Bittersweet Love (A Bittersweet Novella Book 2)

by Beck, J. L.

  “Ryder.” I say hesitant. It’s impossible not to have some type of affect when he talks to you. His voice makes you want to melt into him, to give into every single demand he has, and he's a very demanding man.

  “Long time no see beautiful.” I find myself leaning into him, but pull away immediately afraid he may have noticed. He’s right, long time no see. It’s been four months since I last talked to him. I tried my best to ignore him but he slowly got under my skin and we created this friendship that was easy going. He knew what it was like to be me, and that was it.

  “Don’t call me beautiful, and sorry I’ve been busy. I didn’t even know you were living in this area.” I was shocked by the courage in my voice. Since Rex, I’ve been able to speak my mind and talk for myself more. Instead of being Mimi’s shadow I create my own.

  A smile creeps onto his face, tingles go down my spine. The kind I use to get when Rex smiled at me. Yup, there’s still an effect there.

  “But you are beautiful so I’m just speaking the truth. As for why I’m here, I’m sure you already know that. As you know, where Rex goes I go. So now, I will grant you my wonderful presence.” Great. The arrogance oozes from him reminding me of why I use to consider him an asshole.

  “That’s great and all, but you and your brother can just go back to wherever it is you came from. No assistance from any of the Winchester’s is needed here.” I say as nice as humanly possible. Instead of taking a sip of drink, I down the rest of the glass unable to deal with this situation anymore without more alcohol in my system.

  I get up to get another drink, but am pushed back into the booth. I look up angrily at Ryder as he smiles down at me. “Allow me to get it for you, I'll be right back.” I ease back allowing him to do this one thing for me. What could go wrong it’s just a drink?

  In no time he’s back with my drink, and a drink of his own. He slides into the booth, just as I take my first sip of the beverage.

  “Are you even old enough to be drinking?” He asks. I look up at him astonished by his question.

  “Are you?” An arrogant-assholish smile mares his face and I feel myself getting that urge to punch him again.

  “No, but no one ever worries about whether I’m old enough to drink.” He says, taking a gulp from his beer bottle. I glare at him over the top of my drink, shaming Mimi for leaving me to this.

  “Then why exactly do you give a fuck?” I ask eyebrow raised, as my blood pressure goes through the roof. For some unknown reason, when people ask me stupid questions I feel the urge to act out violently.

  “Ahh. Like I’ve told you many a time, you’re not like the rest.” At this point I realize I’m going to need a whole lot more Vodka to get through the night.

  “So I’ve heard. But you don’t know me Ryder, so stop trying to lay the moves on me, or whatever it is you're doing here. I don’t care. I’m not buying it, so go sell your shit elsewhere.” I down the rest of the drink much faster than needed.

  The woozy feeling of the alcohol settling is starting to affect me. The burn of the liquor makes my eyes water and my nose burn, but I push through, waiting for the numbness to take hold. Wow, two drinks and I’m feeling tipsy. What a total lightweight.

  “Whoa Nelly, slow down.” He says grabbing at my glass. I bat his hand away, wanting to get every last drop.

  “I’m not a horse.” I say, giving him the glass and wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. Really unladylike, but zero fucks are to be given at this time.

  “I didn’t call you a horse, I told you to slow down.” He says as if he's annoyed. What the hell, no one asked him to babysit, hell I don’t need a babysitter. Suddenly, I’m angry, really angry.

  “Yes you did, you called me Nelly, which is a horse’s name, I think. Also what are you really doing here? Because I don’t need a babysitter, I can take care of myself just fine.” I say, none too ashamed that some of my words slurred together. Where the hell is Mimi? I ignore Ryder and his glares as I look over the crowd below us. The dance floor is just too full for me to spot Mimi’s sequin top. Either that or things are starting to get blurry.

  “I need another drink, now you can either go and get me one or I’m going and getting one.” His eyes bore into mine, and more and more he starts to look like Rex and less and less like Ryder. I catch myself leaning in over the table. His eyes look glassy, and I wonder if he’s drank more since coming to this table.

  “I’m going to go and get you another drink.” He says, our noses almost touching. His eyes meet mine, and I see the need there. It’s startling. He pulls back just as I lean in more, I would say I was leaning into smell him but then I would be lying. Maybe smell his face.

  He leaves me to wallow in my sorrows. Like how I’m nineteen with problems of the average twenty eight year old. Maybe I should create a knitting club, or become the local hoarding cat lady.

  “Here’s your drink sweetheart.” Ryder says sliding into the seat next to me. Or at least I think its Ryder, I can’t tell. Could be Rex for all I know. The alcohol is affecting me in a number of ways.

  “Thanks.” I reply grabbing it and ignoring his presence. Questions are itching to breaking through, and with the effects of the drinking I just can’t hold em back any longer.

  “You know, I trusted your brother. I cared about him and all he did was rip my heart out. He’s made it not only impossible to move on but he’s made it impossible for me to trust people. Because of him I’m going to forever be the nineteen year old cat hoarding, knitting lady.” I say sulking. He smiles big and wide, and then lets out a deep belly shaking laugh; although his belly doesn’t shake, unless his abs can but… never mind.

  “You will not forever be the cat hoarding, knitting lady; although you would be a very adorable one.”

  I ignore his comment and whisper. “He hurt me Ryder.” I can’t hide the emotions from my voice. Damn you vodka, damn you.

  “I know he did, but you’re only nineteen you’ll love again. The fact that you're out and about now proves that. Don’t give up hope just yet.” He says as if encouraging me to move on and find someone else. The only problem is I don’t think I want to.

  “Stop lying to me, I don’t need a false sense of hope Rex, I need love. You should’ve loved me, and then I wouldn’t be dealing with this.” I say taking another large gulp of my drink.

  “I’m Ryder my twin isn’t nearly as good looking as me. But if you want me to be Rex, just say it and I’ll be whoever you want me to be.” His wicked charming smile, the one that melts panties and other shit I’m sure, is showing bright. So bright I don’t want to look at anything else.

  “No. I don’t want you to be Ryder, I don’t want you to be Rex, what I want is for you, and everyone else to leave me alone while I drink in peace.” Just like that the rest of the drink goes down my throat, no burn this time.

  I stand to go to the bathroom, and stumble a bit. Rex, or maybe it’s Ryder, wraps his arm around my waist steadying me. His chest is against my side and I feel the hard planes of his stomach against my shirt. I so badly want to take my finger and trace them, but swat the thought away.

  “Are you going to be able to use the bathroom alone or do you need me to go in with you? I promise I won’t look.” I giggle, and shake my head no. He leads me down the steps and through the crowd to the small hallway where the bathrooms are. Where is Mimi, this is her job. She’s supposed to be taking her drunk friend to the bathroom. This sucks.

  I feel Ryder’s nose skim along the inside of my throat. It sends shivers through my body, and makes my core melt. Somehow my back makes contact with the wall behind me. My thoughts turn from needing to use the bathroom, to wanting to jump this man’s bones.

  His mouth skims over my neck, in the most sensitive areas. A warning that this is wrong goes off in the back of my mind but I push it away. I don’t care I’ve been craving some type of release, something other than what I’ve been feeling.

  “This is wrong Jenna.” His breath is labored, and
he sounds as if he’s conflicted. Grabbing his face in my hands, I bring us face to face. His eyes look glazed over and it’s then I notice the color of them, they’re blue, just like Rex’s.

  Ryder has green eyes, this is Rex. Where I should be happy, I’m not. I’m furious. Fire consumes me as I see red, the alcohol doing nothing to dull the now enormous ache in my chest.

  I push him off of me backing away, ashamed that I fell for such a low act.

  “Did you think you could win me back like that? Have me without me really knowing it was you. You're right, this is more than wrong. You just proved my point to me. There’s no relationship without trust, and clearly this isn’t how you gain it.” I maneuver myself to go around him, but he stops me standing right in my way.

  “I just wanted to see you Jenna. I miss your touch, your smell. I miss you.” Agony fills his voice, and I know the feeling all too well. I press those thoughts to the back of my mind as hard as I can.

  “Well being a stage five stalker doesn’t make me want to be with you, or around you. How does someone even do this?” I ask no one in particular throwing my hands up in the air. I’m frustrated, angry and feel like I’ve made a complete and utter fool of myself.

  “I’m not stalking you.” He mutters out, a deep shade of red covering his cheeks. He’s embarrassed, as if it’s not him who’s looking stupid. Well... he is but.

  “Yes you are, and if you don’t leave me the fuck alone, I’m going to send your balls up into your throat.” I sneer at him. If anything I’ve learned being mean is the easiest way to not show your feelings. If you hurt them first, then they won't ask any more questions. A look of remorse crosses his face.

  “I’m sorry Jenna, really that’s all I wanted to tell you. That and I miss you. I’m not stalking you really, Corey’s here I came with him.”

  For some reason his story makes sense to me, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that he set me up to believe he was Ryder, and he wasn’t.

  “You’ve only told me you're sorry two billion and one times Rex. I could care less.” That’s a lie. Big huge fucking lie. “Anyway none of those things matter. You’re stalking me, what ex-boyfriend follows there ex off to college?” The words leave my lips, and I watch as Rex’s face morphs into a haunted expression.

  “I’m assuming one that still cares about them. Look, I get that I did wrong but you forgave Mimi, and I understand that what I did hurt you in so many ways, but I’m trying... I’m trying to make it right.” I know he’s angry, I know he’s hurting, and even though I care... I don’t at the same time.

  “Mimi, has, is, and will always be my best friend. I trust her, which I assume you know nothing about. Being you were the one who made all these promises and broke every last one of them. Don’t give me the run around about who I should forgive, and who I shouldn’t. You being here is wrong, you trying to make things right is wrong. There’s nothing here to make right.”

  The anger in me has evaporated, dulled out by the drinks I’ve had. I push past Rex, this time he doesn’t stop me. Wouldn’t matter if he did, I have nothing else to say to him.

  I head back to the booth, but not before running into Ryder.

  “I’m guessing it didn’t go well, being you're standing here.” He says, smiling smugly. I roll my eyes at him, I should be mad, but if anything I don’t care. Like I said zero fucks.

  “Do you know where Mimi is I’m ready to blow this Popsicle stand?” I say yawning as I lay my head down on the table.

  “No idea, but if you really need something to blow, well let's just say I have something for you.” Of course he would.

  “No thank you, you can blow yourself.” I mumble into my arm. I’m a super sassy, boring drunk. A voice that can be no other than Mimi’s is heard. I lift my head to see my best friend dancing on a table nearby screaming. Right, just like I said boring.

  I get up slowly, not quite trusting myself to judge the distance. She would do this. I growl low in my throat before saying, “Mimi Jones, you get your ass down from there right now.” She either ignores me, or can’t hear me over the insanely loud music.

  “Let her be, this is very, very entertaining.” A voice that makes my skin still crawl and blood boil. I grit my teeth because I’m really only a shred away from losing my sanity.

  “Mimi get your ass down here right now, or I’m coming up there and getting you and we both know that won't be pretty.” Her body sways back and forth and then she stumbles toward the edge, heading straight to the hard ground.

  I want to cover my eyes, but reach out and catch her at the same time. One night out in Cali is all it took for us to end up in the ER.

  Instead of her falling to a tragic death Corey catches her. There’s a smile, and a look of lust in his eyes. His hands touch her softly as if she’s the most fragile being. He still wants her and that makes me angrier. I grab her from him the second she lands on her feet.

  “What is your issue?” She yells over the beat of the music. I look at her with the most absurd expression. What’s wrong with me?

  “What’s wrong with me? You not only ditched me, but you were dancing on top of that table like you secretly stripped for a living.” From her moves, I’m seriously wondering if she does. “We need to go, I have had enough bullshit for one evening.” I pull on her arm, but she pulls away giving me a sad face.

  “I’m sorry Jenna. I didn’t mean to ditch you. God I’m such a bitchass friend.” She mumbles into my shirt, wrapping her arms around me. I’m not sure if she realizes it or not but bitchass is in fact not a word.

  “It’s fine. I just want to go.” I look around anxiously for Rex. Being around him is hard. Harder than when we were in school together. Harder than I ever thought, what’s even worse is that it seems like through all of this mess he hasn’t learned his lesson. If anything he's learned how to be more manipulative even if it is for a good cause: to win me back.

  Mimi lets out a whine. Great now I’m going to have to fight her to get out of here. “I was just starting to have fun though Jenna.” By fun I’m assuming she means take off her clothes, let men fondle her, and dance around this whole place. Clearly we have different ideas on what fun is.

  “Can we please go? I have to tell you something, you'll understand once we get out of here.” I’m practically begging now. I want to tell her about my encounter with Rex but not in front of every club patron.

  “Okay.” She responds as she reaches for her glass on the table. Not that she needs anymore to drink, hell neither of us do. Not that it matters now. Funny how fast you sober up when your ex shows up. She slips and slides as she lets go of the table.

  Under any other circumstances I would laugh at someone walking like her but I can’t right now. I wrap my arm around her and balance her out as good as I can. It’s now the drunk leading the drunk. Fan-fucking-tastic.

  “You guys are from Wisconsin, aren’t you supposed to be able to out drink everyone here?” Ryder asks eyebrows raised as if we haven’t met his expectations. I scowl at him, clearly not wanting him to get Mimi started. Of course Rex takes that moment to make his grand appearance.

  “Rex!” Mimi yells. He looks at her as if she’s insane, and his eyes wander back to me and meet mine, but only for a brief second.

  “When did you get here, Jenna is going to be sooooo piiissseeddd. Not that I blame her, you were a total A-double SS-HOLE.” I look away, not wanting to see his expression. Even though he hurt me like no one ever has, it still hurts me to see him in pain.

  “Uh sweetheart Jenna is right here, I’m pretty sure they’ve already seen each other.” Corey says smugly.

  What the fuck? When did we all become bffs, because I didn’t agree to go out with anyone but Mimi? “I don’t know who invited you all here, nor do I really give a shit but Mimi and I are going home. That means you all are going somewhere else. Where I don’t care.” I’m getting aggravated, now I understand why talking to those that are drunk is pointless.

  “Uh oh,
look who grew some balls.” For once, I don’t want to reach out and punch him in the face. He’s right I’ve gained a voice, and came to the conclusion that it was a new school, no rules, no rumors, and no parents. I was going to make the most of things, and that meant I needed to be able to handle my own. When I said I wouldn’t be bullied anymore, I meant it.

  “Yeah I have. Now where are yours? At home on your dresser?” I replied, paying no attention to any of them. At this time, I was basically holding all of Mimi’s weight. I scooted forward a bit just to get a feel for what the next million feet would feel like, but just as I moved forward, so did my grip on her. I grabbed her by the arm and tried readjusting her.

  Just as I got her back into place an arm wrapped around Mimi and pulled her off of me. “Hello, what do you think you're doing? When I said we were going home, I didn’t mean you, me, and Mimi.” I’m shocked really, when did Corey start caring about Mimi, and why is he being so nice.

  “Slow your roll, Pocahontas. Hand the stripper over and no one gets hurt.” He says a mocking smile on his face. Not that it matters, I couldn’t fight him off if I tried, but what’s he talking about, he practically has her in his hands already.

  “I’m not a strriippherrr.” Mimi mumbles out, her English very off. Corey snickers taking her in his arms. At this point I’m flabbergasted on what to do. Do I call a cab? Where is he going with her? Is this a setup? Panic sets in and I know I’m on the verge of a panic attack.

  “Breathe, just breathe.” A soft velvety voice whispers in my ear. I focus on the voice, as my breathing evens out. Rex’s smell surrounds me and I so badly want to give into it. It’s tempting me, it’s calling me. Hands are on my face holding my head in place as his forehead leans against mine. Even though I know it’s wrong, I let him continue to hold me for that brief second; taking in his smells, his body, and his breath.

  Feelings rush back to those empty places where the scars of what happened had healed. I feel them ripping at the seams, just like a stitch that's been pulled. I feel my heart bleeding, and beating for him and it’s more than I can take.