The Skeptics Annotated Bible
Page 280
48 And ye are witnesses of these things.
49 And, behold, I send the promise of my Father upon you: but tarry ye in the city of Jerusalem, until ye be endued with power from on high.
(24.49) “Tarry ye in the city of Jerusalem.”
412 Where did Jesus tell his disciples to go after his resurrection?
50 And he led them out as far as to Bethany, and he lifted up his hands, and blessed them.
51 And it came to pass, while he blessed them, he was parted from them, and carried up into heaven.
(24.51) “He was … carried up into heaven.”
428 When did Jesus ascend into heaven?
52 And they worshipped him, and returned to Jerusalem with great joy:
53 And were continually in the temple, praising and blessing God. Amen.
JOHN
He that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. — John 3.18
The best known verse from the Bible, by far, is John 3.16.
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”
And it sounds nice, until you think about it. God had his own son tortured to death to prevent himself from torturing everyone else forever. Believe and you have everlasting life. Disbelieve and you are damned to hell. That is the message of the gospel of John.
Here are some highlights.
Jesus told Nathaniel that he would see heaven open and angels descend upon Jesus. Nathaniel never saw it; neither has anyone else. 1.51
Jesus believed the stupid and vicious story from Numbers 21. (God sent snakes to bite the people for complaining about the lack of food and water. Then God told Moses to make a brass snake to cure them from the bites.) 3.14
Those who, for whatever reason, do not believe in Jesus are tormented forever in hell. 3.18, 8.24, 15.6
The wrath of God is on all unbelievers. 3.36
Jesus magically perceived that a Samaritan woman had been married and divorced five times previously. (He could spot a divorced woman a mile away.) 4.7-18
The people of Nazareth, who knew Jesus well, (his family, friends, and neighbors) didn’t believe in him. 6.42, 7.5
Jesus says we must eat his flesh and drink his blood if we want to have eternal life. 6.53
A man was born blind so that Jesus could show off his powers by curing him of his blindness. 9.1-3
Jesus spits on the ground, mixes his spit with the dirt, and rubs the muddy spit in a blind man’s eyes. 9.6
Everyone that ever lived before Jesus was a thief and a robber. 10.8
Many of those who saw Jesus firsthand thought he was mad and possessed by a devil. 10.20
Lazarus suffered and died (or pretend to die) so that Jesus could be "be glorified" by raising him from the dead. 11.4
Mary wastes expensive ointment on Jesus’ feet, rather than selling the ointment and giving the money to the poor. But Jesus thinks his feet are more important, saying that poor people will always be around, but he and his precious feet won’t be. 12.3-8
You must hate your life in order to keep it. (If you love your life, you’ll go to hell after you die.) 12.25
God hardened the hearts of the Jews to prevent them from believing in Jesus. 12.40
Those who believe in Jesus will be able to perform even greater miracles than he did! 14.12
If you don’t like Jesus, then you don’t like God. (You’re a damned God hater.) 15.23
Christians always get whatever they ask for in prayer. 15.7, 16; 16.23
The Jews are blamed for the death of Jesus. 19.7-15
Jesus implied that he would return to earth during the lifetime of John. 21.22-23
JOHN 1
1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
(1.1) “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.”
349 Is Jesus God?
2 Who created heaven and earth?
2 The same was in the beginning with God.
3 All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made.
4 In him was life; and the life was the light of men.
5 And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.
6 There was a man sent from God, whose name was John.
7 The same came for a witness, to bear witness of the Light, that all men through him might believe.
8 He was not that Light, but was sent to bear witness of that Light.
9 That was the true Light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world.
10 He was in the world, and the world was made by him, and the world knew him not.
11 He came unto his own, and his own received him not.
12 But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:
(1.12) “To them gave he the power to become the sons of God.”
28 How many sons does God have?
13 Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.
14 And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.
(1.14) “The Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us.”
349 Is Jesus God?
15 John bare witness of him, and cried, saying, This was he of whom I spake, He that cometh after me is preferred before me: for he was before me.
16 And of his fulness have all we received, and grace for grace.
17 For the law was given by Moses, but grace and truth came by Jesus Christ.
18 No man hath seen God at any time; the only begotten Son, which is in the bosom of the Father, he hath declared him.
(1.18) “No man hath seen God at any time.”
49 Can God be seen?
19 And this is the record of John, when the Jews sent priests and Levites from Jerusalem to ask him, Who art thou?
20 And he confessed, and denied not; but confessed, I am not the Christ.
21 And they asked him, What then? Art thou Elias? And he saith, I am not. Art thou that prophet? And he answered, No.
(1.21) “Art thou Elias? And he saith, I am not.”
356 Was John the Baptist Elijah?
22 Then said they unto him, Who art thou? that we may give an answer to them that sent us. What sayest thou of thyself?
23 He said, I am the voice of one crying in the wilderness, Make straight the way of the Lord, as said the prophet Esaias.
24 And they which were sent were of the Pharisees.
25 And they asked him, and said unto him, Why baptizest thou then, if thou be not that Christ, nor Elias, neither that prophet?
26 John answered them, saying, I baptize with water: but there standeth one among you, whom ye know not;
27 He it is, who coming after me is preferred before me, whose shoe’s latchet I am not worthy to unloose.
28 These things were done in Bethabara beyond Jordan, where John was baptizing.
(1.28) “These things were done in Bethabara beyond Jordan, where John was baptizing.” But no such site is known in history. Some translations ASV, NAB, NIV, RSV, NRSV) rename Bethabara as Bethany, but Bethany is a suburb of Jerusalem and, therefore, not “beyond the Jordan.”
333 Where did John baptize?
(1.29-34) John baptizes Jesus and declares him to be “the Son of God.” But later, as he is about to be beheaded, he is no longer sure what to think about Jesus. So he sends his own disciples to ask, “Art thou he that should come, or do we look for another?” (Mt 11.3) Well, if he isn’t sure after seeing and hearing the events at Jesus’ baptism, then how can anyone else be?
29 The next day John seeth Jesus coming unto him, and saith, Behold the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world.
(1.29) “Behold the Lamb of
God, which taketh away the sin of the world.”
30 This is he of whom I said, After me cometh a man which is preferred before me: for he was before me.
31 And I knew him not: but that he should be made manifest to Israel, therefore am I come baptizing with water.
32 And John bare record, saying, I saw the Spirit descending from heaven like a dove, and it abode upon him.
(1.32) “John bare record, saying, I saw the Spirit descending from heaven like a dove, and it abode upon him.”
33 And I knew him not: but he that sent me to baptize with water, the same said unto me, Upon whom thou shalt see the Spirit descending, and remaining on him, the same is he which baptizeth with the Holy Ghost.
(1.33) “He that sent me to baptize with water … said unto me, Upon whom thou shalt see the Spirit descending … is he which baptizeth with the Holy Ghost.”
34 And I saw, and bare record that this is the Son of God.
(1.34) “I saw, and bare record that this is the Son of God.”
35 Again the next day after John stood, and two of his disciples;
(1.35) “Again the next day after….”
415 What did Jesus do after his baptism?
36 And looking upon Jesus as he walked, he saith, Behold the Lamb of God!
37 And the two disciples heard him speak, and they followed Jesus.
38 Then Jesus turned, and saw them following, and saith unto them, What seek ye? They said unto him, Rabbi, (which is to say, being interpreted, Master,) where dwellest thou?
39 He saith unto them, Come and see. They came and saw where he dwelt, and abode with him that day: for it was about the tenth hour.
40 One of the two which heard John speak, and followed him, was Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother.
(1.40) “One of the two which heard John speak, and followed him, was Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother.”
337 Which came first: the calling of Peter and Andrew or the imprisonment of John the Baptist?
41 He first findeth his own brother Simon, and saith unto him, We have found the Messias, which is, being interpreted, the Christ.
(1.41) “We have found the Messias, which is, being interpreted, the Christ.”
363 How did Peter find out that Jesus was the Messiah?
42 And he brought him to Jesus. And when Jesus beheld him, he said, Thou art Simon the son of Jona: thou shalt be called Cephas, which is by interpretation, A stone.
43 The day following Jesus would go forth into Galilee, and findeth Philip, and saith unto him, Follow me.
44 Now Philip was of Bethsaida, the city of Andrew and Peter.
(1.44) “Philip was of Bethsaida, the city of Andrew and Peter.”
416 Where was the home of Peter and Andrew?
45 Philip findeth Nathanael, and saith unto him, We have found him, of whom Moses in the law, and the prophets, did write, Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.
46 And Nathanael said unto him, Can there any good thing come out of Nazareth? Philip saith unto him, Come and see.
47 Jesus saw Nathanael coming to him, and saith of him, Behold an Israelite indeed, in whom is no guile!
(1.48-50) Jesus had remote viewing skills.
48 Nathanael saith unto him, Whence knowest thou me? Jesus answered and said unto him, Before that Philip called thee, when thou wast under the fig tree, I saw thee.
(1.48) “Nathanael saith unto him, Whence knowest thou me? Jesus answered and said unto him, Before that Philip called thee, when thou wast under the fig tree, I saw thee.”
49 Nathanael answered and saith unto him, Rabbi, thou art the Son of God; thou art the King of Israel.
(1.49) “Nathanael … saith … Rabbi, thou art the Son of God.”
50 Jesus answered and said unto him, Because I said unto thee, I saw thee under the fig tree, believest thou? thou shalt see greater things than these.
(1.50) “Jesus … said … Because I said unto thee, I saw thee under the fig tree, believest thou? thou shalt see greater things than these.”
51 And he saith unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Hereafter ye shall see heaven open, and the angels of God ascending and descending upon the Son of man.
(1.51) “Ye shall see heaven open, and the angels of God ascending and descending upon the Son of man.” Jesus falsely prophesied that Nathaniel would see heaven open and angels descend upon Jesus. Nathaniel never saw it; neither has anyone else.
JOHN 2
2 And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee; and the mother of Jesus was there:
2 And both Jesus was called, and his disciples, to the marriage.
(2.1-2) “The third day there was a marriage in Cana … and … Jesus was called … to the marriage.”
415 What did Jesus do after his baptism?
(2.3-9) Jesus’ first miracle was to turn water into wine. (Good thing he didn’t he turn the water into blood like his dad did in Exodus 7.)
71 Is it OK to drink alcohol?
3 And when they wanted wine, the mother of Jesus saith unto him, They have no wine.
(2.3) “When they wanted wine, the mother of Jesus saith unto him, They have no wine.”
4 Jesus saith unto her, Woman, what have I to do with thee? mine hour is not yet come.
(2.4) “Jesus saith unto her, Woman, what have I to do with thee?” And his most blessed mother said unto him, “I’m your fucking mother, you jerk.” (Or words to that effect.)
5 His mother saith unto the servants, Whatsoever he saith unto you, do it.
(2.5) “His mother saith unto the servants, Whatsoever he saith unto you, do it.”
6 And there were set there six waterpots of stone, after the manner of the purifying of the Jews, containing two or three firkins apiece.
7 Jesus saith unto them, Fill the waterpots with water. And they filled them up to the brim.
(2.7) “Jesus saith unto them, Fill the waterpots with water. And they filled them up to the brim.”
8 And he saith unto them, Draw out now, and bear unto the governor of the feast. And they bare it.
9 When the ruler of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and knew not whence it was: (but the servants which drew the water knew;) the governor of the feast called the bridegroom,
(2.9) “The water … was made wine.”
10 And saith unto him, Every man at the beginning doth set forth good wine; and when men have well drunk, then that which is worse: but thou hast kept the good wine until now.
(2.11-15)
373 When did Jesus’ temple tantrum occur?
11 This beginning of miracles did Jesus in Cana of Galilee, and manifested forth his glory; and his disciples believed on him.
(2.11) “This beginning of miracles did Jesus in Cana.”
12 After this he went down to Capernaum, he, and his mother, and his brethren, and his disciples: and they continued there not many days.
(2.12) “After this he went down to Capernaum.”
13 And the Jews’ passover was at hand, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem,
(2.13) “Passover was at hand, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem.”
14 And found in the temple those that sold oxen and sheep and doves, and the changers of money sitting:
(2.14) “And found in the temple those that sold oxen and sheep and doves, and the changers of money.”
15 And when he had made a scourge of small cords, he drove them all out of the temple, and the sheep, and the oxen; and poured out the changers’ money, and overthrew the tables;
(2.15) “When he had made a scourge of small cords, he drove them all out of the temple … and poured out the changers’ money, and overthrew the tables.”
16 And said unto them that sold doves, Take these things hence; make not my Father’s house an house of merchandise.
17 And his disciples remembered that it was written, The zeal of thine house hath eaten me up.
18 Then answered the Jews and said unto him, What sign shewest thou unto us, seeing that thou doe
st these things?
19 Jesus answered and said unto them, Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up.
20 Then said the Jews, Forty and six years was this temple in building, and wilt thou rear it up in three days?
21 But he spake of the temple of his body.
(2.19-21) “Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up … He spake of the temple of his body.”
437 Who raised Jesus from the dead?
384 Did Jesus say, “Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up”?
22 When therefore he was risen from the dead, his disciples remembered that he had said this unto them; and they believed the scripture, and the word which Jesus had said.
23 Now when he was in Jerusalem at the passover, in the feast day, many believed in his name, when they saw the miracles which he did.
24 But Jesus did not commit himself unto them, because he knew all men,
25 And needed not that any should testify of man: for he knew what was in man.
JOHN 3
3 There was a man of the Pharisees, named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews:
2 The same came to Jesus by night, and said unto him, Rabbi, we know that thou art a teacher come from God: for no man can do these miracles that thou doest, except God be with him.
(3.2) “No man can do these miracles that thou doest, except God be with him.”
360 Did Jesus perform many signs and wonders?
3 Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.
4 Nicodemus saith unto him, How can a man be born when he is old? can he enter the second time into his mother’s womb, and be born?
5 Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.
(3.3, 5) “Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.”
359 How are people judged by God?
6 That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.
7 Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again.
8 The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit.