Shaking my head, I tried to tear the thoughts from my head. I couldn’t let myself get caught up in this again. Glancing around, I realized I’d walked the whole block and was back at my house. I bound up the steps, stopping on the porch to look at the nearly setting sun. The sky possessed a yellow/orange glow that matched the leaves I’d tracked home with me. I stood in awe, allowing nature to calm my senses and my rapidly beating heart. I had to push Cade out of my mind. The accident determined our future. No matter how much my heart and my body wanted him I couldn’t allow myself to get lost in his eyes. Not again.
###
I lay in bed that night, willing my brain to not be consumed with nightmares. It was pointless, I knew, but I hoped one of these nights I would be able to deal. The Sunday morning I lost my little sister was forever etched in my memory. I don’t even think head trauma could take it away...not that I wanted head trauma, I just wanted to forget. I’d spent the night with Daphne, as we usually did on Saturdays, so I was trying to sleep in. Our sleepovers always resulted in us staying up way to late, watching too many movies, and giggling way too loudly. She was somehow always up early, no matter how late we were awake, so she rose long before I did.
At 8 a.m. my world shattered. Something awoke me, though I don’t know what. Daphne stood just inside the door, her eyes wide in fear, limbs trembling. I rubbed the sleepy from my eyes, watching her with a questioning gaze. “Daph?”
She moved forward, I remember it looked like she was in slow motion, and sat beside me on the spare bed. “Francesca....” She said with her voice full of emotion and sadness.
I sat up, pulling my knees to my chest and hugging the pillow. “What happened?” I asked. Something was so very wrong, it was obvious.
“Your parents just called.” She said, just stopping at that.
Frustrated, I grabbed her arm, “And?” I questioned.
“Francesca...there was an accident. You need to get dressed.”
“Who, Daph?”
“Your mom and dad need to tell you,” she said, her eyes welling in tears.
“Daphne,” I demanded, my eyes pleading with hers.
Her face scrunched as the tears fell freely. I don’t know how I knew, but I did. Something happened to my sister. I hugged the pillow tighter. “Is Josie going to be ok?”
She looked at me pitifully, and I knew in my heart that my sister was gone. I had to hear it, though. I stared at her, my heart thumping against my chest.
“I don’t think so,” she barely choked out.
I tried to stand, my mind in a daze. I somehow got my jeans on, then turned to see her watching me. I fell to the floor in a heap, the tears finally rushing from me. I sobbed in my hands, barely able to catch my breath at times. I felt her arms surround me, tugging me close to her. I didn’t hear her parents come in the room, but they too held me close. It wasn’t enough. I cried for what felt like forever. Finally, I was able to speak and tell them I wanted to go to the hospital to be with my family.
I still couldn’t remember the drive over, my mind wasn’t functioning properly. Daphne’s father, Joseph, led me through the parking lot and halls. I could barely stand on my own, let alone walk without assistance. The hospital was cold...emotionless...and a place I will never forget. I remember white everywhere. The moment I saw my mother and father, my emotions were lost once again. I ran to them, and we all fell to the floor. I couldn’t ask the questions I needed to. I didn’t want to hear my sister was dead, nor could I stop crying long enough to ask. I gripped my parents tightly, burying my head in my mother’s shoulder.
“Francesca,” she said through the sobs.
I looked up at her through blurred vision, shaking my head frantically, “No, Mom, No!” I screamed, pushing her away. “She’s not gone. She’s not.” I cried harder cause the look on her face told me she was.
“Honey, she was drinking...there was a car accident. It was instant,” my dad said from the other side of me, his voice cracking.
“No!!” I wailed, over and over, but it was useless. It wasn’t bringing my sister back. Nothing could. I pounded my fists on the floor, then grasped Daphne closer when she huddled next to me. My mom stood up, her hand covering her mouth as she watched me. My dad held her as they cried.
The memory brought fresh tears to my face, but I didn’t bother to wipe them away. Remembering the moment I found out my sister was gone forever wasn’t what haunted me, years of therapy had helped that, Cade’s involvement in the situation was what haunted me. I’d heard rumors immediately after the wreck, that’s what people did, right? Talk about tragedies and make them worse with their lies? The way people spun the story was unbelievably annoying and pathetic. I hadn’t believed what everyone said about Cade...but he proved it was true by not telling me anything. He didn’t even say he was sorry at the funeral. The knife he stabbed hurt more and more, cutting deeper with each betrayal, but my sister’s death was the final straw. I hadn’t spoken to him since then...until I was appointed to his case.
I drifted off to sleep with a tear soaked pillow beneath my head. I snuggled closer to Hammy, allowing his purrs to lull me into my restless night.
Chapter Twelve-Cade
Seated behind the wheel, I stared at the looming doom doors that led to the HR office. I knew Ms. Thorpe said I was terminated, but I had to find a way to fix it. A loophole or some kind of law that would make her words voided. Pops was gonna make me work for him if I didn’t get my shit together. No way did I want that to happen. I’d rather live in a cardboard box.
Tinkering and fixing cars was always a way for me to get away, to free my mind from what I worried about, and just get lost for a bit. So, it made sense that after high school, I started working for a local mechanic shop run by a friend of Cason’s dad. It was small, hometown boy decided to make a business type of thing, but in the past year, he’d sold it to a big name company. That’s where Ms. Thorpe and her HR talk came in. Money made people stupid. When Drew sold the shop, I was worried. He always let me work on my own schedule, he knew the things that made me tick, and he didn’t threaten my job, unlike this new, macho company. Sometimes I thought they would just threaten me or write me up because they could. I dreaded marching in there and begging for my job, but what choice did I have? Pops would demand I find something, though I knew he would help me if things got too desperate. Groaning, I backed the car away from the main building, driving around to the side so I could find my manager’s office.
Ms. Thorpe was tall with dark hair and blue eyes. She was in her mid-thirties and quite attractive. I’d tried my best to charm my way into her bed when she first began, but no such luck. Shocking to say the least. Luckily she was oblivious to my advances or I probably would have lost my job then. My only hope now was to charm my way back to my job. I parked the car, getting out and straightening my clothing to look representable. I made my way in, seeing her eyes grow wide when she glanced up and noticed me. She didn’t look very happy. I knew this wasn’t going to be good.
“Cade,” she said, her voice sharp and to the point.
I held my hand up, stopping her before she kicked me out. “Please, let me speak for a moment.”
She sighed loudly, then motioned for me to continue.
“I screwed up. I get that, but I’m one of the best you’ve got. Please, let me have another chance,” I begged, giving a dazzling smile.
She raised an eyebrow, leaning forward onto her hands. “Cade, we had this conversation last time you didn’t show up for work. Remember?” sle said with a smile. “It doesn’t matter how good you are at your job, you aren’t dependable. I’m sorry, but this is it. I’ve given you too many chances,” she said, eyes weary and her hands lowering. She almost looked upset about it.
“Please...” I started, but she stood abruptly, stopping me.
“You need to leave. HR has the paperwork for you to sign. Don’t make me call security, Mr. Kelling. Yes, you are a fine mechanic, but you have a problem. I can smell the a
lcohol from here,” she hissed, stepping around the desk. “Get ahold of your drinking, and maybe we can bring you back.”
“I don’t have a drinking problem, Ms. Thorpe,” I chuckled.
She stared at me, her eyes drilling a hole in me. Her glare was dubious, “I see. Well, when you figure it out and get it together, give me a call.” She turned, going back to her seat and not giving me another glance.
I guessed this conversation was over. I backed out the door, lifting my hand in a small wave and calling “Have a good day,” as I left.
###
I poured my fifth glass of scotch, slamming the bottle on the table beside me. The meeting hadn’t gone as I thought it would. Ms. Thorpe somehow got them to not actually “fire” me, but lay me off for medical reasons. I wasn’t gone, but I wasn’t getting paid or anything either. I didn’t fully understand it, but it didn’t really matter at this point. Pops had stopped calling about an hour or so ago. Guess he got tired of my automated voicemail. I ignored Cason, too, because I felt guilty. So damn guilty that I lost the job he’d got me. He’d stood up for me over and over and this is how I repaid him. I finished the glass, standing to rummage through my wallet. I knew I had her card here somewhere...it would have her cell number on there, right?
When things went wrong, it was Francesca’s face I saw. Her voice I wanted to hear. Her touch I ached for. It was wrong, so very wrong to keep pulling her into my shitty life, but I couldn’t stop myself. I was that selfish. Her card was tucked into the spot behind my license, so I wouldn’t lose it. I pulled it out, searching my phone for the number I’d called the other day. It appeared that her cell wasn’t on here. Dammit. I took a risk, calling the office number, though it was well past seven p.m. The line rang for quite some time, then a messaging service picked up.
Her voice, soothing and alluring, filled my ear. “You’ve reached Francesca Taymon. Please leave your name, number, and case information and I’ll get back to you. If you need my assistance immediately, you may call my personal line at 845-892-2658. Thank you.”
Bingo. I called again, writing the number down this time, and praying she didn’t have a caller ID to show her just how crazy I am. I hesitated after punching the number in...maybe calling her wasn’t such a bright idea. I flipped it around, texting her instead. Texting didn’t put as much pressure on me...she either answered or she didn’t. Calling...well, that could be disastrous.
Me: Hey. It’s Cade.
Waiting was rough. My whole body longed for her to reply, but my head screamed at me that she shouldn’t. I didn’t’ deserve her and she could do so much better. I think it was a full two minutes before my phone gave me a notification. It served me right all those times I stood her up.
Francesca: Hey. Everything ok?
My heart sped up. She answered.
Me: No. I lost my job today. I admitted.
Francesca: I’m sorry. What happened?
Me: Just lame stuff. What are you doing? Just throw it out there Cade. Good job, buddy.
Francesca: I’m working on your case. Why?
Texting showed no emotion. It drove me crazy. Do you need help? I asked.
Francesca: I’m a lawyer, Cade. Haha I think I can handle it.
Me: I think we should hang out soon.
Francesca: I don’t know if that’s a good idea... One text and she shattered me.
Me: I do. Please? I would beg if I had to.
Francesca: What did you have in mind?
Me: Friday night, I’ll make us some plans. 7 p.m. I prayed she said yes.
Francesca: One condition. You can’t be drunk.
Me: Deal. I would agree to chopping my leg off if it meant spending time with her.
Francesca: Friday at 7. This isn’t a date, Cade.
I could handle that. She may not think it’s a date, but I would going to remind her of the time we did go on a date. Granted, I was dating Jade at the time and it was all sorts of wrong, it was still our first date.
7 years prior-April
I’d been with Jade for roughly six months. Longest six months of my life. She was controlling and a total bitch. She knew I didn’t care for her, that she was just a way to waste time, but I think she wanted to somehow make me love her. She tried everything in her power, I granted her that, but nothing work. It couldn’t happen. Her name wasn’t Francesca Taymon.
I sat on the swing at the park, the sun setting, leaving a brilliant golden hue that I would enjoy any other day, but I was in hiding. I swung back and forth, the air chilling me to the bone. It wasn’t quite spring weather yet, it snowed last week. Lost in my thoughts, I didn’t hear her car pull up, or the door shut when she got out. I stared at the sand below my legs when I almost rammed right into her. She stood in front of me, her hair wavy and wild, her eyes dark and foreboding as she watched me.
“Francesca.” I dragged my feet, stopping.
“Cade,” she said, looking anywhere but my face. “I don’t know why I’m here,” she said, reaching in her pocket and pulling out keys.
“No,” I said quickly, jumping up and grasping her arm. “Please, we need to talk.”
“I’m so stupid,” she said, tears brimming her eyes.
“I’m the stupid one, Francesca. I’m so sorry,” I whispered, pulling her to me tightly. I smoothed her hair, reveling in her scent. I’d missed her so much.
“Sorry for what?” she asked between sniffles.
“For being with that bitch I’m dating. I don’t even like her,” I admitted, moving her face so I could look into her beautiful eyes.
“Then why are you with her?” she questioned, her brown pools full of emotion and intrigue.
“She’s good for the parties,” I said, shrugging.
“I see. I thought...I thought we had something, Cade.” She turned from me, crossing her arms and staring at the playground.
“We have something, Francesca. Not had. We have it.”
She stiffened, then shook her head. “No, we don’t. You have a girlfriend.”
“I’m breaking up with her,” I said. And I meant it, in that moment.
She faced me, eyes widened, “Really?”
I nodded, pulling her closer. I bent my head, gazing at her for a moment before taking her lips in mine. Electrical bolts seemed to have taken over my body. I felt her arms trail up mine, around my neck, and into my hair. She moaned softly into my mouth, causing me to kiss her that much deeper, harder. When we finally broke, I leaned my forehead to hers, catching my breath.
“Go on a date with me,” I demanded. I wouldn’t take no for an answer.
“Now?” she chuckled.
I nodded quickly, “why not?” I held her hands in mine, silently pleading with her to say yes.
She bit her lip which was incredibly sexy, then nodded slowly. I kissed her again, not as intense this time, then pulled her off to my car.
“Let me drive. I can smell the drinks you had earlier,” she said playfully, swatting at my chest.
I relented, letting her take the keys from me. I instructed her where to go, and though I had been drinking, I was in the moment more than I had been since the last time we went somewhere. I just prayed Jade didn’t find out before I could break up with her.
Present Day
Curiosity made me want to know if she remembered. If that night was as important to her as it was me. We hadn’t done anything particularly special that night, but it was the best night of my life because I spent the time with her. Her smell, the way she moved, the gentle way her hair moved with the breeze. I could still feel it all. It was so real, such a strong memory. I was determined to make this time around even more memorable.
Chapter Thirteen-Francesca
Since moving back, one weeknight a month was dedicated to a girl’s night out. Daphne insisted I wasn’t the type to let loose enough, and demanded I go and have fun with her. I’d made a few new friends over the years, so we actually had a decent sized group to go out with. At first, everyone question
ed why I stayed sober, but I always though Daph said something because the questions just stopped one night. Some of them new about Josie’s accident, some did not. I didn’t want to talk about it with any of them.
Shuffling through my clothing, I groaned in frustration. I couldn’t decide what to wear. Daphne said “look super hot,” and left it at that. Her message was cryptic and left me feeling uneasy. I quickly texted Bree asking if she knew what was up. Everything made me feel huge, ugly. A long day at the office equaled a very grumpy Francesca. Frustrated and discouraged, I texted Daph telling her I wasn’t going this week. Her reply was almost instant, telling me to “shut up and get ready.”
After slipping out of my suit, I searched my closet for my favorite slinky black skirt. It was snug, but it looked good. It actually made me look like I weighed less, something I never understood. I paired it with strappy sandals and a shirt that showed off my assets perfectly. The mirror showed my hair was still straight from this morning, though limp and my make-up needed minimal touch ups. Flipping my head over so my hair fell all around me, I frantically ran my hands through it to add body. Slamming upright, I gripped the counter to steady myself. My face was almost unrecognizable. Doing without sleep was wearing me down. The nightmares had shifted since Cade came back in the picture. It wasn’t just Josie I dreamed of, but him too. His lips, the way his hands lightly caressed my hair, how I felt whole around him, and how he lived but she died.
I fought back the tears as I relined my eyes with the dark pencil. My phone chimed, distracting me enough to almost poke myself. Dropping the eyeliner, I muttered curses as I tried to locate it. I turned every which way, certain I’d had it just minutes ago. I fell on the bed, digging under the pillow. Hammy meowed at me, giving me a look of death, and sauntered off. He had attitude for such a pretty little kitty. I gripped my treasure, sliding the screen on to see a text from Bree, a friend I met through Daphne.
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