How We Fall

by Melissa Toppen

  “Cole.”

  “I’m serious, Mel. Move in with me. We practically live together anyway.” He speaks my earlier thought. “I spent six years not having you in my life at all. I don’t want to waste another second I have with you.”

  “Are you sure about this?” I question.

  “Would I have asked if I wasn’t?”

  Good point.

  “Can I think about it?” I ask, quickly adding, “I mean, I want to, but I have a lot to figure out with the house and stuff.”

  “We can figure it out together,” he says matter of fact.

  “Can we at least wait until we get back from New York to talk about it?” I ask with a huge smile on my face.

  Of course, I have my reservations, and I love my house, but if I’m honest with myself, the main reason I’ve been holding onto this place so tightly is because it was my only link to Cole. But now I have him, and he’s asking me to move in with him, to be with him every day.

  How can I say no to that?

  “If it means your answer is yes,” is his only reply.

  “Fine. Yes.” I playfully huff like I couldn’t be more annoyed.

  “Seriously?” Only then do I realize he wasn’t sure I’d say yes. I can tell by the surprise in his voice.

  “Did you really expect me to say no?” I ask, finally stepping into the clearing, the old fort staring back at me.

  “I hoped you wouldn’t.”

  “Well I didn’t,” I retort.

  “Well good,” he bites back playfully.

  “I’m here,” I say, completely changing topics.

  “How’s the old girl look?” he asks, knowing exactly what I’m talking about.

  “Bout the same as the last time we were here. Though it looks like the roof is sagging a little more.”

  “I should make a trip down there to fix it up some time.”

  “Why?” I ask.

  “Why? Maybe because that’s our spot, and I’m not ready to just let her die,” he huffs.

  “I see.”

  “Tell her hello for me.”

  “Will do.”

  “Call me later?” he asks.

  “You know I will.”

  “I love you, Melanie Anderson.”

  “I love you, Cole Lincoln.”

  I end the call and let out a loud exhale, feeling both overwhelmed and so happy I’m afraid I might burst all at the same time.

  Standing in front of our old fort, realizing how much has changed, makes it even sweeter, knowing that this was it for us. This is where our friendship blossomed into something more, even though it took us both years to admit it.

  I never envisioned the future turning out the way it has.

  I never expected to lose Michael at such a young age.

  I never expected Dawn to turn out to be somewhat of a decent human being.

  And I certainly never expected that Cole would actually love me back one day, though I dreamt about it every single night of my childhood.

  It’s crazy to think that when the boys built this fort, we were just twelve-years-old. Four kids who had their whole lives ahead of them and seized each and every day as a brand new adventure.

  Taking a seat on the hard, cold ground, I pull my legs up and hug them to my chest, just letting the memories wash over me.

  If I close my eyes tight and listen hard enough, I swear I can hear us. Michael letting out that fully belly laugh that always made me smile. Dawn whining about it being too hot. And Cole—my Cole—sliding down next to me on the ground and dropping his arm over my shoulders like he always used to do.

  This was it.

  This was us.

  Where it all began.

  I sit at the fort for what feels like hours. The sun is starting to set and with it, the temperatures are rapidly dropping. I swear it’s never going to get warm again, and we are going to be forced to live in this never-ending winter forever.

  It isn’t until I stand, wiping the small sticks and dirt stuck to the back of my jeans that I hear what sounds like a baby kitten crying. Instead of turning back like I should, I walk straight past the fort and further into the woods, my inner animal lover unable to walk away without at least investigating.

  The further I go, the louder the noise becomes, and within just a few short minutes I’ve finally located the source—a small white kitten, near brown with dirt, at the bottom of the steep embankment where our now frozen, crawdad creek lies.

  It has one hind leg tucked up under it and is crying out as it tries to climb the steep hill. Only the poor little thing just slides backward over and over again, unable to find its footing. Usually cats have excellent climbing ability, but this kitten is tiny, half starved, and only operating on three shaky legs. There’s no way it’ll make it out of there on its own, not anytime soon anyway.

  “Hey there.” I speak softly but loudly enough it can hear me. Although cats have amazing hearing so I don’t know why I bother. It knew I was here the moment I arrived, probably sooner.

  The kitten pays me no mind, limping around in circles before once again trying to climb up the hill. It makes it about three feet this time before sliding down onto the frozen creek bed below.

  The hill is a tough climb on a normal, day but given how much snow we’ve had in recent weeks it looks near impossible. The paths are covered in white, the tree branches are laced with ice, and I can’t find one good way up or down.

  The kitten continues to cry, now circling the creek trying to find another way up. Knowing I can’t just leave it down there to die, I try to find one of the old paths we always used to climb up and down as kids.

  I spend several minutes before finally admitting it’s no use. Any reminisce of a path down to the kitten is either no longer viable or too covered in snow to find.

  The sun is setting faster now, and I’m running out of time.

  I consider calling Cole, but what can he do while he’s an hour and a half away? Pulling my cell from my pocket, I click on Kyle’s name and hit send. It rings over and over again before finally going to voicemail.

  I try Corrine next, but she doesn’t answer either. I don’t bother leaving a voicemail and quickly hang up.

  I run the options through my head. Joan isn’t home. I could call 911, but do they take calls about kittens lost in the woods? I have no idea, but it seems like a long shot that they’d be any help. Especially given that we’re kind of out in the middle of nowhere.

  “Shit,” I mutter under my breath, nerves knotting my stomach.

  It would be so easy to just walk away, to leave the kitten where it is and get out of these woods before it’s too dark to find my way out, but I just don’t have it in me to do.

  I can’t leave it. It’s just not who I am.

  So I do the only thing I can think to do. I find a spot that’s angled, with as many hanging branches nearby as possible and decide to use those to try to make my way down.

  Sliding off my gloves for a better grip, I stuff them in my pockets before grabbing the branch closest to me. I give it a nice tug to make sure it’s sturdy before taking another step downward.

  My feet slip almost instantly, but luckily I’m able to get a grip on a second branch and steady myself.

  “I’m coming, baby kitty,” I say aloud, not sure if I’m trying to calm myself or the kitten. “I’m coming,” I say again, successfully able to take another couple steps downward without losing my footing.

  Just when I think I’m getting the swing of things, everything changes so rapidly that I quickly lose control of the situation.

  I step but my foot doesn’t find the ground. It drops into a hole that’s hidden under the snow and my weight shifts so quickly I completely lose my grasp on the tree branches that have been my lifeline trying to get down.

  It happens in slow motion. My right leg slams into a large rock causing my entire body to twist mid-air. My arms fly wildly around me, trying desperately to find something to stop my fall, but it’s too late.
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  I tumble backward, my head hitting the ground first. It collides with something so hard I can physically feel my teeth chatter together. My ears ring, and my consciousness wanes as I’m thrown further down the embankment.

  I can feel each impact as it’s made. Feel my body hitting rocks, trees, and debris the entire way down.

  I have no control, no ability to stop my descent. I am a prisoner of gravity, and no matter how hard I try I can’t do anything about it.

  I hit the bottom on a loud thud, my left arm pinned beneath me, giving into my weight with a loud crack that sends pain searing through the limb.

  I know it’s bad. I know I need to call for help, but I can’t seem to make myself move. Nothing works. It’s like I’m giving my body commands and nothing is responding.

  I try to focus more, try harder to do something, but everything gives way to darkness—a tiny kitten cry the last thing I hear before everything goes black.

  “Fuck!” I scream into the phone when I get Melanie’s voicemail for what feels like the hundredth time in the last couple of hours.

  I click end on the screen and toss my phone into my passenger seat as I speed down the highway.

  When Mel didn’t call me last night, or answer my calls, I assumed she fell asleep and left it at that. But after trying to reach her since I woke this morning with no success, I’m done fucking around.

  I tried Joan’s house, no answer. And Kyle, who’s the only other person’s number I have programmed into my phone who lives close to Mel. But that jackass doesn’t know how to answer his phone either apparently.

  I’m frustrated, pissed, and honestly, a little scared. It’s not like Mel to not call me back.

  I make the hour and a half drive to Irving in just under an hour. My heart is hammering in my chest by the time I pull into Melanie’s driveway. I want to feel relieved that her car is here, but I can’t shake this feeling that’s settled over me.

  I twist the knob and the front door slides open. I don’t miss the fact that it’s not locked.

  “Melanie!” I scream through the house but am only met with an eerie silence.

  “Mel.” Her bedroom is empty as is her office.

  It doesn’t take me long to figure out she’s not here, and that’s when true panic starts to set in.

  Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

  I can’t wrap my brain around any of this.

  Where is she?

  Where would she go without her car?

  Why isn’t she answering her phone?

  I try to retrace our last conversation. Where was she going after Joan’s? What were her plans?

  And then it hits me like a ton of bricks...

  The fort.

  I take off like a bat out of hell.

  I don’t bother with my car as I sprint out of the house and down the street toward Joan’s property. I don’t stop at the house. I turn toward the backyard and keep running.

  It takes me less than ten minutes to reach the fort but when I do, I damn near collapse because; Melanie isn’t here.

  Where the fuck is she?

  I’m starting to lose my composure. I know deep in my gut that something is terribly, terribly wrong, and I feel helpless to do anything. So I do the only thing I can think to do, I scour the woods.

  It doesn’t take me long to find footprints imprinted in the snow. I know without looking twice that they’re Melanie’s.

  With some sense of purpose now, I follow the footprints until I lose them to a large patch of icy land. I look up, taking in my surroundings and then suddenly realize where I am.

  Making a bee line toward the creek, it takes me less than two minutes to reach it. It’s where we used to catch crawdads and tadpoles as kids. If Melanie went anywhere else in these woods, it has to be here.

  The closer I get to the creek, the more I hear something that sounds like an injured animal. I pick up the pace, fearful it’s Melanie.

  I swear to God my heart stops beating.

  The second I reach the creek I take one step and then another, holding my breath as I look over the ledge to the creek bed below. Scanning the grounds, it takes only seconds before I find the source of the cry—a baby kitten that looks to have an injured leg.

  It takes several seconds for my eyes to process that the kitten isn’t alone. Laying stomach down just feet from the creek bed, I finally spot her, and when I do—my whole world stops spinning.

  “Melanie.”

  I don’t recognize the voice that leaves my throat.

  I don’t recognize the movements of my body, acting on its own accord.

  I don’t even know how I get down the steep hill until I’m already there, dropping to my knees next to Melanie’s lifeless body.

  I don’t even remember pulling out my cell phone until I’m listening to a 911 operator on the other end ask me if she’s breathing.

  Oh my God.

  Is she?

  “Mel.” I choke on a sob, unable to comprehend the battered girl in front of me.

  “Sir, does she have a pulse? Is she breathing?” the 911 operator barks in my ear.

  “Mel,” I whisper, leaning close to see if I can hear her breathing.

  Nothing.

  “Melanie,” I yell louder, quickly feeling around her cold flesh for a pulse.

  “Sir.” The operator reminds me that she’s still on the line. That there’s a phone still pressed to my ear.

  “I don’t—I don’t—I can’t find...” I can’t make my mouth speak the words.

  And that’s when I feel it, the faintest pulse against my fingertips. The smallest sign that my girl is still with me, at least for now.

  “I feel a pulse, but it’s faint,” I tell the woman on the line. And just seconds after I feel the tiny beat that restarts my heart, I see her body move with a small intake of air. “And she’s breathing, but it’s really shallow.”

  “Okay, sir, the ambulance is on its way. I need you to stay calm and listen carefully. I’m going to need you to check for signs of injury. Does she have any visible cuts or bruises?”

  “Her head.” It barely comes out.

  “Sir?”

  “Her head, it’s been bleeding pretty badly. I’m not sure what else. She’s laying on her stomach. Her lips are blue. Oh God.” I drop the phone, no longer hearing the person on the other end.

  It isn’t until this very moment that I realize she must have been out here all night.

  All night...

  By herself...

  Scared, hurt, and freezing.

  Every thought ingrains into my flesh, and I feel physical pain knowing what she must have been through—what she’s going through.

  “Mel.” I touch her cold skin, fighting back the tears that are quickly forming in my eyes.

  I quickly position my body on top of hers without pressing any weight on her. I don’t know the extent of her injuries, and I don’t want to hurt her any worse, but I know if I don’t at least try to warm her up she may very well die right here next to me.

  I lower my face close to the side of hers.

  Blood is caked down her head, over her ear, and down the side of her neck, but I’m not sure exactly where it’s coming from.

  “Oh God, baby. I’m so sorry.” My tears drop onto her cheek and trickle down like she’s the one crying.

  “Please, baby, please don’t leave me,” I sob.

  I think of everything I’ve done, how many times I pushed her away or ran from her. All the years I wasted. And now, now that I finally have her, I might lose her forever, and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.

  “The paramedics are coming, okay. I just need you to hold on, baby. Just hold on. Don’t you dare leave me.”

  I should have come sooner. The minute she didn’t answer her phone last night I should have been in my car and on my way here. If I had she wouldn’t have spent the entire night out here in below freezing temperatures all by herself.

  The thought causes my chest to tighten, and I stru
ggle to catch my breath.

  “Please don’t leave me, Melanie. Please don’t leave me. I just found you again. You can’t leave me. You can’t.”

  That fucking kitten circles Melanie, meowing its damn head off, and no matter how many times I push it away, it refuses to leave her.

  She didn’t?

  And even as I think it, I know she did because that’s just Melanie.

  She tried to save the damn kitten.

  That’s why she’s here. That’s why she’s near frozen to death and has God knows what other injuries—over a kitten.

  I want to be angry with her. I want to be pissed that she would be so stupid and careless, but then I know she wouldn’t be my Melanie if she didn’t do exactly what she did.

  “Baby.”

  I rock my body above hers trying to create friction. My chest hovers just centimeters over her back, and while it may be doing absolutely nothing, I have to try. I can’t just lay here and wait for her to die.

  She can’t die.

  She can’t die.

  She can’t die.

  It’s on repeat in my head as my girl lays lifeless below me.

  It feels like an eternity has passed before I hear voices in the distance.

  “Here! We’re down here!” I scream, reluctantly leaving Melanie to flag down the paramedics.

  Grabbing a bundle of tree branches, I pull myself high enough up the steep hill that I’m able to pop my head over the top just in time to see a parade of people headed toward me.

  “We’re down here,” I holler, not sure how the hell I’m able to get up and down the hill so effortlessly.

  I slide down as quickly as I went up, dropping back down next to Melanie.

  “They’re here, Mel. Help is here. You’re going to be okay, baby. Do you hear me? Don’t give up, baby. We’re so close.”

  I don’t leave her side until the paramedics surround us, and even then it takes everything in me to let her go.

  It’s hard to watch when they roll her over. Her body is lifeless, her lips now so blue I swear she’s already gone. If it wasn’t for one of the paramedics saying her pulse I don’t think I’d still be conscious.

  I wince the second I see the arm that was pinned beneath her. It’s snapped to the side, clearly broken. Her beautiful face is peppered with bruises and scratches, and if it wasn’t for the firefighter standing next to me, his hand on my shoulder, I’d likely be on the ground right now.