by Beck, J. L.
“Corey, there’s something you need to know and learn about Mimi. She’s not leading you on, that’s just who she is and how she will always be. I honestly don’t know what’s going on between the two of you, when you’re fighting and when you’re not, but I can tell you that if you think you’re being led on you need to take a look at the bigger picture.” I let out a big yawn. Never did I think I would be having a heart to heart with the very guy that made my life hell for a whole year.
I look over at both Corey and Rex as their mouths gape open. “What?” I ask trying to hide the distaste from my voice. I promised myself that when I went off to college I would gain a voice, a backbone, whatever you want to call it. I would no longer be Mimi’s shadow. Even if they’re here, that doesn’t change things.
“Nothing... Um it’s just different. I mean… you’re… just… different.” Corey says stumbling over his words. A smile pulls at my lips, for once I have caused him to go to a place he sent me many a times.
“You’re right I’m different in more than one way. I don’t care if you guys live in this building or what it is you want to do. But don’t think that you can ever come barging into my house again. Mimi may live here but so do I. This isn’t high school anymore, and I’m not afraid of you saying anything about me. You can’t hurt me anymore, Corey.”
My voice doesn’t even shake as I speak the words I have always wanted to. They’re true in so many ways, maybe right now wasn’t the best time to tell him, but who cares, he’s in my house, at two am, unwelcome might I add. I need to make myself clear, because when you don’t, you often get stepped on, and I’ve been there, done that, and got the t-shirt. Never going back.
“I don’t intend on spreading anymore rumors about you, or causing you anymore pain. I have my hands full as it is Jenna. If I wanted to hurt you I easily could. But I won’t, because I promised Rex and in the end I want my family to be happy.” He looks over at Rex smugly, as if there is some type of bro bond going on between the two of them. This is the kind of thing that scares me with Rex. How can he be so close to someone who did something to someone he supposedly loves? When you love someone wouldn’t you give up anything and everything to protect them? I thought Rex would have done that for me, but he didn’t.
“Yes. He wants his family to be happy, and you make me happy Jenna. Just you.” Rex says smiling. I feel my insides melt a little bit, the sleepiness seeping away to a whole new feeling. I try and shake the developing urges away, forcing myself to remember that just because he smiles in my direction, or is sexy as hell in blue jeans, that underneath that beautiful body, deep inside of him is a man who once hurt me, who broke my heart and took the trust I gave him and ripped it to shreds. He may be able to cover up all those bad things, but I will always remember them.
“That’s fabulous, I’m glad he wants his family happy. I’m just warning you that if anyone tries to fuck with me again it won’t be pretty. I’m not the same girl I use to be.” I stand and make my way to the bathroom but am cut off from going any further by Corey. I stop dead in my tracks, holding my breath and willing my heart to not beat out of my chest. I might be able to sound forceful and strong in my voice, but if he gets too close to me, I can’t lie and say it doesn’t scare me. I refuse to let him know that though.
“Jenna. Jenna. I’m different now. Really I am. But I have the same power as I did before. Don’t think because we’re in a different place, where less people know you that I can’t still ruin your life and reputation here.” He’s so arrogant and smug; he thinks he’s a king. He thinks he owns everyone and everything and I hate that. I vowed to never let hate live in my heart again but for this man I can’t end up feeling anything but that.
“You will not fucking touch her, and don’t you dare make open ended threats.” Rex says in a tight lipped tone as his chest comes into contact with my back.
I push my chest into Corey’s ignoring Rex’s hand that has now landed on my shoulder. “I could give two fucks what you have to say to me, about me, or what it is you want to do. Just remember that if Mimi can make your life shitty imagine what the two of us could do together. Don’t cross us again Corey, or you’ll end up more than just green, and smelling like a beef roast.” My eyes never leave his, the fear I had moments ago is gone. Anger has now fallen in its place. Who does this man think he is, coming into my home and talking to me this way?
“You may leave now.” I say pointing towards the door. My eyes turn to slits as I glare at him readying myself for one of his lame attempts at a comeback. He looks as if he’s going to say something else but then stops, backs up and heads for the door.
“I’ll be downstairs hurry up.” He says to Rex, ignoring my presence. I shake Rex’s hand off my shoulder and hurry towards the bathroom to brush my teeth. I spend five minutes in the bathroom, wanting to stay in there longer to avoid this conversation with Rex.
I exit the bathroom and head down the hall to my room. Opening the door, I catch sight of Rex lying on my bed. His shirts’ ridden up and there’s a line of hair heading south... Oh God… Must stop staring.
“I thought you would have left by now?” I question, though I knew he wouldn’t have left without saying goodbye, not after he just got me back.
“You know I’ll always have your back right. I’ll never let anyone hurt you again. Ever.” My eyes scan up his body and meet his eyes; my eyes narrow at him as I try and read further into his intentions. Do I really know that he wouldn’t let anyone hurt me physically? Yeah sure, but emotionally not so much.
“I know you wouldn’t ever let anyone touch me. But emotionally there isn’t anything you can do. Sticking up for me back there was great, but I want to fight my own battles. I don’t want Corey to think that every time he has something to say that I need you there to back me up. I don’t. What you did showed me you care, but you can’t protect me from everything that’s bad. Sometimes people say things, and there’s nothing you can do but walk away.” There is so much frustration from everything that is happening seeping into my voice.
For a moment I think he will just come up with a laundry list of reasons why he has to protect me, but instead I hear the bed creak as he stands. His sock covered feet come into my line of vision as I stare at the floor like a bad puppy. The warmth of his hands touching the side of my face cause me to lift my head and peer into his eyes.
“Jenna, I want you to know that I will never let him fuck with you again. He might be my cousin but I have owned up to what I did wrong. At one time I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was fighting for my family, and then I realized two wrongs never make a right, and ripping some girl’s life apart and hurting her doesn’t make everything instantly fixed. I don’t care if I can’t stop people from saying shit about you, but I can stop them from saying it in front of you or around me.” His lips move over the top of my forehead as his hands tighten on the side of my face.
“You own me Jenna. Just you. I love my family, but I love you more.” He whispers into my ear. Every time he says the word love I want to crawl up inside of him and stay forever. I stand on my tip toes, pushing my lips up to meet his. His grip on me relaxes, “Then that’s all I’ll ever need.” I say just as his lips come down hard on mine. I go ramrod straight for what seems to be five seconds, before his hands find their way into my hair.
Our kiss is full of anger, built up sexual frustration, and just the need to touch one another. His hands move from my hair, sliding down my back and over the curve of my ass. With one hand under my ass and the other holding my leg he lifts me up and slams my back into the wall behind us. A surge of excitement shoots through me, as I smile against his lips. He pulls back, leaning his face into mine so our noses are still touching.
“We... We should probably stop.” His breaths are coming in as pants, his long lashes fan against his cheeks, and his eyes are dark and full of need. I know full well that if Rex didn’t respect me he would take me right here against this wall. Where he’s experi
enced I’m not, and that kind of thing would just be too much for us right now.
“You’re right.” I mumble out, though that’s the last thing I want to say, hell I would rather us not be saying anything. His hard erection is still digging into the front of my pjs and all I can think about is taking him into my mouth. Tasting the saltiness of his skin and mine mixed together, bringing him to the edge like he does me every time we touch. Yeah we have problems to fix and our love isn’t perfect but that doesn’t mean I don’t want him. I don’t want to fight what my body craves anymore.
Even though we both said we should stop he leans down into the curve of my neck and skims his nose against that sensitive part that has my mind melting into a puddle. I push myself up into him urging him to give me more, anything. Once again it’s short lived, though. He pulls away. All this teasing is driving me insane. I let out a growl as I arch more into him.
“Whoa darling, slow it down.” His voice is raspy, and his eyes are dilated to such a point that I can’t tell where the black meets the blue. Displeasure sinks in because even though I want this I know it’s not right. It’s too soon, it’s too fast. The last thing I want to do is to be throwing myself on him. We’re not even together right now. Adding sex to an already complicated relationship, yeah that’s just begging to cause more difficulties. Oh you can’t solve the first set of problems so let’s add some lust filled sex in there and it’ll make everything better. Right?
“Put me down please.” I say, my breaths finally starting to even out now that Rex’s body isn’t so much on mine. He releases me slowly so that all my curves glide against his; and our pieces fit together perfectly. A slow smile pulls at his lips and he knows what he’s doing to me.
“Stop that.” I say putting distance between us the second that my feet hit the floor.
“What ever do you mean Jenna?” He says cornering me. What do you mean Jenna? He knows exactly what I mean.
“Stop.”
“Why?” He says advancing on me even more. His dimpled smile distracts me for a moment too long and I find my knees hitting the back of the bed with nowhere else to go. Rex looks like trouble with a huge capital T. He leans down looming over me, goose bumps form on my skin and a shudder runs through me.
“I love you Jenna. I love you in so many ways and when you’re ready I’ll show you just how deep that love runs.” His mouth is just about to descend on mine when there’s a loud knock on my bedroom door.
“Jenna, if you're awake I need to talk to you. Like now.” Mimi’s commanding voice pulls me from my lust induced haze, and I sit up pushing Rex off of me.
“I’m... I’m sorry but I have to figure out what the hell is going on, plus Corey is waiting for you.” My face grows red with embarrassment of how much I wanted him in that moment.
“Don’t be sorry Love and don’t be embarrassed for wanting me. Believe me you’re not alone in that category. I want you just as bad.” He says gesturing down to his boner. I direct my vision elsewhere after his comment not wanting to stare too long. I smooth out my hair, and stand up. Rex stands with me and places a small kiss on my forehead before following me out of the bedroom.
Mimi looks up, her eyes grow big and then before Rex can notice she blinks away the surprise. “Thanks for coming over Rex.” I say as he picks up the movie and his jacket.
“No problem. I’ll text you later.” He says sending a panty-dropping smile to Mimi. Don’t even think about buttering up to her buddy. I take a seat on the couch across from the chair in which Mimi is sitting in. She looks lost, broken and that scares me because as long as I’ve known Mimi nothing has ever made her look this way. She’s strong; she’s the stability of our friendship, the one thing that holds us together.
“What going on?” I ask quietly. I don’t want her to feel that she has to conceal everything to me because she’s not one to complain about her problems, but some things aren’t worth keeping in forever.
“I don’t know Jenna. I don’t know what’s going on with me, and even if I did I wouldn’t have a fucking clue as to how to fix it.” She runs her hands through her dark locks. Her green eyes are holding in those unshed tears, and my heart starts to ache for her.
“Hey what happened? If this has to do with Corey, he already stopped by Mimi. Came in raging about where you were and how you always cause all these problems.” I get up and sit on the floor so I can be closer to her.
“I...I... I kissed him Jenna and really it’s not the kissing that bothers me. It’s that for the first time I thought I wanted to give myself to someone. But I can’t. I can’t trust him. I just can’t. I can’t do this with him anymore Jenna.” Tears break free from her eyes and glide down her cheek slowly. My heart breaks for her, because I know what she’s going through. My wounds are still very fresh too. I hate seeing my friend who’s such a strong woman feeling weak because some guy has no idea what he’s missing out on.
“Mimi, you don’t have to play this game with him. This isn’t high school anymore, you’re not forced to pick from a selected few of men. You can be with whoever you want. Corey can’t fuck shit up anymore. That is unless you allow him to. Having feelings for someone doesn’t make you weak honey, it makes you redeeming, and it makes those feelings worth saving for someone who knows what they mean. I got caught up in everything that was Corey too and it did nothing for me. Don’t make yourself weak for someone who won’t be your equal.”
She looks into my eyes, a tranquil look crossing her face as her tears dry. She smiles, and I see some of the pain ease from her.
“I feel so bad Jen. I know what he did to you and how he hurt you, and yet here I am allowing him to do the same things to me. Except when I push him, he pushes back. I don’t want to break but I feel like I can’t take it anymore.” She’s devastated and I can’t blame her. Corey still has a reckless streak, breaking hearts left and right; but I can only feel so bad for her. I love her, but she knew what he was all about.
“You knew he was like this, why would you put yourself in harm’s way? Anything that has to do with him will end in heartache.” I feel like telling her these things won’t do her any good, in the end people have to learn for themselves.
“Oh come the fuck on Jenna.” Mimi says throwing her hands in the air, more tears trickling down her cheek. “What was I supposed to do, I wanted to get back at him for you, and eventually the hate turned to something deeper. I don’t love him, but I could and that scares me. I could love someone who could care less. Even worse, I still fucking care that he doesn’t care. How fucked up is that?” She’s grasping at straws trying to find answers to the questions that she has. However, there are no answers. You can’t make someone love you, no matter how much it rips you apart, and I hate to say it but I think Corey is unable to love someone.
I glance up at the clock above the stove. Fantastic, it’s almost four AM. “Let’s get ready for bed. We’ll talk more about this after I wake up. This is way too much drama for me tonight.”
I pick myself up off the floor at a snail’s pace. Great I feel like I’m turning fifty next month. Should a teenager feel this old?
I turn around realizing Mimi hasn’t moved. “You going to bed?” I ask fairly certain, that’s where she should be headed. She nods her head and stands. Seeing her like this, it’s just so not like her. I hate it, and though I let that anger and hate go that I had for Corey, I can feel it building again.
“Can I sleep with you tonight? I don’t want to be alone.” It doesn’t even take me five seconds to respond to her.
“Yes. Under one condition, you don’t hog all the covers.” She smiles sheepishly.
“I can’t make any promises but I’ll try not to.” I pad back to my room and wait for Mimi as she changes into something else. I fix the bed sheets and fluff my pillow, and just as I’m about to climb into the bed Mimi bumps into me.
“Get in.” She says pushing me under the covers. Talk about pushy.
“Oh sorry, I didn’t realize this w
as your bed.” I say harshly. Mimi knows my relationship with sleep and my bed. I would live in my bed if I could. Therefore, my bed. My rules.
“Get in my feet are cold, and my heart is broken. It should be a shame to say those two things in the same sentence.” She says sniffling.
“Are you still crying?” I ask while burrowing myself into my side of the bed. She crawls in as her cold ass feet touch my legs and I let out a loud shriek.
“See. Told you they were cold, and no. I’m done crying. I just sent Corey the meanest, nastiest text ever. Hopefully he will never show his face around here again.” She lies down and we face each other.
“Haha. Like that’s going to stop him. You watched me suffer Mimi, you knew this would happen, if he bullied me then he will bully you.”
Mimi’s eyes are wide eyed, and it sure seems like she would rather talk than sleep. “You don’t hate me for wanting to be with Corey after all of this?” She asks bleakly, as if afraid of asking at all.
I sat on it for a second. Was I really mad, no, but was I happy, not really. I didn’t want her to have to walk down the same path I did to realize the type of man he was.
“I’m not really mad Mimi, I mean at first it seemed like a stab to the heart, but really everyone needs to be loved and he’s no different. I just hope and pray you know what you’re doing. If he’s already hurting you and you’re not even together yet what do you think is going to happen when you are together?”
I didn’t mean to be the bearer of bad news, but as a friend I didn’t want her to go through any more pain than she already was.
Her nose scrunched up, and her forehead wrinkled as she digested what I had said. I didn’t hate Mimi. Never, could I.
I knew she never had sex with Corey, and I knew what he did was a ploy to drive distance between us, and it almost worked. He was conniving like that.