The Avatars Series: Books 1-3

by Blackwood, Lisa

  “On a genetic level,” Gran explained, “sidhe, dryads and a few of the other Fae are more closely related to humans than you might expect. We speculate the same evolutionary branch. Though the pregnancy tests are just a quirk dryads discovered a few years ago.” Gran chuckled, “but I digress.”

  She took one of Lillian’s hands in her own. “A dryad’s body knows within hours if a mating was successful, and fertilization is different than in a human woman. A dryad’s cycle is seasonal, and her egg seed lays dormant in the womb until fertilization occurs and then it takes root within minutes.” Gran smiled. “I was only told to keep you ignorant of your heritage, not that I needed to be ignorant too. The other dryads shared a great deal of information with me when they learned a gargoyle had entrusted me to raise one of the sisterhood. In those early days, I had a dryad at my side almost constantly. At the time, I didn’t think I would need such information, but now I’m glad I had it.”

  Lillian snapped her teeth closed as a large hand settled over her stomach. She chanced a glance at Gregory. He’d been silent and now that she could see his wild-eyed expression she knew why. So there was something capable of bewildering her gargoyle.

  After another long minute, he gave himself a shake. “I can’t believe I was unaware.”

  He turned her in his arms and dropped to his knees before her. A soft exhalation of breath against her belly was the only warning before her shirt was jerked up so he could run his sensitive nose along her abdomen. He inhaled a few more times and then pressed his ear against her stomach.

  Lillian held her breath and waited for Gregory to confirm or deny what the test had claimed.

  After several agonizing long moments, Gregory straightened and placed a finger under her chin. His dark eyes reflected some emotion she couldn’t label.

  Slowly his arms encircled her again, and his chin came to rest on her head.

  “I smell the barest hint of new life upon your skin.” His voice rumbled over her head. “It’s so slight, I wouldn’t have noticed it for another day or two had I not been looking for it. There is no heartbeat, not yet…” his voice choked off, thick with emotion.

  Lillian drew in a shaky breath. “I’ve doomed us all. We’re not supposed to….this is all my fault.”

  Gran barked out a short humorous laugh. “No baby is ever ‘all’ the woman’s fault. Fifty percent can be firmly placed on the man’s shoulders. Gregory has big, broad shoulders. I’m sure he can handle the added responsibility.”

  As if in response to Gran’s words, Gregory tightened his hold. “Lillian, beloved, I will be a good mate. We will get through this together.”

  “But I broke one of the most forbidden taboos. What if I birth a monster? This is exactly what the Battle Goddess wanted.”

  Gregory chuckled—there was a strong hint of relief in his tone. “No. Actually, the Lady of Battles will be quite put out, I imagine. She wanted a child born of the Sorceress and the Gargoyle Protector. This child is not that. As your hamadryad is presently the Sorceress, we were saved from that fate.”

  “But I am still linked to my tree. How can we know for sure until after it is born? And won’t I still have to give the baby to the tree to gestate? What happens then?”

  Gregory continued to caress her belly, as if in awe, but his voice echoed in her ears again. “We are still here. Had we come together as the Avatars without divine will driving us, we would have been hunted down by Lord Death within moments.”

  “But I thought he was imprisoned.”

  “Ah. He would not need to leave his temple. But for such a violation of the divine law, he would be forced to act. He would dispatch every gargoyle under his command to bring us to him. Then we would be sent back to the Spirit Realm for judgment.” He leaned down and nuzzled her neck. “That you are alive to worry about the baby and trying to hide it from me, tells me the Divine Ones are not…concerned enough to have us returned to them immediately.”

  Lillian shuddered. Returned, he meant killed. “So just like that—we are free and clear. No consequences.”

  “Consequences?” his voice took on a darker tone. “There will be those aplenty. We may still have to face the Lord of the Underworld. He may demand our child into his service. All gargoyles are his to command—even me to some extent since I always choose to be born as a gargoyle. Also, one day we will rejoin in the Spirit Realm, and there will be a lengthy confession before our creators.”

  “I’ll take the blame. It was my decision that got us into this mess.”

  Gregory nipped her playfully on the shoulder. “We will be one. There will be no you or I at that point.”

  Lillian turned in his arms and rested her head against his chest. “You’re taking this well.”

  “Hmmm, this life is a test, I’m sure of it,” he acknowledged, “One thing I’ve learned is fighting that which cannot be undone only leads to more bruises.”

  A tremor of unease slid through Lillian. “Would you undo this if it was within your power?”

  He sighed deeply and then placed a talon under her chin and guided her gaze back to his. “Never.” A smile touched his expression. “Long have we wanted a way to express our love that didn’t destroy ourselves or our vows to the Divine Ones. This is not the first time either of us has been a parent, but it is the first time we begot the young together. I have no words to explain the emotions inside me. The thought of watching our child grow inside you, a child I put there, pleases me more than it should. All children are a blessing, regardless of who sires them. But I cannot be unhappy with a child created solely between us.”

  “I’m glad.” For the first time, Lillian felt hope bloom in her chest. She was with child, Gregory’s child, but their world wasn’t about to end. It was going to grow bigger.

  “There is one thing I must know.” A thread of worry had crept into his voice. “Why don’t I remember it happening? You made me forget for some reason. To protect me?” he sighed. “I need to know the truth. We can have no more secrets between us.”

  Lillian’s heart sank to her toes. Why did he have to ask that? Why couldn’t he just leave well enough alone?

  “I know it had to have happened the night Tethys enchanted me with her song,” he prompted.

  Lillian remained silent.

  How could she tell him without making him hate himself or her?

  “If you will not tell me than show me.” His fingers caressed her arms, and he nuzzled the side of her neck again.

  Still, she remained silent and refused to think anything that would give it away as she stared at the kitchen tiles.

  “You’re blocking me,” he said, sounding surprised and unhappy. “Out all of you.”

  Lillian turned to see their audience had grown beyond Gran and Greenborrow. Her little brother had appeared at some point, and her parents were just entering the kitchen. Darkness was still on the threshold. He took one look a Gregory’s expression, bowed deeply, grabbed River around the waist and dragged the startled dryad backward out of the room.

  Gran patted Lillian and then jerked her chin at Greenborrow and Shadowlight as she left.

  Greenborrow cleared his throat. “Come on kid. Grab as much food as you can carry and let’s get out of here. I’ll explain what an uncle is on our way outside.”

  Shadowlight looked confused but took the items Greenborrow handed him and allowed himself to be hurried outside.

  “Lillian,” Gregory’s clipped tone sounded more exasperated than angry. With a sigh, she stepped back into him. As one of his wings tucked her close, her jaws finally unlocked and allowed her to speak.

  “Promise me you won’t run off and do something stupid.”

  He touched the brand on her neck. “I won’t, but not because of these. Nothing you say or do will ever drive me away. We are one being. I will keep telling you that as often as you need to hear it.” He rubbed his cheek against hers. “As for doing something stupid, that I cannot promise. We both seem to excel at that in this lifetime. M
aybe this realm just disagrees with us.”

  Lillian didn’t know how he could find humour at this time, but it gave her the courage to lower her defences and allow Gregory into her mind. He preceded slowly and gently. She knew he could simply seek out what he wanted in seconds, but he allowed her to set the pace of the memory sharing.

  Outwardly he was still as if he’d turned to stone, but she still heard his heartbeat change as she soaked in his warmth and scent.

  He rumbled something once in the gargoyle language. She wasn’t sure of the meaning, but it sounded like profanity. He was silent after that. Shifting away enough so he could press their foreheads together, he closed his eyes and just breathed in her scent.

  “Forgive me, beloved, for the pain and fear I caused you. That was not well done on my part.”

  She reached up and stroked his mane. “You were not yourself. What happened wasn’t your fault.”

  “I allowed the Siren to ensnare me.”

  “Yes, but you said she couldn’t have held you for long. Had I just not…”

  “Shh,” he pressed a finger to her lips. “We’ve been over this before. You did what you could to protect the humans and us from her wrath. It was I who harmed you, not the Siren. I will do all in my power to earn your forgiveness for that shameful act.”

  “Gregory, it was consensual. You realize that, right? You weren’t in control. You weren’t yourself, but I was willing. It wasn’t rape…not on your part.”

  He huffed softly. “Perhaps not, but neither was it the gentle, loving act it should have been.” He sighed at length. “I rutted on you like an animal.”

  “It wasn’t like that.”

  “Yes, it was.”

  Lillian ran her fingers along the side of his muzzle. “It was nice to be able to give you something you needed. I know it was wrong, but I’d do it again.”

  “You did not fear me, even a little?”

  “No.” Lillian pressed little kisses along his muzzle and one side of his face before wrapping her arms around as much of him as she was able. “Not even a little.”

  “Then when you are ready. I will endeavour to replace the memory of that act with much more pleasant ones.”

  “The thought of losing you, or you blaming yourself for what happened—that is why I lied to you. I can’t lose you, not your respect or your love.”

  He shook out his wings and wrapped her in them. “It will never happen. I am yours always.”

  *****

  To say he was shocked down to his core would have been an understatement. Being kicked by the Divine Father wouldn’t have caused him much more surprise. Lillian was pregnant. With his child. They were mates in every way. Yet their vows to the Divine Ones weren’t shredded beyond repair.

  They’d managed the impossible.

  Giddiness swamped him—elation, nervousness, excitement. Adrenaline pumped through his blood, urging him to run and hunt, to build her a lair, shelter her from all danger. He wanted to provide for his mate.

  Of course, not even one of those ideas were possible at the moment—there were too many humans out in the forest. Rescuing Goswin and Whitethorn was bound to have stirred the humans into action.

  Still, he wanted out of the house and to feel grass under his feet, to walk on all fours. Maybe cloaked in shadow magic, with Lillian clinging to his back?

  “Nope. Running around in gargoyle form is a very bad idea.” Lillian’s voice introduced reason back into Gregory’s thoughts.

  “No doubt.” Disappointment flashed through him. There was much he needed to do. Defensive spells were on the forefront of his mind. While they’d rescued two of their allies, it had likely put everyone else at risk. He’d feel better if he could start work on the protective spells sooner rather than later.

  And he also needed to return to work on the spell weapons and continued with the preparations for an invasion. The Battle Goddess was just as much a threat as she’d always been.

  “Why don’t we go have breakfast under my hamadryad?”

  He glanced down at Lillian, gazing at her still flat stomach in mild wonder. Her requirements would increase in the coming days, and he planned to fulfill her every need.

  “I will hunt us up something to eat.”

  “I was thinking of something now,” Lillian admitted. “We could have a picnic under my hamadryad.”

  Gregory merely nodded and began to gather up the items she suggested. Besides, it was a good idea. There was still much they needed to talk about. Lillian would know nothing about dryad pregnancy, and she must be curious now that she could ask questions freely without betraying why she wanted to know.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Shadowlight remained cloaked in shadows even though he was certain no one was in the upper parts of the house. Lillian and Gregory were off in the maze. Gran, Alan, Jason, and Greenborrow were all down in the dungeon discussing adult things, and he hadn’t been included. Shadowlight was actually glad. It gave him a chance to visit with Anna and bring her a stockpile of food.

  Only his parents still worried him, but he was certain Darkness was busy keeping River from accosting Lillian about the baby. At least that’s what his father claimed.

  He didn’t know exactly how he should feel about his sister’s pregnancy. Not that he would admit it to anyone, but secretly he felt a little put out. Now, he doubted he’d have his mother’s or sister’s full attention. As for his father, he didn’t doubt Darkness’s love, but his attention was focused on outside dangers, and he had little time to lavish on Shadowlight.

  Greenborrow still made time for him and was likely helping to distract the others so Shadowlight could bring food to his pet human. With his sack of food tucked under one arm, he stalked up the three flights of stairs to the attic. Maybe Anna would be pleased to see him.

  He eased the attic door open and stopped short. Her door was ajar.

  A soft scraping sound came from the northwest corner of the attic. Old furniture and boxes of assorted other items blocked his line of sight. He eased slowly in that direction, picking his way around piles.

  Anna stood in front of a window barely large enough for her to fit through. She already had the window glass out of its casement. It sat propped next to her feet. On her other side was a long coil of rope she’d already tied knots into for ease of climbing. Where had she gotten the rope? Then he noticed most of the boxes were open, items scattered everywhere.

  As he watched, she eased her head and shoulders through the window. Studying the terrain? Or orientating herself?

  He came up behind her and waited until she extracted herself from the opening. While she was still straightening, he slapped a hand over her mouth.

  A second later, her elbow slammed into his abdomen, and he realized his mistake. The back of her skull cracked against his muzzle with a painful thump even as her one foot stomped on his unerringly.

  He grunted in surprise more than pain. She grabbed his left wrist and shoved it away and then twisted and kicked out at his knee.

  Instinct and memories took over, and he jerked out of her range before she could inflict more damage.

  “Shadowlight?” she whispered and then relaxed her battle stance.

  “You were expecting someone else?”

  “No,” she hissed back. “What the hell was that? Say something next time if you don’t want me to rearrange your knee caps.”

  “You’re trying to escape?” Hurt crept into his voice.

  “Hell, yes. What did you expect? I’m being held prisoner. If anyone finds me, the leshii pretty much said I’m dead.” She stopped and looked him over. “I’m sorry kid. My chances of survival are better if I’m on my own, and no one knows where I am.”

  “That’s a half-truth.”

  “Okay. We’ve been over this. I’m a soldier. I’m duty bound to report what I’ve learned.”

  “They will imprison you, too.”

  She looked sad. “Only if they can catch me. I didn’t say I’d report in
person. I’m not suicidal. I know what will happen to me if they catch me. Best case—I’m locked in a cage for life. Worse case? Well, I don’t want to end that way. But I still have intel that could save lives.”

  Ah. He’d almost forgotten. She was a protector as well. The introduction of his gargoyle blood would only heighten those instincts in her. Protecting those weaker than himself was something that made sense to him. His path became clear again and with a happy wiggle he leaped at her and planted gargoyle kisses on every bit of exposed skin he found. “I’ll help you then.”

  “Argh!” her hands slapped at his muzzle, but her blows weren’t painful, so he knew she was holding back. “Enough. Stop. You win.”

  He dropped to all fours and then padded over to the canvas bag he’d dropped before snatching her from the window. Grabbing the handles in his jaws, he walked into the bedroom and hopped onto the bed, pawing and rearranging the covers into a more comfortable nest. That done, he dug through the packages for the peanut butter cookies he could smell.

  “Kid. We are not done talking yet.”

  Shadowlight glanced up from his search. Anna was standing on the threshold, her hands on her hips, looking more than a little annoyed.

  “We’re not?”

  “No.” The one word was long, drawn out and made him think of his mother when he did or said something she didn’t agree with.

  He tore open the package of cookies and watched her thoughtfully while he chewed.

  “Oh…give me that,” she held out her hand for the bag. “Have you eaten breakfast yet?”

  “No, but I thought we could eat together and talk.”

  “Sounds like a good plan. Just one problem. Cookies aren’t real food.” She took the sack and pulled out a number of items. Some she put in a pile, off to one side—fruits and other items that weren’t as tasty as what she called cookies, landed in another pile.

  To his disappointment, the cookies, rocky road bars, and almond bark all vanished back into the bag.

  That left a selection of muffins, fruits, and a container of something called cottage cheese.