “I’m an adult,” I point out to Officer#3, “and I’m clearly not missing or held under duress. I live in Pema. People know me here. I just recently joined the megachurch in the town over. Have you heard of the Idyllwild Church of Hope?”

  Shelby snickers at Savannah, who stops typing messages to—I assume—Raven and/or Vaughn back in Ellsberg. Or perhaps, she’s texting Colton. Either way, she pauses long enough to share Shelby’s amusement at how I name-dropped the people who clearly sent these men. I don’t doubt they’re members of the church. I might have even seen them in passing last Sunday.

  “Let me give you the card of the woman I’m friendly with there,” I say, digging around in my purse. “She can explain who I am.”

  Finally, after great drama Shelby most definitely approves of, I hand Officer#3 the card Fuchsia Brunette gave me at the coffee shop.

  “Do you know her? This is a small, tightknit area.”

  Officer#1 gets one look at the name and heads for the door. “Sorry to waste your time.”

  Officer#2 decides to get the fuck out, too, while the final cop still wants to start trouble. Except the name on the card means something to them. Those Color Bunch bitches are important.

  “Afternoon,” Officer#3 finally says.

  Once the door is shut, Maverick turns to me. “She’s married to the first cop to bail. The card was a nice touch.”

  “They want everyone to know I have a target on my back,” I say, shrugging as if it’s no big deal. “But they sent those women out and put a target on them, too. I just figured I’d remind them their people aren’t invisible, either.”

  Maverick smiles at my words, but I know he’s pissed. His hands are too lax, as if he’s fighting the urge to punch someone.

  “I’m okay,” I whisper while Shelby frowns at whatever Savannah has on her phone. “I understand your business isn’t always pretty, but I’m all in.”

  His cool exterior breaks for a second. Only I see it as the others discuss the matter, calm their kiddos, and Savannah gets on the phone with Colton. I stare into Maverick’s eyes and realize he’s rethinking our move to Pema. Something big is about to happen with Idyllwild. They might retaliate against me. That’s what I see in Maverick’s eyes.

  “Shasta wasn’t safe for me,” I remind him.

  Understanding I know where his head is at, he says, “Ellsberg would have been.”

  “You had nothing to do there.”

  “I was impatient. I could have waited until it was my time.”

  “Pema needs you. Colton doesn’t know how to be president, and Heidi can’t hold his hand. You help them make sense.”

  With both hands, Maverick cups my face. “The enemy knows how to ruin me.”

  Even startled by the fear in his voice, I remain calm. “If they hurt me, they set you loose. I’m not sure that’s what they want. Especially after they get a taste of what Majors men are capable of while still on a leash.”

  Maverick blinks a few times, fighting between his fear and rage. “When I considered them retaliating after we spilled their blood, I assumed they would come for one of the club guys or me. There’s a reason I’m not aiming my weapon at their women. But they’re making clear how they have no limits.”

  Finally, his fear infects me, and I see us running away from our new home. “We can’t leave.”

  “I can make a life with you anywhere. A lot of Ellsberg guys are getting older. They’ll need someone to do the heavy lifting soon.”

  “You already considered that before moving here,” I say, needing him to regain his cool logic.

  Instead, he fully embraces the idea of walking away from this threat to protect me. “Ellsberg is safer.”

  “It doesn’t have our firehouse or this hotel or the coffee shop where I get those super fresh donuts. It doesn’t have Vi’s baby about to be born or Io and Pollux. It doesn’t have our new roller derby team, The Cuntthroats.”

  “If we move to Ellsberg, my sisters will follow. You’ll have most of what you have here.”

  I’ve never seen Maverick so weak before. Words aren’t getting through to him. He’s throwing away all the hard work his former self did when deciding where to move. We came to Pema for a reason, but he’s blind to it now. He can only see me hurt or dead. His heart remains solely focused on fear and impending grief. He’s lost his way.

  So I don’t waste words on a man incapable of hearing them right now. Maverick doesn’t want to show his heart to a room full of people. I wrap my arms arou
nd him and talk about ordering lunch before Shelby, Dean, and the kids leave. Maverick gets the message. He needs to crawl back into the safety of his shell for now. Later, when he’s thinking clearer, we can discuss our future.

  Yet, no matter what his terrified heart tells him, I refuse to leave Pema. This is my town now. I made love to Maverick for the first time here. It’s where I accepted I could only be Violet Navarro, so I needed to learn to love her. This is the town where Raven opened up to me. I have friends here, a future, too. I’m not fucking leaving!

  THE SENTINEL

  For the first time in my life, I’m afraid to take the shot.

  Moving to Pema, I had a plan. I knew who needed to die to win this territory. I was ready to bleed and spill blood for the Reapers.

  But my only reason to move to Pema is the one person I’m most afraid to lose. And the enemy has her in their crosshairs.

  “If things get too dicey here, send Violet home for a while,” Shelby tells me before she leaves.

  Violet stands nearby, shaking her head. She refuses to leave Pema. This is her home, and I’m her man. Except I’m frozen with uncertainty now. If I kill Amon Cosgrove, his money cult could respond in any number of ways. And one might be to end Violet.

  “I might already be dead,” Violet says after Shelby, Dean, and the kids leave, and the sun goes down. She and I play chess in our bedroom while the hotel settles into an eerie quiet. I catch Violet nipping at her fingers, edgy over Shelby’s absence. “This could be purgatory, and you might not be real. Or we’re both dead, and God is testing you.”

  “Testing me, how?” I ask while she digs her teeth into the soft palm of her still bruised hand.

  Violet looks up from the game and sees me in a way only she can. “Are you really brave, or have you always known the answers and taken risks because you had nothing to lose?”

  “I had my family.”

  “You were killing for your family and the Reapers. They were already in danger. You never had a situation where you worried your choices would kill your mother specifically. It was always a vague concern like you had when we moved here. Now, you feel the true weight of your choice, and you’re impotent.”

  I narrow my eyes at her wording while she bites into her pinkie. Violet gives me a dark frown. “Intimidating me doesn’t prove anything, Maverick Majors, so save the scary glare.”

  “You weren’t intimidated by those cops.”

  “Of course, I was. My bravery was a con. Just like how my love of math was a lie for my parents. Or how I pretended to be the perfect wife for Husband. I often lie to get through a situation.”

  “Stop calling him ‘Husband,’” I mutter too harshly.

  “Four years of calling him that isn’t easy to erase.”

  “I know, but it sounds endearing. I want you to call him ‘scumbag’ or ‘asshole.’”

  “Well, you call him O’Meara. How am I supposed to train myself to call him those other things when you don’t even do it?”

  On edge, I lean back and frown at her. “I don’t want to train you. I want you to want to call him that.”

  “But people are who they are based on training. When those cops showed up, you didn’t say anything. You stayed quiet, waiting for your chance to attack. It’s not like you were born to do that. You were trained to react that way.”

  “My brothers and I are nothing alike, and we were trained the same way.”

  “You were trained to survive, and you each gained your own tactics to do so. Just like I learned to lie to survive.”

  “Are you lying with me?” I ask, angry at her for not agreeing to do whatever necessary to stay safe.

  “Sometimes. You lie to me all the time.”

  “I really don’t.”

  “You were afraid to fuck the first time. Yet, not once did you just tell me how you felt. You kept it all inside. That’s lying by omission.”

  “But maybe I’m dead, so I can’t change.”

  Violet gives me an unimpressed frown. “If we’re in purgatory, the entire point is to figure out where we went wrong.”

  “Where did you go wrong, then? What mistake did the teenage girl with the monster make?”

  “I wish I fought back more,” she says softly and gives a little shrug. “That’s why the dead women haunt me. I regret not being sneakier, braver, tougher. I tried a few times, but the punishment trained me to give up and submit. But I regret those choices. Maybe that’s why I don’t want to back down to the Idyllwild people.”

  Her words steal my anger, leaving me nervous. “I can’t lose you.”

  “I could die crossing the street. People drive like shit around here.”

  “Then, don’t cross the street,” I mutter, sounding like a moron. “I’ll bring you whatever you need.”

  “That won’t work, Mav,” she murmurs and then stands up. I think she might walk around the table to console me. Instead, she moves to the dresser to retrieve a pair of thin gloves we bought recently from a little shop. Returning to the table, she slides them on and makes a bad chess move. I don’t know if she wants me to win or just can’t concentrate.

  I don’t take the easy win, feeling guilty for distracting her enough to make that shitty move. Or maybe I feel remorseful for bringing her to Pema with talk of a better life, and now she might end up in a body bag.

  Our gazes unflinching, we sit across from each other silently. Violet strokes her bruised hands while struggling not to bite them.

  “You love me,” she finally says.

  “More than I thought possible.”

  Violet gives a little nod. “You view me as a fragile thing.”

  “Even if you were stronger, I couldn’t stand to lose you.”

  Working her way around my new logic, she points out, “Savannah is planning to live in enemy territory. That didn’t scare you like having me sitting right here does.”

  “I don’t want anyone to hurt my sister, either.”

  “But?”

  “But she lived a good life and owned every minute of it. If something bad happened, I would suffer and expect vengeance if her death wasn’t an accident. But you haven’t enjoyed what she has. You need more time.”

  Violet’s gaze softens, and she reaches across the table for my hand. “I love you, Maverick.”

  “I love you, too,” I say, sounding childishly stubborn.

  “You want me to be happy, and I am in Pema. I don’t want to run away or give in to those people.”

  “They could kill you.”

  “And then you’d burn down their world.”

  “But you’d still be gone,” I say, struggling against my fear. “I’d be alone.”

  “I know, and I’m afraid they’ll take you from me, too. But I still don’t want to run.”

  Her certainty frustrates me. Bullying her ought to be easier, and I’m acting like an asshole. Yet, she won’t give up our new home.

  “I thought Colton was weak to hold back,” I admit, thinking of my president’s hesitancy over ending Amon Cosgrove. “He realized taking the shot meant putting a target on his woman. I thought I understood that, too. Then, those cunts showed up and knew your name. The fear of them coming for you feels real now.”

  “It’s okay to be scared. Fear kept me alive with Husb... O’Meara. I could have gotten complacent and messed up his rules. Then, I never would have met you. Fear keeps us sharp. But I’ve always been afraid. This fear is new to you, so it seems crippling.”

  Studying her small hand in my strong one, I can already feel the grief of losing her. “I’m rethinking my plans with the Cosgrove family and their allies.”

  “But you made those plans when you were thinking straight. Now, you’re making decisions based on emotion rather than strategy. I think you know changing your plans will be a mistake.”

  Violet finally gives me what I need by walking around the table and sliding into my lap. She strokes my head and nuzzles my cheek.

  “I was locked away for years,” she whi
spers against my throat. “Even in Shasta, I had to hide. For the first time in so long, I feel free. I don’t believe you want to lock me away or return me to a place where I can’t get the stink of death out of my mind.”

  Holding Violet is what I crave. Yet, I fear feeling her against me in this way will break down all my confidence. I’ve never dreaded the world like I do right now.

  Violet kisses me, and her hands gently stroke my face. She tempts me with what I could lose.

  “The Maverick who planned for our move has everything organized in here,” she says, sliding her fingers over my forehead. “He saw the Idyllwild assholes as a house of cards. Each one had its place. Certain ones will bring down the entire structure. That Maverick knew when to be patient and when to take the shot. You have to trust him. He knew the risks just like you do now, but he wasn’t distracted by them. That’s what Cooper Johannsson saw when he visited you in Shasta. He needed to know his boy had someone strong at his back. You laid out your ideas, and he believed you could handle Pema. Now is when you make your move.”

  Holding her gaze, I study the calm in her blue eyes. “And if they take you from me?”

  “They transform a strategic battle into a bloodbath,” she says and nuzzles my throat. “I can’t imagine how terrifying you’ll be if you have nothing to lose.”

  Violet’s calm seeps into my heart, soothing the panic over losing her. Not completely, of course. I’ll need to learn to live with that fear now. All my life, I felt safe being a killer. The people I loved most were also killers. They had a taste for violence and knew how to face any trouble my actions might send their way.

  This delicate woman wrapped in my arms badly wants to be a badass like my sisters. But life broke her into too many pieces. She put all those Violet sheards back in place, and she often looks to be whole. Yet, one violent jolt—a bad day, a cruel word, or a vengeful memory—can jostle free the illusion she struggles to create. My woman is stronger than I imagined, but she’s also waging a constant battle to keep her broken pieces in place.

  And nowhere will truly be safe. I could take her out of Kentucky, away from the Reapers and her past. I could get a nine-to-five job, we might live in a typical suburban house, and she can get intensive therapy. We could be normal, and I still might lose her. Or I might skid on some ice and end up dead, leaving her to return to Shelby in Shasta.