by Wells, Steve
11 And Manoah arose, and went after his wife, and came to the man, and said unto him, Art thou the man that spakest unto the woman? And he said, I am.
12 And Manoah said, Now let thy words come to pass. How shall we order the child, and how shall we do unto him?
13 And the angel of the LORD said unto Manoah, Of all that I said unto the woman let her beware.
14 She may not eat of any thing that cometh of the vine, neither let her drink wine or strong drink, nor eat any unclean thing: all that I commanded her let her observe.
15 And Manoah said unto the angel of the LORD, I pray thee, let us detain thee, until we shall have made ready a kid for thee.
16 And the angel of the LORD said unto Manoah, Though thou detain me, I will not eat of thy bread: and if thou wilt offer a burnt offering, thou must offer it unto the LORD. For Manoah knew not that he was an angel of the LORD.
17 And Manoah said unto the angel of the LORD, What is thy name, that when thy sayings come to pass we may do thee honour?
18 And the angel of the LORD said unto him, Why askest thou thus after my name, seeing it is secret?
(13.18) “Why askest thou thus after my name, seeing it is secret?” The impregnating angel had a secret name. (Clarence?, 007?, agent 99?)
19 So Manoah took a kid with a meat offering, and offered it upon a rock unto the LORD: and the angel did wondrously; and Manoah and his wife looked on.
(13.19) “Manoah took a kid with a meat offering, and offered it upon a rock unto the LORD.”
20 For it came to pass, when the flame went up toward heaven from off the altar, that the angel of the LORD ascended in the flame of the altar. And Manoah and his wife looked on it, and fell on their faces to the ground.
(13.20) “The angel of the LORD ascended in the flame of the altar. And Manoah and his wife … fell on their faces.”
21 But the angel of the LORD did no more appear to Manoah and to his wife. Then Manoah knew that he was an angel of the LORD.
22 And Manoah said unto his wife, We shall surely die, because we have seen God.
(13.22) “We shall surely die, because we have seen God.”
49 Can God be seen?
23 But his wife said unto him, If the LORD were pleased to kill us, he would not have received a burnt offering and a meat offering at our hands, neither would he have shewed us all these things, nor would as at this time have told us such things as these.
(13.24-25) Samson was one of the vilest of all the vile Bible heroes; yet he was especially blessed by God.
24 And the woman bare a son, and called his name Samson: and the child grew, and the LORD blessed him.
(13.24) “And the woman bare a son, and called his name Samson … the LORD blessed him.”
25 And the Spirit of the LORD began to move him at times in the camp of Dan between Zorah and Eshtaol.
(13.25) “The Spirit of the LORD began to move him at times.”
JUDGES 14
(14.1-3) The first thing the Bible tells us about Samson is this:
14 And Samson went down to Timnath, and saw a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines.
(14.1) “Samson … saw a woman … of the daughters of the Philistines.”
2 And he came up, and told his father and his mother, and said, I have seen a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines: now therefore get her for me to wife.
3 Then his father and his mother said unto him, Is there never a woman among the daughters of thy brethren, or among all my people, that thou goest to take a wife of the uncircumcised Philistines? And Samson said unto his father, Get her for me; for she pleaseth me well.
(14.3) “And Samson said unto his father, Get her for me; for she pleaseth me well.”
4 But his father and his mother knew not that it was of the LORD, that he sought an occasion against the Philistines: for at that time the Philistines had dominion over Israel.
(14.4a) Now Samson’s parents were a bit troubled by this, since they knew how crazy God gets when an Israelite even thinks about marrying a non-Israelite. But they didn’t know that Samson’s lust for the Philistine woman was “of the Lord.” It was all a part of God’s plan for killing Philistines.
(14.4b) “But his father and his mother knew not that it was of the LORD, that he sought an occasion against the Philistines.”
(14.5-6) Samson was on his way to visit his new Philistine girlfriend when “the Spirit of the Lord came mightily” upon him, and he ripped up a young lion.
5 Then went Samson down, and his father and his mother, to Timnath, and came to the vineyards of Timnath: and, behold, a young lion roared against him.
(14.5) “Behold, a young lion roared against him.”
6 And the Spirit of the LORD came mightily upon him, and he rent him as he would have rent a kid, and he had nothing in his hand: but he told not his father or his mother what he had done.
(14.6) “And the Spirit of the LORD came mightily upon him, and he rent him as he would have rent a kid.”
(14.7-9) When he arrived at his Philistine girlfriend’s place, “she pleased Samson well.” Then he returned home. On his way he saw the lion carcass, which was covered with bees and filled with honey (a meaningless miracle—or just rotting flesh and maggots?) and Samson ate some of it. He liked it so much that he took a few handfuls home to feed to his parents. (He didn’t tell them where it came from.)
7 And he went down, and talked with the woman; and she pleased Samson well.
(14.7) “She pleased Samson well.”
8 And after a time he returned to take her, and he turned aside to see the carcase of the lion: and, behold, there was a swarm of bees and honey in the carcase of the lion.
(14.8) “He turned aside to see the carcase of the lion: And, Behold, there was a swarm of bees and honey in the carcase of the lion.”
9 And he took thereof in his hands, and went on eating, and came to his father and mother, and he gave them, and they did eat: but he told not them that he had taken the honey out of the carcase of the lion.
(14.9) “And he took thereof in his hands, and went on eating, and came to his father and mother, and he gave them, and they did eat: but he told not them that he had taken the honey out of the carcase of the lion.”
(14.10-14) The Bible doesn’t actually say so, but I guess Samson married he Philistine woman that pleased him well. Then he had a week-long party with thirty of his new-found Philistine friends.
At the party, Samson told a riddle. Whoever can figure it out before the week of partying is over will get 30 sheets and 30 garments. But whoever can’t will have to give Samuel 30 sheets and 30 garments. Here’s the riddle: “Out of the eater came forth meat, and out of the strong came forth sweetness.”
10 So his father went down unto the woman: and Samson made there a feast; for so used the young men to do.
(14.10) “Samson made there a feast.”
11 And it came to pass, when they saw him, that they brought thirty companions to be with him.
(14.11) “They brought thirty companions to be with him.”
12 And Samson said unto them, I will now put forth a riddle unto you: if ye can certainly declare it me within the seven days of the feast, and find it out, then I will give you thirty sheets and thirty change of garments:
(14.12) “And Samson said unto them, I will now put forth a riddle unto you: if ye can certainly declare it me within the seven days of the feast … I will give you thirty sheets and thirty change of garments.”
13 But if ye cannot declare it me, then shall ye give me thirty sheets and thirty change of garments. And they said unto him, Put forth thy riddle, that we may hear it.
(14.13) “But if ye cannot declare it me, then shall ye give me thirty sheets and thirty change of garments.”
14 And he said unto them, Out of the eater came forth meat, and out of the strong came forth sweetness. And they could not in three days expound the riddle.
(14.14) “And he said unto them, Out of
the eater came forth meat, and out of the strong came forth sweetness.”
(14.15-17) Samson’s party buddies took the riddle seriously. They tell Samson’s new Philistine wife to tell them the answer to the riddle or they’ll burn her house down. After crying in front of Samson for seven days, she finally got the answer from Samson, and she told the guys at the party.
15 And it came to pass on the seventh day, that they said unto Samson’s wife, Entice thy husband, that he may declare unto us the riddle, lest we burn thee and thy father’s house with fire: have ye called us to take that we have? is it not so?
(14.15) “Entice thy husband, that he may declare unto us the riddle, lest we burn thee and thy father’s house with fire.”
16 And Samson’s wife wept before him, and said, Thou dost but hate me, and lovest me not: thou hast put forth a riddle unto the children of my people, and hast not told it me. And he said unto her, Behold, I have not told it my father nor my mother, and shall I tell it thee?
17 And she wept before him the seven days, while their feast lasted: and it came to pass on the seventh day, that he told her, because she lay sore upon him: and she told the riddle to the children of her people.
(14.17) “She wept before him the seven days … and … on the seventh day … he told her … and she told the riddle to … her people.”
18 And the men of the city said unto him on the seventh day before the sun went down, What is sweeter than honey? and what is stronger than a lion? And he said unto them, If ye had not plowed with my heifer, ye had not found out my riddle.
(14.18) So Samson didn’t get his 30 sets of sheets and garments, and he was pissed off about it. He said if they hadn’t of “plowed with his heifer” they’d have never found out the riddle.
(14.18) “If ye had not plowed with my heifer, ye had not found out my riddle.”
19 And the Spirit of the LORD came upon him, and he went down to Ashkelon, and slew thirty men of them, and took their spoil, and gave change of garments unto them which expounded the riddle. And his anger was kindled, and he went up to his father’s house.
(14.19) The Spirit of the Lord comes upon Samson and he murders 30 men for their clothes
Then the Spirit of the Lord came upon Samson, and he killed 30 men at random, took their clothes, and gave it to the guys at the party as a prize for guessing his riddle. (Samson might have been a decent person if he could have kept the spirit of the Lord off him.)
God’s 53rd Killing
(14.19) “The Spirit of the LORD came upon him, and he went down to Ashkelon, and slew thirty men … and gave change of garments unto them which expounded the riddle.”
20 But Samson’s wife was given to his companion, whom he had used as his friend.
(14.20) Then after all that, Samson’s wife was given to the best man.
(14.20) “But Samson’s wife was given to his companion, whom he had used as his friend.”
JUDGES 15
15 But it came to pass within a while after, in the time of wheat harvest, that Samson visited his wife with a kid; and he said, I will go in to my wife into the chamber. But her father would not suffer him to go in.
(15.1) After the spirit of the Lord came upon Samson and he murdered 30 men for their clothes, he went to his wife’s house for some sex. He even brought a young goat along to pay for her services.
(15.1a) “Samson visited his wife with a kid; and he said, I will go in to my wife into the chamber.”
(15.1b-2) Then Samson’s father-in-law had to tell him the bad news: he had given Samson’s wife to one of his Philistine friends because he thought Samson “hated” her. He suggested that Samson take his younger daughter instead, saying the younger one’s prettier anyway.
(15.1b) “But her father would not suffer him to go in.”
2 And her father said, I verily thought that thou hadst utterly hated her; therefore I gave her to thy companion: is not her younger sister fairer than she? take her, I pray thee, instead of her.
(15.2) “Her father said, I verily thought that thou hadst utterly hated her; therefore I gave her to thy companion: is not her younger sister fairer than she? take her, I pray thee, instead of her.”
3 And Samson said concerning them, Now shall I be more blameless than the Philistines, though I do them a displeasure.
(15.4-5) But Samson didn’t want his wife’s little sister. He wanted his wife back, because, as you’ll recall, “she pleased Samson well.” So Samson had an idea, an idea that only one of God’s special heroes could come up with. He’d catch 300 foxes, tie their tails together, light them on fire, and set them loose in the Philistine’s grain fields.
4 And Samson went and caught three hundred foxes, and took firebrands, and turned tail to tail, and put a firebrand in the midst between two tails.
(15.4) “Samson went and caught three hundred foxes, and took firebrands, and turned tail to tail, and put a firebrand in the midst between two tails.”
5 And when he had set the brands on fire, he let them go into the standing corn of the Philistines, and burnt up both the shocks, and also the standing corn, with the vineyards and olives.
(15.5) “When he had set the brands on fire, he let them go into the standing corn of the Philistines.”
6 Then the Philistines said, Who hath done this? And they answered, Samson, the son in law of the Timnite, because he had taken his wife, and given her to his companion. And the Philistines came up, and burnt her and her father with fire.
(15.6) But it didn’t work out as planned. After the burning foxes destroyed the fields, the Philistines didn’t give Samson his wife back; they burned her and her father to death.
(15.6) “Then the Philistines said, Who hath done this? And they answered, Samson … because he had taken his wife, and given her to his companion. And the Philistines came up, and burnt her and her father with fire.”
7 And Samson said unto them, Though ye have done this, yet will I be avenged of you, and after that I will cease.
8 And he smote them hip and thigh with a great slaughter: and he went down and dwelt in the top of the rock Etam.
(15.7-8) In response, Samson smote the Philistines “hip and thigh” with a great slaughter. (I’m not including this killing on God’s list, since the Bible doesn’t tell us that “the Spirit of the Lord came upon him” or otherwise imply that God was involved.)
(15.7-8) “Samson … smote them hip and thigh with a great slaughter.”
9 Then the Philistines went up, and pitched in Judah, and spread themselves in Lehi.
10 And the men of Judah said, Why are ye come up against us? And they answered, To bind Samson are we come up, to do to him as he hath done to us.
(15.11-16) The Spirit of the Lord came upon Samson and he killed 1000 men with the jawbone of an ass
Then 3000 men of Judah came, tied him up, and took him to the Philistines. When they delivered Samson “the Spirit of the Lord came upon him” and he broke the ropes and killed 1000 men with the jawbone of an ass.
God’s 54th Killing
11 Then three thousand men of Judah went to the top of the rock Etam, and said to Samson, Knowest thou not that the Philistines are rulers over us? what is this that thou hast done unto us? And he said unto them, As they did unto me, so have I done unto them.
12 And they said unto him, We are come down to bind thee, that we may deliver thee into the hand of the Philistines. And Samson said unto them, Swear unto me, that ye will not fall upon me yourselves.
(15.11-12) “Three thousand men of Judah … said to Samson … We are come down to bind thee, that we may deliver thee into the hand of the Philistines.”
13 And they spake unto him, saying, No; but we will bind thee fast, and deliver thee into their hand: but surely we will not kill thee. And they bound him with two new cords, and brought him up from the rock.
(15.13) “They bound him with two new cords.”
14 And when he came unto Lehi, the Philistines shouted against him: and the Spirit of the LOR
D came mightily upon him, and the cords that were upon his arms became as flax that was burnt with fire, and his bands loosed from off his hands.
(15.14) “The spirit of the Lord came mightily upon him,”
15 And he found a new jawbone of an ass, and put forth his hand, and took it, and slew a thousand men therewith.
(15.15) “And he found a new jawbone of an ass … and slew a thousand men therewith.”
16 And Samson said, With the jawbone of an ass, heaps upon heaps, with the jaw of an ass have I slain a thousand men.
(15.16) “Samson said, With the jawbone of an ass, heaps upon heaps, with the jaw of an ass have I slain a thousand men.”
(15.17-19) After Samson killed 1000 men with the jawbone of an ass, he was thirsty. So God created and filled a hollow in the very same jawbone and put water in it for Samson to drink.
17 And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking, that he cast away the jawbone out of his hand, and called that place Ramath-lehi.
(15.17) “When he had made an end of speaking … he cast away the jawbone out of his hand.”
18 And he was sore athirst, and called on the LORD, and said, Thou hast given this great deliverance into the hand of thy servant: and now shall I die for thirst, and fall into the hand of the uncircumcised?
(15.18) “And he was sore athirst, and called on the LORD,”
19 But God clave an hollow place that was in the jaw, and there came water thereout; and when he had drunk, his spirit came again, and he revived: wherefore he called the name thereof En-hakkore, which is in Lehi unto this day.
(15.19) “God clave an hollow place that was in the jaw, and there came water thereout.”
20 And he judged Israel in the days of the Philistines twenty years.
JUDGES 16
16 Then went Samson to Gaza, and saw there an harlot, and went in unto her.
(16.1) After Samson finished killing 1000 men with the jawbone of an ass, he had sex with a prostitute.
(16.1) “Then went Samson to Gaza, and saw there an harlot, and went in unto her.”