Dancing Naked
Page 5
“Listen,” she said, finding an excuse to change the subject. “I think it’s finally stopped raining.” The room was quickly becoming brighter. Justin left her side and walked over to the window, pulling back the sheer curtains. “You’re right,” he said. “And the sun is trying to come out. And look who’s here.”
Kia joined him at the window and peered out toward the driveway. “Who?”
Justin went to the kitchen cupboard for a cup and rejoined Kia at the window. “Not outside,” he said. “Here.” He pointed at a hairy black spider walking along the window ledge.
“Oh, gross!” Kia said, stepping back.
“He’s not gross, he’s beautiful.” Justin watched as it scurried away from them. “He’s an old guy to have gotten this big.” With one swift motion he placed the cup over the spider and slid a sheet of paper underneath it. With the spider trapped inside, he slipped out the door, squatted down and gently released it outside. “There you go, old fellow.” He stood up and stretched. “Hey, would you look at that?” he said, standing on the porch.
“What?” Cautiously, Kia came up beside him, fully expecting to see another spider.
“There’s a rainbow. Or half a rainbow, anyway.”
“Cool. I haven’t seen one in ages.”
“Did you know the rainbow is a universal sign of hope?”
Kia nodded. It was fitting. Right now she was feeling more hopeful than she had in weeks.
They were on their second pot of tea when Justin finally asked Kia when she thought she’d break the news to her parents.
“I don’t know,” she answered. “I suppose I could tell them right away, but they might try to get me to reconsider the abortion thing again. If I wait until the fourth month they won’t be as likely to suggest it.”
Justin nodded thoughtfully. “Why don’t you talk to Reverend Petrenko about it? He’s cool, and he might suggest the best way to go about talking to them.
“Yeah, well, he might push abortion too.”
“No, that’s not his style. He doesn’t push his views on anyone. He’ll listen to what you have to say and figure out how to help.”
Kia shrugged. “Okay. If you think it’s important.”
“Yeah, I do. I’ll set up the meeting, if you like.”
“Will you come with me?”
“Count on it.”
“Thanks.” Kia looked away, embarrassed. “Aren’t you afraid he might think you’re the father?”
Justin didn’t respond at first. When she glanced back at him, an odd expression had crossed his face, an expression that Kia couldn’t quite read. “He won’t think that, and besides, I try not to worry about what people think anymore, Kia. And you know,” he added, “it would be a good thing for you to get over too. Especially now.”
Kia sensed he was telling her something more, but she didn’t ask.
“So, are you ready to go home?”
“Yeah, I am. Thanks.” She took her coat from him.
“You know, I’ve managed to get through the last few weeks without actually lying to my parents about anything. I’ve just avoided the issue of what I’ve been up to. But I sure hope nobody asks me where I was today. I don’t think I’d be able to lie with a straight face.”
“They’ll just assume you were at school, won’t they?”
“Yeah, unless the school phoned to report that I was absent.”
“Well, there was that rainbow. I think you’ll be lucky today.”
“It was only half a rainbow.”
Justin held the door for her. “I’d say you need a little attitude adjustment,” he said as she passed by him. “You’re seeing a half-empty glass where you should be seeing a half-full one.”
Kia smiled. “Funny you should mention attitude,” she said. “My parents are always bringing it up too. They say I have way too much.”
Justin laughed, and the sound of it improved her mood even more than the tea and conversation had. She’d accepted that she was going to have a baby. Now, if only she could get everyone else to accept it.
week 10/40
~ eyelids cover eyes
~ toes and upper lip have formed
~ external ears are complete
~ plum-sized
Jan. 24
We never talked much. It seemed like we didn’t need words. I’d never experienced anything like it before. We were magnets, drawn to each other, an unstoppable force. Just being together was enough.
Or so I thought.
It seems I thought a lot of things ... like our feelings for each other were mutual ...
I remember that day so clearly. It was right before he was leaving to go on holidays with his family. We were alone. I couldn’t bear the thought of being apart. It was a physical pain. He lit some candles and poured us some wine that he’d taken from his parents. We toasted each other, and had a second glass.
That night the soft kisses and gentle stroking just weren’t enough. We undressed each other slowly, and he touched me in that special way he has and I wanted him so badly ...
I knew I should stop before it went too far. But I didn’t. I was no longer in the real world. It was like he had ignited a fire in me and I couldn’t (wouldn’t?) put it out. What could go wrong when it felt so good?
Only everything.
“So Kia, Justin tells me you’re pregnant.”
Kia glanced at Justin. She nodded. They were in the Reverend’s office at the church.
“And you’re not in a committed relationship?”
“No.” Kia shook her head and looked away. “That’s why I almost had an abortion, but I couldn’t go through with it.”
The Reverend had to lean forward to hear her. “No? Why couldn’t you do it?”
She shrugged. “I guess I was trying to believe it was the only option for me, but at the last minute I didn’t want to do it.” She placed a hand on her stomach. “I’d already connected with my baby.”
Reverend Petrenko nodded and studied her. “That was a brave decision. It’s not easy being a pregnant teen in our society.”
“You’re telling me,” Kia replied. She shifted uncomfortably in her chair.
“Character-building stuff,” Justin said, putting his arm over the back of her chair. “I know she can handle it,” he added, smiling down at her.
“Society is so hypocritical, isn’t it?” The Reverend sat back in his chair, his hands clasped behind his head. “Sexual references are everywhere,” he mused. “You can’t walk by a newsstand or even watch prime-time TV without being inundated with them. Yet we still expect teens to choose abstinence.” He shook his head and scratched his neat black beard thoughtfully. “Our own Sex Education course encourages abstinence,” he continued, “but also teaches that sexuality is a wonderful human experience. How can we expect teens to choose to abstain when these powerful messages are everywhere, yet when a girl gets pregnant ...”
The unfinished sentence hung in the air. Kia wondered if he’d said more than he’d meant to.
“Anyway,” he said, leaning forward again, “you are pregnant, you’ve considered your options, and you’ve chosen to have the baby. Where do we go from here?”
“I don’t know.” Kia shrugged and picked at her nail polish.
“Justin tells me you haven’t told your parents yet.”
“No.”
“Would you like me to be with you when you do?”
Kia hesitated, considering the offer, then shook her head. “Thanks, but that’s okay. I can do it.”
He nodded. “So then what?” he asked gently. “Once they’ve accepted that you’re having a baby, they’ll want to know what you plan to do with it.”
“I know.”
“Have you given it any thought?” His deep voice was softer than usual.
Kia shook her head. She felt her hands go to her stomach again.
“Are you thinking of asking your parents to help you raise it?”
“No.” She answered quickly. “Mom’s finally back at schoo
l working on her Ph.D. She wouldn’t want to look after another baby. Neither would Dad.”
“Are you thinking of raising it on your own, then?”
Kia just shrugged again.
“That would certainly be a challenge for a girl your age. Social assistance helps, but being a single teen parent takes a lot of courage, not to mention work, and it makes getting an education more difficult and more expensive. Your whole future is affected.”
Kia didn’t answer. She chewed nervously at a fingernail.
There was a long pause. “One thing I can do as your minister,” he suggested finally, “is connect you with a social worker who can help you select good parents to adopt your child.”
“Yeah?” Kia asked, without enthusiasm.
“That’s right. You don’t have to hand the child over to strangers anymore. You can choose couples on the wait list who you think share the same values as you do, and then interview as many as it takes to find the right ones.”
Kia nodded but didn’t look up.
“And as you know,” he continued, warming to his subject, “there are many childless couples who are anxious to adopt a baby. Mature couples who are economically stable and ready for the responsibility of a child ...”
“Hang on,” Justin interrupted after studying Kia’s face. “I think Kia needs to deal with one thing at a time,” he said. “First she needs to tell her parents. She can think about this stuff later.”
“You’re right, Justin,” the Reverend said.“I apologize. I’m getting ahead of myself again. Just one of my many bad habits. But Kia, I’m glad you came by to talk to me. You’ll come and see me any time, right? Especially if the going gets rough?”
Kia nodded absent-mindedly. She was studying a poster hanging on one of the walls in the office. It showed a blue car, the image blurred as it raced toward a hairpin turn on a deserted road. CHANGE was written across the top. Underneath the picture it stated: A bend in the road is not the end of the road ... unless you fail to make the turn.
“Are you coming, Kia?”
She blinked. Justin was holding open the door for her and she could hear him jingling his car keys. She stood up and shook the minister’s extended hand, put thoughts of the poster aside and followed Justin out to his car.
From: Kia
To: Justin
Date: Jan. 25
Subject: hairpin turns
hey justin, u know that poster inside the rev’s office? the one about the bend in the road? well, i’ve been thinking. if the road is life, and for me, the bend was getting pregnant, i’m wondering if i made the right turn. u know? will having this baby change the direction of my life, or will it just be a detour?
C U
K
From: Justin
To: Kia
Date: Jan. 25
Subject: Re: hairpin turns
hey kia, interesting question. you’re quite the philosopher. the rev explained 2 me once that part of his job is helping people navigate through the changes in their lives. that’s why he likes that poster.
it seems 2 me that the answer for u depends on what u do with the baby. it’ll be a change—a permanent change—if u keep it. it will be a detour if u put it up for adoption. life is a series of changes, really, one after another, but with this decision you’ll have to decide how big of a change u want to make.
justin
ps. u know, most of us stay on the same road, day after day, but forced detours can help us see places and things that were just barely hidden from view before. keep your eyes open. u never know what u may discover!
ttfn
J.
week 11/40
~ fingernails are appearing
~ mouth opens and closes
~ signs of baby’s sex are beginning to appear
~ lime sized
Feb. 1
I came to a bend in the road. I took the turn.
My life is not ruined. It’s only changed.
From: Justin
To: Kia
Date: Feb. 2
Subject: T.O.Y
hey kia. have you made that appointment with the doc? can i give u a ride?
J
From: Kia
To: Justin
Date: Feb. 2
Subject: Re: T.O.Y.
hi justin. i made the app. but i’ll take the bus. i need to know how 2 get there when you’re not around. thanks anyway. i’m going back to dr. miyata. she’s cool.
k
From: Justin
To: Kia
Date: Feb. 2
Subject: Bussing it
ok but give the peanut a pat for me. tell him to behave.
justin
ps. when are u going to have the talk with your folks?
From: Kia
To: Justin
Date: Feb. 2
Subject: he’s a she!
justin, u mean HER. i’m sure of it. so i’ll give “her“ your message. lol. and the talk? soon (maybe). you’ll be the first 2 know. honest.
C U L8R
k
“So, you’ve decided to go through with the pregnancy.” Dr. Miyata sat back in her chair and looked across the desk at Kia.
Kia nodded.
“How does your boyfriend feel about that?”
Kia quickly looked down at her hands. “He’s not my boyfriend. And he doesn’t know,” she added quietly.
The doctor’s eyebrows shot up and she tilted her head. “No?”
“No.”
“But he is the father of this child?”
“Yeah.”
“Then don’t you think he should know?”
“Uh-huh. I’ll tell him. I just haven’t got around to it.”
“And your parents?”
Kia sighed. This was beginning to feel like an interrogation. “I’m going to tell them soon too.”
“How soon?”
“I thought I’d wait until it was too late for an abortion. Then they wouldn’t try to make me change my mind.”
“Some abortions are done much later than twelve weeks. But you’re right, the first trimester is preferable. Are you afraid of their reaction?”
Kia paused before she answered. “It’s not that I’m afraid. It’s just that they’re going to be so stunned. I’ve been the perfect first-born daughter for a long time.”
“That’s a tough role to play, all right.” The doctor smiled. “I’m surprised you know about birth order and behavior patterns and those kinds of things.”
“I know a lot of stuff.”
“I’m beginning to realize that. But do you know much about pregnancy?”
“No, not a whole lot. I’ve seen pictures of fetuses at different stages of development.”
The doctor nodded. “Nine months may seem like a long time, but it is miraculous that a complex human being can develop in such a short time.”
Kia sat quietly, both arms wrapped around her stomach.
“We’ll need to sign you up for prenatal classes. You’ll want to find someone to go with you.”
“Well, I’m not taking Derek, and I’d feel kind of stupid bringing my mom when all the others will be married couples.” Kia slumped lower in her chair.
“You’ll be surprised at the couples you’ll find in these classes, Kia. Families aren’t what they used to be. Perhaps you have a friend that would go with you? Someone who’d be willing to stick by you right up until the birth?”
Kia’s first thought was of Shawna. But then she thought of Justin. Would he be willing to do that for her, or would that be pushing the limits of their friendship?
“I know of one adopting family who went through the prenatal classes with the teen who was carrying their child.”
Kia studied the docto
r’s face. Why was everyone assuming she’d decided on adoption?
“I need to see you once a month until the thirtieth week,” the doctor continued. “Then I’ll see you twice monthly. Toward the end I’d like to see you each week. In the meantime, I want you to have an ultrasound test so we can determine the exact age the baby is now. Any questions?”
Kia thought for a moment. “Do you think I made the right choice?”
The doctor paused, but only for a moment. “Only you can answer that, Kia. The right choice is different for everyone. It all depends on your circumstances and your values.”
Kia nodded. It was the answer she’d expected. “Will you deliver my baby?”
“I sure will. Even if you require a Caesarean section I’ll be in the operating room assisting. Okay?”
“Thanks. And I don’t need that ultrasound. I know exactly what day the baby was conceived. I’m eleven weeks pregnant.”
“That may be so, Kia. But the ultrasound will give us other information too, like if it is a single baby or twins.” She jotted something else on a fresh sheet of paper and handed it to Kia. “Here are the phone numbers you need to set up the exam and to register for prenatal classes. Make the calls as soon as you can, okay?”
Kia nodded.
“Good. Now off we go to the examining room to check you over.”
Kia used her elbow to clear the steam off the bus window. She looked out at the gray day. The physical exam had been painless. The doctor had measured her stomach, which was still flat, taken her blood pressure and listened for the baby’s heartbeat, which she said she couldn’t yet detect. It would be beating, the doctor had said, but there were too many other sounds drowning it out. In another month it would be strong enough to be heard clearly. Then she’d given Kia a package of information about pregnancy to read. “It’s especially important for you to take care of yourself,” the doctor had said, “because you’re so young, and still growing yourself. We don’t want your health to suffer and we want to create as healthy an environment for the baby as we can.” Kia had shoved the information into her backpack.