Knowing Me Knowing You

by Mandy Baggot

  ‘Hello Sweetie, Cyrus and Sky are just setting up a den in the living room. So you want to go and play? There we go,’ Hermione spoke as she let the two females into her house and relieved Bethan of her coat.

  ‘Give Mummy a big kiss Bethy and I’ll see you later. Have fun with Aunty Hermione,’ Kate said, cuddling her daughter and kissing her lightly on the lips.

  ‘Cyrus, Sky, play nicely with Bethan please. No curtain pulling or climbing on the chairs,’ Hermione ordered the older children.

  ‘Yes Mum,’ Sky replied with a laugh.

  Cyrus also let out a whisper of agreement.

  ‘Have you time for tea? I sense there’s something you want to get off your chest. Am I right?’ Hermione asked Kate as she led the way towards the kitchen.

  ‘I did as I was told, stupidly. I took your advice. I looked at the website, I inputted my criteria and I was matched with Stephen. He was good looking but nothing too striking, perfect for my purposes. Then I get a phone call from someone called Joel telling me that Stephen’s unavailable and that he’s my closest match,’ Kate blurted out, pacing up and down Hermione’s kitchen.

  ‘So you got someone, well that’s good, I don’t see the problem,’ Hermione answered, watching Kate walking back and forth.

  ‘This! This is the problem!’ Kate exploded and she banged down Joel’s profile and photograph on the table.

  Hermione picked up the papers and began to smile, much to Kate’s annoyance.

  ‘Well, well, well,’ Hermione remarked shaking her head and putting her hand to her mouth to stifle her laughter.

  ‘It isn’t bloody funny! Look at him for God’s sake, just look at him! I cannot take him with me to a work function; I would be a laughing stock,’ Kate said, tears welling up in her eyes.

  ‘I think the Lady Dragon will have a hard job keeping her tongue in her mouth. He’s absolutely gorgeous,’ Hermione said, still staring at the photo.

  ‘Exactly! He’s gorgeous; he’s one of the most gorgeous men I’ve ever set eyes on,’ Kate remarked, snatching the paperwork back from her friend.

  ‘Then I don’t see the issue. And it would be one in the eye for Miranda, there’s no way she’ll be bringing a date that tops this Joel. Hmm, even that name is sexy isn’t it?’ Hermione remarked, trying to get another look at the escort from over Kate’s shoulder.

  ‘The problem is no one’s going to believe that he’s going out with me! Look at him Mione and look at me! He’s - perfection personified and I’m - a mess,’ Kate answered.

  ‘That isn’t true; you’re just a busy mum who’s neglected herself a bit that’s all. I thought we had this conversation yesterday, all you need is a little bit of “you” time and you’ll soon have your sparkle back,’ Hermione assured her.

  ‘I could have a whole year of “me” time, Trevor Sorbie and Gok Wan at work twenty four hours a day and I still wouldn’t have enough sparkle to pull off pretending I was his girlfriend,’ Kate replied.

  ‘Nonsense!’ Hermione responded with a snort of annoyance.

  ‘It isn’t going to work, I shouldn’t have done such a mad, stupid thing in the first place. I mean please, a male escort! What was I thinking?’ Kate asked.

  ‘You’re not going to cancel are you?’

  ‘Yes! Of course! That’s exactly what I’m going to do. What other option do I have?’ Kate said with a sigh.

  ‘How about going to the function with a drop dead gorgeous guy and enjoying yourself for once?’

  ‘Oh Mione you don’t understand! I knew you wouldn’t. Miranda’s main enjoyment in life stems from seeing me struggle. She would take one look at this Joel and instantly know that he was a hired help,’ Kate attempted to explain.

  ‘I don’t believe that, that’s all in your mind. You think, for some daft reason that this chap is too good for you. You haven’t met him yet; he might stink and have a limp. Although looking at this sexy picture I very much doubt it,’ Hermione replied.

  ‘I should have just had the courage to tell her I don’t have a partner at the moment and I was going on my own,’ Kate said, pausing in her pacing.

  ‘So is that what you’re going to do now?’

  ‘No, it’s too late now, I told her I was bringing someone. I’ve decided either to invent a swine flu ridden Carlos or go sick myself,’ Kate said.

  Hermione let out a squeal of laughter and put her hands to her mouth again.

  ‘What?’ Kate asked.

  ‘Well that will be playing right into her hands,’ Hermione told her.

  ‘Well what d’you suggest? I go, with this Joel, and have the entire firm knowing I use male escorts by first thing on Monday morning?’

  ‘Male escort or not, believe me you are going to have every woman at the dinner table wishing they had him sitting next to them.’

  ‘Argh! This is mad! How did my life get like this?’ Kate questioned, picking up Joel’s profile from the table.

  ‘You Sweetie need to lighten up. It’s just a night out, take it for what it is and to hell with what Miranda thinks,’ Hermione spoke.

  Kate let out a heavy sigh. It was easy for Hermione to say, she was good at everything. She had a perfect life with a husband who adored her and three children who thought she was the best mother in the world, which of course she was. She had no idea what it was like to be abandoned and feel unwanted and useless.

  ‘Enough of this talk of cancelling. Tomorrow bring Bethan’s overnight bag when you drop her off in the morning and I don’t want to see you again until Saturday.’

  ‘I’ll probably need all that time to try and make myself look like I could have a boyfriend like this,’ Kate said, staring at the picture of Joel.

  ‘If the banquet’s crap you can always come round here, I wouldn’t mind five minutes with him,’ Hermione answered with a grin.

  Four

  It was almost 6.00pm before Kate left work on Friday evening. The Lady Dragon had given her two sets of accounts to finalise that apparently she wanted to review first thing on Monday. Kate knew she had done it deliberately but she had almost given up caring. She didn’t have the energy for workplace games; it was all she could do to concentrate on the jobs. She dutifully did as she was told, not wanting to give Miranda any more reason to ridicule her. Of course the Lady Dragon had disappeared at 3.30pm to what was down in her diary as an ‘out of the office meeting’. Kate suspected it was a visit to the hairdresser or the beautician. Somewhere exclusive and expensive, somewhere that catered for the rich and famous and Oscar nominees.

  Kate had managed to get her hair done in her lunch break. She had never been to the salon before but she hadn’t had time to be picky. She had been quite scared when she arrived, as the sign over the door had letters missing and instead of reading ‘Crimpers’ it now read ‘Crap’ where someone had added an ‘A’ with a black marker pen. She wondered how long it had been like that and whether anyone else knew or cared.

  The inside wasn’t much better, everything was vinyl and the sinks were avocado green. There was one woman having her hair tweaked with an afro comb. She had ended up with a dodgy perm like Deirdre Barlow in the early Nineties and another woman, hair set in rollers, seemed unperturbed by smoke billowing out of the back of her dryer. No one else looked bothered about it either so she had taken a seat and leafed through a 1998 edition of Woman’s Weekly. Thankfully ‘Natalie’ had put her more at ease, making her a coffee and giving her a copy of the latest Star Life magazine.

  She had a wet cut and it cost much more than expected. She almost choked when Natalie told her the price but she did like the finished result. Frankly that was amazing given that she had seen two women with very dodgy feathering and another woman with purple highlights. Her usually untamed dark brown mop had been cut into a sleek, modern bob that seemed to instantly make her look younger. Anything that did that had to be worth the money. But the expensive do had meant there wasn’t enough left for a new outfit or a manicure.

  When she got home she lux
uriated in a bubble bath courtesy of Bethan’s Mr Matey. She couldn’t remember the last time she had had time for a bath. The water felt wonderful, soft and silky on her skin. She had opened wine as soon as she had got in (her favourite South African was back on the shelf, £2.99 and 14%) and now she was halfway down the bottle. She wished she wasn’t going to the stupid banquet. She wished she could have just stayed in the bath relishing the fact she was completely on her own. There were no nappies that needed changing, no bottles to warm, no relentless, mind-numbing children’s television programmes to endure. Her eyes closed. She was so tired, sleep would be nice, completely uninterrupted sleep. She imagined being asleep, being covered up in her duvet, her head on the pillow. And as she began to relax and let her mind wander, Matthew was next to her in the bed. Handsome, wavy-haired Matthew, the husband she loved. Then the image of him suddenly became distorted. He wasn’t lovely Matthew any more, he was Matthew who had left her and left their daughter the Matthew she hated. As that realisation came to the forefront of her thoughts she snapped open her eyes and hurriedly sat up. She started to wheeze and cough, desperately trying to clear her lungs of the water that had seeped into her mouth while she had been fantasising about someone she loathed. She took another drink of wine to clear her throat and checked her watch. It was 6.45pm and she wasn’t even dressed.

  Half an hour later she almost fell through the door of Fenton’s wine bar. It was 7.15pm, the taxi had been late and she hadn’t had a chance to take any time over getting ready at all. She had managed foundation and lipstick but that was it on the make-up front. In the end it had been a case of throwing her one and only good dress over her head and hurrying out of the house hoping she had managed to avoid white deodorant marks in her haste. Now she was being overwhelmed by atmospheric dim lighting (so dim she could barely see) and hideous cocktail bar piano music.

  She scrutinised the people stood at the bar. There was a group of men in dinner jackets sharing bottles of champagne and laughing loudly at every second word one of the older men in the group said, all on their way to being pissed. There were two women her age sat at the bar whispering to one another over cocktails and licking their lips over the barman. And finally there was one man sat on his own, back to the door, picking at the bowl of nuts on the counter. He was dark-haired and Kate judged he was approximately six foot. It could be Joel, or maybe, given her late arrival, Joel had gone home. She didn’t know whether she wanted him to be here or not. She could still invent Carlos, she knew a lot about swine flu, she had researched it on the internet in case Bethan developed symptoms.

  ‘Excuse me, are you Kate?’ a velvety voice asked from behind her.

  She knew that voice. It sounded like it could wrap her up in silk and feed her caramel centred chocolates.

  Kate turned around and immediately looked into a face she also recognised. Despite the picture on the internet making him look like some sort of Adonis, somehow it hadn’t really done him justice.

  ‘I’m Joel,’ the gorgeous vision in front of her proclaimed.

  Kate couldn’t stop herself from very obviously looking him up and down. He was over six foot, athletically slim, with dark hair and the largest eyes she had ever seen. He was impeccably dressed in a dark blue suit teamed with a white shirt.

  ‘Are you Kate?’ he repeated as she hadn’t spoken.

  ‘Yes, yes I am. Hello, I’m Kate, nice to meet you,’ she hurriedly spoke, offering her hand to him.

  Joel ignored the offering, leant forward and kissed her on the cheek.

  ‘If we’re supposed to be dating I don’t think we should shake hands,’ he said quietly to her.

  ‘Oh no, I suppose not,’ Kate answered her cheeks flushing.

  ‘Can I get you a drink?’ he offered.

  ‘Oh no, I should pay. What would you like?’ Kate asked, fumbling in her handbag for her purse knowing that she only had about five pounds in cash and that her credit card was on the verge of meltdown.

  ‘I insist,’ Joel said and he took her hand out of her bag and smiled at her.

  ‘Oh,’ Kate responded in the meekest voice ever.

  ‘What will it be?’ Joel asked again.

  ‘A white wine please, medium,’ Kate responded.

  ‘OK. Why don’t you take a seat and I’ll bring it over.’

  Kate nervously nodded her agreement and moved to the nearest available table. She sat down and checked her appearance in the window. Her hair still looked good, although getting it wet in the bath and almost drowning hadn’t been in her plans. She screwed up her eyes. She wished she’d brought her eye make-up with her because it would have drawn attention away from the bags she had been unable to conceal. She pursed her lips. She would need to reapply her lipstick when they got to the hotel; it was already making a break for freedom.

  She was still making a face at the window like a ghoul when Joel appeared opposite her with the drinks.

  ‘Medium white wine,’ he announced passing a glass to her and sitting down.

  ‘Thank you. Aren’t you drinking?’

  ‘Maybe later. Is there a free bar at the hotel?’ Joel asked her.

  ‘I hope so,’ Kate responded, burying her face in her glass and taking a large gulp.

  ‘So what is it we’re going to? You said a work function, is it dinner?’ Joel asked.

  ‘Yes, at least I think so. It was last year. Five courses or something mad like that, then some boring slides and an awful disco, but we don’t have to stay for that.’

  ‘And what’s our background?’

  ‘Background?’

  ‘Yes, how do we know each other? Where did we meet? What do you do for a living?’ Joel asked.

  ‘Sorry, you must think I’m stupid. I haven’t done this before. I expect you hear that all the time too, but I really haven’t done this before,’ Kate answered, taking another big mouthful of wine.

  She was sounding like a desperate single mother who had forgotten how to behave in the normal world. Any minute now she would be telling him about a nice collage Bethan had done the other day with dried pasta. It was as if she had forgotten how to be an adult.

  She looked at Joel with almost terrified eyes.

  ‘That’s OK,’ he replied kindly, smiling at her with both his full mouth and his saucer-sized eyes.

  ‘Um, I’m a legal executive in the Probate department of Randall’s solicitors in town. The do tonight is being hosted by a client of ours and some of my work colleagues will be there, like the Lady Dragon - I mean Miranda. She’s the head of my department and Colin, he’s a partner and a bit of a goon if I’m honest - God it’s going to be terrible, I wish I wasn’t going,’ Kate spoke, downing the glass of wine in one go.

  ‘So did I meet you through work?’

  ‘No! God no! They would know. The Lady Dragon knows everyone I see and you wouldn’t be the type of client I would see, I mean you’re about three times younger than any of my clients and three times more attract…I don’t know, what do you usually say to people?’ Kate said quickly, stopping herself hurriedly.

  ‘How about we met at the gym? That’s where I work, when I’m not doing this. I’m a personal trainer, we could have met there, and we’ve been dating for what? A few weeks?’ Joel suggested.

  ‘The gym. No, I don’t think so. I mean do I look like I’ve been to the gym recently? I don’t really do exercise, the spare time I get is very limited. I have a little girl,’ Kate answered, wishing there was still some wine left in her glass.

  ‘Oh really, how old?’

  ‘She’s two,’ Kate responded, a smile spreading across her face as she thought about Bethan.

  ‘Sounds like you have your work cut out with one that age,’ Joel said, smiling at Kate.

  ‘Yes, definitely. Look Joel, the thing is, the reason I have you here, is because of my boss. She’s evil. Well perhaps evil is too strong a word. She’s a dragon in high heels, hence the nickname. She loves to make people feel small, well me anyway and she’s expecting me
to have a date tonight. And I don’t have a little black book, I don’t have a book of any kind - you know - with men in it. You see, my husband left me, a short while ago and I haven’t really been out since,’ Kate babbled, wishing her wine glass full with every ounce of energy she had.

  ‘I see,’ he replied with a nod.

  ‘Sorry, you’re probably not interested in me at all, or the fact I don’t have a book of men,’ Kate said and she stuck her hand in the bowl of nuts on the table, taking a palm full and putting them into her mouth.

  ‘OK, how about we met at the pool when you were taking your daughter swimming. Does that sound more plausible?’ Joel suggested.

  ‘But we haven’t been there yet and I’m not really very good in the water.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter, it’s just pretend. I’ll fill in the gaps, don’t worry,’ Joel told her and he took hold of her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

  She flinched, the shock of the physical contact jarring her. She couldn’t remember the last time a man had touched her.

  ‘So what did you say the dragon in high heels is called? Her real name,’ Joel asked.

  ‘Miranda. Be warned she’ll probably try to sleep with you,’ Kate answered, grabbing more nuts and tipping them into her mouth.

  Five

  It was just after 8.00pm when Kate and Joel arrived at the Grand. The banquet was being held in the Regency room and when they got to the door Kate could see it was full to capacity and everyone was already seated. Thankfully, within seconds, Miranda let out one of her ear-splitting, over the top laughs and Kate was able to distinguish the Randall’s table from all the others.

  ‘Right, into the lion’s den I guess,’ she spoke, more to herself than to Joel.

  As she prepared to head off into the room Joel took hold of her hand again. It was soft and warm but also strong and supportive. Kate looked up at him, meeting the saucer-sized eyes again.