The Skeptics Annotated Bible

by Wells, Steve

  18 But the Jews that were at Shushan assembled together on the thirteenth day thereof, and on the fourteenth thereof; and on the fifteenth day of the same they rested, and made it a day of feasting and gladness.

  19 Therefore the Jews of the villages, that dwelt in the unwalled towns, made the fourteenth day of the month Adar a day of gladness and feasting, and a good day, and of sending portions one to another.

  20 And Mordecai wrote these things, and sent letters unto all the Jews that were in all the provinces of the king Ahasuerus, both nigh and far,

  21 To stablish this among them, that they should keep the fourteenth day of the month Adar, and the fifteenth day of the same, yearly,

  22 As the days wherein the Jews rested from their enemies, and the month which was turned unto them from sorrow to joy, and from mourning into a good day: that they should make them days of feasting and joy, and of sending portions one to another, and gifts to the poor.

  23 And the Jews undertook to do as they had begun, and as Mordecai had written unto them;

  24 Because Haman the son of Hammedatha, the Agagite, the enemy of all the Jews, had devised against the Jews to destroy them, and had cast Pur, that is, the lot, to consume them, and to destroy them;

  25 But when Esther came before the king, he commanded by letters that his wicked device, which he devised against the Jews, should return upon his own head, and that he and his sons should be hanged on the gallows.

  (9.25) “When Esther came before the king, he commanded … that he [Haman] and his sons should be hanged on the gallows.”

  26 Wherefore they called these days Purim after the name of Pur. Therefore for all the words of this letter, and of that which they had seen concerning this matter, and which had come unto them,

  27 The Jews ordained, and took upon them, and upon their seed, and upon all such as joined themselves unto them, so as it should not fail, that they would keep these two days according to their writing, and according to their appointed time every year;

  28 And that these days should be remembered and kept throughout every generation, every family, every province, and every city; and that these days of Purim should not fail from among the Jews, nor the memorial of them perish from their seed.

  29 Then Esther the queen, the daughter of Abihail, and Mordecai the Jew, wrote with all authority, to confirm this second letter of Purim.

  30 And he sent the letters unto all the Jews, to the hundred twenty and seven provinces of the kingdom of Ahasuerus, with words of peace and truth,

  31 To confirm these days of Purim in their times appointed, according as Mordecai the Jew and Esther the queen had enjoined them, and as they had decreed for themselves and for their seed, the matters of the fastings and their cry.

  32 And the decree of Esther confirmed these matters of Purim; and it was written in the book.

  ESTHER 10

  10 And the king Ahasuerus laid a tribute upon the land, and upon the isles of the sea.

  2 And all the acts of his power and of his might, and the declaration of the greatness of Mordecai, whereunto the king advanced him, are they not written in the book of the chronicles of the kings of Media and Persia?

  3 For Mordecai the Jew was next unto king Ahasuerus, and great among the Jews, and accepted of the multitude of his brethren, seeking the wealth of his people, and speaking peace to all his seed.

  JOB

  And the LORD said unto Satan, Whence comest thou? Then Satan answered the LORD, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it. — Job 1.7

  The Book of Job gets way too much credit from both believers and skeptics. Everyone, it seems, thinks it inspiring and profound, especially those who have never read it. But Job is, in fact, as silly as it is evil. Let me summarize it for you.

  God and Satan play a game with the lives of Job and his family. Satan bets that Job will curse God to his face if Job’s life is made unpleasant enough. So God (or Satan, it’s hard to tell them apart) kills Job’s children and sends various torments upon him. Although Job curses the day he was born and says some nasty (and true) things about God, he doesn’t curse God (as he should have), so he is rewarded with new, even better, children. Another happy ending!

  Here’s a summary:

  Job was a perfect man, the richest in all the east. He had seven sons, three daughters, thousands of animals, and many slaves. 1.1-4

  God makes a bet with his son, Satan. God tells Satan to do nasty things to Job to see if he can get him to curse God to his face. 1.6-12

  He kills (or allows Satan to kill) Job’s children, but Job doesn’t “foolishly” blame God. 1.20-22

  He allows Satan to torment Job, just to see how he will react. 2.3-7

  He gives Job to Satan, saying: “Behold, all that he hath is in thy power.” 2.6

  Satan (or God) smites Job with boils from the “sole of his foot unto his crown.” 2.7

  Job’s wife says that to retain his integrity he should “curse God and die.” 2.9

  Job curses the day he was born. 3.1-2, 3.11

  God multiplies wounds without cause, destroys the perfect along with the wicked, laughs at the trial of the innocent, and hides the truth from judges. 9.17-24

  After God and Satan get done tormenting Job, God gave Job even more stuff than he had before, including children. God gave Job another set of 10 kids, with even prettier daughters! 42.13-15

  JOB 1

  (1.1-4) Job was a perfect man, the richest in all the east. He had 7 sons and 3 daughters that liked to party. The sons often invited their sisters over to party with them.

  1 There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was perfect and upright, and one that feared God, and eschewed evil.

  (1.1) “There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was perfect.” Nobody’s perfect. Well, except for Job (and Noah).

  2 And there were born unto him seven sons and three daughters.

  (1.2) “There were born unto him seven sons and three daughters.”

  3 His substance also was seven thousand sheep, and three thousand camels, and five hundred yoke of oxen, and five hundred she asses, and a very great household; so that this man was the greatest of all the men of the east.

  (1.3) “His substance also was seven thousand sheep, and three thousand camels, and five hundred yoke of oxen, and five hundred she asses, and a very great household; so that this man was the greatest of all the men of the east.”

  4 And his sons went and feasted in their houses, every one his day; and sent and called for their three sisters to eat and to drink with them.

  (1.4) “His sons went and feasted in their houses, every one his day; and sent and called for their three sisters to eat and to drink with them.”

  5 And it was so, when the days of their feasting were gone about, that Job sent and sanctified them, and rose up early in the morning, and offered burnt offerings according to the number of them all: for Job said, It may be that my sons have sinned, and cursed God in their hearts. Thus did Job continually.

  (1.6-12) God makes a bet with his son, Satan. God tells Satan to do nasty things to Job to see if he can get him to curse God to his face.

  6 Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan came also among them.

  (1.6) “The sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan came also among them.” Satan is the son of God!

  28 How many sons does God have?

  7 And the LORD said unto Satan, Whence comest thou? Then Satan answered the LORD, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it.

  (1.7) “And the LORD said unto Satan, Whence comest thou? Then Satan answered the LORD, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it.”

  18 Does God know everything?

  287 Is the Devil free to roam?

  8 And the LORD said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Jo
b, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil?

  (1.8) “The LORD said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man?”

  9 Then Satan answered the LORD, and said, Doth Job fear God for nought?

  10 Hast not thou made an hedge about him, and about his house, and about all that he hath on every side? thou hast blessed the work of his hands, and his substance is increased in the land.

  11 But put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath, and he will curse thee to thy face.

  (1.9-11) “Satan answered … touch all that he hath, and he will curse thee to thy face.”

  12 And the LORD said unto Satan, Behold, all that he hath is in thy power; only upon himself put not forth thine hand. So Satan went forth from the presence of the LORD.

  (1.12a) “And the LORD said unto Satan, Behold, all that he hath is in thy power.”

  (1.12b) “So Satan went forth from the presence of the LORD.”

  13 And there was a day when his sons and his daughters were eating and drinking wine in their eldest brother’s house:

  14 And there came a messenger unto Job, and said, The oxen were plowing, and the asses feeding beside them:

  (1.15-19) To start off God and Satan’s gruesome game, Job’s slaves and animals are burned to death or killed with swords. Then Job’s children are killed in a windstorm while partying.

  God’s 130th Killing

  15 And the Sabeans fell upon them, and took them away; yea, they have slain the servants with the edge of the sword; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee.

  (1.15) “They have slain the servants with the edge of the sword.”

  16 While he was yet speaking, there came also another, and said, The fire of God is fallen from heaven, and hath burned up the sheep, and the servants, and consumed them; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee.

  (1.16) “The fire of God is fallen from heaven, and hath burned up the sheep, and the servants, and consumed them.”

  17 While he was yet speaking, there came also another, and said, The Chaldeans made out three bands, and fell upon the camels, and have carried them away, yea, and slain the servants with the edge of the sword; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee.

  18 While he was yet speaking, there came also another, and said, Thy sons and thy daughters were eating and drinking wine in their eldest brother’s house:

  19 And, behold, there came a great wind from the wilderness, and smote the four corners of the house, and it fell upon the young men, and they are dead; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee.

  (1.18-19) “Thy sons and thy daughters were eating and drinking wine in their eldest brother’s house. And, behold, there came a great wind … and they are dead.”

  (1.20-22) God kills (or allows Satan to kill) Job’s children, but Job doesn’t “foolishly” blame God.

  20 Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped,

  (1.20) “Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped.”

  21 And said, Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.

  (1.21) “And said, Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.”

  22 In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly.

  (1.22) “In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly.”

  JOB 2

  2 Again there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan came also among them to present himself before the LORD.

  (2.1) “The sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan came also among them.” Satan is the son of God—the only one that God ever seems to talk to.

  28 How many sons does God have?

  2 And the LORD said unto Satan, From whence comest thou? And Satan answered the LORD, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it.

  (2.2) “And the LORD said unto Satan, From whence comest thou? And Satan answered the LORD, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it.” God asks where Satan has been lately (Apparently he didn’t know.)

  18 Does God know everything?

  287 Is the Devil free to roam?

  (2.3-7) God and Satan play a little game with Job. God allows Satan to torment Job, just to see how he will react.

  3 And the LORD said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil? and still he holdeth fast his integrity, although thou movedst me against him, to destroy him without cause.

  (2.3a) “Job … is … a perfect and an upright man … that feareth God, and escheweth evil.”

  35 Has there ever been a righteous person?

  (2.3b) “Thou movedst me against him, to destroy him without cause.” Satan “moved” God to kill Job’s children for no reason at all.

  4 And Satan answered the LORD, and said, Skin for skin, yea, all that a man hath will he give for his life.

  5 But put forth thine hand now, and touch his bone and his flesh, and he will curse thee to thy face.

  (2.5) “Put forth thine hand now, and touch his bone and his flesh, and he will curse thee to thy face.” Satan says Job will curse God to his face if God tortures him a bit.

  6 And the LORD said unto Satan, Behold, he is in thine hand; but save his life.

  (2.6) “And the LORD said unto Satan, Behold, he is in thine hand; but save his life.”

  7 So went Satan forth from the presence of the LORD, and smote Job with sore boils from the sole of his foot unto his crown.

  (2.7) “So went Satan forth from the presence of the LORD, and smote Job with sore boils from the sole of his foot unto his crown.”

  288 Who brought evil to Job?

  8 And he took him a potsherd to scrape himself withal; and he sat down among the ashes.

  9 Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse God, and die.

  (2.9) “Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse God, and die.” Job’s wife rightly says that if Job is to keep his integrity, then he should curse God (for playing vicious games with Satan) and die. Job replies that she is talking like a “foolish woman.”

  10 But he said unto her, Thou speakest as one of the foolish women speaketh. What? shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil? In all this did not Job sin with his lips.

  11 Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that was come upon him, they came every one from his own place; Eliphaz the Temanite, and Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite: for they had made an appointment together to come to mourn with him and to comfort him.

  12 And when they lifted up their eyes afar off, and knew him not, they lifted up their voice, and wept; and they rent every one his mantle, and sprinkled dust upon their heads toward heaven.

  (2.12) “They rent every one his mantle, and sprinkled dust upon their heads.”

  13 So they sat down with him upon the ground seven days and seven nights, and none spake a word unto him: for they saw that his grief was very great.

  JOB 3

  3 After this opened Job his mouth, and cursed his day.

  2 And Job spake, and said,

  3 Let the day perish wherein I was born, and the night in which it was said, There is a man child conceived.

  (3.2-3, 11) Because of God’s cruel wager with Satan, Job curses the day he was born.

  (3.2-3) “Job … said, Let the day perish wherein I was born.”

  4 Let that day be darkness; let not God regard it from above, neither let the l
ight shine upon it.

  5 Let darkness and the shadow of death stain it; let a cloud dwell upon it; let the blackness of the day terrify it.

  6 As for that night, let darkness seize upon it; let it not be joined unto the days of the year, let it not come into the number of the months.

  7 Lo, let that night be solitary, let no joyful voice come therein.

  8 Let them curse it that curse the day, who are ready to raise up their mourning.

  9 Let the stars of the twilight thereof be dark; let it look for light, but have none; neither let it see the dawning of the day:

  10 Because it shut not up the doors of my mother’s womb, nor hid sorrow from mine eyes.

  11 Why died I not from the womb? why did I not give up the ghost when I came out of the belly?

  (3.11) “Why died I not from the womb? why did I not give up the ghost when I came out of the belly?”

  12 Why did the knees prevent me? or why the breasts that I should suck?

  13 For now should I have lain still and been quiet, I should have slept: then had I been at rest,

  14 With kings and counsellors of the earth, which built desolate places for themselves;

  15 Or with princes that had gold, who filled their houses with silver:

  16 Or as an hidden untimely birth I had not been; as infants which never saw light.

  17 There the wicked cease from troubling; and there the weary be at rest.

  18 There the prisoners rest together; they hear not the voice of the oppressor.

  19 The small and great are there; and the servant is free from his master.

  20 Wherefore is light given to him that is in misery, and life unto the bitter in soul;

  21 Which long for death, but it cometh not; and dig for it more than for hid treasures;

  22 Which rejoice exceedingly, and are glad, when they can find the grave?

  23 Why is light given to a man whose way is hid, and whom God hath hedged in?

  24 For my sighing cometh before I eat, and my roarings are poured out like the waters.

  25 For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me.