“His apartment?” she questioned, a mischievous gleam in her eyes. She moved forward, hands on hips, and bent to meet me eye to eye. “And what exactly where you doing there, Franny Girl?”
I exhaled sharply, “If you call me Franny Girl one more time, I’m going to punch you,” I threatened, even though we both knew it would never happen. “Nothing went on. You left your car for me, he didn’t have a ride, I took him. End of story.”
“You still love him,” she stated, matter of factly.
Rolling my eyes, I sat Hammy down beside me and brushed the shedded fur off my legs. “Daph, what happened to not talking about him? I thought we were going out?”
She brushed past me, sitting and taking over my previous position. “We don’t have to. I think I’d rather hear this,” she chuckled with a wink.
Groaning, I mocked her earlier stance, glaring at her. “It doesn’t matter if I still love him. Not after what happened with Josie. Now, can we please go?” I begged her, my voice threatening to break.
She stood, grasping me in a tight hug. “I know you miss her, but Francesca, you need to talk to him about this. You don’t know one thing or another at this point, only what other people said. We know how the rumor mill likes to turn.”
I pulled back, my face hardening. “If it wasn’t true, he would have come to me. He would have told me, Daphne. He didn’t even talk to me at the funeral! That’s as much as saying he’s guilty,” I yelled, my hands moving on their own accord. I was sure I looked like a crazy person.
“Oh, whatever, we both know Cade is a big ass chicken when it comes to you. He was probably scared to talk to you,” she said.
“He’s not a chicken. I was just a game to him, but I’m stronger now. I won’t let him toy with my heart ever again,” I declared, wiping the moistness from my eyes.
She moved back, studying me. “Ok. You know I support you, Francesca, but I want you to know I honestly think you should talk to him. If nothing else, it’ll help you gain closure you desperately need. It’s been seven years and you still hold a lot of anger towards him.”
“You aren’t my therapist,” I spat at her, instantly regretting it.
“No, I’m not, but I am your best friend and I’ve known you forever. I see that this haunts you. I just want you to be able to move on. Josie would want you to.”
Hearing her name twisted something in my heart. Joslyn Taymon, my beautiful little sister, whose life ended too soon and tragically. I could still remember the way her long, blonde hair would fly around her in all directions. Her dark brown eyes that matched mine perfectly. She was so full of life and energy. It still pained me to think of how she died.
“Let’s go,” Daphne instructed, pulling me out of the memories before I lost the stream of tears on the verge of escaping.
I grasped her hand, following her out to the vehicle. I had to just forget everything for a little while. I settled in as she turned up the music and rambled on about some current celebrity she saw something about on facebook. She was trying her hardest to distract me, and I appreciated it. I needed distracting. I needed to forget.
Chapter Ten-Cade
A loud thunder rumbled in my head, over and over again. I clenched my eyes tighter, wondering where the sound was coming from. Rolling over, I grasped the edge of the couch inches before I fell off. The empty bottle I downed an hour before fell to the floor with a thud. A deep groan sounded in my throat, and I stirred myself to consciousness. The loud banging continued, so I shot to a sitting position, looking around in my disoriented state. My phone rang and buzzed seconds after it stopped.
Reaching in in my pocket, I pulled it out and answered quickly, “Hello?”
“Cade, answer your door, man,” Cason’s voice filled my aching head.
Grunting, I stumbled my way to a standing position and trudged to the door. Opening it wide, I saw my bigger, little brother standing there with a case. “Cason,” I said, reaching out to give him a hug. It had been far too long since we spent any time together.
“I brought you a present,” he grinned, holding up the box.
“And a good present at that. Get in here,” I demanded, stepping back to allow him access.
“Dad told me about your new lawyer, thought you may need a pick me up,” he said, giving me a knowing look.
“Yeah...Francesca.”
“I can’t believe it,” he said, shaking his head as he sat on the couch. “I haven’t seen her in years. How is she doing?”
“I’m not sure. She didn’t seem too happy to see me, though. I hurt her so bad, dude. It seems like it’s more, though. She’s doing good for herself. Got a house, she’s a lawyer, she seems to be living well.”
“You shouldn’t have dated that skanky bitch, Jade. She was so mean to Francesca,” he explained.
“What do you mean, ‘mean to Francesca?’ They didn’t know each other,” I said, my voice rising.
“Jade said some pretty awful stuff. How did you not know? She ripped Francesca apart one day after school.”
The panic was rising. No wonder Francesca had stopped speaking to me a few months before the accident with her sister. She had been hurting. And once again, it was all my fault. “Stupid whore. Does she still live around here?”
“She’s not worth it, man. You’re getting another chance here, so fix it.”
I nodded, opening another drink and chugging it. Francesca didn’t want to see me tonight. She said she would talk to me Monday. So I had all weekend to drink away my issues.
###
Cason had stayed over. He was more responsible than I and didn’t let himself drive after drinking anything. I rolled in my bed, seeing the clock said it was close to noon. There was something I was supposed to do today...but I couldn’t remember what. I shuffled through the apartment, realizing Cason was already gone. He was such a morning person. We were complete opposites. He was light where I was dark. He was everything Pops had expected of me, while I was a complete failure in his eyes. Stretching, I scratched my head, then searched for my phone. Something was really tugging on my mind. I missed something. Forgot something...I couldn’t place what it was. I finally found it, tucked securely under the cushion.
Ten missed calls. Shit.
I threw it on the table, grabbing the half full bottle I had after the case last night, taking a swig and looking to see who had continuously called me.
Work and Pops.
I bent my head back, closed my eyes, and wondered if I still had a job. Cason had helped me get this job and I now remembered they’d told me I needed to work half a day today. I leaned up, took another long drink, and called my boss, Ms. Thorpe back.
“Cade,” her voice came through the speaker firm and shrill.
“Hey, Ms. Thorpe, sorry about not coming in. I’m getting ready now and will be there in about twenty minutes,” I explained, sipping more as I waited for her response.
“There’s no need, Cade. You’ve been terminated. This is the fourth time this has happened in the last six months. We just can’t depend on you. I need you to come down Monday to discuss things with HR and sign some papers.” She spoke quickly, efficiently, and with no emotion.
The phone clicked before I could even try to come up with an explanation or ask for forgiveness. The ringtone blared in my hand. I rejected it as soon as I saw it was Pops. He obviously knew I was in trouble. He always knew what was going on before I could tell him. Not that I would tell him...perhaps that was why he always found out. It was the only way he would know all of my screw ups.
It rang again, so I answered. I didn’t want him showing up or anything. “Pops,” I said dryly.
“Cade!” he shouted, his voice exploding in my eardrum.
I sat there, sighing loud enough for him to hear. I awaited the verbal berating I knew was coming.
“Did your boss get ahold of you? I called Cason and he told me you were still passed out when he left your place. Just how much did you drink last night? Dammit, did yo
u lose your job?” His questions droned on.
I pulled out a canning jar full of moonshine my buddy had made for me a few months back. It was as strong as an alcoholic drink could get and after the morning I’d had, I deserved it. I peeled the lid off, drinking straight from the jar.
“Cade?” he questioned.
“Yeah,” I said, gulping the strong concoction down.
“You aren’t paying attention. Did you lose your job?” he demanded.
“Ms. Thorpe said I did,” I stated, taking another long sip.
“Dammit, Cade, what now?”
“I’ll find a new one. No big deal, Popsy.”
He growled in my ear, then hung up on me.
Shrugging, I threw the phone down, finishing off the glass as I thought of what Cason had said about Jade and Francesca last night.
8 years prior-November
Francesca’s gaze met mine, hurt and anger gleaming in her eyes. I swallowed, not knowing what to do. She looked at me, then to Jade, and back. Her eyes held the questions I didn’t want to answer. The questions I couldn’t answer. She turned, walking away and going back to her locker. I wanted to follow...I longed to drop Jade, hold Francesca, and never let her go.
I couldn’t do that to her. I was like gasoline on fire. More time with me would end in an explosion. I didn’t want to ruin her life. I was a disaster, not able to stop my ways. She deserved better. A prince perhaps, to sweep her off her feet and shower her with the love and devotion she deserved.
I couldn’t be that for her.
So, I found Jade at a party. Her hair was a dull blonde, her eyes green. She wasn’t pretty, not in the least. She annoyed the hell out of me, in fact. But she went to parties with me, she was a decent lay, and she didn’t care about me any more than I cared about her. It was perfect.
I cringed every time I kissed her, so I pictured Francesca and her soft lips. Things had been wonderful after that first kiss, but then I messed up. I’d hurt her and she retreated. It was my fault. I had to distance myself from her. Jade was the perfect way.
Or at least I thought she was until I saw Francesca’s devastation. Everything I did hurt her and it was tearing me apart. It was one thing to ruin every aspect of my life...but her...she deserved so much better. So much more.
A few days later, we ran into each other in the hall. Her books spilled all around, so I bent to get them for her. One look in her hauntingly sad eyes and I knew. I’d broken her heart. “Francesca...” I started, reaching for her.
Shaking her head furiously, she whispered, “No, Cade, no. Don’t look at me like that. Don’t try to make this better. Just don’t.” Her beautifully wide and bright eyes filled with tears, ripping my heart in two.
“I’m so sorry,” I said lamely. Sorry wasn’t going to fix anything. It wasn’t going to make her feel better. We’d had something...amazing...and rare, but I ruined it. As usual.
She looked me over, as if this was the last time she would see me, took her books, and walked away. That was the most difficult day of my life up to that point.
Present Day
The moonshine was gone. I was working on a bottle of whiskey. I’d bought this, the most expensive one in the store, after Pops had chewed me out a few weeks ago. He’d given me money for...something, I couldn’t even remember what now, but I got this instead.
I had to stick it to him somehow.
It burned going down, a fire igniting in the hell that was Cade Kelling. I didn’t know what to do. I had to find a way to get Francesca back in my life, but I couldn’t let her get to close. She brightened every aspect of every sorry day I lived. I had to find a way to be friends. To be able to have her around. To give her one ounce of the support she gave me with a single smile.
I would try to do better. For Francesca.
Chapter Eleven-Francesca
I managed to keep myself busy for most of the weekend. Mowing, cleaning, and cooking for the week was enough to keep anyone busy. My parents came to visit, as they usually did every Saturday morning. Since my sister passed away, we’d become closer. No one knew when their last breath would be, so we wanted to be more involved with each other. We never were really a super close family, but not damaged either. Josie and I would sneak off, laughing and complaining about the rules in place all the time. We talked about boys...clothes...hair...school...everything. We were best friends, though there were three years between us. It was only the two of us. We were inseparable when we weren’t fighting.
She looked a lot like I did, but I always believed she was prettier. She was thinner, her hair straighter, her eyes sparkled more. She came to high school my senior year, so I was very protective. Unfortunately, she fell in the wrong crowd. Everyone close to me ended up needing saving. But I couldn’t save her.
She started off with parties here and there, then she started smoking. I threatened to tell our parents, but she knew I really wouldn’t. So she kept on. The parties turned to more, the cigarette smoking led to marijuana. She went down fast, a spiral no one could save her from. I knew that now. It didn’t stop the pain, though. Especially when I saw Cade and remembered he was there that night.
Shaking my head, I focused my eyes back on the book I was attempting to get lost in. Hamlet lay at my feet on the couch, snuggling his warmth in them and making me wish my socks were off. For such a small creature, he felt like a heater. I slid them from under him, his gray head raising and his golden eyes giving me a menacing look before he nodded back off. I couldn’t help but laugh at how adorable he was. I stood, stretching my arms high above my head, and hurried to find my tennis shoes. Going for a walk was what I needed at this moment.
The air wasn’t hot, but it wasn’t cold. Fall was my favorite time of the year. All the beautiful colors that nature created called out to me. Beckoning me to join, to hope, to love. I walked along the road, getting lost in the sea of leaves that surrounded my feet. They crunched and crumpled beneath my shoes, sounding like a song only mother nature understood. I relaxed, letting my mind drift as my eyes devoured the beauty around me.
8 years prior-October
I let myself be talked into going to the school dance by one of the girls I talked to in class. Why? I had no idea. A small part of me, like a microcell, hoped Cade would come. It was unlikely, but I was kind of dumb when it came to him. I looked down at my white tank dress, placing a blue cardigan the color of his eyes over my shoulders. I left my hair down, naturally wavy. It annoyed me most of the time, but he told me once he liked it that way. The things this boy did to me...it was ridiculous. And exciting.
I twirled in the mirror, somewhat satisfied with my appearance.
“You look great. Cade will drool alllllll over you,” a young voice said from the door.
I spun around, seeing Josie standing in the frame with a smirk on her face. “Josie,” I said, “what are you doing? Quit spying on me. I do not like Cade,” I scoffed, biting my lip at the lie.
“Yes you do,” she taunted, dancing around in my room laughing.
“Get out!” I yelled, diving for her.
She escaped just before I reached her, giggling all the way down the hall. I rolled my eyes at her immaturity, then slipped on the kitten heels. I tried to slow the quickened pace of my heart, but it was impossible. I just had a feeling that Cade would be there.
###
The school transformed the cafeteria into a dance floor. The lights were dimmed with a strobe of multi lights spinning on the walls. There were teachers in every corner, though no one did anything about the grinding on the floor. I rolled my eyes at the cheesiness, standing by the door contemplating a quick exit. I felt so out of place and awkward.
“Well, don’t you look lovely,” his voice dripped behind me, his breath tickling my ear as his words trickled in my brain.
Turning slowly, I saw him in usual attire, a white tshirt and jeans, but he looked incredible. His dark hair appeared darker in the dimmed lighting, his eyes shone with eagerness.
; “You’re here,” I said dumbly. Like he didn’t know he was here. I was such an idiot sometimes.
“I am,” he said, a sexy smirk showing on one side of his mouth. “Wanna dance?” he asked, his leg shaking nervously, his eyes desperately searching mine for an answer.
I nodded, unable to speak. We’d kissed, but only a couple of times. He grabbed me, pulling me to a spot close to where we stood. Warm fingers circled around my waist, while the others held my hand. He pulled me close, every inch of our bodies touching. His eyes never left mine as we swayed and spun. I was lost in all that was Cade Kelling.
Slowly, he leaned me back, dipping me and following until our noses almost touched. His breath was warm, his breathing intense. I stared at him intently, willing him to put his lips on mine. Almost as suddenly, he stood us upright, putting a small distance between us.
“There’s a teacher watching us,” he said, his head leaned against mine, his voice speaking into my hair.
I nodded again. He was ripping me in pieces. He knew how to turn me into a puddle with a simple glance. I couldn’t take much more.
Present Day
Remembering the dance was bittersweet. Someone had taken our picture at the exact moment he dipped me. It ended up in the yearbook, to my horror, but I’d snuck in the room where they put everything together and swiped the original. It was in a box under my bed. After, we’d hung out, talked until well after midnight. Stupid me asked him to go to a birthday party with me, my heart soaring when he’s said yes. But it was a lie. He stood me up. Then....then he dated her. The evil, snobby, skanky girl that tried to make the rest of my sophomore year a living hell.
Jade Smithson wasn’t very popular...or likable, but she somehow managed to dig her claws into Cade and steer him far away from me. After he stood me up, things got rocky. We weren’t ever “really” dating, but the feelings felt so real. So pure. It tore me in two knowing he held her, kissed her, spent time with her, instead of me. The day I saw them in the hall together, I knew things would never be the same, and I’d cried for hours when I got home. And many days after that. Yes, it was weak, but I was sixteen. My heart was raw, open, and vulnerable. It didn’t help that every time I saw them, Cade’s eyes filled with regret and remorse, making me wonder just why he was with her. It drove me crazy, not knowing why he chose her over me. Perhaps he never felt anything for me. Maybe it was just a game to him, to see just how idiotic I would act over him.
The XOXO New Adult Collection: 16 Full Length New Adult Stories Page 108