by Beck, J. L.
“I never meant to be a bad friend. You can’t imagine what it felt like for me to realize I was slowly falling for a monster. I mean how can I want to be with someone who is so cold, angry, and sad inside? He makes me want to break down his walls, and comfort him. I want to fix him so bad. Wrap him up in one huge band-aid. Someone with that much anger and fury has to have underlying reasons as to why they do the things they do.”
A depressive look forms on her face and I know what she’s going through.
“Let’s go to bed Mimi. If you want to try and fix Corey, that’s fine. But if you keep playing with fire you will get burned.” I roll over and turn the lamp off. The room is quiet and dark, just how I like it.
“Jenna…” Mimi whispers.
“Yeah?” I ask.
“Thanks for being here for me. For understanding, and just being you.”
“Isn’t that what friends are for?” I say calmly, the sleepiness taking over.
“Yeah... and you’re a great friend.” She whispers back.
You are too Mimi. You are too.
Achy-Breaky-Heart
Three months have passed without incident and I’m starting to get worried that the world is going to crash around us. Things with Rex are great, like more than great. No fights, no trust issues, I’m slowly finding myself falling deeper and deeper in love with him, if that’s even possible. I roll over in my bed smiling as I look at the text from Rex. I will never get tired of him saying I love you.
I slip out of bed and slide into my slippers. The house is quiet and calm as I look outside at the beating sun. I want to go to the beach today or just do something fun. I go to the bathroom, and then make my way into the kitchen to pour myself some orange juice. Mimi’s already awake slaving over something succulent on the stove.
“Wow, you're awake early?” I’m astonished that she’s even out of bed at this hour; and by hour I mean nine a.m.
“Yeah, well I couldn’t sleep, and you just looked like baby Jesus in a manger when I went in to wake you up so I just said fuck it and came in here to make breakfast.” I glance over her shoulder to look at what’s in the pan as I put the orange juice back in the fridge.
“Yum scrambled eggs supreme just the way I like it, awe you shouldn’t have.” I take a seat at the island. She pulls out two plates and assembles them, handing me the plate and fork to dig in.
“This is so good Mimi.” I mumble in between bites.
“Yeah, yeah, don’t get used to it.” She says smiling as she takes her first bite.
“What do you want to do today?” I ask as I continue to stuff my face. She looks at me sideways as If I’m losing my mind. I won’t lie I’m not really the type to want to go out and do things. Most of the time you can find me on the couch watching tv, doing homework, or reading on my kindle.
“This is new, so we both wake up doing something different today. Better watch out, it’s going to start raining pigs or something.” I roll my eyes at her, she thinks too much into shit.
“I really just want to go to the beach or maybe we can go to the local coffee shop. I don’t know. Let’s just have a girl’s day.” Mimi’s face fills with excitement. I know what she’s thinking, clothes shopping, another excuse for her to use daddy’s credit card, and another excuse for me to go into debt.
“I didn’t say shopping…” Her face falls as she shoves the last of her food into her mouth and gives me a pout that would put a two year old to shame.
“Okay, maybe just a little I need a new suit.” Smiling, I get up and put my plate in the sink. I turn around and take notice of Mimi’s slumped shoulders. She’s hiding something. I approach with caution not wanting hurricane Mimi to come out.
“Okay, I know there’s something wrong. You can either tell me, or I can torture it out of you.”
She looks up at me, whatever emotion that was lying in her eyes is now gone. “I would love to see your scrawny ass try and torture me. You can’t even kill a spider when it’s across the room in a dark corner minding its own business.”
“Hey! You stop it right there, unless that spider is paying rent, he isn’t sleeping and breeding in my house.”
“Whatever, my point is…” I stop her before she can say anymore.
“Your point is nothing, explain right now, or suffer the wrath of almighty Jenna.” She raises and eyebrow up at me, and mimic her. Eventually she lets out a loud sigh signifying that I have won. Mimi zero. Me one.
“It’s about Corey. He’s been snooping around the one guy I’ve been seeing. We aren’t an item, just friends. But he’s been, I don’t know, I think spying maybe. Who knows but it’s frustrating.” Fantastic. Just what I wanted to talk about. This isn’t against Mimi, but I get tired of hearing about Corey. I bet every time his name is said his ego grows an inch.
“How about this, we go out have a nice girl’s day and forget about anything boy related.”
“Right. Easy for you to say, you and Rex are wrapped around each other so tight I can’t tell where one starts and the other ends.” I smile at her statement. She’s right. Things between us have never been better. Just hearing his name has me feeling butterflies in my stomach.
“That doesn’t matter. No Rex, no Corey none of it.” I say giving her the evil eye.
“No Ryder either?” She asks a mischievous grin playing on her lips. A shudder runs through me, last time Ryder and I were together things ended badly. I haven’t so much as spoke a word to him since, and let me tell you it makes for some seriously awkward classes.
“No. No Ryder either, I have nothing to do with him. There wasn’t ever anything going on between us, never.” I force out. It’s hard to talk about Ryder, I thought we were friends. Hell, even after the incident I still consider him a friend, but I refuse to risk my relationship with Rex for any of that. That boy is fifty shades of bipolar, and though he probably has his reasons, I don’t intend to find out. I’m pulled from my thoughts as Mimi’s voice intrudes.
“Kay, shopping and coffees… deal?” I roll my eyes and nod my head yes. If that’s the only way to get her out of this damn house, then yes. I will put myself through the fifth degree of shopping.
***
A few hours of shopping and one red string bikini later, I’m finally lying on the sand covered beach. The sun beats down on us, the warmth of it reminding me of one of those heating blankets you turn on, for the cold winter nights. I dig the tips of my toes in the sand, soaking in the feeling and smell of the ocean; relishing a first that I can never get back.
I roll over and take notice of Mimi texting. Ugh, what did I tell her, girl’s day!!
“Who’re you texting?” I ask making a grab for her phone. She pulls it in towards her chest, sending a hiss my way. Good kitty.
“His name is Brody, that guy I’m always talking about, that’s his name.” Oh shit, I feel like a bad friend; although she never has said his name.
“Okay, didn’t I say no guys?” I mutter into the beach towel.
“Not necessarily, you said no Ryder, Rex, or Corey. Brody isn’t any of those.”
“Who is this Brody guy then?” I ask rolling over to face her.
“Well, I kind of already told you. I met him in one of my general ed classes. We have been talking and getting to know each other. It’s just Corey’s groupies keep getting involved in shit. He might tell you that I fuck up shit but as you can see, it’s not always me.” Not that I ever thought It was her. I know how manipulative and secretive he can be.
“I never thought it was just you. I just don’t get why you don’t try.” She sits up, shock clearly written on her face.
“Try. Why don’t I try? Hello, he’s with Chelsea.” She practically yells, a mother nearby giving us a dirty look.
“Hello who the fuck is Chelsea?” I’ve never heard of this Chelsea girl before, and that has me curious as to why Rex didn’t mention it if some girl was hanging around his apartment; but then again, maybe not because it has nothing to do with him.
>
“The slut of sluts. Like if I threw my shoe at her, a vortex called her vagina would suck it in. I swear that’s the only way to get men. It just sucks them in, and then they’re like what where am I? How did I get here?”
“That’s a bit harsh don’t you think?” Once upon a time someone called me a slut, and obviously I knew it wasn’t true. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt more often than not. Most spread rumors about others, to bring themselves up. Prime example is Corey.
“Harsh? No, harsh is me walking up to her and ripping her fake ass extensions out. Harsh is me wiping her caked on makeup off her face.” Anger, is washing over her as her voice gets louder and louder.
“I get it I’m just trying to be the voice of reason Mimi. You know not too long ago someone said the same thing about me.” She rolls her eyes at me sneering.
“Yeah well you didn’t have a sign written on your back that says come and get it boys. She’s practically slutting herself out.” Sometimes I think Mimi likes to bring her own drama to the table.
“Mimi slow down and take a breath. Okay, maybes she’s a slut, I don’t know, this is the first I’ve ever heard of her.” She lets out a snort before saying “That’s surprising.”
“But… all I’m hearing from all of this is something called jealousy. It sounds a lot like someone is jealous.” I watch her expression change from shock to disgust in two seconds flat. Her mouth opens, then closes, and I’m waiting for her to say something but she doesn’t.
“You think I’m jealous. Jealous of that thing? Have you seen me…?” I shake my head at her.
“That’s not what I meant Mimi and you know it. You’re jealous that she has something you don’t, why you would want Corey I don’t know. You could do so much better, hell if he’s throwing a chance away with you to be with that, why should you even care?” A pout forms on her face, and I can’t tell if there’s tears in her eyes, or if the sun is just playing tricks on me.
“Just so you know I’m not jealous. If Corey doesn’t know a good thing when it’s right in front of him, then… then… fuck him. He can have vortex vagina.” Seeing Mimi weak and wallowing for someone who could give two shits about her makes me furious.
“Don’t let it get to you, like you said, he’ll get what’s coming to him.” She buries her face in the beach towel as I reach over for my bottle of water.
“Yeah, well it better be sooner, rather than later. The asshole needs to know what it’s like to have his heart broken.
All I can think is yeah, I know.
Normalized
It had been a week since Rex had last come over. I was getting the urge to go and see him, even if it meant being on Corey’s turf. I was desperate. If I thought being away from him and not talking to him for months was bad, this one week was horrid. Granted we had texted here and there, but our schedules didn’t line up so we were mostly stuck with weekends. However it was Friday and that meant I would no longer have to go without.
I had just started typing up my business presentation when a knock at the door pulled me from my thoughts. I checked the time on my laptop, and tried to remember what time Mimi said she would be back. Was it one or two? Either way, if this wasn’t her then who was it? I really needed to get this done, and maybe if I ignored it then they would go away.
Another knock, okay, so maybe they are just curious. Then another three more knocks. Fuck it. I get up and walk over to the door coming to the conclusion that whoever this is has no intentions on going away.
When I open the door it’s the last person I expect to ever see standing there.
Corey. My jaw is probably hitting the floor, because I know he’s not here for Mimi, which means he’s here for me.
“Can I come in?” He asks, itching at the back of his head. Wow for the very first time ever he actually spoke in a civil manner. There was no attitude, no snarky or hateful comment. At the same token, warning signals are going off like crazy. Why’s he here? What’s he want? Why’s he being so nice?
“Uh. Yeah sure. Come right in.” I say, nervously. Since he’s being nice I suppose I will be too. I close the door and follow him back over to the living room. He takes a seat across from me, folding his hands in his lap. I look over at him and he looks like he’s going to be sick.
“Are you okay?” I ask, genuinely concerned. I might not like him, but that doesn’t mean I would let him bleed to death on my floor. Hell these are nice wood floors.
“Uh yeah I’m okay. Just this whole thing is awkward for me. You, since we never talk, and well you don’t exactly have a reason to want to talk to me. Fuck. I’m surprised you even answered the door.” He seems to be having a hard time with something or he wouldn’t be here. The only problem is I can’t figure out what that something is.
“Well, you knocked like someone was dying so I figured it was urgent.” I let out a short laugh trying to make the situation a little less awkward.
“Let’s not fuck around here. You know I’m here for a reason and that reason is Mimi.”
Holy fucking shit. Did he honestly just show up to ask me for advice on dealing with my best friend? I needed to go outside and see if hell had frozen over. I never thought I would see the day this man would be asking me for advice.
“Way to get to the point. What about Mimi is it that you’re here for? Because last I checked, you and I didn’t get along.” I can’t hide the anger from my voice.
“It’s about the other night. I feel like I’m being strung along. She kissed me in front of my girlfriend and cornered me. She has been making me feel all these weird unknown and completely fucked up feelings. I hate it. I don’t know if I should fuck her, or strangle her. I’m seriously contemplating the second but I just... it’s fucking frustrating.” His teeth are clenched and I can tell there’s a wrath of fury that Mimi keeps dousing with gasoline. One of these days he’s going to snap, and I think that day is coming.
“I know all about you and Mimi’s long standing off and on again relationship.”
“Whoa, hold the hell up. I’ve never slept with her Jenna. Yeah I’ve kissed her, and wanted to touch her like crazy but I’ve never crossed the line. As for there being a relationship, no way.” Okay, well that puts my mind at ease.
“Okay, well that doesn’t matter really. The cat and mouse game you guys are playing with one another has to be exhausting. She came home crying the other night. I don’t care if you guys want to try and be together, because honestly I’m over anything you did to hurt me. But I refuse to let you hurt her, so listen loud and clear. If you want to try this with her you need to step up as a man, you need to show her what being loved really is. You need to try, no kissing and walking away anymore. You need to prove to her that jumping off the deep end with you is really worth it.” I’m no longer afraid to look him in the eyes, instead of seeing a man who bullied me, I see a man who was just trying his hardest to keep his family together. In reality, him hurting me was helping him ease his own unhappiness.
“I…I… I don’t want to hurt her.” He leans his head on the back of the chair and stares up at the ceiling. His fists are clenched so tight I can see the muscles in his forearms bulge. Whatever it is that’s going on between them is a lot more than they’re both leading on.
“Okay. I want her. I’ve wanted her since we broke up. Not that you weren’t a good girlfriend, but I just knew after everything that happened we never would have worked.”
Wow, way to bruise the ego, though the feeling is mutual. “No hard feelings Corey, but what made you think calling me and Mimi names would draw her to you? What made you think that hurting others would allow you to gain what you wanted? Hell, what made you think that being with this Chelsea girl would bring Mimi closer to you? ” I don’t mean to be a bitch. Actually I do. I can’t help but ask, the questions were just burning a hole in my head.
“You think I don’t know that. At the time I didn’t give a fuck. I tried and told myself that I didn’t want to hurt you, and that
I didn’t want to spread rumors about you. But I did. I lived off of it. It made the pain better. I fed on your tears and anger. It made me feel better about what I was doing. Watching you wither in pain made it that much easier to see my mom every day, knowing that slowly I was seeking revenge for her. I can’t tell you how angry it made me to know your mother caused my family to fall apart. And Chelsea honestly, it was a one-time thing. A one night stand. You can’t tell me she hasn’t had meaningless sex. ” His admission is almost more than I can take. I tried to encompass the pain and sorrow to hide the hurt; and I did for such a long time but talking to him now about it and knowing his intentions opens a whole new door.
My eyes are wide open, and my lips are parted slightly. I want to speak but feel like it will take away from the much needed closure this brings me. I know Corey didn’t come over here to fix things with me, but in him wanting to be with Mimi he has brought me to a point where when he leaves I won’t feel that pain anymore.
“And so, yeah I fucked up. I hurt you, I hurt Mimi. Yeah I’m a fucking failure just like my dad always said. What I did was wrong, and in the end I’m sorry. I’m sorry I put you through so much. I know it wasn’t your fault. I don’t hate you, but I do hate your mom.” His voice grows quiet, the only sound in the room coming from the TV.
“Thanks.” I say smiling. I know Corey and I will never be anything like we use to be, but at the very least we can put this behind us. Dwelling on the past will do nothing for us.
“I’m not saying this because I want to use you. I need your help. I don’t want Mimi to think I’m not interested, but I don’t want her to think I’m fully invested.” Wait… what did he just say? A puzzled look forms on my face, he doesn’t want her to think he’s not interested but he doesn’t want her to become too invested. Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too?
“You understand that makes absolutely zero fucking sense right? Because honestly you can’t have her, but not have her at the same time. She won’t wait for you to figure your shit out. If you don’t want a relationship then don’t even approach the situation.” For a second I figured we were making headway, instead we take ten steps forward and six back.