Once in a Lifetime

by Chrissie Manby

  ‘Oh my god, Jed. This is the best! This is the absolute best. This is the best best best best present on planet earth!’

  By now, Dani was actually hoping Jed had just bought Flossie a couple of giant spliffs. Anything would be better than a hammer and sickle tattoo. For their part Xanthe and Camilla couldn’t wait a moment longer to find out what Jed had really bought their dear friend. They headed into the hall. Jane, Sarah and Dani followed. And there was Jed’s birthday gift. On the floor. In a cardboard box.

  ‘Mum! Gran! Look at this! It’s the best present ever!’ Flossie cried. ‘Jed has gone and bought me a puppy!’

  Chapter Seven

  Dani did not know what to do. She wanted to scream. She opened her mouth as though she might scream but no one was taking any notice. The girls, Jed, Sarah and Jane all crowded around Flossie, who was now holding the puppy in her arms. A little ball of thick brown curls, studded with two glossy chocolate-button eyes and a nose like a piece of wet liquorice.

  ‘Isn’t he beautiful? He’s like a teddy bear come to life. He’s the best best best best birthday present in the whole world. I’m so happy I think I might cry.’

  ‘I’m definitely going to cry,’ said Dani. ‘For heaven’s sake, Jed. A dog?’

  Everyone continued to ignore her. The puppy was just too enticing. As Flossie cradled the bundle of fluff, Jed stood behind her with his hands on her shoulders, giving the scene the air of a strange nativity.

  ‘You always said you wanted a puppy,’ Jed reminded his girlfriend.

  ‘I know,’ said Flossie. ‘But I didn’t think in a million years I’d actually get one. You’ve made me the happiest girl in the world. Look at his little nose, Gran. Look at his perfect paws!’

  Flossie’s friends, her godmother and her grandmother all duly cooed at the puppy’s little footpads, which were still soft and smooth from never having walked outside.

  The puppy was wriggling and making a squeaking sound. Flossie held him round his tummy so that his legs bicycled in the air and he strained to get close enough to lick Flossie’s nose with his curling pink tongue. He wagged his tiny tail. And widdled straight onto the wall.

  ‘Squeee!’ the girls chorused.

  ‘He’s adorable,’ said Sarah.

  ‘He is a sweetie,’ Jane agreed, reaching out to feel that curly fur.

  ‘Isn’t anyone going to get a wet wipe?’ Dani asked.

  While Dani cleared the wee from the hallway wall, the others were taking it in turn to kiss the new puppy’s nose.

  ‘You know we can’t keep him,’ was all Dani said when Flossie tried to make her hold the little chap. ‘I’m sorry, Flossie. He’s got to go back to wherever it is Jed found him. Jed, please take this dog away. Now. You’ve got ten seconds.’

  Whenever Dani was desperate, she resorted to counting. It had worked until Flossie was six.

  But now Flossie gasped as though she’d been stuck with a knife and fled upstairs with the pup. Xanthe, Camilla and Jed were right behind her. From the safety of the landing, Flossie yelled back down the stairs.

  ‘You’re ruining my birthday! Eff you!’

  ‘Didn’t I tell you that Jed would turn out to be trouble?’ Dani asked Jane and Sarah when they were back in the kitchen, where Dani swigged back the last of the cava straight from the bottle.

  ‘Well, it’s not the kind of trouble I expected,’ said Jane.

  ‘No. It’s worse. What are we going to do, Mum? How could he buy her a dog without asking first?’

  ‘He didn’t think,’ said Sarah.

  ‘Damn right he didn’t. And now we have to deal with the consequences.’

  ‘Can’t we deal with them tomorrow?’ Jane asked.

  The vegan lasagne was smoking. Dani pulled it out of the oven and slammed it down on the kitchen counter.

  ‘I don’t suppose that’s got any weed in it?’ Sarah asked.

  As if he was having a Pavlovian reaction to the smell of food, Jed appeared at the kitchen door. He stood in the frame, almost filling it, in the dirty parka he rarely took off. He was like a gigantic smelly version of Kenny from South Park and right then Dani hated him.

  ‘What do you want?’ Dani asked.

  ‘I wanted to say sorry, Mrs P.’

  Jane and Sarah smiled at him, encouragingly.

  ‘I probably should have asked you first.’

  ‘Yes, you should.’

  ‘Look, I understand you’re not very happy right now, Mrs P, but my uncle has this theory, right, that you don’t go out and get a pet. The animal finds you. And this animal was meant for Flossie. I knew it the moment I saw him. I had this feeling.’

  ‘Where did you get him?’ Dani asked Jed.

  ‘I bought him from a bloke in town,’ said Jed.

  ‘Which bloke?’

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘What did he tell you about that pup?’

  ‘Nothing really. He just said his dog had some puppies but he couldn’t keep them himself. He was looking for suitable owners. He said he could tell from having seen Flossie and me around town that we were the right sort of people.’

  ‘You mean he could see you were suckers?’

  ‘He meant kind,’ said Jed. ‘Proper animal lovers.’

  ‘So you don’t know anything about this puppy at all? You don’t know how old it is. What breed it is. Whether it’s had its injections? You don’t even know if it was stolen.’

  ‘It wasn’t stolen,’ said Jed firmly. ‘It was his dog’s puppy. She had five. This was the only one left. He’s nearly four months old.’

  ‘And you saw this man’s dog?’

  Jed nodded.

  ‘And what kind of dog was that?’

  Jed looked up to the ceiling as though he was trying to remember. Or as though he was trying to make something up.

  ‘What kind of dog was it, Jed?’ Dani asked again.

  ‘I, er, I think it was a Jack Russell.’

  ‘It was a what?’

  ‘A Jack Russell,’ said Jed. ‘It might not have been, though. It might have been a sheepdog or something.’

  ‘Sheepdogs and Jack Russell terriers are not easily confused. Look, Jed, just tell me where you got the dog from so that first thing tomorrow morning I can sort this all out.’

  ‘He told me not to tell you.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Because he said you’d go mad and chase him down.’

  ‘Jed, is this strange man someone I know?’

  Jed shrugged.

  ‘It’s someone I know,’ Dani translated.

  It transpired that Jed had bought the dog from somebody they all knew. Eric was the driver for the local organic farm collective that supplied food to dozens of hotels and restaurants in the area. He delivered food to The Majestic Hotel three times a week.

  Dani had come to know Eric pretty well over the years. They always made time to share a joke while Eric was bringing boxes of lovingly grown potatoes and turnips and beetroot to the kitchen door. Eric always asked after Flossie and Jane. Dani, in turn, knew all about Eric’s family. His wife, who’d been unwell for a decade. His children, who were, in Eric’s own words, both terrible wasters who would never amount to anything. His secret dream that one day he would be able to go sport fishing in Florida.

  Dani thought of Eric as a friend. But now he’d done this to her. He knew Flossie was her daughter.

  ‘Right, well tomorrow morning I will have a word with Eric about giving you your money back.’

  ‘You mean giving him back the dog?’ Jed asked. ‘You can’t just do that. Flossie is really attached to him already. You’re acting like a dictator.’

  ‘I’m acting like a parent,’ Dani said.

  Jed slunk back upstairs. If he’d had a tail, it would have been between his legs. From the hallway, Dani could hear a chorus of ‘not fair’ as Jed relayed the news to the girls. Well, let them complain. They wouldn’t be the ones who inevitably ended up looking after that puppy if Dani didn’t send it b
ack. They wouldn’t be the ones feeding the puppy, walking the puppy, paying for it to have all its injections. Dani wasn’t being cruel. She was being bloody sensible. Something Jed clearly was not.

  The girls and Jed stayed up in Flossie’s room all evening. Meanwhile Dani tipped the left over canapés and the burned lasagne into the bin. And at ten thirty, Dani made it clear it was time Flossie’s birthday party came to an end.

  In the fuss about the tattoos and the puppy, even Dani’s lovingly made birthday cake had been forgotten. Dani remembered just as Flossie’s guests were leaving and brought it out quickly but Flossie refused to have them sing ‘Happy Birthday’.

  ‘Because it’s not a happy birthday for me,’ Flossie said.

  With her friends all gone, Flossie retired to her bedroom, still clutching the puppy as though he were a live hot-water bottle. Dani followed her upstairs.

  ‘Mum, why are you so bent out of shape about this?’

  ‘Why do you think?’ Dani asked her.

  ‘It isn’t my fault. I didn’t actually ask for a dog. But now …’

  Dani sat down on the end of the bed. ‘We can’t have this dog, Flossie. We really can’t.’

  Flossie covered the puppy’s ears, as though he might have understood that Dani was deciding his fate.

  ‘Who’s going to look after him?’ Dani fell back on reason. ‘I work full time. You’re at school.’

  ‘Gran’s at home all day.’

  ‘It’s not fair to impose on her.’

  ‘She’d be up for it. I know she would. And Auntie Sarah will help too. And when I’m not at school, he’ll be one hundred per cent my responsibility.’

  ‘Like your hamster was?’

  ‘I was seven,’ said Flossie, remembering Dora the hamster’s unfortunate demise.

  ‘Come on, Flossie. Be real. I’m not saying all this just to upset you on your birthday. Jed was simply wrong to bring that dog home. It’s not just the responsibility. It’s the expense.’

  ‘I can use the money Xanthe and Camilla saved for my tattoo to pay for his injections.’

  ‘Well, that’s almost a silver lining. But no, you can put that tattoo money towards your uni fund.’

  ‘If I get that far. All this upset is going to make it really hard for me to get through my GCSEs next week.’

  ‘Unfair, Flossie. Unfair. Look, hand the puppy over. He can’t stay in your bedroom whatever. He’s not house-trained. He’s got to go in the kitchen overnight then tomorrow I’ll sort out giving him back to Eric.’

  Flossie’s eyes glittered with tears.

  ‘But this dog chose us, Mum. It’s like Jed said. He chose our family. I really believe that. You saw how much Grandma Jane and Auntie Sarah liked him. We can’t give just him back.’

  The puppy cried all night, of course, keeping Dani wide-awake into the early hours. She did her best to block out the mournful sound by arranging her pillows around her ears but eventually she crept downstairs and set herself up on the sofa, with the pup in his cardboard box on the floor by her side. However, that wasn’t enough for him either. He kept crying. He wouldn’t go to sleep until Dani picked him up and let him make a nest in the blanket she spread over her knees.

  ‘Don’t get used to this,’ she warned him, as he settled his warm weight in her lap and she ran her fingers through his silky soft fur. ‘You’re going back tomorrow.’

  But there was something irresistible about those brown eyes. And those little feet. The bright pink tongue and the wet button nose. Even that puppy smell, which Dani knew was only the scent of wee on warm fur. If things had been different …

  They weren’t different. Things were as they were.

  ‘Don’t cry,’ Dani said to the pup. ‘Somebody somewhere will really love you.’

  Chapter Eight

  When Eric the organic fruit and veg man arrived to do the drop-off at The Majestic the following morning, Dani could tell at once that he’d rather not stop to chat. Normally, he unloaded his van as though he had all the time in the world. Sometimes, in fact, he took too long. Today, he was in a hurry.

  ‘Can’t hang around,’ he shouted as he dumped three pallets of veg on the kitchen steps. ‘Running late.’

  ‘Oh no you don’t.’

  Dani elbowed Dave out of the way so she could get to the errant vegetable man. ‘You’re not going anywhere until you and I have had a little talk.’

  ‘What about?’ Eric asked, all innocence.

  ‘Eric, you sold my daughter’s boyfriend a dog for her birthday knowing full well that getting a pet is not a decision Flossie is currently qualified to make.’

  ‘Jed told me you both always wanted one. You and Flossie.’

  ‘And that’s true,’ Dani admitted. ‘But I haven’t ever had one because I know as well as you do that wanting a dog isn’t enough. Dogs need attention and company. They need to be with someone who has time to take them for a walk. I’m a single mother. I work full-time. I work weekends. I work evenings. A dog simply wasn’t in the plan. You’ll have to take him back.’

  ‘No can do,’ said Eric. ‘Money has changed hands. He’s your responsibility now. I don’t do refunds.’

  ‘I’m not asking for a refund, Eric. You can keep the money. I’m just asking you to find that puppy a new home. Somewhere he’s wanted.’

  ‘I don’t have time. You’re not the only one round here with a job.’ He waved in the direction of the van. ‘I’m run off my feet. If that puppy comes back to me, I’ll have to drop him off at the dogs’ home. You could do that yourself if you really don’t want to keep him.’

  ‘What? Oh Eric. For heaven’s sake. We’ve been friends for years, you and I. How could you do this to me?’

  ‘Jed told me he’d cleared it with you.’

  ‘And you didn’t think to check?’

  ‘He’s an adult.’

  ‘Barely.’

  Eric had the grace to look ashamed. Dani sighed.

  ‘Maybe,’ said Eric after a moment. ‘Maybe you ought to try to be a little bit more open-minded about how you can make owning a dog work. They bring joy to your life, dogs do.’

  ‘Then why don’t you take him back and have a little bit more joy for yourself?’

  ‘We’ve already got six including his mum,’ Eric said, a little sadly. ‘I never get a place on the sofa as it is. Besides, I can’t afford to get him vaccinated. That twenty quid Jed gave me doesn’t even touch the sides. I’m sorry, Dani. I didn’t mean to put you in a difficult position. I honestly didn’t. Jed had me convinced you and Flossie wanted a dog. He said he would sort it out with you. I thought you’d be pleased in the end.’

  Dani could tell that Eric wasn’t going to budge. She would have liked to smack him round the chops with a squeaky dog toy for putting her in such a quandary but she knew it wasn’t worth it. Eric had done Dani plenty of favours over the years. He was kind. She couldn’t avoid him. They had to meet pretty much every week.

  ‘What kind of dog is he anyway?’ Dani asked at last, defeated.

  ‘Oh, he’s a good mix,’ said Eric.

  ‘Mix of what?’

  ‘He’s half poodle, half …’

  Eric coughed out the end of the sentence so that Dani didn’t have the faintest clue what he’d said.

  ‘Half poodle, half what?’

  ‘Staffy,’ said Eric, only a little more clearly this time.

  ‘Half poodle, half Staffy!’ Dani shrieked. ‘Half Staffy! You mean Staffordshire bull terrier? Eric, you are effing kidding me.’

  But Eric was already getting back into his cab.

  Dani grabbed a potato out of one of the pallets and threw it after him. It left a dent in the van’s side panel.

  Dani was furious. However, when Dave the chef heard what had happened, he was unsympathetic.

  ‘It’s not the end of the world,’ he said.

  Dave had a Dobermann called Sparkle. Never had a dog been so inappropriately named. Satan was more like it. Likewise, Joe the sous-che
f had two dogs. Lurchers, named Beavis and Butthead.

  ‘I love them more than anything in the world,’ he said.

  ‘Including your wife?’ Dani asked.

  ‘They’re joint first with my wife,’ said Joe, who’d been married for less than a year. ‘But then they did bring her into my life.’

  Shortly after getting his dogs, Joe had taken them for a walk on Pier Beach (it was during the winter when dogs were allowed on the sand). Joe’s future missus was a Goth, who had a vintage Victorian fur muff. The lurchers mistakenly thought she might be carrying a rabbit and took her down in their eagerness to investigate. Joe helped the poor woman to her feet and the rest was history.

  ‘Eric’s right,’ Joe said. ‘Dogs can change your life. And your life does need changing if you ask me.’

  ‘I didn’t ask you,’ said Dani.

  ‘But when did you last go on a date?’ asked Dave.

  ‘You can’t ask me that!’

  ‘But we always talk about your love life.’

  Dave and Joe were united on that front.

  ‘Not in 2018 we don’t,’ said Dani. ‘Now it’s hashtag inappropriate so you can both sod right off.’

  Dani turned to see Cheryl the events manager smirking by the serving hatch.

  ‘What?’ Dani spat at her.

  ‘I just came to see how preparations for Mr Hayward’s birthday party celebration event are getting on,’ she said.

  ‘Fine,’ said Dani. ‘We’ve got it all under control, haven’t we, gentlemen?’

  Dave and Joe nodded.

  ‘And the cake?’

  ‘Will be perfect.’

  ‘Good.’ Cheryl turned to go but hesitated. She turned back to Dani. ‘You know a dog brought love into my life too,’ she said suddenly.

  ‘What kind was it?’ Dave interrupted. ‘Someone’s guide dog?’

  Cheryl pursed her lips. She carried on, ‘I was just out of university and I was house-sitting for my parents’ neighbours. They had this little Westie called Ellen, after Ellen Degeneres. They were big fans. Anyway I had to take Ellen out every day. It was while I was walking her in the park that I met my husband.’ She paused. ‘Of course, he’s my ex-husband now.’