Once in a Lifetime

by Chrissie Manby

Jezza provided Dani’s wake-up call. Drunk as she had been on her way up to the bedroom the previous evening, Dani had failed to Jezza-proof the house before bed. She left the kitchen door open and thus, unknown to her, he had eschewed the basket they’d recently bought for him, to instead spend the evening sleeping on the armchair in the corner of Dani’s bedroom, on a pile of newly washed towels.

  Now, however, he needed to go out. Dani hadn’t opened the dog flap before going to bed and Jezza was absolutely desperate.

  So Dani’s first shock was opening her eyes to find that Jezza was staring deep into hers. Her second shock was remembering that she had not gone to bed alone.

  Will was there. Will was in her bed with her. Will with his top off.

  Dani sat up suddenly and looked down at Will with disbelief and something approaching wonder. He was even more gorgeous than she recalled.

  Jezza’s whining woke Will too.

  ‘Where am I?’ Will asked.

  ‘You’re with me,’ Dani said, while Jezza gave him a slobbery ‘good morning’ kiss. It was fortunate that he liked dogs. ‘With Dani?’ she added, before he could inadvertently reveal that he didn’t have a clue who she was.

  ‘Oh god,’ said Will.

  He put his hand over his eyes.

  ‘It’s OK,’ said Dani, feeling her self-esteem plummet. ‘We didn’t do anything …’

  ‘Oh no,’ said Will, seeming to sense at once that Dani thought he was embarrassed. ‘I didn’t mean that. Not at all. I’m happy to be here. With you and … I just mean … How much did I have to drink last night? My head feels like someone’s clog-dancing inside it.’

  ‘We did have quite a bit,’ Dani admitted. ‘And that red wine at the engagement party was rough.’

  Will sat up against the headboard.

  ‘It’s all coming back to me now,’ he said. ‘That wine really was rough, wasn’t it? Lola’s father was always a cheapskate when it came to booze.’

  ‘I think Nat’s parents did the wine.’

  ‘Oh. Well, whoever bought it, it was crap. How did we get here?’ Will asked.

  ‘Taxi. You paid. So I probably owe you a fiver or something. A tenner?’

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ said Will.

  Dani tried to believe it was a good thing that he didn’t want to be paid back.

  ‘Do you want to have a shower or something? While I let Jezza out? I’ll get you a clean towel.’

  Will shook his head. ‘I’ll just put my clothes on and get going if it’s OK with you. Have a shower back at my place.’

  ‘Oh. OK. I’ll just …’

  Dani made to get out of bed. Noticing perhaps for the first time that she was naked, Will made a big deal of turning his face away.

  ‘To give you some privacy.’

  Dani grabbed her ratty old dressing gown from the back of the door. Her brief fantasy of life as Mrs Hippety Hotness was absolutely over now.

  Dani stood at the kitchen table and watched as Jezza made his first garden inspection of the day. He sniffed delicately around the borders, stopping to make a deeper investigation of the patch of ground at the bottom of the old apple tree, which was where next door’s cat sometimes liked to lay in the shade, taunting Jezza as he watched helplessly from inside the house.

  Dani was so envious of Jezza right then. His life was so simple. Eat, walk, sniff and poo. Not for Jezza the endless humiliations of human life. The misunderstandings and the awful embarrassments. How could Dani ever have thought that Will really wanted to spend the night with her?

  As Dani was watching her dog, Will walked into the kitchen.

  ‘Breakfast?’ Dani offered. ‘I can offer you fresh orange juice?’

  ‘I’m not really a breakfast person,’ said Will.

  Dani wasn’t convinced by that answer but she didn’t question it.

  ‘I’d better get going. I’ll see you soon,’ he said, as he headed for the front door. With haste.

  Later, as Dani sipped coffee at the kitchen table, she decided it was for the best that she’d spent too long in the bathroom. She’d always previously avoided one-night stands for good reason. Will was probably glad they hadn’t done anything either. It would make it a bit less awkward if they ever had occasion to bump into each other again. Though she would never see him again. Dani was pretty damn sure of that.

  When she got into the bathroom, Dani did not look quite so good as she remembered. There were still a couple of pubic hairs floating in the toilet bowl. The scissors were in the sink. She hoped that Will wouldn’t have noticed them but she was pretty sure that he must have.

  Worst of all, Dani still had to go to Best Behaviour Boot Camp.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Nat was already at boot camp with Princess. Dani shuffled into the semi-circle of puppies and owners beside him. She would have preferred to hide her hangover on the other side of the circle, but alas, there was to be no moving around at this point in the term. Nurse Van Niekerk was there too, however, so there was no chance for anything more than a cursory nod ‘hello’.

  ‘Puppies ready?’

  Jezza yipped his agreement.

  ‘Owners ready?’

  Dani groaned.

  As the class progressed, Dani felt very ill indeed. She was sure she must be sweating wine again. She could follow hardly any of Nurse Van Niekerk’s instructions and Jezza seemed to pick up on her incapacity. He ran riot. Whichever command Dani tried, Jezza did pretty much the opposite.

  ‘Sit!’

  He jumped up at her, tongue lolling.

  ‘Stay!’

  He ran for the other end of the field and refused to come back until she went to fetch him.

  ‘Drop it!’

  Jezza did drop the ball he was carrying, only to snatch one of Dani’s shoelaces and start tugging that instead.

  ‘Discipline!’ Nurse Van Niekerk shouted. ‘Mrs Jezza, where is your authority today? Find it in your body! In your voice! Stand up straight and make commands like you mean them.’

  ‘I can barely stand at all,’ was what Dani wanted to say.

  ‘Drop it!’ she tried again. ‘Drop my shoelace.’

  Jezza pulled the lace so hard it snapped.

  ‘Pathetic, Mrs Jezza,’ Nurse Van Niekerk scolded. ‘Like this.’

  Of course, Jezza behaved for her.

  Dani was relieved when Terry the chihuahua started humping Bluebell the hapless Labrador and Nurse Van Niekerk’s attention was drawn away.

  The final whistle took forever to come that morning and when it did, Dani was sure she had never felt so relieved in her life.

  ‘Water,’ she said to no one in particular. ‘I need water. I’m going to the shop.’

  ‘I’ll come with you,’ said Nat.

  ‘Sure.’

  They began to walk towards the gates together.

  ‘That was a rough class,’ said Nat.

  ‘At least Princess did as she was told. Of course, now Jezza is walking to heel like a proper Crufts champion,’ Dani observed. Having burned off plenty of energy in the class, he was finally settling down.

  ‘I like his style,’ said Nat. ‘He doesn’t believe in performing for “the man”. Not that I’m suggesting Nurse Van Niekerk isn’t one hundred per cent female.’

  Dani chuckled.

  ‘Tough night?’ Nat asked.

  ‘Your fault,’ said Dani. ‘Thank you for having me to your party. Did you have a good evening?’

  ‘Yes,’ said Nat. ‘It was full on.’

  ‘Your family is so lovely. But then they always were. I can’t believe your sister married Damian. Who would have guessed how he’d turn out? Is one of their sons really called Merlin?’

  ‘Yep,’ Nat nodded.

  ‘Far out,’ Dani joked.

  ‘I think Gandalf came off worse. Fortunately, both my nephews have a great sense of humour. They need it.’

  As they got to the gate Nat said, ‘I didn’t see you leave last night. You didn’t say goodbye when you wen
t.’

  Dani had been rumbled. She tried to style it out. ‘Well you were rather busy and I didn’t think it was right to pull you away from your guests. I knew I’d see you today after all.’

  ‘But you must have left quite early. I didn’t even really get a chance to say hello.’

  ‘It was Flossie,’ Dani lied. ‘I got a call from Flossie saying she didn’t feel like she wanted to spend the night at her friend’s house after all. She wanted me to go and fetch her.’

  Nat seemed to believe it. Though then he said, ‘Will left quite early too.’

  ‘He did?’ Dani feigned ignorance.

  ‘Yes. I thought perhaps you left together,’ Nat persisted.

  ‘Oh, yeah.’ Dani caved in. She didn’t have the energy to deny it altogether. ‘Now you come to mention it, we did walk in the same direction for a while. I showed Will where the taxi rank is.’

  Nat nodded. ‘I would have thought he’d have known where it is by now.’

  ‘You know, I feel rough as a bag of spanners,’ Dani said then. ‘You don’t seem too worse for wear, though, considering it was your party.’

  ‘That’s because I knew I would have to get up early to drive Lola to a wedding fayre in Torquay.’

  ‘She’s started planning already?’

  ‘Well, yes. You see, we’ve brought the wedding forward,’ said Nat.

  ‘Gosh,’ said Dani. What else could she say? ‘Gosh.’

  ‘The church Lola wants has got a vacancy for the first Saturday of September. We decided to go for it. It is a bit quick but …’

  ‘It’s not … er, shotgun is it?’

  ‘Of course not,’ said Nat.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ said Dani. ‘That was rude.’

  ‘You’re excused. No, it’s just … why wait? We know we want to spend the rest of our lives together. I’m forty next week. I’m not exactly too young. And neither’s Lola.’

  ‘No,’ said Dani. ‘Well, a September wedding. How lovely. Look, I’d better get going.’ She really needed to be away from him again. Before she said anything that could be construed as negative.

  ‘I thought you wanted to get some water,’ Nat said.

  ‘I’ll get some at home. I think the best thing for me right now is to go straight back to bed. See you next Saturday!’

  A September wedding. Lola would be Mrs Hayward in a matter of weeks.

  Back at home, unable to settle down to anything much, Dani logged onto Instagram. She wasn’t following many people so there wasn’t much to see, but she had a new message. She’d never had a message on Instagram before and it took her a while to work out how to find it. When she did, her jaw dropped in surprise.

  It was from Will.

  ‘Hey,’ he’d written. ‘Sorry I dashed off this morning. I forgot I had someone coming to fix the boiler. And I’m sorry to contact you via Instagram but you neglected to give me your number, gorgeous girl. I hope that wasn’t deliberate! Can we try again on Thursday?’

  Dani was absolutely gobsmacked.

  ‘Gorgeous girl?’

  Thank goodness for social media. She typed a message in response. And then retyped it. And then retyped it again. She settled on, ‘That’d be nice. Thanks.’ And her number.

  Then she went back through all her own Instagram photos to try to see them through a potential date’s eyes. Thank goodness they were mostly pictures of cakes and only one selfie, taken on a day when Flossie had done her make-up. She had a full green face. It was Halloween.

  And then she went through Will’s pictures, which were in an altogether different class. It was easy to see why he’d been a model. He didn’t have a bad angle. Which made it all the more fantastic that he was interested in Dani. But he must be genuinely interested. It would have been very easy for him to simply never see her again.

  And now he was messaging her back.

  ‘Brilliant,’ he said. ‘So glad you’re still talking to me. How about The Lonely Elephant. Seven o’clock. Come hungry!’

  Who cared if Nat Hayward was getting married now?

  Chapter Forty

  When Dani asked her on the morning of the date, Jane was most unhelpful as to what she should wear.

  ‘A nice frock?’

  Meanwhile Flossie was of the opinion that women should not dress for men.

  ‘Just be yourself.’

  That was all very well for a sixteen-year-old to say. The fact is, though most sixteen-year-olds don’t believe it, any woman under thirty can get away with going on a date wearing dungarees and Doc Martens because they’re naturally, ineffably lovely and a little red dress and a face full of make-up would only be gilding the lily.

  A woman facing forty, on the other hand, needs all the help she can get. At least that’s what Dani was thinking. Never mind that Will had already seen her in her ratty dressing gown. She was treating this date as a complete do-over. A chance to wow him all over again. Or wow him for the first time. Whatever.

  Sarah agreed. ‘Darling, you’re going to have to make a shopping trip.’

  Dani had noticed Lola’s boutique, of course, on her ride into work, but it was absolutely not the kind of place she ever expected to shop. Once, and only once, she’d slowed down to look at the window display but upon seeing that the cardigan she thought would make a nice alternative to the one she wore for gardening was priced at £250, Dani accepted she was not the sort of client Lola was after.

  But by the time her shift at the hotel ended on date day, Dani wasn’t sure she’d be able to get into the town centre before everything closed. And if she was honest, she was curious. She’d met Lola on three occasions, but she’d never really had a chance to chat to her and find out exactly what it was about her that had captured Nat Hayward’s heart. And Will’s before that. Perhaps seeing her in a business context – in her own professional world – would give Dani a different perspective. So Dani diverted via Lola’s eponymous boutique on her way home.

  The old Victorian shop front was painted hot pink with highlights in gold. The window display that day featured three mannequins in glittering mini-dresses like the one Lola had worn for her birthday party. The dresses were priced at three hundred pounds each, which made Dani increasingly sure there would be nothing for her inside. Her eyes almost popped out of her head when she saw the handbag with which one of the dresses was accessorised cost more than Dani’s bicycle. She was about to turn away. There would be something in her wardrobe she could make work. But it was too late. She’d been spotted.

  Lola herself was standing at the counter, flicking through a fashion magazine. When she saw she had a potential customer on the doorstep, she looked up and smiled a smile that was presumably supposed to be welcoming. She had a lot of teeth.

  ‘I’ve just come from work,’ Dani said as she stepped through the door, heading off any criticism of what she was wearing right away. Not that she was much more glamorous when she wasn’t at work.

  ‘Dani,’ said Lola, coming out into the middle of the store.

  ‘Thank you so much for inviting me to your engagement party.’

  ‘It was the least we could do. You did make the cake after all.’

  ‘I hope people enjoyed it.’

  ‘They left most of it,’ said Lola. ‘Lots of people watching their sugar. I know I am now I’ve got to get into a wedding dress.’

  It was hard to imagine Lola could lose much more weight without disappearing altogether. She was tiny. Dani suddenly felt distinctly lumpen in her presence.

  ‘So, how can I help you? Just coming in for a nose?’

  ‘Actually,’ said Dani. ‘I’ve got a date.’

  Lola’s eyes widened as if that was improbable. ‘Tell me more.’

  And because of the way Lola had looked so surprised, it was on Dani’s lips to tell Lola exactly who her date was. Instead she said, ‘He’s someone I met through having a dog.’

  ‘Of course, you take your dog to the same training class as Princess, don’t you? I swear I had no
idea having a dog would be so much trouble.’

  ‘They’re like children,’ Dani observed.

  ‘Only you don’t have to wreck your figure to have one.’

  Dani was sure Lola looked straight at her stomach when she said that. She sucked her belly in.

  ‘So, what are you looking for?’ Lola asked.

  ‘I thought perhaps you might be able to suggest something.’

  ‘I can try,’ said Lola, in a way that made Dani hear the rest of the sentence in her head as ‘but it will be a challenge.’

  ‘Take off your jacket so I can see your shape.’

  Dani placed her old denim jacket on the counter, folding it to hide the stains.

  ‘Pear,’ Lola said. ‘Now, I know people don’t like to hear that but trust me I don’t mean it badly.’

  ‘Might as well be honest,’ said Dani.

  ‘That’s what I think. I did a personal styling course in London,’ Lola explained. ‘Body shape is really important. There’s no point trying to flatter someone by telling them they’re hourglass only for them to go away wondering why the sheath dress they bought looks so bad. You’ve got quite long arms too,’ Lola continued.

  ‘I thought they were perfectly normal.’

  ‘No.’ Lola put her hand on Dani’s shoulder and shuffled her in the direction of the mirror. ‘You see, your legs should be slightly longer than your upper limbs but I think your proportions are the other way round.’

  ‘Like a chimpanzee,’ said Dani.

  ‘Exactly. But we can balance it with a bracelet-length sleeve or actual bangles to cut the line of your forearms – which is where the extra length is – and then we can lengthen your legs with some classic Kates.’

  ‘Kates?’

  ‘Nude court shoes,’ Lola explained. ‘Like Kate Middleton’s.’

  ‘I don’t have a duchess-style budget,’ said Dani, feeling she ought to get that message out there before Lola started going nuts. She was already prancing around the store, pulling things off the rails. She held a green dress up against Dani’s face and frowned in disapproval.

  ‘I never wear green.’

  ‘Good job,’ said Lola.

  It was ironic, Dani thought, that she was being dressed for a date with Will by his ex-girlfriend. The ex-girlfriend who was marrying her own ex-boyfriend. But Dani at least supposed it might mean Lola knew what the sort of man Dani went for would like. And Lola certainly seemed to be taking her new mission seriously.