The XOXO New Adult Collection: 16 Full Length New Adult Stories

by Brina Courtney

  Victoria shook her head, “I don’t know. I just don’t think I can face people like that every day. I’m not strong enough yet. And another three years of school? I don’t think I’m prepared for that either. Part of me wonders if I ever was, or if I was just in love with the notion of the glory of it all.”

  “I see—do you have any idea what you would want to change your major to?”

  She shrugged, “Not really.” She pointed at the one brochure in particular. “I looked into this one. Claire and I even talked about getting a place down there together. It’s right outside of New York City. A change of scenery might be nice.”

  Kate nodded. “It looks like a nice school,” she said taking the brochure from Victoria. “I think it’s a good move. Can you stop evading my questions about the news last night now?”

  Victoria chewed her bottom lip, “I guess.”

  “Okay, so tell me how does it make you feel? Do you feel safer now?”

  Victoria wasn't really sure how she felt. Watching Levi's picture on the nightly news had been one thing. To see his killer’s picture next to him, was a completely different feeling.

  “They said he confessed to the whole thing. He’s going to serve life, for attempted robbery and manslaughter. My dad is going to go to the hearing, but I don't think I want to.”

  Kate wrinkled her forehead. She was obviously thinking. “A lot of people go to the hearings, Victoria, it gives them closure. You should really think about it.”

  Victoria rubbed her promise ring and said, “I don’t think I'm like most people, Kate. I don't need closure. I'm just glad to know that sicko can never hurt anyone again. No one else will end up like Levi because of him.”

  Kate nodded in agreement, “Victoria, everyone needs closure. But you're right about that man. You're really working through this well lately. I’m really proud of you.”

  Victoria was over the sugary sweet moments with Kate so she just rolled her eyes. Sometimes she wanted to remind her of their limited age gap, but then she would realize that Kate felt the need to take care of her. And after all she had done for Victoria, she owed her that.

  Victoria sighed heavily and looked back to her magazine when her eyes fell on a picture that caught her interest. She turned the magazine so that Kate could see the picture of a dark-haired girl with a hot pink streak in the front.

  “What do you think Wadsworth is going to say about that?” Kate inquired.

  “Who the hell cares? Colleges just want your money, they don’t care who gives it to them. Anyway, everyone says I have to finish my degree but I get to say how I look.”

  “Touché.” Kate lifted her sunglasses on top of her head and squinted at the image. “You sure about this though? You do it and there's no going back. That color pink will not come out.”

  Victoria really smiled, possibly for the first time since Levi had died. “Yep, let's do this.”

  ###

  Less than a month later Kate and Victoria stood in a mess she called her bedroom, and packed up her belongings.

  “I think this was a really good idea to room with Claire. Living by yourself can get lonely sometimes.” Kate remarked as she put away the last of Victoria’s books.

  Lonely, that was now a feeling that Victoria completely understood. She nodded to herself as continued to fold sweaters and place the last of them in a box labeled “winter”.

  She continued to close boxes silently eventually finding one filled with her clothes that looked like it had already been packed. As she began going through the box, she felt like most of the clothes didn’t belong to her. It was clear that her mother had packed this box from some of the things she still had at home from high school. Maybe when she went away to school her first year. Most of it didn’t even fit her anymore and she started to make a giveaway pile while she continued to dig. Her hot pink highlighted wave kept falling in her face, constantly reminding her of her new rebellious nature. Fallon had helped with the dye job just a few nights ago, but her mom was less than pleased. On the other hand, it made Victoria feel strong. It was the first time she was in control of her life again.

  “Sure you want to pack this top?” Kate had moved on to Victoria’s dresser.

  “Yes! I love that top, Claire bought it with me.”

  Kate raised her eyebrow at the multicolored shirt but tossed it into Victoria’s suitcase anyway.

  When Victoria turned around, Kate was zipping up a suitcase. She frowned as she looked around her room and noticed how empty it felt with all the little items packed away.

  “Well, I guess that's it. Time for me to go.” Kate rubbed her hands on her pants to get rid of some of the remaining dust. Victoria hadn't been very particular about keeping her room clean that summer.

  Kate gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and turned to walk out the door, but Victoria stopped her.

  “Kate! Don't leave so quickly. I want to tell you something.”

  Kate stopped dead in her tracks and turned around to look at Victoria. Her face said everything she couldn’t as a few quiet tears ran down her face.

  Victoria rushed over to Kate and hugged her tightly. “I love you, Kate. Levi might have died protecting me, but you saved me every day after. I can never thank you enough for all you’ve done for me.”

  Both Kate and Victoria had tears in their eyes as Kate whispered, “You're welcome.”

  Kate held her at arms’ length for just a moment and said, “You're going to be awesome. You already are. And just remember, I’m only a phone call away.”

  Victoria smiled, as Kate quietly left the room, and took a moment to herself. She sat down on the edge of her bed and she rolled the ring between her fingers. She made a choice that had been floating around in her head for weeks. It was time to go see Levi.

  She walked slowly through the tall oaks listening to the sounds of the ocean. She wasn’t far from the beach where she and Levi had spent so many nights. She held a single white rose in her trembling hands as her advanced to her destination. A new memorial stone had been erected and it was covered in flowers and messages. Victoria knew who it belonged to and fell to her knees in front of the granite.

  Levi Manor

  1993-2012

  BELOVED SON AND PARTNER

  She drew in a breath and began to cry as she spoke. “I made it. It was really hard, Levi, but I made it through the first couple months. I still need you though, just like I needed you then.” The tears began to overtake her monologue, but she continued, “I'm going to do this. I want you with me every step of the way, okay? Don't leave me yet. You promised you wouldn't.” She didn’t quite feel his presence as she had at his funeral and became disappointed. She laid the rose in the middle of his grave and touched the cool stone.

  She stood and began to walk away, taking one last look at her childhood dream, and whispered, “I love you,” before walking away and into her new life.

  11

  Claire twirled around in the white space with arms outstretched while Victoria looked out the window behind her. “Can you believe how much space there is? And the rent price is amazing. We each have our own bedroom and bathroom. This is a steal!”

  Victoria nodded, “After I got my acceptance letter I started looking around at apartments and everything was so expensive. This is a really great deal—good job finding it.”

  Claire stopped bouncing around excitedly and looked at Victoria with a more serious face, “Don’t be mad that I called a realtor.”

  Victoria squinted at her, “Why would I be mad? This is a great place.”

  Claire pursed her lips, “Because I called the realtor that Levi used.”

  Victoria continued to move toward the window placing her hand on the glass. The view of the park behind their new place was beautiful. She could even see a small fountain in the distance and some children laughing and playing with their dog. It had been three months since Levi had secured an apartment for the two of them to live in. After his death her parents had remedied the
situation with the apartment complex. She never even went to see the place; it was too much for her to take. As she looked out the window she thought about how sometimes it bothered her that people didn’t want to talk about Levi in front of her; like he never existed. But she knew they were just doing it to try to be sensitive.

  “It’s fine,” she said. Her voice was nothing more than a whisper. She turned back around and tried to produce a smile on her face but she knew that Claire could see right through it.

  “I’m sorry Tor.”

  She nodded, “I know.” She took a deep breath before saying, “Okay, now let’s take a look at the rest of this amazing place.”

  Claire smiled brightly, “Well your bedroom and bathroom is upstairs. It’s a loft type situation since it’s an older building. You have the entire upstairs yourself. I mean I know it’s only one room but at least it’s all yours.”

  Victoria nodded, “No, I really like the layout. It’s great that you also have your own space down here near the living room. Maybe you can bring Brad over sometime; the kitchen is just waiting to be used.”

  Claire laughed plopping herself down on the leather sofa she had brought with her. “You know I can’t cook!”

  Victoria sat down next to her, “Then what the hell are we going to eat? You know I sure as hell can’t cook.”

  “Ramen and boxed mac & cheese? I mean isn’t that what all college students eat?”

  “Yeah, but you’re not a college student anymore. Remember, you got a big girl job?”

  Claire had successfully obtained the job she interviewed for just a few weeks earlier. So much had changed in such a short amount of time. She would be working in marketing at a small firm outside of the city. Turns out that her parents had been right sending her to Stern. Not to mention she had finally settled down with a good guy who treated her well. Victoria had only met Brad on two occasions but she could already tell that he was in for the long haul. It was funny how she could judge other people’s relationships now, never in a critical way, but her knack for telling people like it was had come back to her in the past couple weeks.

  “Oh, that’s right, I did. So it’s going to be a super annoying when you get to sleep in before your nine thirty classes and I have to leave here by seven.”

  Victoria sunk deeper into the sofa. “I guess that’s why I’m upstairs. So you wouldn’t have to look at me peacefully sleeping every morning?”

  “If we had any pillows right now I’d smack you with one.”

  “We do somewhere...” Victoria stood up and went over to a box. “How did we end up with so much stuff?”

  Claire stood up and walked over to the kitchen taking a box with her as well. “Two words; your mother.”

  “Valid point.”

  As Claire began to unpack some glassware she asked, “Is Kate stopping by tomorrow? Give you a good old pep talk before the first day of classes?”

  Victoria shrugged, “She called me to see how things went at the memorial a couple days ago. I haven’t called her back though. She has a new client so she’s pretty wrapped up in that.”

  Claire continue to unwrap the glasses as she said, “Tor, you know that she’s not just going to leave you, right? I mean Kate has become like family to you, to us. She’s not just going to disappear because your parents aren’t paying her anymore.”

  Victoria stood up and looked at her friend. She knew that Kate had become almost like family to everyone who was close to her. But she also knew the demands of her job; she had moved in with Victoria’s family during her recovery. Whoever this new client was needed her just as much as Victoria had in the beginning. She wasn’t sure how much time she would have for her anymore.

  Besides she was starting to make decisions again, big decisions. All on her own. Like finishing her degree and moving in with Claire. Those had been real adult decisions, things that used to come easy to her but now caused her a lot of stress and anxiety. But she had made it through it, on her own. She hadn’t even told Kate she was definitely moving until after she and Claire had put a deposit down on the place. It seemed like things are finally falling back into place, but that didn’t mean that she didn’t need Kate or her family anymore. She appreciated their support and affection. Occasionally at night in the dark when the nightmares threatened to take her again she thought of them, and sometimes she thought of Levi.

  After a restless first night’s sleep at the apartment, Victoria picked up her phone to call Kate. She needed advice on how to handle the questions. The questions she knew people would ask her as to why she was starting her last semester at a new school. Only a few of her friends from her old school had contacted her and wished her well but no one had made any real effort. It just went to show how much she wasn’t really involved at school, it was just her and Levi and Claire. Nothing else mattered before but now the Victoria was about to go back to school, she wanted to make her mark on the world. She wanted to be remembered.

  But when Kate answered the phone what she said was not at all what Victoria expected.

  Kate took a deep breath and Victoria immediately knew that whatever she was about to say she wouldn’t like. “There is a group on campus,” she paused, “a grief counseling group. I think it would be good for you to go.”

  Victoria couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Intensive therapy with Kate was one thing, but going to a group focused on the deaths of people who she didn’t even know? It didn’t make any sense to her. Why would they sit around and talk to people that they hardly knew? How could she confide in these people about someone so special to her? Victoria had learned that there weren’t many relationships like she and Levi’s. There were so many deep feelings there that Victoria had finally started to recover from. She didn’t think bringing them up to the surface again would be a good idea. This isn’t the way she wanted to make a mark on her new campus. “No way, Kate! I can’t believe you would even suggest that. That’s not how to make friends. Besides I thought you said I was doing so well.”

  She could hear Kate sigh at the other end of the line, “You are doing well. But wouldn’t it be great to have friends who understand? Sometimes people going through extreme grief don’t act like everybody else; they don’t always display typical behaviors. It would be great for you to have other people to discuss those times with. I think it would be good for you to have other people to support you. And people for you to support.”

  So that’s what this was about; Kate was moving on with her new client. This was her way of telling Victoria she wouldn’t be around as much. So that in her mind, Victoria would be looked after. But that wasn’t her job anymore. Victoria had figured things out on her own and she would make it without this group. “I’m making it. You should be able to see that and not force me into something I don’t want to do.”

  “Every time I’ve forced you to do something it’s been for your own good, and so far they’ve all been successful.” Kate shot back.

  She had a point there, even if Victoria didn’t want to admit it.

  “I just think it might be a good idea for you. And you know I can actually make you go, part of being a therapist. Your parents don't pay me the big bucks to sit around and watch you screw up.”

  “You think I'm screwing up? What the hell have you been doing? Watching me screw up this whole time?” Victoria could hear the bite in her voice but she didn’t care. She was realizing that so many times you hurt the people you love the most; it was a risk of being close. “And you take my parents money because it's your job. Don't act like you hang out with me because it's fun.”

  The phone went silent for a moment before Kate whispered, “Do you really believe that?”

  Victoria stopped, still annoyed but less angry, “Don't shrink me now.”

  Then Kate persisted, “Do you really believe that? Do you really believe that I would stay if I didn't care?”

  “I don't know. Why do you stay Kate?”

  She heard Kate take a deep breath on the other e
nd of the line, “I stay because I love you. Why do you think I was so sad in your bedroom? You were leaving. You know it didn’t take long for me to think of you as more than a client. You’re like family to me. And you know I wouldn’t suggest this if I didn’t think it was a good idea.”

  Victoria had realized that their relationship had gone past doctor-patient a long time ago but it was heartwarming to hear Kate say it. It suddenly made her advice seem so much more believable. “Do you really think I can do this? Face other survivors?”

  Kate proved how much she believed in her when she responded, “I think you have to.”

  12

  By the following weekend Victoria had found her routine. With only having four classes to take in order to graduate, things had been pretty lax around the apartment and she was looking for a part-time job in order to fill her time. If she was going to go to law school, she would have to make that decision soon. But when Kate offered to come visit for the weekend, Victoria pushed all the difficult decisions from her mind and focused on just having some fun with her friend.

  Kate arrived dressed to the nines as usual. She had on a pair of skinny jeans and high leather boots with a long tunic and scarf wrapped around her neck.

  “A little warm for fall wear isn’t it?”

  Kate waved her hand at Victoria, “It’s never too early for fashion.” She looked around her at the spacious apartment, “Nice digs. Claire’s got great taste.”

  Claire popped her head from around the wall of the kitchen, “Did I just get a compliment from you?” Smiling she walked over and gave Kate a warm hug. It was only then that Victoria noticed how close they had also become over the past few months.

  Claire took Kate’s bag and placed it over near the couch, “So what do you two have planned for the weekend?”

  Kate’s smile faltered for a moment and suddenly Victoria realized that her conversation about the grief counseling group was still at the forefront of her counselor’s mind. “Kate? What are we doing this weekend?”