by Chris Taylor
He hated the fact he’d had to keep his love a secret through their long and tumultuous high school years. She’d only ever had eyes for Luke. Jacob wasn’t one to think ill of the dead, but even in life, Luke hadn’t deserved her. Not that Jacob had ever told her. He hadn’t found the courage to do it more than a decade ago and then the accident had happened and that was the end of it. She’d hated him from that moment on. Still did.
“How’s Toby?” Hannah asked quietly.
Jacob started in surprise. He’d expected her to make some polite chit chat and then get the hell out of there. The last thing he’d anticipated was for her to enquire about his twin.
“He-he’s fine,” Jacob replied hastily and was immediately filled with guilt. If there was one thing his brother wasn’t, it was fine, but he could hardly tell Hannah the truth. She probably didn’t care, anyway.
“Really?” she answered, raising one perfectly shaped eyebrow.
He stared at her. “You sound surprised.”
She lowered her gaze to her hands, where her fingers tangled in the napkin. A faint blush stole across her cheeks. “No, I… I mean, I’m glad to hear he’s doing okay.”
Jacob’s gaze narrowed on hers. He wondered if she knew. “Why would you think otherwise?”
Hannah’s flush deepened and once again, she avoided his gaze. “No reason. I just heard…after the trial…when you went to prison… He…he didn’t take it well.”
Jacob’s heart thumped hard against his chest. Any mention of that time brought with it a rush of memories, none of them good. His hands clenched into fists and he fought to keep his breathing steady. She didn’t appear to know the truth about Toby’s current state of health. It was best they keep it that way.
“I didn’t see him much after the sentencing. My visitors at the jail were few and far between. Toby didn’t have a car. He relied on our mom to transport him to and from the prison. It wasn’t easy for him to come and see me. He wrote a few letters and I always wrote him back, but even those dwindled over time. It was like he forgot.”
Hannah stared at him, her eyes dark with emotion. “What about your mom? I thought you were close?”
Jacob drew in a deep breath and eased it out on a heavy sigh. “We were.”
“Were?” Hannah asked quietly.
“She died two years ago, not long after Lane and Zara’s wedding. Breast cancer. She battled it for many years. It was one of the reasons she couldn’t visit me in jail as frequently as she wanted to. She often wasn’t well enough to make the trip. And of course, my father died when I was young.”
“Which meant Toby couldn’t go, either,” Hannah finished.
“Right. Anyway, that was a long time ago and we’ve managed to put it all behind us. It’s funny that you ask because I reconnected with Toby almost a week ago. He’s about to start a new job.”
Hannah looked surprised and Jacob understood her reaction. He’d been out of prison for eight years. More than enough time to meet up with his twin again. It still pained him to think about the turmoil Toby experienced when Jacob went to jail, but there was nothing he could do about it—then, or now.
“Do you mean you haven’t seen him all this time?” Hannah asked.
Jacob cursed under his breath. He shouldn’t have used the word “reconnected.” It had given her the wrong impression, even if it had been the truth.
“No. Yes. What I mean is, it took a long time for me to find him after I got out of jail. He just kind of disappeared. It isn’t hard to do in a city.”
“But what about your family? Your mom and your brothers? Didn’t they know where he was?”
“No. Toby left without a word of good-bye to anyone. No one had a clue where he was. At the time I was sent to prison, Lane was already enrolled in the Goulburn Police Academy. He was a young constable when I was released. He was stationed here, there and everywhere, including two stints in the country. My youngest brother, Rusty, was still in high school when I was arrested. I think he probably did it even tougher than my twin.”
“But what about more recently? Lane’s a detective. Surely he’d have access to databases which would make it easier to find him?”
Her tone had taken on an accusatory note and Jacob’s defenses rose. His fists clenched beneath the table. She knew nothing about him or his family. She had no right to judge.
“Toby disappeared without a trace. He wasn’t on anyone’s database. He had a provisional driver’s license in high school, but it had never been renewed. He’d never bought a house and unlike me, he’d never been arrested. Lane did everything he could think of, but it was like our brother had simply vanished. We guessed and hoped he might still be in Sydney, but no one knew for sure and I don’t know if you’ve noticed recently, but we live in a city of more than five million people. It’s not easy to find someone who doesn’t want to be found.”
His breath came faster and his body was tense. Hannah must have seen some of the pain and turmoil in his eyes, because her face went blank then relaxed into a soft, conciliatory smile.
“I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “I shouldn’t have said that. It wasn’t fair. Besides, it’s none of my business.”
Her apology seemed genuine and Jacob was reminded how she and his twin used to get along so well. Toby had been deprived of oxygen during his birth and was ever-so-slightly developmentally delayed. Hannah had always shown him kindness.
Toby looked at the world through eyes that remained as innocent as a child’s. It was often his undoing. Less honorable people took advantage of his disability and his simple view of the world. Jacob had been helpless to protect his brother from inside the walls of the prison and that knowledge had killed him. It was even worse when his mother had eventually told him Toby had disappeared and no one knew where he’d gone.
Blinking back a surge of emotion the old memories brought forth, Jacob forced a semblance of a smile. “Apology accepted. It was a difficult time for us all. I’m grateful it’s now behind us.”
Hannah nodded, her expression somber. “I’m glad to hear Toby’s found you again. He loved you very much.”
This time, a lump lodged itself in Jacob’s throat and he swallowed but barely managed to nod.
“You said he’s about to start a new job?” Hannah asked, reaching for her beer.
“Yes, he’s going to be working at a funeral parlor in Balmain,” Jacob replied, watching the movement of her throat as she swallowed.
Hannah’s voice was filled with surprise. “Really? I work at a funeral parlor in Balmain and it’s one of only a few there. I work for the Max Grace Funeral Home. Do you know where Toby’s going to be working?”
It was Jacob’s turn to be surprised. He turned to her and sat forward in his seat. “I’m almost certain that’s the name of it. Toby only mentioned it briefly, but he’s very excited about getting the chance. It’s not easy for him, as I’m sure you understand. Not everyone has the time or inclination to employ someone like him.”
Hannah nodded. “I know what you mean and it sounds just like something my boss would do. Max Grace has a very kind and generous heart. He often extends a hand, in the form of employment, to those less able to obtain work elsewhere. His only family is a thirty-year-old nephew and Bobby Grace doesn’t go out of his way to endear himself to his uncle, or anyone else. He’s supposed to be employed full-time at the funeral parlor, but we’re lucky if he shows half the time. That makes it hard on the rest of us. If Max were less supportive, I’m sure Bobby would find himself out on the street. It’s nothing less than he deserves.”
“Well, if Toby is working with you, I’m glad. He’s… He’s done it tough these past years. It will be good for him to have a friend, and one who knows him from way back when he was young, is even better.”
He gently smiled at Hannah and was pleased when she smiled back. Her earlier animosity seemed to have been set aside—at least for the moment.
Throughout the rest of the meal, they traded stories and caugh
t up on people from their old neighborhood. The charity auction came and went and Jacob bid on and won a sixty-inch curved screen TV. Hannah confessed she’d stumbled upon her career as an embalmer after watching a television series. She told him how the world of death and funeral parlors intrigued her and she’d felt an odd kinship with the dead. When he asked her to explain, she shrugged and said, “I was raised a Catholic. I believe wholeheartedly in the afterlife and everything that comes with heaven. I want people to look their best when they meet God, face to face.” She glanced at him from under her lashes, as if to gauge his reaction. He gave her an encouraging nod and she continued.
“Working over the deceased, preparing them for the hereafter, brings me deep satisfaction. It’s hard to explain, but it kind of feels like it’s my parting gift to the dead.” She blushed and kept her eyes averted, as if embarrassed by what she’d said and then added softly, “I only hope someday someone else treats my body with as much love and respect.”
Jacob shook his head, though he wasn’t surprised at the depth of care and concern and love she had for the deceased. She’d always been kind and caring. It was one of the reasons he’d fallen in love with her so many years ago.
He reached over and refilled her glass with the table wine. Somewhere between the main meal and dessert, she’d switched to drinking red. The alcohol appeared to have relaxed her—either that, or she’d chosen to let her anger slide—and regardless of the reason, he was enjoying this much-more-mellow Hannah. In fact, he couldn’t get enough.
He finished refilling her glass and she smiled her thanks. Topping up his own, he set the bottle back down on the table and then picked up his glass. Savoring the rich taste of the wine on his lips, he glanced across at the girl who’d haunted his dreams.
“So, are you married, Hannah, or seeing anyone?”
She frowned and he cursed silently, damning himself for breaking the mood, but then she surprised him by smiling at him lopsidedly and shaking her head.
“No, not married and not seeing anyone, either. The truth is, I don’t know many men who are keen on spending time with a woman who works with the dead. The whole idea kind of creeps them out.”
She offered him a shrug and continued. “Most men I date turn tail and run the moment I mention I’m an embalmer. Occasionally, one of them will quiz me about my work with a kind of morbid fascination, but their interest is only fleeting and it usually doesn’t take long for even the curious to beat a hasty retreat. I spend a lot of time at work. I feel most at peace there. Sam teases me about becoming a hermit. She’s sure I’ll never find a prospective husband. Not that I’m looking,” she hurriedly reassured him, a darker blush staining her cheeks. “I’m not even thirty. Young by anyone’s standards, right?”
She winked at him and giggled and he laughed. Joy and delight at her uninhibited behavior surged through him. He’d never known her like this. During their high school years, she’d treated him like her boyfriend’s mate and afterwards… She hadn’t even been able to speak to him. The memory sobered his mood.
“Hey! What’s the matter?” she teased and he could tell she was a little tipsy. “Why the sad face? Surely you agree? After all, we’re the same age, right?”
Jacob stared at her and then forced the sad memories away. They were here now, together, enjoying each other’s company. It was enough.
“Would you like to dance?” The words were out before he could stop them, but there was no way he was going to take them back. To his relief, a smile of delight lit up her face.
“I’d love to!” She pushed away from the table.
He stood and helped her from her chair, his heart pounding double time. He couldn’t believe, at long last, he was going to take Hannah Langdon in his arms.
* * *
Hannah took an unsteady step toward the dance floor, wobbling on her five-inch heels. She normally stuck to beer when she drank and the unaccustomed red wine had gone straight to her head. She’d become so engrossed in her conversation with Jacob, it had seemed a good idea to switch to what was readily available on their table, rather than send him back to the bar—but she was now paying for it.
Her head felt slightly fuzzy and the world around her was a little out of focus. She wobbled again and reached out in an effort to steady herself. Jacob was there in an instant, his arm warm and strong around her. She leaned against him, momentarily setting aside her decade-long animosity.
In fact, for the last hour or so, she could barely remember why she’d been so angry at him for so long. He was warm and kind and interesting. He was smart and funny and wickedly good-looking. In fact, he was the perfect package.
It didn’t mean she was interested in him, although she couldn’t deny how nice it felt to lean into his warmth and strength. He guided them to the dance floor and then took her in his arms.
She was taller than the average woman and dancing with men was often made awkward by the height difference, but Jacob made it easy. Even with her heels, they were equally matched, almost looking eye to eye. It was a nice change and she relaxed against him, feeling the rhythm in his feet. The song changed its tempo from fast and frantic to slow. He drew her even closer against him and her heart picked up its pace.
He smelled warm and spicy and oh so male. The muscles beneath her hand were taut. She looked up at him and noticed there were tiny flecks of navy in his bluer-than-blue eyes. They darkened with emotion under her gaze. Her breath caught.
“You have beautiful eyes,” she murmured without thinking and then blushed.
“Thank you,” he responded and then swung her around in his arms.
“Oh,” she gasped and clung to him, her world also spinning momentarily. She glimpsed his tender smile before he spun her around again.
“Jacob, please!” she gasped. “I-I… I’m a little dizzy.”
Immediately, he slowed his steps and his hand tightened on her hip to steady her. “I’m sorry, Hannah. Are you all right?”
She drew in a deep breath and eased it out and then gave him a nod. Now that they were barely moving, things had righted themselves.
“Yes, thank you. I’m fine. I guess I’ve had a little more wine than I’m used to,” she confessed. “It’s gone to my head.”
Jacob stared at her. Hannah’s heart skipped a beat. The music, the muted chatter, the crowd—all of it receded until there was nothing and no one but him. His head lowered as if in slow motion and a moment later, his lips were on hers, warm, gentle, seeking. The shock of it held her momentarily immobile. And then reality came crashing back.
With another gasp, she wrenched her mouth from his and pushed away from the circle of his arms. Without pause, she turned and abandoned him on the dance floor.
CHAPTER FOUR
Hannah tugged off her sandals and threw them on the floor. She was still trembling with anger at the audacity of Jacob taking advantage of her when he knew she wasn’t thinking straight. He’d kissed her! The conceit of the man! How dare he? He knew how she felt about him, how much she hated him, how much she blamed him for Luke’s death. Did he think all of that could be forgotten in one night of comfortable conversation and a generous amount of alcohol? Had that been his plan all along?
That horrible thought struck her and she was filled with renewed anger. Perhaps that was the reason he’d kept plying her with wine? He’d wanted to soften her up, charm her with his looks and gentle smile. As if that would be enough to erase her memory and wipe the slate clean. Nothing he did could ever change the fact he was responsible for her boyfriend’s death, and no amount of alcohol and sweet talk would change that.
She reached around and unzipped her dress and then shrugged it off. The silky fabric slid down her body and pooled at her feet. Stepping away from it, she stalked into the bathroom and removed her makeup and then brushed and flossed her teeth. It was way past late and she was tired, but her mind was in overdrive and she knew from experience, it would be a long time before she’d lose herself in sleep.
Staring into the mirror, she narrowed her gaze at her reflection and wondered at the woman who looked back at her. She looked about as happy as she felt. In fact, she felt like she needed to cry. Luke had been dead more than a decade and yet, she still mourned his loss, and perhaps even more, the loss of her promised future. A future that had been stolen by Jacob Black. The same Jacob Black who had tried to kiss her.
No, not tried. He had kissed her and it was nice, really nice—until she came to her senses. And then it was horrible.
No, that wasn’t fair. The kiss hadn’t been horrible. It was the fact Jacob Black was on the other end of it that had ruined it. For so many years, he’d been like an infected sore and the wound he’d caused remained untreated. Most people thought he’d repaid his debt by spending two years of his life in jail, but nothing would bring Luke back and even knowing Jacob had been punished hadn’t brought Hannah peace.
The intervening years had lessened the pain, but nothing could erase it from her memory. Coming up close and personal with Jacob again had brought it all rushing back—and more. His easy manner, clever conversation and liberal amounts of alcohol had served to distract her from her memories, but there was no denying in the harsh, cold light of her bathroom, that she hadn’t forgiven, or forgotten.
In the deep recesses of her closet, she still had the scrapbook she’d kept, filled with cut-out pictures of wedding gowns and bouquets and table arrangements and all other manner of wistful dreams of a girl who looked forward to her marriage. It was hidden behind a box of childhood memories and no matter how many times she’d told herself to get rid of it, she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She couldn’t bring herself to forget about the past.
Her chest tightened and tears burned behind her eyes. She wished she could call on her Catholic upbringing and her belief in turning the other cheek. She wished she could find it in her heart to absolve Jacob and let the pain and anger go. Her mother, Mary Langdon, a staunch, Irish-born Catholic, had urged her to do just that, claiming it wasn’t healthy for Hannah to store up so much hate, but try as Hannah did, she couldn’t.