BOUND

by Akeroyd, Serena

  Everyone was revolted. She was revolting.

  Nobody would ever understand.

  Nobody.

  Sobs ripped from her, as she struggled, but he refused to let go. If anything, his arms tightened around her even more. "Stop it. Lucia! Stop it," he commanded.

  At first, she ignored him, but with her flailing limbs, her attempts to strike out at him, her struggles tired her, and his hold was so firm, so secure, that she came to realize he'd never let her go. Unlike with Josiah, the idea didn't completely petrify her.

  "I'm not disgusted with you, dammit," he snapped when she eventually settled into him, more out of fatigue than trust. "I'm furious. Absolutely fucking enraged. If the bastard wasn't dead already, he would be today." He sucked in a breath, this one sounding a little calmer than before. "Nobody, and I mean nobody, will ever hurt you again. Do you hear me? Nobody. I won't let them. You're safe with me, princess."

  For a second, she was sure her ears weren't working, and then, when the words penetrated, and she finally understood them, the tears flowed.

  She'd never been safe from this man. Never, and now, he was telling her that safety was a part and parcel of knowing him.

  It wasn't his arrogance that made her feel secure. For the first time in a lifetime. It was the fact she knew he meant every word, and that if an edict from the Lobos' leader went out, she was untouchable.

  The notion made her tremble.

  The only person to try to protect her apart from Pops and her Grandma was this hardened gang lord. A murderer, a breaker of laws. Not her parents, who'd been more concerned about their careers than their daughter. Not friends, who had disappeared after they'd graduated ahead of her.

  Martinez wanted to keep her safe.

  Considering his men were the only ones who had ever managed to catch her unaware, the notion was remarkably freeing.

  “I'm sorry, Martinez,” she whispered, her lips pressing into the sinews of his throat.

  “What for? You didn't do anything you had to apologize for.”

  She trembled. “For this. Tonight. I had no right to do this to you.”

  “It was a straight swap,” he comforted.

  “That doesn't make it right. You didn't want this. Any of it.”

  “No, but you don't want to be topped, either.”

  There was a weird note to his voice that had her pulling away to study him. His features were blank, too blank. Even though he usually wore a controlled look, there was always some emotion there. In his eyes, the brown would lighten with flecks of gold when he was happy. Anger would make his lips flatten out, his nostrils flare—she'd spent nearly all of her guard duty studying this man. She knew what made him tick, and in this, the lack of anything, well, it had her frowning.

  “You never intended to go through with tomorrow, did you?”

  His smile was sheepish. A wry twist of the lips that made her want to kiss them. “No.”

  “Why the hell not?” Before he could answer, she closed her eyes. “Because of what you read. You don't want me like that anymore. That's why you couldn't get a hard-on, isn't it?”

  “Shit, Lucia. For one intelligent and capable woman, you sure as hell can't string a thought together.” He glowered at her. “Yes, all right, what I read did make a difference. Why wouldn't it? I wouldn't be human if I didn't read what you went through and react. I've done some crappy shit in my time, but I'm still human. Just. When I saw what you went through, I knew that what I'd fantasized with you was impossible.”

  “You had fantasies about me?”

  “Now you're just fishing for compliments.”

  A small smile cracked through the horrible sorrow of earlier. “Maybe.”

  “Definitely. Look, you know I did. The minute you turned up in the ranks, I noticed you. It was hard, hiding it I mean. Especially from Matteo. He seems to sense these things, and he knows I don't agree with us fucking within the gang. Just the uppers, that is. If I'd shown any attraction to you, he'd have used it to wrangle his way out of another rule. He can be a little shit at times.” He paused, taking a second to tighten his embrace around her. “I imagined doing things to you I'd never done to a woman. Never wanted to.”

  “Why?” she whispered, unsure whether to be offended or pleased.

  “I don't know,” he admitted. “No. That's a lie. I wanted to do everything with you. And that's the God's honest truth. I didn't realize until yesterday. When I went down that list and saw everything there was to do. It wasn't about fantasizing about topping you, dominating you, it's that...” He sighed. “You embody every single one of my needs, my desires.”

  “Oh, Martinez.”

  “No, let me finish. I wanted to go through with this tonight, even though I knew neither of us were ready for it. I hoped that if you felt the same way for me, you'd realize it too.”

  She blinked, her lashes felt clogged with moisture, and her eyes ached with soreness. “Who you are has always attracted me. Not what you do or your job. If anything, that position jerked around with my belief system in a way that had me questioning everything. But you're more than just a leader of a gang, you're Martinez. You're strong, fierce. Powerful. Yes, you're dominant, but around you, I don't feel submissive. I feel strong, too. Like that's what you want from me. I thought that was what you wanted to tame, but seeing you...like that—” She pulled in a breath and continued.

  “Ever since Josiah, I've not been able to contemplate the idea of sex. Just the idea of it was enough to revolt me. But, I still had needs. I figured if I was in charge, then I'd be able to control it from the first second to the last. So, I went to some clubs, looked into the FemDom scene, and it seemed to be exactly what I needed. I knew what I wanted to do, and it's been on my mind for so long, that I just slotted you into that picture. But the instant I did it, I just felt like, well, I just felt like you were me, and I was Josiah.”

  “You're nothing like that bastard. Do you hear me? That sick son of a bitch and you have nothing in common. Querida, do you think, back in Brooklyn, if I hadn't have liked what you were doing to me, I'd have had an erection? Like today, I didn't. But I did back then.

  “I was so pissed off, but babe, I was horny as fuck. You did that to me. I manipulated you the other day, and I wish there'd been another way, but I knew what I wanted to happen when I came here, and I'm sorry, but I did make this happen. It wasn't until yesterday, though, that I understood why the hell I did.” He cleared his throat. “Can you forgive me?”

  “What? For making me think I'd raped you?” She huffed, the sound was muffled against his throat. “Yeah. I forgive you.”

  “Just like that?”

  “Just like that. You let me do this to you—” She wriggled her shoulders, indicating the still bound arms that embraced her. “—and you did it without complaint. That night in Brooklyn didn't feel like force, but this, tonight, did. That's why you confused me the other night. It felt so good back in the city. When you said I'd forced it, I just...I thought it was something else I'd disassociated.”

  He pressed a kiss to her temple then nuzzled his nose into her hair. “I'm sorry that I made you cry.”

  “I think I needed to,” she whispered. “I think I needed to be broken again. They tried to heal me. My parents had me see so many fucking doctors, all of them trying to stitch me back together again, but I needed to see what I've become, what I've been reduced to. And seeing that my desires, inadvertently, were like what Josiah had done to me—tied me down, even with the same goddamn wrist bindings, coiled me in rope around the hips…” She felt moisture prick her eyes again. “I've never felt so low. So wrong. I know I'm fucked up. I know, the stuff I can do, it isn't normal. I'm a monster, but until now, until I did that to you, I've never really felt like one before.”

  “You're not a monster,” he murmured into her hair. “I used to think you were, but you're an incredible creature who has managed to come out of that trauma alive and kicking. Coping wherever you can, however you can. I'm proud to
know you, Lucia.”

  While her throat thickened yet again with tears, she shook her head. “I know what I am, Martinez, and I have to embrace it, because it's a part of my nature. I can kill people. I can hurt them, all without feeling any remorse if I think they're unworthy of justice. That’s what I am, and if I don't embrace it, it will just eat me up from the inside out. Instead, maybe I can step away from it. Make this a new chapter of my life.”

  He sighed, the gust of air making the hair at her temple dance and tickle her sensitized skin. “You can't tell anyone this, not a soul. If you do, it will fuck up the leadership at the Lobos, and however I feel now, it's still important to me.”

  “You know my biggest, and darkest, secrets, Martinez. You can trust me with yours.”

  “I don't want this to be my life anymore. I want to leave the gang.”

  “You want to quit?”

  “Yeah. Angela is heading for college next year. I only created the gang as a way to protect my family, and now that's done, I'm done.” He shrugged, the move jostled her in his arms. “You putting Matteo in jail fucked up my plans. I intended to dump it in his lap.”

  “Sorry,” she mumbled.

  “No need. He deserved it. He knows how I run the Lobos, he shouldn’t have sided with Rico over me.” Lucia nuzzled her face against his cheek to comfort him, and from his low, shaky sigh, she thought he liked it. “I'm thinking about preparing Juan, but I'll have to see what the next year brings. He's young. He might not be ready for such a role.”

  “I like Juan,” she told him earnestly. “He's a good man. But, you have some good guys to choose from. I sorted the wheat from the chaff for you. If they're still around and not in jail, then they're decent. Well, apart from Rico.”

  He chuckled. “So I should be thanking you?”

  She peered up at him, her nose wrinkling. “Not thanking me, but you know, maybe being a smidgen appreciative?”

  Martinez rolled his eyes.

  “Where does that leave us if you want to leave the gang?” She nibbled her lip. “That is, if there is an us?”

  “What do you think?” He frowned at her then mumbled, “I guess getting you to trust in me, in us, will take time. But, the major question is, do you like it here?”

  “Dorman?”

  “Yeah.”

  Lucia nodded. “I do.”

  “There's an option to buy this property. I can set Juan onto it.” His cheeks flushed when she stared at him, eyes wide. “I checked when I saw how much you liked the house yesterday. I thought you were going to start drooling in the library.”

  “You'd want to live here?”

  Her astonishment had her gawking at him, and as she did, she realized his cheeks had flown into an all-out blush. Charmed, because in all the situations she'd seen him in, she'd never seen this. Lucia watched as he fumbled through his words.

  “I've always wanted to own some land. Tend it, farm it.” He jerked his shoulders in embarrassment.

  Even more enchanted by this side of him, she whispered, “You want to be a farmer?” When he licked his lips then nodded, she stopped letting him embrace her and cuddled into him. “I think you'd make a great farmer.”

  “You do?”

  She hid her smile at his wary eagerness. A strange contrast. She knew he wanted to believe her, but was frightened at sharing something so peculiar, yet something that meant a lot to him.

  Lucia guessed gang lords didn't drop out of the field to go and grow cabbages.

  Not often, at any rate.

  She told him gently, “I do.”

  “You could keep on with the paper, and I could do my thing here. We wouldn't be in each other's pockets. You'd have your own time, your own space. And until I sorted out the leadership at Lobos, I'd like you to live here. It's safe. The property is loaded down with alarm systems that will protect you. It's one of the reasons I asked Juan to rent it.”

  “What? You mean the fact it belongs in an Ideal Home magazine wasn't a big enough advantage?”

  He snorted. “Oh yeah, the color of the walls really helps me sleep better at night.”

  “I'll agree to stay here if you tell me how the hell you sneaked into my flat and stayed hidden. And Hernandez and Montoya too.”

  A grin lightened his face. “We were on the fire escape. Nothing majorly Magic Circle.”

  “Bullshit. I checked.”

  “Yeah, but not the floor up or down.”

  “But I did.”

  “No, you didn't. If you had, you'd have seen us. You peered out.”

  She frowned. “I'm sure I didn't.”

  “And I'm sure you did. I somehow made it into your place, so I figure I'm right.”

  “What about Montoya?”

  He shrugged. “Said he jimmied open a lock. If your office wasn't open to the apartment above, they wouldn't have been able to get to you. Why do you think I want you staying here?”

  “I didn't really intend on having gang hit men find me. This place is so safe, no one locks their doors!”

  “Well, that's obviously bullshit because this place is loaded with security.”

  She sniffed. “Well, most ranch houses aren't like this.”

  “True,” he conceded with a quick smile.

  Lucia smiled back. From being utterly miserable to feeling safe, the contrast was enough to make her feel like a big vat of chocolate fondue. “Are you ready to let me cut you loose?”

  “I didn't fancy spending the night with my wrists accidentally slashed,” he confided with a chuckle. “You seemed steadier around my hips, and because my cock wasn't in the way, I didn't fear for it, but I knew you were getting out of control when you came to free my hands.”

  “I'm sorry,” she told him, genuinely.

  “I know, and if you say that any more times, I really will have to spank you. I forced this, Lucia. I'm the one who should be saying sorry.”

  She wriggled out of his grasp and reached for the scissors. This time, she managed to cut through the hemp without too much difficulty, and as she uncoiled the final piece of rope from his wrists, she curled her hand about his and rested it against her cheek.

  “Thank you,” she whispered, eyelids fluttering to a close.

  “You have to thank me later.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I'm going to fuck you now, and you're going to love it.”

  Her eyes flared wide. “I don't think I'm ready for that, Martinez.”

  “You're more than ready, Lucia. Don't let Josiah win. Let me make this good for you. Let me turn this night around, and make you remember what sex should be like.”

  Terror cascaded through her, hurt and rage alongside it. Control, he wanted to control her. And then, gradually, as he just looked at her, still lying flat against the sheets, exerting no pressure on her, she realized control was no longer an issue.

  This was about more than who fucked whom.

  This was about more.

  It was Martinez and Lucia, behaving like a normal, everyday couple when they were anything but.

  Still terrified, she nodded, knowing that this was the only man she'd ever trust again, and if that didn't count for something, nothing did.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Freedom hadn't been as beautiful as they'd thought.

  Locked in a garage on a long row of garages, there had been no one about. No one to help them. There had been only one car in the vicinity, and both of them had prayed it had been Josiah's.

  The luck that had abandoned them the night they entered Josiah's sphere of awareness seemed to be making up for their treatment. Because the car key had been on the ring they'd snatched from the door.

  Naked, they'd clambered into the vehicle and had driven out of the lot onto the main freeway. Two traffic cops had been sequestered by a hedge, watching out for unknowing speeders. Seeing them, Lucia had braked to a halt and had finally broken down.

  She'd sobbed. And sobbed, and sobbed, until her dehydrated body had no liquid left to
weep. All the while, the stranger, a woman named Victoria, had garbled on as she'd been doing since Josiah had kidnapped her, and told the befuddled cops what was going on.

  Hours later, tucked in a hospital gown, poked and prodded, cared for and treatments applied, she was in bed. Another hospital gurney, only this time, it had a mattress.

  The words of the nurses and the doctors whispered on around her. She heard them, their mumbles, their faint whooshes of incensed air as they uncovered her injuries. And then, she heard their outrage. Tilting her head to the side, she saw a trolley dash in and knew Josiah was on it.

  Whether he was unconscious or not, she didn't know. But she wasn't upset that he was in the same hospital as her. She might have been had she not seen one thing.

  The cuffs.

  He was tied to his bed. He would never know peace now.

  And with that knowledge in mind, she finally closed her eyes and slept.

  * * *

  “Oh, dear God.”

  “Hush, Lorna. For Christ's sake, she'll hear you.”

  Those words probably weren't the best ones to wake up to, but they had a smile creasing Lucia's jaw. Only her grandfather could chide her mother and get away with it. The assistant DA was more used to ass-licking than hesitation. Only, Pops didn't particularly appreciate that brand of flavor.

  “Pops,” she whispered. Eyes bleary, she managed to focus on the four people surrounding her bed. She only really saw two, though. “Grandma.”

  She didn't have to hold out shaking hands because they were holding them already, squeezing tightly as though they could imbue her with their own strength.

  “Well done, baby girl,” Pops murmured, lifting her fingers to his mouth. “You did it. That girl, she told the cops, you got that son of a bitch.”

  “I never stopped trying,” she murmured, squinting up at the bright lights. “I had to get away.”

  “You did it. You're here. With us,” Grandma replied, leaning over to press a kiss to her forehead. She smelled of the godawful perfume she loved, Opium, but it had never smelled so good.