Bittersweet Love (A Bittersweet Novella Book 2)

by Beck, J. L.

  “I don’t know what you think is going on between us.” I growl, motioning between us. “But I’m not feeling you the same way you’re feeling me. I still love your brother, and that will probably never change. Just because you look the same doesn’t mean I can pretend that you have the same morals and values. I loved Rex for who he was, not what he looked like. He fucked up, and if anything I’ve slowly learned that we’re all human and without trial and error in life you would never learn anything. So though the offer is nice, I’m going to have to pass.” I try to hide the anger from my voice. I don’t want to come off as a bitch to Ryder, but he being here and acting like this when he knows his brother is coming over isn’t just a coincidence. He’s up to something.

  There’s a look of shock in his eyes, as if he can’t believe his ears. I get the feeling he’s not turned down very often. He stands up faster than I expected, I go to take a step back to put room between us but the back of my knees hit the end table. Just when I think I’m about to eat it, Ryder reaches out and steadies me. Of course, when we’re this close God would command that Rex walk in the door.

  It looks far worse than what it really is. Anger courses through me and I can’t stop my bitch slapping hand from reaching out and laying a hard one on Ryder’s cheek. His face is whipped to the side with the force of my hit. I pull myself from his hold and take many steps back, catching the smug look on his face before turning to finally face Rex.

  “What the fuck is going on?” He demands as he sits the food on the counter. The situation that Ryder has put us in is now ridiculous. Rex’s face is red with anger as he looks between Ryder and me. Ryder rubs at the red spot on his face while anger and even pain is evident in his eyes. At least the smug look is gone.

  “Nothing. Nothing is going on here. I was just going to give Jenna here some advice. As you can see she didn’t take well to it.” Ryder’s voice is calm and cool but I can tell he’s ready to burst at the seams. He knows what he did was wrong. I hide my eyes from his not wanting to make any more contact with him than I need to.

  “Well leave then.” Rex says, gesturing towards the front door. I can tell what he’s thinking as his thoughts are written all over his face. Ryder moves past us as I keep my eyes trained on the floor until I hear the click of the lock going into place by Rex.

  “Now you know I’m going to ask what that was about Jenna. You asked me to come over and hang out and yet, when I get here my brother and you are practically mauling each other. I’m going to give you five minutes to explain before I go out there and kick his ass.” He’s frustrated, and he runs his hands through his dark locks. I look up and see the deep waves of emotion in his eyes. The darkness in them sucks me in, and I feel like I’m panting for breath. Like I’ve been thrown into the deep end of the pool and forgotten how to swim.

  “It wasn’t what it looked like, and though I know you probably won’t believe me, Ryder has been acting weird lately. I don’t want to cause problems between you guys because you’re brothers, but I get the feeling he doesn’t want us together. Also, if I had feelings for him, I wouldn’t have invited you over. Plus, you should know me better than that. That would be the ultimate betrayal to get with your brother.”

  There’s an edge to my voice. I’m hurt that Ryder put me in this situation, I’m hurt that Rex doesn’t know me well enough to know I wouldn’t do that to him. Though, after what he did to me I guess he would assume it’s expected.

  He closes the distance between us in mere seconds. His hands grip the side of my face, and my body molds into his. It’s like he’s the missing piece to my puzzle. Like we’re a lock and key. Meant to be, lost without one another. His sweet breath lands against my face. I reach my hands up and place them on his chest right above his heart. The steady, but erratic beat brings me back down to earth. His lips brush against my forehead with a feather light touch. The rough texture of his lips on my skin sends shivers down my spine. I know if I don’t take a step back and get a breath of my own air, and time to clear my head, we will be headed down a faster road than needed.

  I take a step back, and Rex’s nose skims against mine. He pulls me back in, our noses touch, and I breathe him in. “I’m so sorry Jenna. I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry you’re hurting, and I’m the cause of it.” His voice is soft and rich. Like a luscious piece of fresh chocolate cake. I close my eyes, afraid that tears will prick to the surface if I don’t.

  “I know I’ve said it once, twice, a million times but I will forever make this up to you. My biggest mistake was not telling you sooner. You were never a pawn, trick, or joke. Being with you was like breathing. It was simple, refreshing, and it felt natural. I fell for you the moment my eyes landed on you in the parking lot on my first day. I didn’t realize you were Jenna, and right then in that moment I wanted you. I still do. I want you every day.” His words wrap around me like a bandage tending to the wounds of my broken heart. I’ve waited for him to say these words to me for months. His hands grasp into my hair as he pulls me closer to him.

  “I know we can’t be together right now, I know you’re hurting, and I plan to make that right. But you’re mine, you will forever be mine. I will fight for you til the day I die and I know you feel the same way.” I ease my head onto his shoulder and wrap my arms around him. Our bodies mend together. Our bleeding hearts finally becoming one. You don’t realize how much you miss something until you no longer have it.

  The tears I so badly wanted to hold in slowly ease from tightly closed eyes. They slide down my cheeks with ease. As if I had needed to let them go for months. I take a deep breath and pull back wiping the left over tears from my cheeks. My face is red and my eyes are puffy I’m sure, but I don’t care. This is the closure I needed. Yes, I had been avoiding talking to Rex for what seemed like forever, but I wanted to do it when it was right. I didn’t want him to say he was sorry because he felt like that was the right thing to do. An apology should come from the heart, and you should mean what you say.

  “Friends it is then?” I ask curious to hear his response. I’m not ready to jump right back in with him, although I really want to. He gives me a cheesy grin as he takes a step forward; his lips brushing mine so softly if I didn’t see him kissing me I wouldn’t even have been able to tell. The next stroke of his lips against mine is deeper, I gasp out shocked that he went there.

  I pull back, biting my lips. The tingling feeling on them from the roughness of his kiss is doing crazy things to my head. “Friends don’t kiss Rex.” I mumble out, my face blushing like crazy.

  He leans in, his lips near my ear I feel his hot breath on my neck, and he’s doing nothing to calm down that thought of not jumping into things again. His tongue skims that sensitive area on my neck and I feel my knees buckling. The need to give in is so strong, like it’s hurting me more to not do so.

  “They don’t, but then again I never agreed to be friends.” He whispers softly. Memories from our time in the library months prior filter through my mind. He said those same words to me once before, then he kissed me. A smile creeps onto my face, what a smooth talker.

  “You totally had me swooning.” I say backing up and making my way over to the food. If I stood there one second longer I would’ve been mauling him like Miley Cyrus in the Wrecking Ball video. Rex is looking deliciously handsome in a pair of dark blue jeans, and tight fitted tee as usual. I look down at my evening attire, and feel underdressed. Well so much for not wanting to look sexy. No instead I just look like a person who jacked the nearest homeless guy’s clothes outside.

  “I brought a movie, even though I’m sure you have some.” He mumbles as he runs his hands through his long dark locks. His movements, so powerful, but gentle at the same time make me want to melt through the floor. Now I know why I didn’t talk to him sooner. There would be absolutely no way I could say no to that.

  “Of... of course we have movies.” I say letting out a fake laugh, turning toward the cupboard to get some plates. Stop being a weirdo Jenna.
Where is Mimi when you need her? Oh that’s right, pissing the other Winchester boy off. Though I would love to say Corey has whatever Mimi is doing to him coming, I don’t fully agree with her shenanigans. What she’s doing is no different than what he did to me, and though I still have a little resentment for what he did, I get it.

  A hand lands on my shoulder, as Rex’s soft blue eyes come into focus. “Hey, are you okay?” He looks concerned and that right there causes another chip of my once impassible wall to break away.

  “Oh yeah, I’m fine. Here take these, I’ll grab the food and we can go start the movie.” I turn away from him, afraid of embarrassing myself any further. Why can’t I just be normal around him. I pick up the paper sacks as the smell of chicken fried rice, fills my every sense. By the time I make it to the coffee table in the living room I’m ready to rip the bags open. I set them down and let Rex make the plates. Just as I start to think about how hungry I am, I catch Rex staring at me.

  “What?” I ask, self-consciously running my hands through my hair. Is there a twig in it or something? My tongue scrapes against the front of my teeth feeling into the tiny crevasses for pieces of food. He smiles over at me as if I’m the world. As if, I’m the one thing he lives for. When someone looks at you like that you can’t help but stop breathing.

  “Nothing. I just want to tell you, I’m sorry again. I thought kissing you was the right thing to do. Honestly though, I couldn’t hold myself back one more second. All I wanted to do was run my hands through your hair, feel your skin on mine, and your breath mixed with mine. I can’t be near you without feeling like I need to be in you.” His words make my breath escape out of my lungs faster than needed. I gasp in a breath, but cover it with a cough.

  “I’m sorry if that’s too blunt, and I know it’s all way too fucking soon, but I just can’t be around you without wanting to touch you. Time is never on our side… never. It goes by faster than it’s given, and to spend one more second with the way things were… I just couldn’t handle it Jenna.” He’s pouring his heart out to me in a way I never expected, in a way I’ve never seen. I knew how he felt about me but I didn’t know it was this deep, and that scares me. Loving someone deeply makes you vulnerable to pain, and that’s something I’ve had far enough of in my life.

  “Don’t be sorry Rex. Don’t ruin this night trying to make up for things of the past. You’re right time goes by too fast. Therefore instead of living in the past, live in the future. At this moment that’s the only thing we can change.” Change. Such a funny word. Whether I walked down this path with Rex now or later didn’t matter. The day he pulled up in that lifted red Dodge Ram truck is the day my life forever changed. I don’t care what anyone says, young love is real; it’s heart beating, innocence, all consuming, earth shattering, and raw. It’s young and blooming. It’s deep and full of pain, but it’s anything but unreal. That’s what our love was like once before.

  “I know, man do I know. But I will spend forever making up those nine months that I should’ve been with you. I know what I did may seem insignificant to others, but I have never hated myself more.” Shame is written all over his face, and I thought I would love the moment he came groveling at my feet. Therefore over the months the hate and anger dissipated and I slowly learned holding that shit in did no good when you were trying to grow from it. Instead of feeling that happiness all I was feeling was sadness. Sadness that Rex assumed he had to make it up to me.

  “Rex, I’m only going to say this once. What you did hurt. It hurt so bad I felt like I lost a piece of myself when the words of what you did came out. I wanted to hate you, and for a short time I even did. I prayed you would come groveling to me, begging for me to forgive you and you did. But you see I was being no better than Corey, I was leading you on a string. Making you feel bad for something you may or may not have done. I don’t want to live in the past Rex, and though I don’t know what will happen in the future we will never be able to be together if you feel that everything you do needs to be made up to me. I wanted you for the person you were a year ago, and I want you for the person you are now. Don’t change that. Please.” My voice is wobbly and pleading and I can feel the exposure I’m leading my heart to.

  I look up into Rex’s eyes, they’re wide and beautiful. They hold all the same emotions I’m feeling. He blinks, his extremely long lashes fanning against his cheek. His eyes remain closed for a short time, and open again searching to meet mine.

  “Okay, I’ll let it go. But from this moment on I will treat you like a queen. I will make sure you get everything you want and need. I will love you for who you are and be here for you in your toughest times. If you only want to be friends then I’ll be that for you. I’ll be anything you need Jenna. As long as I get to be a part of your life in some way, shape, or form. “

  “Well right now all I want is friends. Can you do that for me?” I ask smiling. I reach for my delicious fried rice in hopes that the conversation is over. I hate reliving the past. I still hate hearing about what my mom did, how she ruined another family’s lives. How all the pain I went through was because of her? Mother’s aren’t supposed to lead you to hate.

  “Of course.” He responds as he hands me my plate of food and presses play on the remote to the Blu-ray player. I ease into the couch cushions and shove food into my mouth like the fatty I am. I’m just glad Rex isn’t judging me. The previews run through and by the time we get to the screen to press play I’ve finished my food.

  “Step Brothers. Really?” I laugh out loud quietly. Rex sends me a cheesy smile as he presses play. I refuse to tell him I do in fact love this movie. It’s always so awkward when you’re watching a movie with someone for the first time. It’s not that Rex and I haven’t hung out alone together, it’s just that it’s been forever. My hormones are raging, and it’s impossible to keep my eyes on the TV, that and I could stare at him for days. The movie plays on and on, and eventually my eyelids grow heavy. I decided against sitting so close to Rex so I lay my head on the armrest of the couch. The sound of the TV eventually lull’s me into a deep sleep.

  ***

  A sound similar to a door slamming against the wall pulls me from my warm place. A heavy weight is against my legs and just as I’m about to go into a full blown panic attack I remember that Rex was over. Corey’s voice enters through my ears, but because I’m just waking up I can’t quite comprehend what he’s saying.

  “Dude. Calm the fuck down. What the hell is your problem?” Rex says before I can even get a word out. His voice is full of sleep, so I’m assuming that’s why I can’t feel my legs.

  “Jenna. You’re going to tell me where Mimi is right the fuck now. I swear to fucking god I’m going to kill that bitch. She never knows how to keep her nose out of shit. This immature drama bullshit she has going on gets really out of control and fast.” His voice is full of venom. I look up, clearing the sleep from my eyes. I look over at the clock on the wall. It says two am. Then it dawns on me how the hell did he get into my apartment.

  “Whoa cowboy.” I say holding up my hand, and settling myself into a more sitting position so I can look at him. He looks okay, no green hair or dark colored skin, and he definitely doesn’t smell like beef broth. “I have no fucking clue where Mimi is, it's two am and you seem to think you can just barge into my home and demand me to do something. Get the fuck out, and leave your key if you have one.” I smooth my hair out, because I can feel the rats nest growing on the side of my head. Even at two am, I’m self-conscious of the way I look around men. God, I am such a girl.

  “She fucked everything up for me yet a-fucking-gain.” He growls, gripping the ends of his hair tightly. I look over at Rex who looks just as confused as I do.

  “What happened man? You can’t just come into someone’s apartment screaming and demanding they do something at two in the fucking morning.” Rex’s voice takes on the tone of someone who is slightly annoyed. I can’t really say I blame him. This Mimi, Corey drama is getting old.

&n
bsp; “She fucked up yet another good relationship. She’s always fucking something up. I’m pissed. I’m more than pissed. I’m furious.” His eyes are black, and talking about it seems to make things worse. Then again talking about it is about as good as holding a lid over a steaming pot of hot water, one way or another the steam is going to have to escape whether it’s gentle or violent is up to you.

  “Well that’s awfully vague if you ask me. But just so you know she’s not here. Now it’s late, I’m going to go to bed. When she gets here, I’ll let her know you stopped by.” I’m beginning to feel more like Mother Hen then a roommate. Damn you Mimi, you’re lucky I love your ass, me having to shoo your boyfriends away, and bullshit.

  “I don’t feel like fucking leaving, so I’m going to sit my happy ass down and wait until she gets here.” He says making his way over to the nearby chair. I shake my head lightly and roll my eyes. The thing is I don’t know when Mimi will be home, and I don’t feel like allowing him to stay here alone with me while I’m sleeping in the next room.

  “Come home with me man. We’ll come over in the morning and you can get into whatever argument it was you were going to get into with her. Jenna here needs to get to sleep and I refuse to let you be the reason my girl doesn’t get her beauty sleep.” Rex smiles over at me, his one dimple showing. If I wasn’t half asleep, I would probably reach over and poke it. But that would be weird, and I’m just too tired to move.

  “Yeah what he said.” I say to whoever is listening. I stand picking up my plate and soda from the table. I walk past Corey who is still standing silently by the chair. Damn, I didn’t even brush my teeth yet.

  “I’m fucking done man. Done. I’m tired of this dramatic bullshithat she causes. One minute we’re okay, the next I just want to strangle her. I’m tired of being led on and used every time she needs something or someone. ” Frustration is evident in his voice and facial features. His forehead always wrinkles when he’s angry; I remember that from our time of dating. Guess old habits die hard.