by Kailin Gow
“You’ll need your strength tonight,” said Octavius. “My love – it will be difficult for you. I know that. You will have to see things that strike you to the core. You will have to make a choice. What you see tonight will be your brother, and yet not your brother. He will know you and yet he will not know you. I can tell you now that even in vampires, the shadow of the former human self is not altogether lost. You will not lose him utterly. But he will be controlled by Molotov. Molotov will speak to his blood, control his every movement. And I don’t know if even you, my dearest, will be able to get past that control. Molotov is a powerful maker; he keeps a tight leash on his progeny.”
“Then…” Kalina’s lips were wobbling. “Then he really is gone.”
“There will be hope for him,” said Octavius. “Stuart will be able to help him through it. He went through the same thing himself. And ultimately he was able to overcome his desires, even while a vampire. Stuart cares for your brother, and your brother for him. He will ease your brother’s path into the underworld. He will smooth out the ways for him…” Octavius sighed. “When the Consortium was alive, it was Stuart who helped the new recruits. Spoke with them. Heard them confess to him what atrocities they had committed. At last helped them overcome their urges.”
Kalina couldn’t help but beam with pride when she heard this. How brave Stuart was – how strong! Now, more than ever, she was able to understand and respect what he had gone through. His struggle was her struggle. His pain was her pain. She too understood the dark and quickening nature of desire.
“He was a great vampire,” she said softly. “And now he is a great man.”
Octavius turned his face from her, but Kalina could see how transparent his envy was spreading across his face. They were connected now – he could hide nothing from her. His nobility was compromised by this fusing of their blood – she knew how he really felt, now. And although he was happy for Stuart, his jealousy knew no bounds.
“But you wish it had been you, don’t you?” Kalina asked. “The one I turned human. Instead of Stuart.”
“Let’s not speak of it,” Octavius waved away her concerns. “It is no matter. Stuart deserved his humanity the most. He wanted it the most.”
“Not you?”
“That was never an option,” Octavius said stiffly. Then he stopped, bringing them to land on a ridge of the mountain, his feet sinking into the soft snow. “Listen to me, Kalina – don’t make this harder for me than it has to be. Of course I wanted you to choose me! I want it still! Why must you torment me this way, knowing I cannot…” He broke off, his savage rage quelling. “I am sorry, Kalina. I did not mean to speak so plainly. But with my blood in you, looking at your beautiful face and knowing it is my blood that runs through those veins – I cannot bring myself to do anything but love you more. I can’t control it. No matter how hard I try.”
Kalina stepped forward decisively and took his face in her hands, kissing him roughly. “Then don’t control it,” she said. “I wanted to choose you. I chose you. You didn’t choose me. We’ve suffered so much, Octavius. Isn’t it time?”
He rubbed her back, enveloping her in his arms. He breathed deep into her soft, perfumed hair. “I have lived thousands of years without giving in,” he said. “Now I want this day with you, Kalina. To comfort you. To comfort myself. Let us give ourselves one day – one day to pretend that we could be happy together. One day to give in…” He bit his lip, biting back his desires. “I can’t stand wanting you so much.”
She nodded.
“This time,” he said. “I will listen to my heart.”
“Where are we going?” Kalina jumped on his back once more as they set flight.
“I know a place near here – far more convenient than a cave or a glade – where we can be alone.” His body was trembling; he knew as well as she did what they had in mind. They flew onwards, north of the mountains, past the snowfall, until they were flying over a lush dark green forest. They flew down alongside a river, coming to rest before a once-beautiful castle, a slightly decrepit yet still-elegant fairy-tale creation that still maintained shades of its former grandeur.
“Where is this?” Kalina stepped towards the gate.
“We’re in the Rhineland,” said Octavius. “This castle used to belong to a friend of mine, the Baron von Blacken. He is dead now. Staked by an Armenian general in the eighteenth century. But he left the Consortium this castle in his will.”
“It’s beautiful,” said Kalina.
“It is a place to rest,” said Octavius.
They entered, their footsteps echoing throughout the empty corridors and wide chambers. There must be servants about, Kalina thought – after all, a place like this required considerable upkeep, and a fire burning in the Great Hall was a testament to some sort of occupation – but they kept their distance. Out of discretion, Kalina thought. Then, with more jealousy – did he bring all his women here?
“Come, my love.” Octavius took her hand and led her upstairs. “The bedroom is this way.”
Chapter 9
Octavius led Kalina up the grand marble stairs. Halfway up the stairs, he picked her up – as lightly, Kalina thought, as if she were but a feather. “We’re going to do this properly,” he growled, kissing her on the forehead. She loved feeling his arms around her; she nuzzled into him as he carried her up to the bedroom.
The room was the most exquisite place she’d ever seen. Silk sheets lined a canopied bed with intricately carved mahogany posts. Medieval tapestries lined the walls, and light poured into the room via a stained glass window with a Gothic point in the corner. Renaissance wardrobes, ornately designed and carved, lined one of the walls; Persian and Turkish carpets covered the floor. A roaring fire heated the room.
“For a princess,” Octavius whispered. “For my princess.” He laid her down gently on the bed. Kalina could feel the blue silk – so exquisitely soft – caressing her skin. She closed her eyes and let his mouth find its object. He kissed her gently at first, his lips lightly touching her forehead, her eyelids, her cheeks, her nose. When his mouth found hers the kiss grew rougher, more passionate. His mouth grew hungry; her hunger responded to his. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him to her. She moaned softly as he nipped at her lower lips; she sighed as he swiftly removed her dressing gown.
“You must have been so cold,” he whispered. “Wearing nothing but this all night.” But now she was wearing nothing but lingerie, letting his mouth trace the contours of her bra and panties. She shivered with delight mingled with trepidation.
“Octavius…” she began. “I have to tell you something.”
“What is it?”
“I’ve never done this before.”
He looked up in confusion. “But Stuart…”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “It wasn’t like that with him. I couldn’t. I mean – I could, but I couldn’t bring myself to… It wasn’t that I didn’t want to. I can’t explain it. It didn’t feel right. Octavius, it feels right now.” He was kissing her neck, his mouth hot upon her cool skin. She leaned back and arched her spine as his tongue found its way to the rounded cup of her breasts. “You smell so good,” he moaned. “Still, even after Molotov drained you, you manage to smell so enticing. It’s driving me mad. You’re regenerating, my love, I can smell it. Your Life’s Blood is returning to you, driving out my blood and replacing it with your own. Normal humans – they cannot regenerate – but you…” He kissed her veins, running his tongue up and down the blue snakelike lines. Kalina shuddered with pleasure. “You are the rarest of all Carriers, Kalina,” he whispered. “You’re so beautiful, so special – there is nobody like you in the world. Nor has there been anyone I have met like you. Not in two thousand years.”
Kalina was trembling as she felt her body react to his lips, his touch. She wanted him so badly; she could think of nothing but her desire.
“Then have me, Octavius.” She sat up and stared at him. His dark eyes looked into hers, pierc
ing her with their intense gaze. “Have me – right here, right now. If you can’t turn human, Octavius, then I want you to turn me. Justin won’t have to go through it alone. Please. If you turn me, I’ll be immortal – I’ll be safe. I have these vampire abilities now, with my blood, but it’s not enough. You know it isn’t enough, Octavius. I can’t stand being afraid any longer. Being weak. Being vulnerable. I’ve already lost Justin. I can’t stand to lose Stuart too…”
At the mention of Stuart’s name, Kalina saw Octavius flinch.
“I couldn’t help Justin, Octavius,” Kalina said. “When I went into the restaurant with Stuart, I sensed something was wrong. But I didn’t know what. If I’d been a vampire, I would have known. Would have sensed that it was Molotov’s presence. I would have been able to do something, to stop it from happening...” Her voice quivered. “To stop Molotov from killing my brother. My Life’s Blood got in the way – made me weak with desire, made me go off with Stuart.”
And yet as Kalina spoke, her fierce desire gave way instead to intense sadness. Killing my brother, she had said. And it was true. Justin was dead – gone. The pain echoed through her, and all the caresses and sweet kisses in the world could not hide his absence. She felt it as she would feel a knife-wound.
“Oh, my Kalina,” murmured Octavius, drawing her close. He nuzzled her hair. “My love, my darling, my angel…”
“Please,” said Kalina. “What do I have to stay human for? Nobody needs me to be human now. Justin was the only one. My link to the real world, the human world. To being just an ordinary Calloway from Rutherford, California – to being anyone but this Carrier. This mythical creature. And I let him die, Octavius! And he died for me. Not a vampire, not any supernatural creature – just a human being trying to do the right thing. And now he’s destined to suffer a fate worse than death – and I can’t even hope that my blood will be able to save him. I can’t turn him back!”
“My darling…”
She sobbed into Octavius’ shoulder, the full force of Justin’s death hitting her at last. “Molotov will control him now…” Tears fell fast and freely. “Please, turn me. Turn me!”
“You know I can’t.”
“You won’t.”
“I won’t.”
He brushed the hair out of her face.
“Then make me forget,” she said. Her voice shook. “Use compulsion – make the pain stop. Make me forget I ever had a brother – it would be better than this. Anything would be better than this.”
He stroked her softly. “No, my love. I won’t do that, either. Your love for Justin will live beyond him – do not act so rashly. Believe me, I want nothing in the world more than to spare you pain. But I cannot do what you ask. I love you too much to turn you – or to make you forget. These are easy ways out – but they are paths to darkness.”
“But if he turns – Justin, I mean…we’ll have to stake him,” Kalina sobbed harder. “And Octavius, I don’t think I can…”
“I’ll never make you do that,” said Octavius. “It will not fall to you to make that choice, that impossible choice. I promise you that.”
Kalina looked up at him with wide eyes. “Then you will?”
“I will do whatever I have to do to keep you safe. And I won’t let you have Justin’s blood on your hands.”
“It’s already there,” Kalina whispered. “Oh, Octavius – don’t you see? It’s already there!”
She sobbed herself to sleep, and as the sun crested over the castle ramparts, marking high noon, she at last fell into drowsy, exhausted oblivion. Octavius watched her sleep, stroking her hair and pressing his lips to her forehead. Letting her cry it all out. It was better that she slept, he reasoned – better that she did not feel this pain. She would have to feel it all the more keenly when she woke. Yes, Octavius knew – he would have to kill Justin as soon as he woke up. It was the only way to save him. Every moment that Justin spent alive and conscious as a vampire was a moment during which Justin would suffer unimaginable torment. Better to stake Justin just as he awakened to this new life, preventing him from ever truly understanding what a vile beast he had become.
Octavius stood, tucking Kalina gently into bed. How beautiful she was, he thought, her half-naked body sparkling as the light of the early afternoon streamed through the stained glass window. Her cool, pale skin made all the whiter by her black lingerie. He wanted to press his lips to the neatly embroidered lace. But he let her sleep. Better to stifle his own desires, he knew, than to wake her and force her to contend with her loss anew.
Octavius went to the adjacent room, filling an enormous marble bathtub with hot water. His muscles ached just looking at the tub, which took up half the room, standing on gold-plated claw-feet. It had been days since he was able to take a hot bath – he had spent so long in the Alps, growing sweaty and tired as they searched in vain for the Carriers. His contacts in St. Petersburg had told him that Olga had been spotted around here, but more he did not know. He was beginning to despair. Their food and water would begin to run out soon – they were running out of time.
He removed his dressing gown and sank his muscular frame into the water, feeling its warmth against his skin, imagining it was not water at all but a lithe female frame. Her frame.
He had felt her pain the moment Molotov showed up at the inn. He had known immediately that things were too dangerous, that he needed to get there in the space a human heartbeat – to save her. But he had failed her. He had not come in time. He had been a fool to send her so far away – he should have kept her and Stuart near, under his protection. He had protected his own heart – so sure he would not be able to see Kalina under his roof, married to Stuart – but at what price? Had he been less selfish, he wondered grimly, had he kept Kalina with him, succumbed to the pain of wanting her, then would Justin still be alive?
At least he had saved Kalina. He could be glad of that. He knew her blood was valuable, but he wouldn’t put it past Molotov to kill her all the same, sacrificing money for honor: Kalina had been instrumental in destroying Molotov’s Mongolian stronghold, and Molotov knew that it was almost as important to execute her as it was profitable to keep her alive. She had destabilized the region – bringing hope to the hopeless, a chance at life for all the humans kept in Molotov’s brutal “farms” for feeding.
Octavius closed his eyes, letting the sensation of the hot water wash over him. Of course, Molotov would come back once he had recovered. He would try to harm Kalina again. And Stuart, being human, was not sufficient company to protect her. He would have to be close by her at all times – fighting against his desire and love for her every step of the way. But how, he wondered, could he bear it?
Chapter 10
Octavius couldn't take his mind off her. As he soaped himself down, scrubbing the sweat from his skin, he imagined that she was there with him. Even being this far from her – she was only in the other room – was torture. He needed her, needed her with a craving stronger even than his craving for blood. How beautiful she was – how unique. Like a rare gem: the only one in the world. But she wasn't safe, he knew. Such a rare gemstone as she had to be protected. Even now, she was not safe. She had turned Stuart, but if she hadn't yet consummated her love for him, her blood would still be effective – and that meant that her blood would still send out a powerful scent to any vampires in the nearby radius looking to make a profit off her. He knew that Kalina's actions in Mongolia against Molotov had only added to her fame – vampires from Geneva to Moscow were talking about her. Who was this strange girl – who could turn vampires to human, who could fight like a vampire but sleep and eat like a human? In her, as in no Carrier before him, the true dream of the old Chinese doctor had been realized. At last, humans were able to fight back against vampires with the same abilities as vampires themselves. It had taken thousands of years, but the old doctor's legacy was finally here. She was just like a vampire in all her strengths, but had none of their weaknesses. After all, Octavius thought, Kalina had exhibited
no signs of the blood-craving that caused so many vampires to go out of control.
He had not allowed himself to hope that Kalina would go back on her choice – he had resigned himself to living without her, to letting her go off with Stuart. He had dismissed any stirrings in his heart as misguided hope, a barrier against despair. But now he knew, as he sank deeper into the water, that he had always known it deep down: Kalina would never have been happy settling into a normal life, going to college, getting married young. She was destined for so much more. She was brilliant – beautiful – charismatic – she had so much to look forward to in her human life. But Kalina was so much more than just human. Her destiny was great, he knew. But would her destiny be linked with his?
Octavius stirred in surprise as he felt a hand upon his back, scrubbing his calloused flesh with a washcloth. It was a calming sensation – one to which he had grown accustomed. The servants here were trained for their discretion and for their skill in the sensual arts – the vampires who came through here needed all their desires satisfied.