The Skeptics Annotated Bible

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by Wells, Steve

2 And it was told the Gazites, saying, Samson is come hither. And they compassed him in, and laid wait for him all night in the gate of the city, and were quiet all the night, saying, In the morning, when it is day, we shall kill him.

  3 And Samson lay till midnight, and arose at midnight, and took the doors of the gate of the city, and the two posts, and went away with them, bar and all, and put them upon his shoulders, and carried them up to the top of an hill that is before Hebron.

  (16.3) At midnight, he left the prostitute and ripped out the doors and gate posts of the city and carried them to the top of a hill.

  (16.3) “Samson … took the doors of the gate of the city, and the two posts, and went away with them.”

  4 And it came to pass afterward, that he loved a woman in the valley of Sorek, whose name was Delilah.

  (16.4) Then Samson saw and fell in love with Delilah.

  (16.4) “Afterward … he loved a woman … whose name was Delilah.”

  5 And the lords of the Philistines came up unto her, and said unto her, Entice him, and see wherein his great strength lieth, and by what means we may prevail against him, that we may bind him to afflict him: and we will give thee every one of us eleven hundred pieces of silver.

  6 And Delilah said to Samson, Tell me, I pray thee, wherein thy great strength lieth, and wherewith thou mightest be bound to afflict thee.

  (16.6) Delilah was paid by the Philistines to find the magical source of Samson’s strength and to figure out how he could be restrained. So she asked Samson three times about it, while some Philistines hid in another room.

  (16.6) “Delilah said to Samson, Tell me, I pray thee, wherein thy great strength lieth, and wherewith thou mightest be bound.”

  (16.7-9) The first time he said that he’d become as week as any other man if he were tied up with bowstrings. So she did that and then shouted, “Hey Samson, the Philistines are coming!” But he broke the bowstrings as though they were burnt strings.

  7 And Samson said unto her, If they bind me with seven green withs that were never dried, then shall I be weak, and be as another man.

  (16.7) “Samson said unto her, If they bind me with seven green withs that were never dried, then shall I be weak, and be as another man.”

  8 Then the lords of the Philistines brought up to her seven green withs which had not been dried, and she bound him with them.

  (16.8) “The Philistines brought up to her seven green withs which had not been dried, and she bound him with them.”

  9 Now there were men lying in wait, abiding with her in the chamber. And she said unto him, The Philistines be upon thee, Samson. And he brake the withs, as a thread of tow is broken when it toucheth the fire. So his strength was not known.

  (16.9) “She said unto him, The Philistines be upon thee, Samson. And he brake the withs, as a thread of tow is broken when it toucheth the fire.”

  (16.10-12) She asked again and he told her to use ropes. So she tied him with ropes and then shouted, “Hey Samson, the Philistines are coming!” But he broke the ropes like they were threads.

  10 And Delilah said unto Samson, Behold, thou hast mocked me, and told me lies: now tell me, I pray thee, wherewith thou mightest be bound.

  (16.10) “Delilah said unto Samson, Behold, thou hast mocked me, and told me lies: now tell me, I pray thee, wherewith thou mightest be bound.”

  11 And he said unto her, If they bind me fast with new ropes that never were occupied, then shall I be weak, and be as another man.

  (16.11) “And he said unto her, If they bind me fast with new ropes that never were occupied, then shall I be weak, and be as another man.”

  12 Delilah therefore took new ropes, and bound him therewith, and said unto him, The Philistines be upon thee, Samson. And there were liers in wait abiding in the chamber. And he brake them from off his arms like a thread.

  (16.12) “Delilah therefore took new ropes, and bound him therewith, and said unto him, The Philistines be upon thee, Samson … And he brake them from off his arms like a thread.”

  (16.13-14) She asked him a third time, and he told her to weave his seven braids into a cloth and fasten the whole mess to the wall. So she did that and then shouted, “Hey Samson (you dumb shit), the Philistines are coming!” But he broke out of that one, too.

  13 And Delilah said unto Samson, Hitherto thou hast mocked me, and told me lies: tell me wherewith thou mightest be bound. And he said unto her, If thou weavest the seven locks of my head with the web.

  (16.13) “Delilah said unto Samson … tell me wherewith thou mightest be bound. And he said unto her, If thou weavest the seven locks of my head with the web.”

  14 And she fastened it with the pin, and said unto him, The Philistines be upon thee, Samson. And he awaked out of his sleep, and went away with the pin of the beam, and with the web.

  (16.14) “And she fastened it with the pin, and said unto him, The Philistines be upon thee, Samson. And he … went away with the pin of the beam, and with the web.”

  15 And she said unto him, How canst thou say, I love thee, when thine heart is not with me? thou hast mocked me these three times, and hast not told me wherein thy great strength lieth.

  16 And it came to pass, when she pressed him daily with her words, and urged him, so that his soul was vexed unto death;

  17 That he told her all his heart, and said unto her, There hath not come a razor upon mine head; for I have been a Nazarite unto God from my mother’s womb: if I be shaven, then my strength will go from me, and I shall become weak, and be like any other man.

  (16.16-17) But Delilah didn’t give up. She kept pestering him until finally Samson told her the true source of his strength. It was his hair. If his hair was shaved off, he’d become as weak as any other man.

  (16.16-17) “When she pressed him daily … he told her … There hath not come a razor upon mine head … if I be shaven, then my strength will go from me, and I shall become weak, and be like any other man.”

  18 And when Delilah saw that he had told her all his heart, she sent and called for the lords of the Philistines, saying, Come up this once, for he hath shewed me all his heart. Then the lords of the Philistines came up unto her, and brought money in their hand.

  (16.19-20) So when Samson fell asleep on her lap, she cut his hair.

  19 And she made him sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head; and she began to afflict him, and his strength went from him.

  (16.19) “She made him sleep upon her knees … to shave off the seven locks of his head … and his strength went from him.”

  20 And she said, The Philistines be upon thee, Samson. And he awoke out of his sleep, and said, I will go out as at other times before, and shake myself. And he wist not that the LORD was departed from him.

  (16.20) “And he wist not that the LORD was departed from him.”

  21 But the Philistines took him, and put out his eyes, and brought him down to Gaza, and bound him with fetters of brass; and he did grind in the prison house.

  (16.21) Then the Philistines captured Samson, gouged out his eyes, and put him in prison.

  (16.21) “The Philistines took him, and put out his eyes, and brought him down to Gaza, and bound him with fetters of brass; and he did grind in the prison house.”

  22 Howbeit the hair of his head began to grow again after he was shaven.

  23 Then the lords of the Philistines gathered them together for to offer a great sacrifice unto Dagon their god, and to rejoice: for they said, Our god hath delivered Samson our enemy into our hand.

  24 And when the people saw him, they praised their god: for they said, Our god hath delivered into our hands our enemy, and the destroyer of our country, which slew many of us.

  25 And it came to pass, when their hearts were merry, that they said, Call for Samson, that he may make us sport. And they called for Samson out of the prison house; and he made them sport: and they set him between the pillars.

  26 And Samson said unt
o the lad that held him by the hand, Suffer me that I may feel the pillars whereupon the house standeth, that I may lean upon them.

  (16.27-30) Samson kills 3000 in a suicide terrorist attack

  Later, at one of their big parties, the Philistines brought Samson out to entertain them. Then Samson, with God’s help, killed himself and 3000 Philistine men and women by causing a roof to collapse. This was the first suicide terrorist attack. God approved of of it and gave Samson the strength to do it. And although the Bible doesn’t say so, there are unconfirmed reports that Samson shouted “God is great (Allahu Akbar)” as the walls came tumbling down.

  God’s 55th Killing

  27 Now the house was full of men and women; and all the lords of the Philistines were there; and there were upon the roof about three thousand men and women, that beheld while Samson made sport.

  (16.27) “Now the house was full of … about three thousand men and women.”

  28 And Samson called unto the LORD, and said, O Lord GOD, remember me, I pray thee, and strengthen me, I pray thee, only this once, O God, that I may be at once avenged of the Philistines for my two eyes.

  (16.28) “Samson called unto the LORD, and said, O Lord God .. strengthen me … that I may be at once avenged of the Philistines for my two eyes.”

  29 And Samson took hold of the two middle pillars upon which the house stood, and on which it was borne up, of the one with his right hand, and of the other with his left.

  30 And Samson said, Let me die with the Philistines. And he bowed himself with all his might; and the house fell upon the lords, and upon all the people that were therein. So the dead which he slew at his death were more than they which he slew in his life.

  (16.30) “And Samson said, Let me die with the Philistines. … and the house fell upon the lords, and upon all the people that were therein. So the dead which he slew at his death were more than they which he slew in his life.”

  31 Then his brethren and all the house of his father came down, and took him, and brought him up, and buried him between Zorah and Eshtaol in the buryingplace of Manoah his father. And he judged Israel twenty years.

  JUDGES 17

  17 And there was a man of mount Ephraim, whose name was Micah.

  2 And he said unto his mother, The eleven hundred shekels of silver that were taken from thee, about which thou cursedst, and spakest of also in mine ears, behold, the silver is with me; I took it. And his mother said, Blessed be thou of the LORD, my son.

  3 And when he had restored the eleven hundred shekels of silver to his mother, his mother said, I had wholly dedicated the silver unto the LORD from my hand for my son, to make a graven image and a molten image: now therefore I will restore it unto thee.

  4 Yet he restored the money unto his mother; and his mother took two hundred shekels of silver, and gave them to the founder, who made thereof a graven image and a molten image: and they were in the house of Micah.

  5 And the man Micah had an house of gods, and made an ephod, and teraphim, and consecrated one of his sons, who became his priest.

  6 In those days there was no king in Israel, but every man did that which was right in his own eyes.

  7 And there was a young man out of Beth-lehem-judah of the family of Judah, who was a Levite, and he sojourned there.

  8 And the man departed out of the city from Beth-lehem-judah to sojourn where he could find a place: and he came to mount Ephraim to the house of Micah, as he journeyed.

  9 And Micah said unto him, Whence comest thou? And he said unto him, I am a Levite of Beth-lehem-judah, and I go to sojourn where I may find a place.

  10 And Micah said unto him, Dwell with me, and be unto me a father and a priest, and I will give thee ten shekels of silver by the year, and a suit of apparel, and thy victuals. So the Levite went in.

  11 And the Levite was content to dwell with the man; and the young man was unto him as one of his sons.

  12 And Micah consecrated the Levite; and the young man became his priest, and was in the house of Micah.

  13 Then said Micah, Now know I that the LORD will do me good, seeing I have a Levite to my priest.

  JUDGES 18

  (18.1-27) The Massacre of the Peaceful, Unsuspecting People

  The story begins with the tribe of Dan (one of the 12 tribes of Israel) looking for a nice place to live. So they sent out five men to find some land.

  18 In those days there was no king in Israel: and in those days the tribe of the Danites sought them an inheritance to dwell in; for unto that day all their inheritance had not fallen unto them among the tribes of Israel.

  (18.1) “The Danites sought them an inheritance to dwell in.”

  2 And the children of Dan sent of their family five men from their coasts, men of valour, from Zorah, and from Eshtaol, to spy out the land, and to search it; and they said unto them, Go, search the land: who when they came to mount Ephraim, to the house of Micah, they lodged there.

  (18.2) “And the children of Dan sent of their family five men from their coasts … to spy out the land, and to search it.”

  (18.3-6) On their way, they stopped at a Micah’s house and asked his priest to ask God where they should go to find some land. The priest told them to just go looking for it, and that God would be with them wherever they went.

  3 When they were by the house of Micah, they knew the voice of the young man the Levite: and they turned in thither, and said unto him, Who brought thee hither? and what makest thou in this place? and what hast thou here?

  (18.3) “When they were by the house of Micah, they knew the voice of the young man the Levite: and they turned in thither.”

  4 And he said unto them, Thus and thus dealeth Micah with me, and hath hired me, and I am his priest.

  (18.4) “He said unto them … Micah … hath hired me, and I am his priest.”

  5 And they said unto him, Ask counsel, we pray thee, of God, that we may know whether our way which we go shall be prosperous.

  (18.5) “They said unto him, Ask counsel … of God, that we may know whether our way which we go shall be prosperous.”

  6 And the priest said unto them, Go in peace: before the LORD is your way wherein ye go.

  (18.6) “The LORD is your way wherein ye go.”

  7 Then the five men departed, and came to Laish, and saw the people that were therein, how they dwelt careless, after the manner of the Zidonians, quiet and secure; and there was no magistrate in the land, that might put them to shame in any thing; and they were far from the Zidonians, and had no business with any man.

  (18.7) So they left there and came to a place called Laish, where the people lived peaceful, secure, carefree lives.

  (18.7) “The five men … came to Laish, and saw the people that were therein, how they dwelt careless, … quiet and secure.”

  (18.8-10) Then the five men returned and told the other Danites to attack Laish, saying that God had given it into their hands.

  8 And they came unto their brethren to Zorah and Eshtaol: and their brethren said unto them, What say ye?

  (18.8) “They came unto their brethren … and their brethren said unto them, What say ye?”

  9 And they said, Arise, that we may go up against them: for we have seen the land, and, behold, it is very good: and are ye still? be not slothful to go, and to enter to possess the land.

  (18.9) “And they said, Arise, that we may go up against them: for we have seen the land, and, behold, it is very good … go, and … possess the land.”

  10 When ye go, ye shall come unto a people secure, and to a large land: for God hath given it into your hands; a place where there is no want of any thing that is in the earth.

  (18.10) “When ye go, ye shall come unto a people secure, and to a large land: for God hath given it into your hands; a place where there is no want of any thing that is in the earth.”

  11 And there went from thence of the family of the Danites, out of Zorah and out of Eshtaol, six hundred men appointed with weapons of war.

  (18.11) So
the Danites round up 600 soldiers and march off toward Laish.

  (18.11) “There went from thence of the family of the Danites, out of Zorah and out of Eshtaol, six hundred men appointed with weapons of war.”

  12 And they went up, and pitched in Kirjath-jearim, in Judah: wherefore they called that place Mahaneh-dan unto this day: behold, it is behind Kirjath-jearim.

  13 And they passed thence unto mount Ephraim, and came unto the house of Micah.

  14 Then answered the five men that went to spy out the country of Laish, and said unto their brethren, Do ye know that there is in these houses an ephod, and teraphim, and a graven image, and a molten image? now therefore consider what ye have to do.

  15 And they turned thitherward, and came to the house of the young man the Levite, even unto the house of Micah, and saluted him.

  16 And the six hundred men appointed with their weapons of war, which were of the children of Dan, stood by the entering of the gate.

  17 And the five men that went to spy out the land went up, and came in thither, and took the graven image, and the ephod, and the teraphim, and the molten image: and the priest stood in the entering of the gate with the six hundred men that were appointed with weapons of war.

  18 And these went into Micah’s house, and fetched the carved image, the ephod, and the teraphim, and the molten image. Then said the priest unto them, What do ye?

  19 And they said unto him, Hold thy peace, lay thine hand upon thy mouth, and go with us, and be to us a father and a priest: is it better for thee to be a priest unto the house of one man, or that thou be a priest unto a tribe and a family in Israel?

  20 And the priest’s heart was glad, and he took the ephod, and the teraphim, and the graven image, and went in the midst of the people.

  21 So they turned and departed, and put the little ones and the cattle and the carriage before them.

  22 And when they were a good way from the house of Micah, the men that were in the houses near to Micah’s house were gathered together, and overtook the children of Dan.

  23 And they cried unto the children of Dan. And they turned their faces, and said unto Micah, What aileth thee, that thou comest with such a company?

 

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