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The Skeptics Annotated Bible

Page 124

by Wells, Steve


  13 I will be his father, and he shall be my son: and I will not take my mercy away from him, as I took it from him that was before thee:

  14 But I will settle him in mine house and in my kingdom for ever: and his throne shall be established for evermore.

  15 According to all these words, and according to all this vision, so did Nathan speak unto David.

  16 And David the king came and sat before the LORD, and said, Who am I, O LORD God, and what is mine house, that thou hast brought me hitherto?

  17 And yet this was a small thing in thine eyes, O God; for thou hast also spoken of thy servant’s house for a great while to come, and hast regarded me according to the estate of a man of high degree, O LORD God.

  18 What can David speak more to thee for the honour of thy servant? for thou knowest thy servant.

  19 O LORD, for thy servant’s sake, and according to thine own heart, hast thou done all this greatness, in making known all these great things.

  20 O LORD, there is none like thee, neither is there any God beside thee, according to all that we have heard with our ears.

  21 And what one nation in the earth is like thy people Israel, whom God went to redeem to be his own people, to make thee a name of greatness and terribleness, by driving out nations from before thy people, whom thou hast redeemed out of Egypt?

  22 For thy people Israel didst thou make thine own people for ever; and thou, LORD, becamest their God.

  23 Therefore now, LORD, let the thing that thou hast spoken concerning thy servant and concerning his house be established for ever, and do as thou hast said.

  24 Let it even be established, that thy name may be magnified for ever, saying, The LORD of hosts is the God of Israel, even a God to Israel: and let the house of David thy servant be established before thee.

  25 For thou, O my God, hast told thy servant that thou wilt build him an house: therefore thy servant hath found in his heart to pray before thee.

  26 And now, LORD, thou art God, and hast promised this goodness unto thy servant:

  27 Now therefore let it please thee to bless the house of thy servant, that it may be before thee for ever: for thou blessest, O LORD, and it shall be blessed for ever.

  1 CHRONICLES 18

  18 Now after this it came to pass, that David smote the Philistines, and subdued them, and took Gath and her towns out of the hand of the Philistines.

  2 And he smote Moab; and the Moabites became David’s servants, and brought gifts.

  3 And David smote Hadarezer king of Zobah unto Hamath, as he went to stablish his dominion by the river Euphrates.

  (18:4-6) David killed 22,000 Syrians and crippled their horses. And “the Lord preserved David whithersoever he went.”

  4 And David took from him a thousand chariots, and seven thousand horsemen, and twenty thousand footmen: David also houghed all the chariot horses, but reserved of them an hundred chariots.

  (18.4a) “David took … seven thousand horsemen.”

  204 How many horsemen did David take?

  (18.4b) “David also houghed all the chariot horses.”

  5 And when the Syrians of Damascus came to help Hadarezer king of Zobah, David slew of the Syrians two and twenty thousand men.

  (18.5) “David slew of the Syrians two and twenty thousand men.”

  God’s 79th Killing

  6 Then David put garrisons in Syria-damascus; and the Syrians became David’s servants, and brought gifts. Thus the LORD preserved David whithersoever he went.

  (18.6) “The LORD preserved David whithersoever he went.”

  7 And David took the shields of gold that were on the servants of Hadarezer, and brought them to Jerusalem.

  8 Likewise from Tibhath, and from Chun, cities of Hadarezer, brought David very much brass, wherewith Solomon made the brasen sea, and the pillars, and the vessels of brass.

  9 Now when Tou king of Hamath heard how David had smitten all the host of Hadarezer king of Zobah;

  10 He sent Hadoram his son to king David, to enquire of his welfare, and to congratulate him, because he had fought against Hadarezer, and smitten him; (for Hadarezer had war with Tou;) and with him all manner of vessels of gold and silver and brass.

  11 Them also king David dedicated unto the LORD, with the silver and the gold that he brought from all these nations; from Edom, and from Moab, and from the children of Ammon, and from the Philistines, and from Amalek.

  12 Moreover Abishai the son of Zeruiah slew of the Edomites in the valley of salt eighteen thousand.

  13 And he put garrisons in Edom; and all the Edomites became David’s servants. Thus the LORD preserved David whithersoever he went.

  14 So David reigned over all Israel, and executed judgment and justice among all his people.

  15 And Joab the son of Zeruiah was over the host; and Jehoshaphat the son of Ahilud, recorder.

  16 And Zadok the son of Ahitub, and Abimelech the son of Abiathar, were the priests; and Shavsha was scribe;

  (18.16) “Abimelech the son of Abiathar”

  194 Was Abiathar the son or the father of Abimelch?

  17 And Benaiah the son of Jehoiada was over the Cherethites and the Pelethites; and the sons of David were chief about the king.

  1 CHRONICLES 19

  19 Now it came to pass after this, that Nahash the king of the children of Ammon died, and his son reigned in his stead.

  2 And David said, I will shew kindness unto Hanun the son of Nahash, because his father shewed kindness to me. And David sent messengers to comfort him concerning his father. So the servants of David came into the land of the children of Ammon to Hanun, to comfort him.

  3 But the princes of the children of Ammon said to Hanun, Thinkest thou that David doth honour thy father, that he hath sent comforters unto thee? are not his servants come unto thee for to search, and to overthrow, and to spy out the land?

  4 Wherefore Hanun took David’s servants, and shaved them, and cut off their garments in the midst hard by their buttocks, and sent them away.

  (19.4) “Hanun took David’s servants, and shaved them, and cut off their garments in the midst hard by their buttocks.” David’s messengers had their buttocks exposed.

  5 Then there went certain, and told David how the men were served. And he sent to meet them: for the men were greatly ashamed. And the king said, Tarry at Jericho until your beards be grown, and then return.

  6 And when the children of Ammon saw that they had made themselves odious to David, Hanun and the children of Ammon sent a thousand talents of silver to hire them chariots and horsemen out of Mesopotamia, and out of Syria-maachah, and out of Zobah.

  7 So they hired thirty and two thousand chariots, and the king of Maachah and his people; who came and pitched before Medeba. And the children of Ammon gathered themselves together from their cities, and came to battle.

  8 And when David heard of it, he sent Joab, and all the host of the mighty men.

  9 And the children of Ammon came out, and put the battle in array before the gate of the city: and the kings that were come were by themselves in the field.

  10 Now when Joab saw that the battle was set against him before and behind, he chose out of all the choice of Israel, and put them in array against the Syrians.

  11 And the rest of the people he delivered unto the hand of Abishai his brother, and they set themselves in array against the children of Ammon.

  12 And he said, If the Syrians be too strong for me, then thou shalt help me: but if the children of Ammon be too strong for thee, then I will help thee.

  13 Be of good courage, and let us behave ourselves valiantly for our people, and for the cities of our God: and let the LORD do that which is good in his sight.

  14 So Joab and the people that were with him drew nigh before the Syrians unto the battle; and they fled before him.

  15 And when the children of Ammon saw that the Syrians were fled, they likewise fled before Abishai his brother, and entered into the city. Then Joab came to Jerusalem.

  1
6 And when the Syrians saw that they were put to the worse before Israel, they sent messengers, and drew forth the Syrians that were beyond the river: and Shophach the captain of the host of Hadarezer went before them.

  17 And it was told David; and he gathered all Israel, and passed over Jordan, and came upon them, and set the battle in array against them. So when David had put the battle in array against the Syrians, they fought with him.

  18 But the Syrians fled before Israel; and David slew of the Syrians seven thousand men which fought in chariots, and forty thousand footmen, and killed Shophach the captain of the host.

  (19.18) “David slew of the Syrians seven thousand men which fought in chariots, and forty thousand footmen.” On what must have been a particularly good day for killing but not so good for counting, David kills 7000 men in chariots and 40,000 footmen.

  205 How many did David kill?

  God’s 79th killing

  19 And when the servants of Hadarezer saw that they were put to the worse before Israel, they made peace with David, and became his servants: neither would the Syrians help the children of Ammon any more.

  1 CHRONICLES 20

  20 And it came to pass, that after the year was expired, at the time that kings go out to battle, Joab led forth the power of the army, and wasted the country of the children of Ammon, and came and besieged Rabbah. But David tarried at Jerusalem. And Joab smote Rabbah, and destroyed it.

  (20.1) “Joab … wasted the country of the children of Ammon, and … smote Rabbah, and destroyed it.” David’s army massacres the people of Ammon and Rabbah.

  God’s 81st Killing

  2 And David took the crown of their king from off his head, and found it to weigh a talent of gold, and there were precious stones in it; and it was set upon David’s head: and he brought also exceeding much spoil out of the city.

  (20.2) “David took the crown … and found it to weigh a talent of gold … and it was set upon David’s head.” David puts on a crown weighing 1 talent (somewhere between 26 and 60 kilograms). He had a very strong neck.

  3 And he brought out the people that were in it, and cut them with saws, and with harrows of iron, and with axes. Even so dealt David with all the cities of the children of Ammon. And David and all the people returned to Jerusalem.

  (20.3) “He … cut them with saws, and with harrows of iron, and with axes. Even so dealt David with all the cities of the children of Ammon.” David tortured or enslaved (depending on translation) all the inhabitants of several cities.

  4 And it came to pass after this, that there arose war at Gezer with the Philistines; at which time Sibbechai the Hushathite slew Sippai, that was of the children of the giant: and they were subdued.

  (20.4) “The children of the giant”

  5 And there was war again with the Philistines; and Elhanan the son of Jair slew Lahmi the brother of Goliath the Gittite, whose spear staff was like a weaver’s beam.

  (20.5) “Elhanan … slew Lahmi the brother of Goliath.”

  209 Who did Elhanan kill?

  6 And yet again there was war at Gath, where was a man of great stature, whose fingers and toes were four and twenty, six on each hand, and six on each foot: and he also was the son of the giant.

  (20.6) “A man of great stature … he also was the son of a giant.”

  7 But when he defied Israel, Jonathan the son of Shimea David’s brother slew him.

  8 These were born unto the giant in Gath; and they fell by the hand of David, and by the hand of his servants.

  (20.8) “These were born unto the giant in Gath.”

  1 CHRONICLES 21

  21 And Satan stood up against Israel, and provoked David to number Israel.

  (21.1) “Satan … provoked David to number Israel.”

  212 Who tempted David to number Israel?

  213 Is it OK to take a census?

  2 And David said to Joab and to the rulers of the people, Go, number Israel from Beer-sheba even to Dan; and bring the number of them to me, that I may know it.

  3 And Joab answered, The LORD make his people an hundred times so many more as they be: but, my lord the king, are they not all my lord’s servants? why then doth my lord require this thing? why will he be a cause of trespass to Israel?

  4 Nevertheless the king’s word prevailed against Joab. Wherefore Joab departed, and went throughout all Israel, and came to Jerusalem.

  5 And Joab gave the sum of the number of the people unto David. And all they of Israel were a thousand thousand and an hundred thousand men that drew sword: and Judah was four hundred threescore and ten thousand men that drew sword.

  (21.5) “They of Israel were a thousand thousand and an hundred thousand men that drew sword: and Judah was four hundred threescore and ten thousand.” According to this verse David’s army had 1,100,000 men from Israel and 470,000 men from Judah, but 2 Sam 24.9 says the numbers were 800,000 and 500,000, respectively. Of course, either of these numbers is ridiculously high for a battle between two tribal armies in 1000 BCE. (The United States had about 1.43 million active duty soldiers in 2010.)

  214 How many soldiers?

  6 But Levi and Benjamin counted he not among them: for the king’s word was abominable to Joab.

  (21.7-17) God gets angry with David for counting the people. For a punishment, he offers him three choices: Three years of famine, three months to be destroyed by enemies, or three days of pestilence. When David can’t make up his mind, God decides for him and sends a pestilence that kills 70,000 men. (Presumably women and children were also killed. If so, the total must have been more than 200,000.) In the middle of the slaughter, God “repents of the evil” that he was doing and tells the angel to stop the killing. One wonders what God had in mind in the first place, since it was David who was supposed to have sinned by taking the census—not the people. Even David was confused by this, and asked God, “these sheep, what have they done?”

  7 And God was displeased with this thing; therefore he smote Israel.

  (21.7) “God was displeased with this thing; therefore he smote Israel.”

  213 Is it OK to take a census?

  8 And David said unto God, I have sinned greatly, because I have done this thing: but now, I beseech thee, do away the iniquity of thy servant; for I have done very foolishly.

  9 And the LORD spake unto Gad, David’s seer, saying,

  10 Go and tell David, saying, Thus saith the LORD, I offer thee three things: choose thee one of them, that I may do it unto thee.

  (21.10) “Thus saith the LORD, I offer thee three things.”

  11 So Gad came to David, and said unto him, Thus saith the LORD, Choose thee

  12 Either three years’ famine; or three months to be destroyed before thy foes, while that the sword of thine enemies overtaketh thee; or else three days the sword of the LORD, even the pestilence, in the land, and the angel of the LORD destroying throughout all the coasts of Israel. Now therefore advise thyself what word I shall bring again to him that sent me.

  (21.12) “Either three years’ famine; or three months to be destroyed before thy foes … or else three days … pestilence.”

  215 How many years of famine?

  13 And David said unto Gad, I am in a great strait: let me fall now into the hand of the LORD; for very great are his mercies: but let me not fall into the hand of man.

  (21.13) “Let me fall now into the hand of the LORD; for very great are his mercies.” After God threatens to kill hundreds of thousands of innocent people for a census that he inspired, David says, “let us fall now into the hand of the LORD; for his mercies are great.”

  120 Is God merciful?

  14 So the LORD sent pestilence upon Israel: and there fell of Israel seventy thousand men.

  (21.14) “So the LORD sent pestilence upon Israel: and there fell of Israel seventy thousand men.” God killed 70,000 men (and their families) in a plague to punish David for having a census that he (or Satan) inspired.

  God’s 85th Killing

  15 And God s
ent an angel unto Jerusalem to destroy it: and as he was destroying, the LORD beheld, and he repented him of the evil, and said to the angel that destroyed, It is enough, stay now thine hand. And the angel of the LORD stood by the threshingfloor of Ornan the Jebusite.

  (21.15) “God sent an angel unto Jerusalem to destroy it: and as he was destroying, the LORD beheld, and he repented him of the evil, and said to the angel that destroyed, It is enough, stay now thine hand.”

  32 Does God repent?

  16 And David lifted up his eyes, and saw the angel of the LORD stand between the earth and the heaven, having a drawn sword in his hand stretched out over Jerusalem. Then David and the elders of Israel, who were clothed in sackcloth, fell upon their faces.

  (21.16a) “David lifted up his eyes, and saw the angel of the LORD stand between the earth and the heaven, having a drawn sword in his hand stretched out over Jerusalem.”

  (21.16b) “Then David and the elders … fell upon their faces.”

  17 And David said unto God, Is it not I that commanded the people to be numbered? even I it is that have sinned and done evil indeed; but as for these sheep, what have they done? let thine hand, I pray thee, O LORD my God, be on me, and on my father’s house; but not on thy people, that they should be plagued.

  (21.17) “David said unto God, Is it not I that commanded the people to be numbered? … but as for these sheep, what have they done?”

  18 Then the angel of the LORD commanded Gad to say to David, that David should go up, and set up an altar unto the LORD in the threshingfloor of Ornan the Jebusite.

  19 And David went up at the saying of Gad, which he spake in the name of the LORD.

  20 And Ornan turned back, and saw the angel; and his four sons with him hid themselves. Now Ornan was threshing wheat.

  21 And as David came to Ornan, Ornan looked and saw David, and went out of the threshingfloor, and bowed himself to David with his face to the ground.

  22 Then David said to Ornan, Grant me the place of this threshingfloor, that I may build an altar therein unto the LORD: thou shalt grant it me for the full price: that the plague may be stayed from the people.

 

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