The Skeptics Annotated Bible

by Wells, Steve

  5 Then said Boaz unto his servant that was set over the reapers, Whose damsel is this?

  6 And the servant that was set over the reapers answered and said, It is the Moabitish damsel that came back with Naomi out of the country of Moab:

  7 And she said, I pray you, let me glean and gather after the reapers among the sheaves: so she came, and hath continued even from the morning until now, that she tarried a little in the house.

  8 Then said Boaz unto Ruth, Hearest thou not, my daughter? Go not to glean in another field, neither go from hence, but abide here fast by my maidens:

  9 Let thine eyes be on the field that they do reap, and go thou after them: have I not charged the young men that they shall not touch thee? and when thou art athirst, go unto the vessels, and drink of that which the young men have drawn.

  10 Then she fell on her face, and bowed herself to the ground, and said unto him, Why have I found grace in thine eyes, that thou shouldest take knowledge of me, seeing I am a stranger?

  11 And Boaz answered and said unto her, It hath fully been shewed me, all that thou hast done unto thy mother in law since the death of thine husband: and how thou hast left thy father and thy mother, and the land of thy nativity, and art come unto a people which thou knewest not heretofore.

  12 The LORD recompense thy work, and a full reward be given thee of the LORD God of Israel, under whose wings thou art come to trust.

  13 Then she said, Let me find favour in thy sight, my lord; for that thou hast comforted me, and for that thou hast spoken friendly unto thine handmaid, though I be not like unto one of thine handmaidens.

  14 And Boaz said unto her, At mealtime come thou hither, and eat of the bread, and dip thy morsel in the vinegar. And she sat beside the reapers: and he reached her parched corn, and she did eat, and was sufficed, and left.

  15 And when she was risen up to glean, Boaz commanded his young men, saying, Let her glean even among the sheaves, and reproach her not:

  16 And let fall also some of the handfuls of purpose for her, and leave them, that she may glean them, and rebuke her not.

  17 So she gleaned in the field until even, and beat out that she had gleaned: and it was about an ephah of barley.

  18 And she took it up, and went into the city: and her mother in law saw what she had gleaned: and she brought forth, and gave to her that she had reserved after she was sufficed.

  19 And her mother in law said unto her, Where hast thou gleaned to day? and where wroughtest thou? blessed be he that did take knowledge of thee. And she shewed her mother in law with whom she had wrought, and said, The man’s name with whom I wrought to day is Boaz.

  20 And Naomi said unto her daughter in law, Blessed be he of the LORD, who hath not left off his kindness to the living and to the dead. And Naomi said unto her, The man is near of kin unto us, one of our next kinsmen.

  21 And Ruth the Moabitess said, He said unto me also, Thou shalt keep fast by my young men, until they have ended all my harvest.

  22 And Naomi said unto Ruth her daughter in law, It is good, my daughter, that thou go out with his maidens, that they meet thee not in any other field.

  23 So she kept fast by the maidens of Boaz to glean unto the end of barley harvest and of wheat harvest; and dwelt with her mother in law.

  RUTH 3

  3 Then Naomi her mother in law said unto her, My daughter, shall I not seek rest for thee, that it may be well with thee?

  2 And now is not Boaz of our kindred, with whose maidens thou wast? Behold, he winnoweth barley to night in the threshingfloor.

  (3.3-4) Naomi (Ruth’s mother-in-law) advises Ruth as to how to best seduce Boaz. She tells her to wait until he is a bit drunk and has fallen asleep. Then “go in and uncover his feet [a biblical euphemism for male genitals], and lay thee down; and he will tell thee what to do.”

  3 Wash thyself therefore, and anoint thee, and put thy raiment upon thee, and get thee down to the floor: but make not thyself known unto the man, until he shall have done eating and drinking.

  (3.3) “Make not thyself known unto the man, until he shall have done eating and drinking.”

  4 And it shall be, when he lieth down, that thou shalt mark the place where he shall lie, and thou shalt go in, and uncover his feet, and lay thee down; and he will tell thee what thou shalt do.

  (3.4) “When he lieth down … go in, and uncover his feet, and lay thee down; and he will tell thee what thou shalt do.”

  5 And she said unto her, All that thou sayest unto me I will do.

  6 And she went down unto the floor, and did according to all that her mother in law bade her.

  (3.7-9) Ruth does as Naomi says, and then at midnight Boaz wakes up and finds Ruth “at his feet.” He asks who she is, and she says, “I am Ruth thine handmaid: spread therefore your skirt over thine handmaid.” (“Spreading one’s skirt” is a biblical euphemism for sexual intercourse.)

  7 And when Boaz had eaten and drunk, and his heart was merry, he went to lie down at the end of the heap of corn: and she came softly, and uncovered his feet, and laid her down.

  (3.7) “When Boaz had eaten and drunk, and his heart was merry, … she came softly, and uncovered his feet, and laid her down.”

  8 And it came to pass at midnight, that the man was afraid, and turned himself: and, behold, a woman lay at his feet.

  (3.8) At midnight … the man … turned himself: and, behold, a woman lay at his feet.”

  9 And he said, Who art thou? And she answered, I am Ruth thine handmaid: spread therefore thy skirt over thine handmaid; for thou art a near kinsman.

  (3.9) “And he said, Who art thou? And she answered, I am Ruth thine handmaid: spread therefore thy skirt over thine handmaid.”

  10 And he said, Blessed be thou of the LORD, my daughter: for thou hast shewed more kindness in the latter end than at the beginning, inasmuch as thou followedst not young men, whether poor or rich.

  (3.11-14) Boaz seems agreeable to the suggestion and says, “I will do thee all that thou requirest.” Next he asks her to “Tarry this night … lie down until the morning.” So Ruth “lay at his feet until the morning.”

  11 And now, my daughter, fear not; I will do to thee all that thou requirest: for all the city of my people doth know that thou art a virtuous woman.

  (3.11) “Now, my daughter, fear not; I will do to thee all that thou requirest.”

  12 And now it is true that I am thy near kinsman: howbeit there is a kinsman nearer than I.

  13 Tarry this night, and it shall be in the morning, that if he will perform unto thee the part of a kinsman, well; let him do the kinsman’s part: but if he will not do the part of a kinsman to thee, then will I do the part of a kinsman to thee, as the LORD liveth: lie down until the morning.

  (3.13) “Tarry this night … lie down until the morning.”

  14 And she lay at his feet until the morning: and she rose up before one could know another. And he said, Let it not be known that a woman came into the floor.

  (3.14) “And she lay at his feet until the morning.”

  15 Also he said, Bring the vail that thou hast upon thee, and hold it. And when she held it, he measured six measures of barley, and laid it on her: and she went into the city.

  16 And when she came to her mother in law, she said, Who art thou, my daughter? And she told her all that the man had done to her.

  17 And she said, These six measures of barley gave he me; for he said to me, Go not empty unto thy mother-in-law.

  18 Then said she, Sit still, my daughter, until thou know how the matter will fall: for the man will not be in rest, until he have finished the thing this day.

  4 Then went Boaz up to the gate, and sat him down there: and, behold, the kinsman of whom Boaz spake came by; unto whom he said, Ho, such a one! turn aside, sit down here. And he turned aside, and sat down.

  2 And he took ten men of the elders of the city, and said, Sit ye down here. And they sat down.

  3 And he said unto the kinsman, Naomi, that is come again out of t
he country of Moab, selleth a parcel of land, which was our brother Elimelech’s:

  4 And I thought to advertise thee, saying, Buy it before the inhabitants, and before the elders of my people. If thou wilt redeem it, redeem it: but if thou wilt not redeem it, then tell me, that I may know: for there is none to redeem it beside thee; and I am after thee. And he said, I will redeem it.

  5 Then said Boaz, What day thou buyest the field of the hand of Naomi, thou must buy it also of Ruth the Moabitess, the wife of the dead, to raise up the name of the dead upon his inheritance.

  6 And the kinsman said, I cannot redeem it for myself, lest I mar mine own inheritance: redeem thou my right to thyself; for I cannot redeem it.

  7 Now this was the manner in former time in Israel concerning redeeming and concerning changing, for to confirm all things; a man plucked off his shoe, and gave it to his neighbour: and this was a testimony in Israel.

  8 Therefore the kinsman said unto Boaz, Buy it for thee. So he drew off his shoe.

  9 And Boaz said unto the elders, and unto all the people, Ye are witnesses this day, that I have bought all that was Elimelech’s, and all that was Chilion’s and Mahlon’s, of the hand of Naomi.

  10 Moreover Ruth the Moabitess, the wife of Mahlon, have I purchased to be my wife, to raise up the name of the dead upon his inheritance, that the name of the dead be not cut off from among his brethren, and from the gate of his place: ye are witnesses this day.

  (4.10) “Ruth the Moabitess … have I purchased to be my wife.” Boaz purchases Ruth to be his wife.

  11 And all the people that were in the gate, and the elders, said, We are witnesses. The LORD make the woman that is come into thine house like Rachel and like Leah, which two did build the house of Israel: and do thou worthily in Ephratah, and be famous in Beth-lehem:

  12 And let thy house be like the house of Pharez, whom Tamar bare unto Judah, of the seed which the LORD shall give thee of this young woman.

  13 So Boaz took Ruth, and she was his wife: and when he went in unto her, the LORD gave her conception, and she bare a son.

  (4.13) “Boaz took Ruth, and she was his wife: and when he went in unto her, the LORD gave her conception, and she bare a son.”

  14 And the women said unto Naomi, Blessed be the LORD, which hath not left thee this day without a kinsman, that his name may be famous in Israel.

  15 And he shall be unto thee a restorer of thy life, and a nourisher of thine old age: for thy daughter in law, which loveth thee, which is better to thee than seven sons, hath born him.

  16 And Naomi took the child, and laid it in her bosom, and became nurse unto it.

  (4.16) “Naomi took the child, and laid it in her bosom, and became nurse unto it.” In the first chapter of Ruth (1.11), Naomi is too old to conceive, but now she functions as a wet nurse.

  17 And the women her neighbours gave it a name, saying, There is a son born to Naomi; and they called his name Obed: he is the father of Jesse, the father of David.

  (4.17) “They called his name Obed: he is the father of Jesse, the father of David.”

  152 Has any Moabite ever entered the congregation of the Lord?

  18 Now these are the generations of Pharez: Pharez begat Hezron,

  19 And Hezron begat Ram, and Ram begat Amminadab,

  20 And Amminadab begat Nahshon, and Nahshon begat Salmon,

  21 And Salmon begat Boaz, and Boaz begat Obed,

  22 And Obed begat Jesse, and Jesse begat David.

  1 SAMUEL

  Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass. — 1 Samuel 15.3

  First Samuel for Skeptics

  There are a few Bible verses that everyone should know. One of these is 1 Samuel 15.3, where God orders Saul to kill every Amalekite “man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass.” Saul failed to kill everyone and everything, so God gave Saul’s kingdom to David, who was always happy to kill anyone for God.

  But there are other great stories in 1 Samuel. Did you hear the one about how David bought his first wife with 200 Philistine foreskins? Or how God smote the Philistines with hemorrhoids in their secret parts? Or how he asked them to make him five golden hemorrhoids? There’s lots of other stuff like that that you just won’t find anywhere else.

  Here are some of the highlights:

  God smites the Philistines with hemorrhoids in their secret parts. 5.9

  He asks the Philistines to make him five golden hemorrhoids. 6.4-5

  He kills 50,070 men for looking into the ark of the Lord. 6.19

  “I will make a covenant with you, that I may thrust out all your right eyes.” 11.2

  The spirit of the Lord comes upon Samuel so he hacks some oxen in pieces and sends the pieces to all the coasts of Israel. 11.7

  God orders Saul to kill every Amalekite “man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass.” 15.3

  He repents of having made Saul king since Saul refused to carry out God’s commandments (i.e., Saul refused to commit complete genocide on the Amalekites.) 15.11, 18

  Saul is haunted by “an evil spirit from the Lord.” 16.14-16, 23, 18.10, 19.9

  David buys a wife with 200 Philistine foreskins (twice the asking price). 18.25-27

  Killing those that “pisseth against the wall.” 25.22, 25.34

  David kills all the Amalekites again (see 15.7-8 where Saul kills them all the first time). 27.8-11

  Saul has a witch bring back Samuel from the dead. 28.8-15

  After being completely killed off by Saul (15.7-8) and then David (27.8-11), the Amalekites invade again. 30.1

  1 SAMUEL 1

  1 Now there was a certain man of Ramathaim-zophim, of mount Ephraim, and his name was Elkanah, the son of Jeroham, the son of Elihu, the son of Tohu, the son of Zuph, an Ephrathite:

  2 And he had two wives; the name of the one was Hannah, and the name of the other Peninnah: and Peninnah had children, but Hannah had no children.

  (1.2) “He [Samuel’s father] had two wives; the name of the one was Hannah.”

  16 Is polygamy OK?

  3 And this man went up out of his city yearly to worship and to sacrifice unto the LORD of hosts in Shiloh. And the two sons of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas, the priests of the LORD, were there.

  4 And when the time was that Elkanah offered, he gave to Peninnah his wife, and to all her sons and her daughters, portions:

  5 But unto Hannah he gave a worthy portion; for he loved Hannah: but the LORD had shut up her womb.

  (1.5) “The Lord had shut up her [Hannah’s] womb.”

  6 And her adversary also provoked her sore, for to make her fret, because the LORD had shut up her womb.

  7 And as he did so year by year, when she went up to the house of the LORD, so she provoked her; therefore she wept, and did not eat.

  8 Then said Elkanah her husband to her, Hannah, why weepest thou? and why eatest thou not? and why is thy heart grieved? am not I better to thee than ten sons?

  9 So Hannah rose up after they had eaten in Shiloh, and after they had drunk. Now Eli the priest sat upon a seat by a post of the temple of the LORD.

  10 And she was in bitterness of soul, and prayed unto the LORD, and wept sore.

  11 And she vowed a vow, and said, O LORD of hosts, if thou wilt indeed look on the affliction of thine handmaid, and remember me, and not forget thine handmaid, but wilt give unto thine handmaid a man child, then I will give him unto the LORD all the days of his life, and there shall no razor come upon his head.

  (1.11) “There shall no razor come upon his head.” Hannah vows to give her son to the Lord and, as a sign of his holiness, to never cut his hair.

  133 Is it OK for men to have long hair?

  12 And it came to pass, as she continued praying before the LORD, that Eli marked her mouth.

  13 Now Hannah, she spake in her heart; only her lips moved, but her voice was not heard: therefore Eli tho
ught she had been drunken.

  14 And Eli said unto her, How long wilt thou be drunken? put away thy wine from thee.

  15 And Hannah answered and said, No, my lord, I am a woman of a sorrowful spirit: I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but have poured out my soul before the LORD.

  16 Count not thine handmaid for a daughter of Belial: for out of the abundance of my complaint and grief have I spoken hitherto.

  17 Then Eli answered and said, Go in peace: and the God of Israel grant thee thy petition that thou hast asked of him.

  18 And she said, Let thine handmaid find grace in thy sight. So the woman went her way, and did eat, and her countenance was no more sad.

  19 And they rose up in the morning early, and worshipped before the LORD, and returned, and came to their house to Ramah: and Elkanah knew Hannah his wife; and the LORD remembered her.

  (1.19) “Elkanah knew Hannah his wife; and the Lord remembered her.” (He probably said something like, “Oh yeah, she’s the one whose womb I shut up.”)

  20 Wherefore it came to pass, when the time was come about after Hannah had conceived, that she bare a son, and called his name Samuel, saying, Because I have asked him of the LORD.

  21 And the man Elkanah, and all his house, went up to offer unto the LORD the yearly sacrifice, and his vow.

  22 But Hannah went not up; for she said unto her husband, I will not go up until the child be weaned, and then I will bring him, that he may appear before the LORD, and there abide for ever.

  23 And Elkanah her husband said unto her, Do what seemeth thee good; tarry until thou have weaned him; only the LORD establish his word. So the woman abode, and gave her son suck until she weaned him.

  24 And when she had weaned him, she took him up with her, with three bullocks, and one ephah of flour, and a bottle of wine, and brought him unto the house of the LORD in Shiloh: and the child was young.

  25 And they slew a bullock, and brought the child to Eli.

  26 And she said, Oh my lord, as thy soul liveth, my lord, I am the woman that stood by thee here, praying unto the LORD.