The Cosy Little Cupcake Van: A deliciously feel-good romance

by Annette Hannah

  ‘You two need your heads banging together,’ she said as she carried the tray of soups into the living room. Blake and Camilla followed sheepishly. He carried the wine and she the plate of buttered bread minus the slice with blood on it.

  ‘But—’ Camilla started to say.

  ‘No buts,’ said Edie. ‘Now will you two just sit there and eat your soup?’ She gestured to Camilla to take the oven gloves from over her shoulder so she could lift the bowls onto the TV tables. Once she’d finished handing round the bread she was able to sit down and start her own soup. She blew quite loudly on the spoon.

  Blake had tasted the soup and was spooning it up eagerly.

  ‘This takes me back, Edie. I remember coming here on a Saturday and we’d have this with you and Albert and in all my years since, I’ve never tasted soup this good,’ he said between mouthfuls.

  Camilla nodded a silent agreement. She couldn’t trust herself to talk; embarrassment swept through her in waves. He thought she had slept with Ged and even though they weren’t together she could understand how bad he felt about it. They had been in love. They were soulmates at one time – no one could imagine one without the other – and then they’d been torn apart and just when they meet up again, she had to go and spoil it all.

  He wasn’t totally blameless. After all he was the one who stopped contact with her, and it was the look of devastation on his face that made her feel so guilty for being with Ged. Yet he was the one who was seeing someone else. They were obviously just not meant to be. Her heart sank at the realisation that as much as she tried to deny it he had broken her heart again. She couldn’t stop him from doing it. However much she tried, her heart belonged to him and no one else. She’d have to get used to that. She gobbled up her soup in silence as she pretended to be absorbed in Edie’s favourite TV game show. Although, thankfully, they were sitting side by side so they didn’t have to look at each other. However, she wasn’t sure whether the heat pulsating through her body was down to the soup or being in such close proximity to him.

  Once the soup was finished Camilla helped Edie take the bowls and bring in the hot plates with the boiled ribs and cabbage on. The memories of childhood flooded back and so she wasn’t surprised to be chided once more by Edie as soon as her programme had finished.

  ‘So, what have you got to say for yourselves then?’ she asked before nibbling the salty meat from a rib bone and picking up another. ‘Camilla tells me you saw her say goodbye to the young man from the coffee van and you stormed off.’ She pointed at Blake with the bone and a piece of the delectable meat fell onto her tray table. She picked it up and popped it into her mouth, then washed it down with some of her wine. ‘To me that suggests that you’ve got feelings for her.’

  Camilla blushed violently; she hadn’t expected Auntie Edie to blurt out this fact that she’d confided in her, but then she should have known better. Edie was a very forthright lady. Edie continued her onslaught.

  ‘I didn’t get to the ripe old age of eighty-two without having the odd tiff with my Albert but one thing’s for sure: we never went to sleep on an argument, so you two need to get over your egos and sort this out before you lose each other yet again.’

  ‘Look I know it’s none of my business but I was looking forward to seeing Camiagain and to give her the recipe book I’d found as I knew how much it meant to her. But when I saw her hugging and kissing him, that early in the morning, so he’d obviously been there all night. I was sorry that I was too late and I’d missed my chance.’ He carried on munching on his food.

  ‘Well from what I can gather Camilla is a free agent whereas you, on the other hand, have some explaining to do.’ She sucked the meat off the bone and pointed it at him.

  ‘Who me?’ he said looking around as though she could be talking to anyone else. He stretched out his arms, palms open, facing upwards. ‘What have I done?’

  Camilla covered her face with her hand. She knew what was coming next and tried to avoid eye contact with Blake as he gave her a sidelong glance, she saw a familiar flicker of mirth cross his face and could see he was desperately trying not to laugh, she felt giggles bubbling up inside her like a soda syphon.

  ‘Yes you – I thought you were meant to be a big intelligent businessman, so why are you getting jealous of Camilla with the other guy when you’re actually seeing someone else? Donna, isn’t it?’

  ‘Dawn!’ piped up Camilla, a little too quickly to appear nonchalant.

  ‘I wasn’t jealous.’ He laughed. ‘I was just—’ He hesitated until he found the right word. ‘Disappointed, I suppose.’

  ‘You’ve got some nerve being disappointed in me for spending some time with a friend,’ said Camilla, her hackles now raised like porcupine spines down her back.’

  ‘No I wasn’t disappointed in you. Look, can we start from the beginning please? The reason I was disappointed is that I finished with Dawn when I was in Canada and I was hoping to ask you out when I came to your house, then when I saw Ged. I just… I don’t know it wasn’t how I envisaged meeting you again.’

  ‘Okay,’ said Edie, ‘thank God for that. Now can you two just apologise to each other, eat your dinner and get a bloody room? The sexual tension in here is enough to set my bloody curtains alight.’

  Blake looked suitably admonished; his eyes wide open after Edie’s comment. Camilla, who had been tucking into her meal with fervour was now choking on a piece of cabbage. He whacked her on the back.

  ‘I’m so sorry for everything. Can I take you home for a chat? Edie’s right; I’ve been such an idiot.’

  ‘I don’t know what to say,’ said Camilla unsure as to whether she’d heard him correctly or whether it was just wishful thinking.

  ‘You have been a bloody idiot but you’re going nowhere until you’ve eaten pudding. Camilla, can you fetch those lovely cupcakes in for me please and some plates,’ interrupted Edie.

  Camilla smiled and left the room. She felt much lighter now that she’d heard Blake’s news. She opened a cupboard and bent down to get the plates out. When she stood up again her spine tingled as she felt his presence in the kitchen behind her. She was tempted to spin round and pull him close to kiss him but then there would be no going back, and she still had questions that needed answering.

  ‘Please…I need to talk to you.’ His eyes sought hers and she could see her past reflected in them. They were the same eyes that had looked into hers all those years ago when they first met. The only difference being some extra lines at the sides. Crow’s feet, Auntie Edie would call them, but her mum used to call them laugh lines, and oh how they’d laughed. The question was, could they ever possibly be happy again when the universe had treated them so cruelly? She needed to somehow find out whether her future also lay in those dreamy brown eyes, which now searched her face for something. What? She didn’t know – forgiveness maybe?

  They joined Edie for a cup of tea and a cupcake and then headed over to Cupcake Cottage.

  Chapter 28

  She arrived home twenty minutes later at the same time as Blake pulled up in his hire car.

  ‘You really should call this the Cupcakemobile,’ he joked, as he opened the door of the van to help her out.

  ‘That’s what Ron said. Who knows, maybe I will. If it’s good enough for Batman then it’s good enough for me.’ She locked the van door and walked across the drive, the keys jangling in her hand. She was glad he couldn’t hear her heart thumping as it was almost jumping out of her chest. She was eager to get this conversation over with so they could decide whether they would be able to resume or more accurately restart their relationship.

  She opened the door, threw her bag on the coffee table and hung her coat up. He followed her inside and she walked through to the kitchen, turning the lights on as she did so.

  ‘Coffee or wine?’ she shouted through the open beams into the living room. He sat on the sofa watching her as she moved around the kitchen.

  ‘Wine sounds good please.’ She pulled two l
arge glasses down from the overhead cupboard and reached for a bottle of red from the small wine rack on the worktop. She handed him the bottle and the corkscrew and walked back through the door from the kitchen. She sometimes just stepped through the gaps in the beams but decided it might not look very sophisticated if he saw her do it. Although she was sure sophisticated was the last thing she’d looked when escaping out of Auntie Edie’s window. She cringed at the thought.

  She joined him on the sofa but hitched away from him as she accidentally sat too close. The warmth from his body had felt nice but she needed to distance herself until she knew what she was dealing with.

  She placed the glasses on the coffee table and Blake poured the wine. The glug-glug of the burgundy liquid was the only sound in the room. Blake cleared his throat and put the bottle back on the table. Some of the dark liquid had dripped down the bottle and was now forming a tiny pool on the wood. Camilla picked up the glasses and handed one to him. They tapped glasses gently and he said cheers before taking a sip.

  ‘I like what you’ve done to the place.’ He nodded to the new curtains, which matched the rug.

  ‘Thanks,’ she answered, taking a too big gulp of wine that she nearly choked on.

  ‘Are you okay?’ He passed her a tissue from the box on the side. They were decorated with cupcakes; it made him smile.

  ‘Yes, I’m fine. she said quickly, dabbing at the droplets of wine that had dropped onto her jeans.

  ‘Look I feel I need to feed the elephant in the room.I’m sorry about walking off but as I said it was disappointment rather than annoyance. When I saw him with you in his arms, it really hurt, but I had no right to storm off and leave you upset. That was wrong of me and I’m truly sorry. But I really need to know, is there anything going on between you and Ged?’

  ‘Yes,’ she cried, taking him by surprise, ‘there is. It’s something called friendship and yes I won’t deny there is an attraction there but I’m not open to flings or one-night stands and I’ll be honest, nobody else has ever felt right. Not since you.’ She picked up her wine glass and took a large swig. He held her other hand and clasped his fingers through hers. She continued, ‘The thing is you’re the one who was seeing someone else anyway. I know we’re not together but I felt as though we were starting to reconnect then you dropped your bombshell. How do you think that made me feel to find that out?’

  ‘I don’t know, tell me please. How did it make you feel?’ His eyes searched hers, but she averted his gaze.

  ‘I felt horrible and abandoned. Again. But if I’m honest a little bit relieved because it meant there was no chance that you could leave me again if we weren’t together. I know that probably doesn’t make sense, but I really couldn’t go through that pain again. It took me years to get over you.’ She untangled her hand from his as though to make a point, to keep herself separate from him.

  He sat back; smoothed his beard with his hand.

  He took her wine from her and placed both glasses back down on the table. He held her face softly with his hands; she relished the feeling of his touch, the rough skin from years of hard work. Even though he was a boss, an entrepreneur, he had always remained hands-on with the building and renovating. She closed her eyes and the last ten years disappeared as fat tears rolled down her cheeks. He gently kissed them away just like he did at the airport the last time she’d seen him. The feather-light touch set off feelings of longing inside her that caused her heart to race.

  He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close to him so she could smell that familiar scent of him. His aftershave may have changed over the years but that wonderful musky smell of him hadn’t. She breathed it in. Her body relaxed into him, the familiarity was soothing, even though she knew that the next words he uttered could devastate her. She sat up to get her drink and also to face him.

  ‘Is it really over with Dawn?’ She had to know.

  He cleared his throat. ‘It was over as soon as I saw you again.’

  The words he used along with the look of complete sincerity sent tingles all down her spine.

  ‘We hadn’t been together long; it was really early days so no hard feelings between us. In fact—’ he laughed ‘—I think my sister was more upset than either of us were because she’d set us up in the first place.’

  ‘When did you break up with her?’

  ‘As soon as I got back,’ he replied. ‘I hadn’t even unpacked but I felt she should know straight away.’

  ‘Are you sure you’re telling me the truth? Because I rang you a few days into your trip and a woman answered, she said you were in the shower.’

  He contemplated for a while before his face registered the day she must have been talking about. ‘Ah that would have been my sister. She came round one morning to give me a hard time for finishing with her friend. I’m sorry she never told me you rang.’ His face looked genuinely concerned that she wouldn’t believe him. His words seemed sincere.

  ‘That’s okay, I believe you.’

  ‘Look, I can’t tell you how sorry I am for everything. When I saw you in your amazing cupcake van, it took me back to that holiday we had. When I took you to Niagara Falls and we spent the weekend shopping in Buffalo. I remembered you saying how much you’d love to have one, all those years literally melted away and you were my Cami again.’

  ‘That’s just it though, I’m not the same and things aren’t the same,’ she countered.

  ‘I realise that. Don’t think I haven’t noticed. You’re now a confident, self-sufficient woman who has triumphed over adversity. You’ve overcome such huge obstacles and I’m filled with such admiration for you. I don’t think you quite realise how amazing you are.’ He nodded to the picture on the wall, at the two happy faces smiling back at them. ‘Your mum would be so proud of you. I mean she was anyway but seeing what you’ve achieved, her face would be glowing with pride right now.’

  ‘Do you think? I’d really like to hope she would be.’

  ‘I don’t just think; I know for definite and you look so much like her. I was a little taken aback when I first saw you in the cupcake van because you’re the image of her.’

  ‘I love that,’ she replied. There weren’t many people who had connections to her mum but when Camilla thought of them, she imagined them with long red silken swathes of fabric attached to memories of her. They formed an almost tangible bond to her, a special connection like ribbons to a maypole. She’d seen it when she bumped into an old school friend of her mum’s a couple of months ago and always saw it with Auntie Edie. Blake was also one of those people. He had loved her mum almost as much as she had, and the feeling was mutual. Hearing him say her mum would be proud gave her a warm glow inside because she knew he was speaking not just from the heart but also from the experience of having known her so well.

  ‘Cami, I would give anything to have the chance of getting to know you all over again. The past is behind us and the future is unknown but we’ve got the present, the here and now and we’ve got each other in this moment. I realise that you’ve got every right to hate me, but I really hope you don’t.’

  ‘I don’t hate you at all. But it took me so long to get over you last time and if I’m honest I never really did.’ Her heart plunged into her stomach as the realisation of how deep-rooted her pain was hit her slap bang in the solar plexus. He put his arm around her, but she shrugged him off, immediately missing his warmth. Guilt overwhelmed her at the look of rejection and hurt on his face. ‘I don’t think I can ever truly trust you a hundred per cent until I know the reason why you stopped contacting me all those years ago. Otherwise the fear will always be there that you can switch off from me again, so finally, leaving me with nothing but pain.’

  He stood up and paced the room. ‘It’s really hard for me to talk about that time. I wasn’t in a good place.’ His facial expression changed, and he became distant. He ran his fingers through his hair, leaving it dishevelled. She was desperate to smooth it down with her fingers, longed to be able to tou
ch him again and rediscover him. But not until they had cleared this up once and for all. She sat on her hands to keep herself from hugging him.

  ‘Please just know that deep down I never stopped loving you.’ His eyes were cast downwards, and he turned away, so his back was facing her.

  ‘I’m actually ashamed of what happened back then. Everyone expected me to be strong. My dad died, my mom was devastated, my sister needed me – she was only a kid. I was the man of the house and Dad’s business needed looking after. Then there was you. Losing you was more than I could bear. I went off the rails – smoking, drinking, and generally being a real asshole. It was all too much. Everything seemed so pointless. A long-distance relationship, Skype dropping out every five minutes, letters taking days, sometimes weeks to get there. Looking back now I was just too immature to deal with it all. It seemed easier, kinder even, to just break contact. If I’m honest, seeing your face or hearing your voice reminded me that I’d let my dad down. Seeing you stoked the flames of my guilt and I couldn’t handle that on top of all the other feelings I was dealing with. I wasn’t thinking of anyone but myself. I was a selfish little shit.’

  She took a sip of wine and held it in her mouth for a little while before swallowing it, mainly to stop herself from letting him know how much it hurt to hear that.

  ‘Did you blame me because you didn’t go back sooner?’

  ‘No, I didn’t blame you at all. I think it was just the connection to you that did it. I didn’t feel as though I deserved happiness because I’d let him down. When I couldn’t see you, the guilt didn’t cut so deep. I felt horrible for thinking like that and I’m truly sorry, but I just couldn’t help it.’

  ‘I thought you’d gone off with another woman,’ she admitted.