Alexander Kent - Bolitho 26

by Man of War [lit]

  But aboard Tolan’s ship it did not end without bloodshed. The captain was a disciplinarian of the old school, and when his company voted to follow the example of the fleet and refused to obey any further commands from aft, he had been beside himself with disbelief and fury.

  The arms chest had been forced open, and the mutineers had driven most of the officers and the more trusted hands from the upper deck. Only the scarlet line had stood fast, muskets loaded, bayonets fixed.

  The young officer, who had been from Tolan’s own regiment, had raised his sword, and for an instant it seemed that the threat had passed. Then the captain had ordered him to fire on the mutineers. Tolan could remember the complete silence, as if it were yesterday.

  Faces staring at one another across a few feet of decking. Seamen who had joked and chuckled when the soldiers, acting marines, had been forced to learn the crafts of seamanship and man the braces to alter course, amused by their attempts to cling to their army training and customs even at sea.

  The sword had sliced down. Fire! Obey orders without question. All he knew.

  The complete silence.

  Then a young corporal on the right of the line, one of the only true marines aboard, half turned, smartly as if to an order, and called, ”Belay that! Ground your arms!”

  Some laid down their muskets, others stared around, confused and overtaken by the swiftness of events, so that the crack of a pistol shot seemed like a broadside.

  Tolan had got to know the young corporal, and had learned many things from him. How to keep a clean and smart kit in the close confines of a ship, how to cook, and what it took to prime and load a cannon. How to survive.

  He still thought about it. The corporal lying on the deck, his eyes wide with shock as the shot had killed him.

  Like a mad dream. His own musket pressed into his arm, the officer swinging round with the pistol still smoking in his hand. Then the jerk of the butt against his shoulder, the officer’s hat flying into the air with the blood from his shattered face.

  Like many others, Tolan had deserted that day, and so it had continued, running and hiding, while a ruthless search for culprits spread across the country.

  In desperation he had presented himself to a recruiting party put ashore from a frigate. Bethune had been her captain, his first command. It was the perfect disguise and the perfect place to lose himself. He had once served as an officer’s orderly, and it was not long before he was selected to attend the captain.

  There had been testing moments. Once in Portsmouth dockyard, he had come face to face with a tall lieutenant, whom he had recognized instantly despite the passing of the years. A midshipman aboard that same ship when he had shot down his own officer. Just a glance, nothing more. Another time when he had quit the sea to accompany Bethune on some mission or other he had met a man by the Thames in London, the same river which ran within half a mile of where he had been born. Don’t I know you?

  It had got no further. That time .. .

  He straightened his back and plucked his coat away from his chest. He was sweating. Would he never be able to forget it?

  He saw Bethune’s minute secretary Edward Paget coming down the steps, an important-looking satchel under one arm. A worrier, Tolan had long ago decided, always asking questions and making notes. Good at his work, though. He almost smiled. Otherwise Bethune would have cast him adrift years ago. Others did not seem to notice. Bethune was always ready to listen and to discuss, if it suited him. Handsome, dashing, with an eye for pretty women; a man who looked after himself. Must be fifty or even over, but looked far younger. A man Tolan could understand, and like, but underneath it all he was steel, something Tolan had marked well.

  He saw that the carriage was already loaded, and apparently ready. It was time. How strange that the flagship at Plymouth was named Queen Charlotte. Not the same ship which had been at the centre of the Great Mutiny, but her name had been carried on. The navy’s way. It was like a reminder. A warning, if he needed one.

  ”Ah, there you are, Tolan!” Bethune peered up at the sky and then at the cathedral as the clock began to boom the hour. ”Good sleep?” He nodded. ”That’s as well I doubt it will be an easy ride.”

  He had not waited for an answer; he rarely did. They walked to the carriage together in silence. It was only then that Tolan realized Bethune, always so buoyant and confident, was unwilling to leave.

  She stood very still and upright by the opened, gate, her body completely covered by a cloak. She had even pulled its hood over her head so that her long hair hung down her back, out of sight.

  It was well past noon; she had heard a church clock strike somewhere. It seemed an eternity ago.

  She shivered, glad of the cloak; there was a fresh southeasterly breeze blowing in from the sea. But she knew it was not that. She looked down the slope and saw the Tamar through the trees, some small craft tossing at their moorings as if they were in the Channel.

  She thought of the note the post boy had brought to the house behind her. Dearest Lowenna. Together at noon tomorrow.

  Today. Perhaps something had happened. Perhaps he had changed his mind. She had gone over it so many times since the earnest young lieutenant, her companion and guardian all the way from London, had described it all to his captain. Made light of it, perhaps joked with his fellow officers aboard the Athena about his exploits with the captain’s ‘friend’. In the same breath, she knew Francis Troubridge would not. Probably a couple of years her junior, but he had seemed from another generation, courteous, friendly, protective, not once attempting any intimacy.

  At the inns where their little procession of coaches and carts had paused on the journey she had seen the curious stares, the nudges and the grins. But Troubridge had always been there, ready to ensure that she and her maid had all the privacy they could want.

  She looked at the river again. The opposite bank was Cornwall, where she had been born. She closed her fists hard against her sides. She had never thought of it as home. It was merely a place where she had been forced to avoid faces she knew, places where she might be remembered. Montagu had changed that for her. She would have gone mad otherwise. She had once tried to kill herself.

  She shivered once more, but not from cold, and pressed her hand to her breast, surprised that her breathing seemed so even. It brought Sir Gregory Montagu back to her thoughts, the day he had died, with the same dignity he had shown in life. He had tried to tell her something, but the two doctors, old friends of his, had insisted she leave the room for a few minutes. He had not recovered. She knew that he had started to die after the fire; he had been trying to save some paintings, in particular one which had brought Adam into her life. A blazing beam had fallen into the studio and smashed him to the floor, and his right hand had been broken and burned beyond recognition. The hand which had brought him fame, and fame to those he had captured on canvas. Which had rendered the elusive quality of Adam’s smile, precisely as she had described it.

  Almost the last words he had spoken to her were, It’s like destiny, my girl. Fate.

  What had he meant? Was she still deceiving herself?

  She thought of the people who lived in the house behind her, a local boat builder and his wife. Montagu had stayed here several times in the past when he needed to work without interference or arousing local curosity. Perhaps she should not have accepted Troubridge’s willing offer of help to come here. London, then? More studios, one pose after another, with her inviolable guard always intact.

  She thought of that last time, when she had almost killed Montagu’s nephew. / wanted to kill him. The rest was a mist. Adam holding her, the young lieutenant Troubridge suddenly transformed, dangerous, with a pistol in his hand. Others too, but mostly Adam’s hands holding her. Like that day when his horse had thrown him and his wound had burst. Dazed and delirious, he had touched her, held her, and she had lain beside him, her body rigid, her mind screaming as the nightmare returned. Groping hands, pulling at her, forcing her to suffer
unspeakable rape and violation. When it came to her now, it was endless. And always the pain .. . Her father’s voice somewhere in the fog, pleading and sobbing.

  She had fought against Adam’s friendship, the growth of the one true feeling she had allowed to blossom. She remembered her own voice, calling out in the night. It’s love I want. Not pity. Can’t you see that?

  She swung round. A horse. She pushed the hood back from her cheek. Two horses. She was breathless, as if she had been running. It had to be him. Nobody used the road at this time of day. Perhaps he was bringing Troubridge with him. To protect her good name. As a witness .. .

  The horse came around the bend in the road, a second rider a few yards behind.

  She wanted to run to him, to call his name, but she could not move. Adam was above her one moment, and the next she was in his arms, pressed against him, her arms trapped by the heavy cloak.

  ”I am so sorry for the delay, Lowenna. The flagship made a signal. I came as soon as I could. If only .. .” The rest was lost as he put his arm around her shoulders and held her face against his.

  She murmured, ”You came.” She saw the uncertainty in his eyes. ”It’s all I care about.”

  She heard the other rider say, ”I’ll wait at the forge, zur. Just call when you needs me.” He sounded awkward but vaguely pleased.

  Adam walked with her toward the white-painted house, seeing the river beyond. The girl’s shoulders were firm under his arm, her dark hair streaming in the breeze like silk. He tried to piece it together. Troubridge’s excitement when he had climbed aboard after his journey from London with Bethune’s belongings. Happy that he had become a part of it, nervous that he had gone too far.

  He had seen one of the boatswain’s mates by the entry port turn and stare as he had seized Troubridge’s hands and exclaimed, ”You have saved my life. Don’t you know that?”

  He hardly saw the room as she guided him to a tall, ladder-backed chair and watched him throw his hat and cloak on to another, the same cloak he had wrapped around her when he had smashed his way into the house in London. He reached for her hands and held them. They were very cold.

  ”Are we alone?” He did not hear her answer, but began to get up again.

  She put her hands on his shoulders, repressing him a little. ”How long do you have? They are over the river, in Saltash. They’ll not be back until sunset, I think.”

  She touched his face, his cheek, and, gently, his lips. ”I was so afraid. I have thought about you so much, maybe too much.” She shook her head. ”I’m not making very much sense.”

  He said, ”I have to rejoin Athena by the dog watches.” He smiled, and the strain fell away from his face; he looked very young. ”That’ll be around sunset, too!”

  She stood back from him and unfastened the cloak, letting it fall, then she allowed herself to look at him again.

  ”Sir Gregory told you.” She held up her hand. ”He must have trusted you very much. Otherwise he would have said nothing.”

  ”I want you, Lowenna. That is all I know and care about. If it takes time, then we will find time. And I want you safe while I am away.”

  ”Safe?” She watched a gull drift past the window. ”You will be gone soon.”

  ”You can stay at the house in Falmouth as long as you care to. Grace and Bryan Ferguson will make you most welcome.”

  ”You know what people will say, and think, Adam. She shelters beneath the Bolitho roof what does she offer in return?” She smiled, as if a cloud had passed away. ”I shall call upon your aunt. She was very kind to me. And she loves you greatly I could feel it.”

  He took her hand again but did not look at her.

  ”Will you give up the studio work?”

  ”Are you asking me to? Will you give up the sea for me?”

  She returned the grip on his hand. ”That was unfair of me. I would never ask it of you.”

  Adam saw her sudden anxiety and said, ”Next time we meet .. .”

  He got no further.

  Wo. Not the next time, Adam. There may be no next time, who can tell?”

  When she spoke again her voice was level, calm, only her eyes giving a hint of tension.

  ”The first time I saw you ... It was something Sir Gregory taught me, made me put above and before all else. Forced me to find myself, maybe by losing myself in others, in the paintings. I gave myself to the work, and could hold all else at bay. Looks and stares, the thoughts too ... they meant nothing. He taught me all that, but when you came into that room and looked at me, I felt something . very different.” She repeated, ”Not the next time, Adam. Otherwise we might wait in vain.” She turned her head slightly, as if she had heard something. ”Fate, perhaps?”

  Adam said, ”I would never hurt you, Lowenna.”

  She slipped from his hand and walked to the far corner of the room.

  ”It has to be now. / must know, for both our sakes.” Then she was gone, and Adam saw a shoe fall as she disappeared up a narrow staircase he had not seen before.

  He stared at his hat and cloak, lying where he had tossed them.

  Leave now before you destroy something that was never yours. Another voice persisted, go, and you will never see her again.

  He did not remember climbing the unfamiliar staircase, but stooped to recover her other shoe, which had fallen just outside the door.

  Perhaps more than anything else the shoe recalled it to him, what Montagu had told him, and the fear and disgust he had seen for himself when he had smashed his way into that room.

  He thrust open the door and saw her sitting on the bed, her hair spilling over her shoulders and the sheet which she had drawn across her body, one hand holding it close to her throat as if she were about to pose for another sketch, a new beginning.

  The light was poor, but he could see her clothing where she must have thrown it, with the same quiet desperation she had used to kick off her shoes.

  He heard himself say again, ”I would never hurt you, Lowenna.”

  She nodded slowly, her eyes so dark that it was impossible to know her thoughts. He began to unbutton his coat but she shook her head.

  ”No. As you are. Not the next time. It has to be now.”

  Then she lay back and deliberately raised her hands above her head, crossing one wrist over the other, her hair wrapped around them as if she were tied like a captive.

  He leaned down and cupped one shoulder in his hand. She did not flinch, but watched his hand as if unable to move. The captive again.

  Then she looked up at him and whispered, ”Whatever I do or say, no matter how much I protest, take me. Teach me. / must know, for both our sakes!”

  She cried out as he dragged the sheet away from her body, until she was naked, her arms straining as if they were, in truth, tightly held.

  He felt himself soothing her, holding, stroking, exploring her until the blood pounded in his brain like a fever.

  She gasped and opened her eyes very wide as his hand found her. How it must have been, again and again.

  Compassion, love, need, it was all and none of them. He was kissing her, and her arms were free and clasped around his shoulders. There were tears too, like that day; he could taste them.

  He felt her body arch beneath his hand, and her voice, small and far away.

  ”Now, Adam .. . dearest Adam. Take me.”

  The same church clock broke the spell, but only partly.

  She lay naked across the bed, resting on her elbows, while she watched him struggle into his uniform. It seemed darker but it was an illusion, born of joy and of guilt. Then she stood and put her arms around him and he held and stroked her, kissed the bruises his buttons had left on her skin.

  ”You must go.” She tossed the hair from her face. ”The sea will always be a rival, but not my enemy.”

  The two horses were standing by the gate, their handler no doubt nervous about the time. But he said nothing, and watched Adam climb up into the saddle. He saw the youthful post captain touch his side as
he reached down for the reins; he was not to know that it was an old wound, making its presence felt once more.

  Adam turned the horse toward the road, and paused to look back at the house. The windows were in shadow now, like eyes at rest, but he knew she was there, in that same quiet room where life, or fate, had changed them. He could still feel her, her fear and doubt giving way to frenzy and then submission. I can still feel you. There would be pain, too. But the fear was gone, perhaps forever.

  He felt his crumpled shirt rubbing against the wound, and remembered her lips caressing it as they had lain together.

  A woman passed him, carrying a bundle of wood. Without thinking, he raised his hat to her and smiled, felt her staring after them as the horses increased their pace.

  He remembered suddenly and vividly a time when he had been a child, and he had been taught to swim in the sea. It had been on the north coast of Cornwall, where the sea is often moody, the breakers pounding the hard sand like thunder. His instructor had been a friend of his mother’s. He allowed himself to confront it: one of her lovers.

  Out of his depth, the current dragging at his body with sudden strength, he had heard the man calling to him to return to the beach. Instead, he had fought depth and breakers together. Somehow he had survived, his mind reeling from exhaustion and fright.

  But above all, he remembered the sense of triumph and of joy-He twisted round to look back at the house, but there were only trees, and the river.

  He spoke her name aloud. And she would know it, hear it on the wind.

  Like destiny. Like fate. And the next horizon.