A Family Name

by Liz Botts

  His keys clattered as he tossed them into the bowl in on the entryway table. The noise echoed in his ears; a tinny sound that cut through the pandemonium in the background. Will's hand froze on his wallet. Migraine auras often made him experience heightened sensory awareness. So far he had been blissfully migraine free since Charlotte and Lexi had moved in, and he didn't relish having to share that information with them.

  Being a migraine patient had always made Will feel inept and incompetent. No matter how many times his doctor told him that his main trigger for the intense headaches was stress, Will always believed he could stop them if he tried hard enough. And yet, every time he failed to manage his stress, the migraine roared down on him with the fury of an F-5 tornado.

  This couldn't be one of those times, though, he told himself. Classes had gone well today. The extra course he had taken over for Steve required little more than reading a series of slides while the students took notes, and he loved teaching his own courses. Office hours had flown by. And the drive home had been full of anticipation at seeing Charlotte, Lexi, Sierra, and Shane. Clearly it had been a low-stress day. Maybe he was catching a cold or something. Hadn't one of the department secretaries mentioned that some such virus was going around?

  Shaking off the migraine-induced worry, Will strode into the kitchen where Sierra let out an excited squeal and launched herself into his arms. Lexi gave him a quick nod and a half smile before she bent back over her math book. Shane studied him with big eyes and a thumb planted firmly in his mouth. As Will lifted Sierra off the ground, pleased at her greeting, he let his gaze drift slowly to Charlotte.

  She stood at the stove, her long brown hair pulled back and tied at the nape of her neck. The thick fringe of bangs swept across her forehead, and a smudge of flour grazed her cheek. Will couldn't help but be struck by her beauty. He had never felt so drawn to any woman in his life. And it wasn't just Charlotte's physical looks that attracted him, but her sharp wit and easy laugh.

  "Oh, Will, you're home," she said, a slight blush coloring her cheeks. Her dark green eyes crinkled as she smiled at him. "I was so caught up in getting this recipe right that I didn't hear you come in. How silly."

  Will set Sierra back on her chair where the young girl returned to her coloring book. Maneuvering around the table in the tiny kitchen, Will stopped beside the stove. Charlotte held up a wooden spoon full of a lumpy tomato sauce. At first the aromatic smells of onion, garlic, and tomato mingling made his mouth water, but on the back end he caught a whiff of something… earthier, maybe a mushroom. Regardless, his stomach heaved and he gagged. He did his best to hide his reaction so he didn't hurt Charlotte's feelings. "Taste it," she said, the hopeful note in her voice overcoming any physical reasoning not to try.

  The blend of vegetables and spices exploded in his mouth with a hundred different flavor notes, and he truthfully let out a small groan of pleasure. "That is the best sauce I have ever tasted."

  "Ew."

  Will and Charlotte turned at the same time to see Lexi and the two younger children watching them. His daughter's face was scrunched up in a look of disgust. Sierra and Shane simply looked on curiously.

  "You two are seriously gross. We all have to eat that sauce later." Lexi set her pencil on the table and crossed her arms.

  Flustered, Will took a step away from Charlotte, bumping against the kitchen counter in the process. He didn't know what to say in response. The last thing he wanted was for his daughter or the younger two to feel uncomfortable. Flirting had never come easily for him, and interaction with women had always had a serious note to it, so when Charlotte got lighthearted and playful, he didn't know how to behave. He felt a scowl deepen over his features. Will disliked being out of his element. Control of himself and his environment had always been important, and lately all that control seemed to be slipping away. Hadn't he just been thinking how much he loved the newfound chaos in his home? What was wrong with him?

  A sharp stab of pain shot through his temple. No! This could not be happening right now. A migraine would only make him look weak in front of Charlotte and Lexi. He needed them to see the strong side of him. Why that was, Will couldn't say but he did know it mattered. Instead he turned to leave the room, and tripped over Shane.

  The little boy gave a startled cry and rushed to Charlotte, who instantly enveloped him in her arms. The way she stroked his head made Will's heart ache. Now he was inept and the bad guy.

  "I have to change to help with the chores," he muttered as he stalked out of the kitchen.

  After throwing on well-worn jeans, a flannel shirt, and a tired pair of work boots, Will took his medication. He grimaced as he thought about the fact that his meds had been losing their effectiveness. Pain-infused anger washed over him, and he charged out of the house and over to the barn. Several of the ranch hands were bedding down the horses for the night, and Will grabbed a shovel. Mucking stalls actually seemed preferable at the moment to bumbling through family time.

  "What on earth are you doing out here, Big Brother, when you've got that pretty little lady to keep you company?"

  Will scowled up at his younger brother. Wyatt leaned against the gate to the stable, and Will had the sudden, overwhelming urge to fling a shovelful of manure at him.

  "Cut the bumpkin cowboy routine," Will snapped, turning back to the task at hand.

  Wyatt laughed. "Oh come on, man. It's a serious question. If I had a girl like that, not to mention those adorable kiddies to welcome me home, I wouldn't be out here shoveling horse crap, I'll tell you that much."

  "I wanted to put my time in for the day, before Dad gets on my case again."

  "Sure, I get that. But why at dinner time?"

  Will leaned the shovel against the wall, and wiped his brow with a handkerchief he kept in his back pocket. "Seemed as good a time as any."

  Wyatt laughed again. "You're hiding, aren't you?"

  "I'm not hiding." Will felt his annoyance bubble up in his chest. If he decked his little brother, how much trouble would he be in? The thought brought on a faint smile when he realized that he was thinking like a teenage boy, not a fully grown man. "Dinner wasn't ready yet, and the kids were busy with homework and coloring. Good time for chores."

  "Whatever you say, bro. I'll see you around. Hot date tonight."

  Will watched his brother amble across the horse barn to the flight of stairs that led to his small apartment. It was no surprise to Will that he still thought of Wyatt as a kid. His younger brother had yet to hold a serious, adult job. He preferred knocking around the ranch, playing cowboy with Walker. A wave of nausea made Will grip the slatted stable wall and breathe heavily through his mouth. Time to wrap this up.

  After he returned the shovel, he sought out the work manifest that Walker kept religiously. Ever since his older brother had taken over running the ranch, things had been run with surprising efficiency. Walker required each man, including Will and Wyatt, to log their work hours. If Will missed a day here or there, his dad got on his case, making him wonder why he had ever returned to South Dakota in the first place.

  When he got back to his house, he drew a steadying breath of the cool night air and went in the back door. Lexi was setting the table, and Charlotte was cutting bread at the counter. Cartoons blared from the living room. The whole scene once again felt homey and good to Will. Charlotte gave him a curious look but didn't say anything. She simply handed him a plate of bread.

  "Dinner's almost ready. Would you mind putting that on the table? Then go on and wash up."

  Will nodded, at once surprised and ashamed. His behavior had at least warranted some questions or at the very least a disapproving stare, but Charlotte simply moved on like nothing was amiss. Maybe Will had read too much into the situation earlier. Ever since Steve and Gretchen had died, things felt off to him. He couldn't put his finger on just what was different, but things inside had shifted, exposing new territory that he didn't want to deal with.

  He kept hoping that if he ig
nored things long enough, he would start to feel like himself again. Will sluffed off his boots, swaying slightly as another wave of nausea swept over him again. The pain of the migraine rocked him to his toes. He couldn't deny the headache any longer. After dinner he would crash. Charlotte could handle bedtime with the little kids. He'd seen the unflappable way she orchestrated things.

  Bracing himself on the end of his bed, he made his way to the clothes he had laid out on the other end. With great effort he changed, and left the room in his socks. Shoes were such a hassle.

  "Dad, sit by me," Lexi said, a grin spreading across her face as he entered the kitchen.

  Will sank gratefully into the chair, trying not to appear sick. Somehow the meal passed in a blur. Charlotte served the food and offered a blessing. Will still wasn't used to that even though his mother insisted on a blessing before each meal as well. Something about saying the familiar words soothed him momentarily.

  As the children dug in to the spaghetti, Charlotte leaned over to him. When he caught a whiff of Charlotte's perfume he was surprised to find that the scent didn't overwhelm him. So he leaned closer to her. "Are you okay?"

  The question cut through Will's pain and nausea and drowsy delirium, and made him feel gruff. He sat back too fast. "I'm fine."

  Charlotte reached under the table and rubbed his knee gently. The motion shamed him. He wasn't sure if he was ashamed that he had been short with her or that she had seen through his carefully constructed barriers. Either way, he shifted away from her touch so that she didn't have to feel sorry for him. The irrational part of him felt annoyed that she should have noticed at all.

  From the corner of his eye, he watched Charlotte settle back into her seat then reach for a roll. She kept her eyes focused on the table in front of her, so he couldn't tell what she was thinking. Another round of guilt stabbed him. Should he apologize for something he hadn't really done?

  "I'm glad you're feeling better," Charlotte said softly as she handed Sierra a buttered piece of bread. Will kept silent a beat too long as he debated what to say. Eventually Charlotte continued, "Would you be able to help Lexi with her math homework after dinner?"

  Will glanced at his daughter for the first time during the meal and found her eyes glued to him. Guilt gnawed at him. He told himself that he wasn't used to having a child, and there was truth in that, but the more honest answer was that when a migraine struck the rest of the world faded into blackness. Will fought to maintain a pinpoint focus on reality so as not to retch.

  "Absolutely," he said, mustering a smile that he hoped didn't look as forced as it felt.

  He watched in confusion as Lexi's mouth turned down into a frown and her gaze flickered to Charlotte. When the girl didn't respond, Will floundered a moment before letting his smile droop and his attention returned to his plate. The rhythmic clacking of a fork on a plate felt like gunfire to his throbbing head.

  "Cut that out." Without thinking Will reached over and snatched Shane's toddler spoon away. The instant his fingers closed around the plastic utensil, Will realized his mistake. He dropped it on the table and said, "I'm sorry, buddy. I didn't mean to yell."

  Shane's face crumpled and big tears ran down his cheeks as his body heaved with silent sobs. Charlotte's chair scraped the floor as she rose and picked Shane up out of his booster seat. Will listened, guilt ever present and growing, as Charlotte murmured soothing words to the little boy. If he ever felt like a heel it was now. How could he have yelled at the little boy? The reasoning that he had a migraine didn't and wouldn't fly. He was supposed to be a dad now. To three children. And he was already failing miserably. He might love having them there, but that didn't mean he was good at the parenting thing.

  "I think it would be okay if you kids went to watch some cartoons," Charlotte said, breaking through Will's thoughts. "I'll get dinner cleaned up. Lexi, why don't you go get your homework? Since your dad says he's feeling fine, maybe he can help you."

  Was that sarcasm in her voice? Will blinked, but Charlotte's face gave away nothing. The haze that he had been fighting all night descended. Deep in his brain the active part was screaming at him to wake up and fight the feeling or all too soon Lexi and Charlotte would come to understand the depth of his pain and weakness. And that just wasn't acceptable.

  As Charlotte cleared the dinner dishes, Lexi set her math book on the table along with a sheet of lined notebook paper and a stubby yellow pencil. The moment her chair bumped his, Will felt his stomach lurch. With that jolt the waves of pain started again. Why wasn't his medication kicking in?

  "They put me in Algebra," Lexi was saying when Will managed to tune back in. "I told them that I was in pre-algebra at my school in Rapid but they said my test scores were high enough for Algebra. There's only, like, three weeks of school left so it seems dumb."

  Charlotte made a disapproving noise from the sink. "Your guidance counselor told you to give it a try. If you can't test out of it by the end of school, you'll take it next year. No big deal."

  Will caught Lexi's not-so-subtle eye roll as Charlotte turned back to the sink. The page of Lexi's textbook seemed too glaringly white for Will's brain to process. Numbers swam before his eyes, making him feel dizzy. He could hear each scrape of Lexi's pencil as she wrote the first equation on the paper.

  While Will told himself to focus over and over, his body began to feel the side effects of his migraine medication. His head felt so heavy all he wanted to do was sleep. As bile rose in his throat, Will clenched his fists on top of his knees.

  "What do you think, Dad? Did I get it right?"

  Will looked at his daughter and realized that he had no idea what she was talking about. "I can't do this." Will exhaled sharply and pushed his chair back from the table. And without another word he left the kitchen.

  ****

  Charlotte's jaw dropped as she stared after Will. His behavior had been off all evening, but she had decided to ignore it, hoping instead that he would snap out of it. She knew that having her and Lexi move in and create a pseudo family was hard on him. But it was hard on her and Lexi too, not to mention Sierra and Shane.

  As she looked over at Lexi now, anger flared within her chest. The girl stared after her father, blinking rapidly. Charlotte suspected that Lexi didn't want any of them to see her cry.

  Charlotte was about to follow after Will to give him a piece of her mind when a loud knock at the back door derailed her fury. A moment later, Will's mom, Karen popped her head in. She smiled warmly at Charlotte and quickly crossed the kitchen to hug her granddaughter.

  With her sun-streaked brown hair falling in soft waves to her shoulders Karen didn't look old enough to have three grown sons. Charlotte admired the confident way the older woman moved, and the way she had embraced all these near strangers into her family.

  "Where's Will this evening?" Karen asked.

  Lexi's lip trembled. "He left. He's mad at me."

  Karen met Charlotte's eyes with surprise. Charlotte shook her head softly. "He just stormed out of here a minute ago. He was going to help Lexi with her math homework but I guess he changed his mind. Actually he's been acting pretty strange all night."

  "Ah." Karen nodded. "He probably has a migraine."

  "A what?" Lexi asked.

  "It's like a really bad headache." The coil of tension in Charlotte's stomach began to unwind as Karen's words sunk in. "It makes him feel sick. Actually that explains a lot. Karen, do you think you could help Lexi with her homework while I put Sierra and Shane to bed?"

  Karen smiled and took a seat at the table. "I'd be honored. Math is one of my specialties."

  Charlotte paused at the kitchen doorway to watch the way Lexi responded to her grandmother. The small smile on the girl's face made Charlotte's heart sing. Charlotte was glad that Lexi was feeling love from a new family member. While Charlotte knew that Will wanted them there, she couldn't accept that he would treat them with anything but kindness and respect. She and Lexi had left their whole lives behind to
move to the ranch. For her, the move was temporary, but Will wanted his daughter with him permanently. So where did that leave her? The thought made her freeze, but a moment later she forced herself to shake off the negative thought.

  In the living room, Charlotte located the remote and shut off the TV. Shane's eyes were already closed, and Sierra's lids looked droopy. The fact that Will suffered from migraines gave a new dimension to his behavior tonight. Still, the way he had behaved couldn't simply be excused. Sierra and Shane needed stability more than anything else right now. And if they couldn't count on Will to provide them with love and care even in his lowest moments, they would never start to heal and develop new attachments.

  "Come on, guys, let's get you into your jammies," she said, scooping up Shane, who laid his head down wearily.

  "Charlotte?" Sierra's small hand caught hold of the hem of Charlotte's shirt.

  "Yes, sweetie?"

  Sierra's mouth pursed, then she caught her lip between her teeth and chewed a moment. "Is Uncle Will mad that we have to live here?"

  The gasp escaped Charlotte's throat before she could stop it. "No! Oh, honey, no. Uncle Will feels sick tonight."

  "Oh." Sierra seemed to think about this turn of events for a moment before offering Charlotte a small smile. "Well, I hope he feels better."

  "I'm sure he will soon."

  Charlotte led the way to the little ones' bedroom where she helped Shane into his pajamas before sending him into the bathroom. A moment later he yelped and Charlotte heard a splash. When she entered the bathroom she saw him folded into the toilet Charlotte had to work hard to suppress a smile. She wished Will could see this. Even at his most serious she had seen the flickers of a smile when Shane and Sierra did goofy things. The moment felt oddly empty without him there to share it.