Secrets Of The Heart (Book 1, The Heart Series)

by Laurie LeClair

  “Vinnie was your gift from God. He needed you to raise him and love him with all your heart. When the job was through, when you had prepared Vinnie enough, He took him back for bigger and better things to come.”

  Through the emotion that clogged his throat, Nick choked out, “So, what you’re telling me is, God is an Indian giver.”

  Her body shook with a strangled chuckle. “Something like that.”

  Hot, salty tears ran down his cheeks and wet her neck. But she didn’t flinch or cringe. She held tight, her arms warm bands of love cocooning him close to her heart.

  “It’s not fair, Bree. He didn’t tell me the rules beforehand. He didn’t tell me there would come a time when He’d take my son away from me.”

  “Even if you had known, would you have turned that kind of love away, turned Vinnie away?”

  “Never, sweetness, never.” It came out so fierce, so strong that the force of it cracked the last block of ice buried in Nick’s core, releasing him from his self-imposed prison so he could find his way home again.

  She sighed, her hot breath fanning his skin. “Take a leap of faith with me, Nick. With me and Sydney. Will you do that?”

  ***

  Hot, sharp needles of water beat down on Nick’s aching body. Billowing clouds of steam rose up, enveloping him in a gossamer mist.

  Closing his eyes, he tilted his head down so the stinging spray of the shower pelted the sore muscles along his neck and shoulders.

  For the first time in a long time, his mind seemed clear and focused. And his heart expanded as he finally let go of the overwhelming grief and the misplaced blaming.

  Bree had begged him to fight, but he knew that’s what he’d been doing all these months: fighting himself, fighting the unfairness of it all, fighting the demons.

  She’d given him the key to unlocking the tortured part of his soul without even realizing it. She’d given him a chance to accept the wonderful role he’d played in loving and raising Vinnie.

  I did my job, and a pretty good one at that. And no one can ever take that away from me.

  A swift rush of relief zipped through him at the knowledge he’d never really betrayed his son at all. How could he when there hadn’t been anything but friendship between Bree and Vinnie?

  Well, they had shared Sydney.

  In this unburdened state, Nick forgave his son for all Vinnie had inflicted on him and Bree, all the needless shame and guilt. For some strange reason, maybe jealousy, his son had kept them apart on purpose.

  If I can’t have what I want then you can’t have what you want, the words Vinnie taunted kids with as a child echoed through Nick’s mind as if his son stood beside him saying them today.

  The venom behind the statement had concerned Nick more than anything.

  The stunning realization made perfect sense to Nick now. There had been a vindictive streak in Vinnie that he’d tried to blunt, even eradicate. And, for a time, Nick thought he’d succeeded. But how did you wipe it clean with a motherless boy angry at the world?

  Vinnie hadn’t been all bad or all good, Nick figured. Flashes of sweet memories zigzagged through his mind, bringing a soft smile to his lips.

  As a child his son’s dark brown eyes, so like his own, had sparkled bright and filled with mischief whenever Vinnie had a surprise.

  Oh how he’d adored his Nana, cooking her breakfast and serving it to her in bed. Vinnie would crawl in beside her, snuggle close, and then proceed to eat half of it himself. He’d done it more for the affection and the special time with her than anything else.

  Nick’s heart squeezed as another memory surfaced. Holding Vinnie tight, Nick had absorbed the sobs of his son when Tina, his true love, had left him after three years of being school sweethearts. Vinnie had never been the same after that.

  Raising his head, Nick let the water massage his scalp. He moaned in pleasure, savoring the delicious feel of washing the tenseness away, of cleansing the ugly, distorted past so it made sense.

  And with the new outlook, Nick poked at the lack of faith he’d adopted. He’d stopped believing in everything, except the badge, as Bree so eloquently pointed out a few hours ago.

  “But why? Why hold onto that?” Just as quickly as he asked that, he found the answer. Justice was more concrete in a lot of ways. It had guidelines to follow, set rules and regulations to obey.

  Honor. Integrity.

  The courts, and the people that influenced the decision making, didn’t always mete out a just sentence or sometimes none at all.

  But life had a funny way of equaling the score. That’s what he believed and trusted in all his life and would go on doing so until the day he died. And he’d clung to that, like a beacon, like a lifeline. My saving grace.

  He smiled slightly, thinking he’d never turned his back completely on his faith after all. A thin thread had connected him all along.

  Thin, yet strong as the steel badge I proudly wore and still do.

  Assuming He had shunned him, Nick had acted hurt and angry, but still could not dispense with believing all together. There was always something that kept him tethered, a fragile bond, that he held onto to and that held onto him.

  Nick had redirected his lost soul to the strict standards of his job, assured in some deep part of him that goodness, rightness would prevail in the end. He’d lived by it.

  Now Bree wanted him to put some faith in her. Could he do that? Could he ever trust her with his heart? A few minutes ago he’d have flat out said no. But now, with this new insight on his life, he wondered if he could at least try. The mere thought caused a ripple of panic to snake through him.

  Suddenly, he heard a click, and then felt a draft. Twisting to the open shower door, he opened his eyes wide when he spotted a very sexy, very naked Bree.

  Poised on the other side of the threshold, she shot him a trembling smile. “May I join you?”

  Chapter 26

  Bree shivered as the blast of steamy fog coming from the shower stall emphasized the rather sharp difference in temperature where she remained.

  The pungent scent of the golden bar of soap assaulted her senses as she waited for his reply. Would he turn her away?

  Speechless, he stared at her, scanning her nude body in a long, lazy perusal. She trembled again, this time from a bolt of desire zinging from her center to her toes.

  Still she didn’t go to him; he’d have to give her some sign, some kind of gesture or spoken ascent.

  Why doesn’t he do something, say something?

  As time ticked slowly by, frozen terror rooted her in place.

  What if he doesn’t accept me?

  Heat crawled up her neck and flooded her cheeks at the real possibility of him rejecting her.

  You wanted me to be honest.

  Earlier she’d let loose with a stream of truths that had even shocked her; she’d come mighty close to her buried secret. Did he hate her for it now? Is that why he wouldn’t or couldn’t welcome her?

  She watched as he swallowed hard, his Adams apple bobbing along the column of his neck. “Come here, sweetness.” His husky command was like a balm to her battered insides, whisking away her doubts.

  In an instant, she was in his arms, relishing the solid strength of his water-slick body as the spray plummeted her. Burying her face in the damp whorls of hair on his chest, she peppered kisses over the scratches marring his perfect flesh.

  Oh, how I love you, Nick.

  He caressed her with tenderness and a reverence he’d never shown her before. Dropping a kiss on the top of her head, he said, “So many times I’ve wanted to touch you like this over the last few days.”

  Surprised at his confession, Bree pulled back and stared up into his shining, dark eyes. “When? We were so distant.”

  Gently, he brushed back her wet hair and cupped her head in his hands. “When I saw you laughing while playing with Sydney, or deep in concentration as you bowed your head over the sewing machine as you made that new dress for her, or when th
at secret little smile comes over your lips whenever you watch your daughter.”

  She gasped. “I didn’t think you even noticed me. I didn’t think you cared.”

  “I care.”

  If his words didn’t totally convince her, then his emotion roughened voice did, cementing it. “Why didn’t you touch me then?”

  “I needed time, time to accept you and all you’d told me about your childhood. I still need time to accept you into my home and…heart.”

  Quivering inside, she tread lightly, whispering, “Well, there’s no need to rush, is there? After all I’ve got a lifetime left.”

  She must have given him the response he needed; he leaned forward and gingerly kissed her. One brush of his lips caused her knees to buckle. Nick dragged her close, so close she felt every sinewy muscle and hard plane of his large frame.

  “Nick,” she said softly against his mouth, delighting in the sensations coursing through her veins.

  “You kiss like a dream and you taste so good,” he murmured, reclaiming her mouth in a long, wet embrace.

  Tiny thrills danced along her spine where his hands stroked. He dipped lower, his fingertips grazing the sensitive indentation in the small of her back. She sucked in a sharp breath.

  “You like that?” He repeated the gesture, making her shiver.

  Planting light kisses on his bruised jaw, she murmured, “I like everything you do.”

  His deep, lustful chuckle sent a flare of heat straight to her core. Wrapping her arms around his broad shoulders, Bree snuggled into him as a desperate need to get even closer to her husband took hold.

  He’s here. He’s safe.

  Treasuring each caress of his big hands, each brush of his fingers, she lost her former reservations about telling him that she loved him.

  Honesty had set her free in this instance. It was scary and foreign to her, but it had been what they both needed to move forward.

  Hopefully, when he was ready he could return the same feelings. Until that day came, she’d cherish what she did have right here in her arms, in her life.

  Water cascaded over her head as she lifted her mouth for more of his intoxicating embraces. Just before he lowered his lips to hers again, she halted him for a brief moment. Gazing directly into his eyes, she whispered hoarsely, “I love you. I’ll never stop.”

  He growled low in his chest. Feeling the rumble against her breasts set a fire of feminine power glowing in her middle. “Say it again,” he whispered against her lips.

  Headiness filled her senses. Love guided her. Time seemed as if it stood still. Nothing mattered but this moment and giving him what he wanted; it was exactly what she wanted, too. “I love you, Nick.”

  Capturing her lips, he deposited the gentlest kiss she’d ever received. The sweetness of it brought tears to her eyes. Her heart lost the hollow ache behind it.

  The hungry neediness she’d fought with for so long now was happily fed, completely satisfied by this big man who told her more with actions than with words.

  She’d moved him, immeasurably, Bree realized as the salty taste of their mingled tears intruded on their kiss. A sense of awe blossomed in her middle.

  He broke the embrace, gathering her close. Strong arms circled her with warmth and security. “Lord, please don’t let me regret what I’m about to say.” His words tugged at her mind, causing her to envision almost anything. “God help me, Bree, but I love you.”

  The fierce, hoarsely whispered declaration sent shockwaves crashing down on her and a bubbling joy to her heart.

  She gazed up into his eyes, reading the mixture of hope and love. A shadow blotted some of the light. Doubt, was it? Or distrust?

  He doesn’t want to love me. He doesn’t want to be vulnerable.

  A niggling fear reared its ugly head, causing an icy ripple to wash over her.

  But does he love me enough?

  He’d said love didn’t solve all their problems. It certainly wouldn’t help her if he dug up her past. There was no way he’d forgive her for lying to him all these years.

  An ache, raw and hollow, shot straight to her core.

  Dear God, please don’t ever let me hurt this man. He doesn’t deserve it, doesn’t deserve any more pain.

  She prayed that Nick never found out her secret, not just for Sydney’s sake any longer, but for his own. Bree shuddered inwardly at the torment he’d suffer if he did.

  ***

  The loud persistent blare of the radio alarm jolted Nick awake. Reaching out blindly, he slammed a hand down on the button. Blissful silence followed.

  Keeping his eyes closed, he reran the events of a few hours ago through his mind. He’d gambled, risking everything inside him by declaring his love for his wife.

  The odds were stacked up against him, but he’d finally realized he had to jump in the game or lose it all. He only hoped he’d bet on the winning team: Bree and him. Otherwise, the loss would destroy him in the end.

  Forcing himself to shun that devastating outcome, Nick held fast to the belief that whatever chance he’d taken had been worth it and would in turn point Bree to the road where only truth prevailed.

  It’s our one chance to make it work.

  He prayed she realized that.

  Tossing off those dreary thoughts, he stretched in his king-sized bed, feeling the delicious tingles where Bree had showered him with attention. Rolling onto his side, he adjusted the sheet, and then cradled Bree’s back to his front, enjoying her low moan of pleasure and the silky feel of her bare flesh.

  Feeling devilish, he nibbled on her earlobe, earning himself a giggle for his troubles. “Mmmmm, you taste good, Mrs. Carletti.”

  “Tell me more. I like the sound of your sleep husky voice first thing in the morning.”

  “Do you like this, sweetness?” He trailed a hand over her flat middle. She sucked in a sharp breath. “I guess that means yes.”

  She murmured her agreement, and then guided his hand upward to cup the fullness of her breast. It was his turn to groan.

  “So soft…”

  After loving her most of the night she’d claimed he was a considerate, yet demanding lover. He’d demanded her full participation, drawing out every ounce of her passion and not stopping until he’d completely satisfied her and himself.

  This morning he was happy to find she was more than willing to engage in more of the same.

  “Well, I have news to tell you, Mr. Carletti, you’re not soft at all.” He heard the smile in her voice as she pressed her bottom into him.

  He growled low, grabbing her hips to stop her from rubbing against him. “You don’t play fair sometimes.”

  She twisted in his arms, and then propelled him to his back. Propping herself up on his chest, she smiled lazily down at him. “Why, haven’t you ever heard the saying, all’s fair in love and war?”

  With that she traced a fingertip downward, dipping it into his belly button, straight down the long line of hair arrowing below the sheet, and then over the length of his arousal. Heat burned a fiery path through him, bursting into flames as she followed the same route with her lips.

  ***

  Through the large plate glass window, Bree waved good-bye to Natalie as she skipped alongside her mother to their car. The little girl’s newly cut bob swung to and fro.

  Bree tried to tune Tessa out, but her business partner’s excited chatter carried clear across the expanse of the late afternoon, sun streaked beauty salon.

  “I can’t begin to tell you, Mrs. Timmons, how surprised I was when he walked in here yesterday with a dozen roses.”

  Twisting around, Bree watched Tessa tease the older woman’s gray hair as she rattled on. “And don’t you know he’s going to make dinner for her and bring it here since it’s her late night. I know that because he left her a note along with one of the roses on his pillow just before he rushed off to work this morning while she was getting ready to pick up Sydney from the babysitters.”

  “My, my,” Jewel put her t
wo cents worth in as she swept away the pile of platinum blonde hair Bree had just clipped from her departing patron. “Don’t we all just dream of a romantic man like that?” Sarcasm dripped like icicles from her every word.

  Bree wrinkled her nose at the shop’s official man hater, and then stuck her tongue out. “Jealous?”

  “Hah! Tessa is though.”

  The unusual sparkle in the violet eyes caught Bree off guard and she smiled at the lighthearted atmosphere in the salon even if it happened to be at her expense.

  She’d heard plenty of gossip about her and Nick since their engagement, some catty, some good.

  Was there any way out of it in a small town?

  “What’s row-man-tick, Mommy?” Sydney, seated at the receptionist desk, tapped Bree on the arm when she drew near.

  Scooping her up in her arms, Bree settled in the black swivel chair with her daughter nestled in her lap. “Romantic,” she corrected automatically. “Well, sweetpea, it’s an expression of love and caring.”

  Jewel, having discarded the hair, plopped down in Bree’s salon chair near the desk. “It’s all that kissy, mushy stuff, sweetie.”

  “Oh, brother,” Sydney said, smacking her hand on her forehead and shaking her head. “Why didn’t you just say that in the first place?”

  Bree laughed. Jewel barely smiled.

  The familiar sound of a car halting in front of the building drew Bree’s full attention. Her breath caught in the back of her throat when she realized it was Nick’s cruiser. Warmth crawled up her neck and into her cheeks as she replayed her bold, adventurous wanderings this morning.

  What had come over me?

  “Your poppa’s here, honey,” she said softly to her daughter, trying to gain some composure before he entered.

  Sydney whipped around and shrieked with joy. Hopping down, she rounded the desk, and then launched herself into his arms as he stepped through the door.

  “Hey, Princess. I sure missed you. How are my girls doing? Did you dye anyone’s hair pink today?” He lifted her easily. Hugging her, he kissed her on the cheek, causing Sydney to giggle.