Knowing Me Knowing You

by Mandy Baggot

  ‘Wedding dress material?’ Joel said to Hermione.

  ‘Yes I have a choice of two. Traditional white or contemporary navy.’

  ‘Oh I don’t know about navy, it reminds me of my school uniform and that never suited me,’ Kate spoke, bouncing Bethan up and down.

  ‘Traditional white it is then.’

  ‘What did you get for Joel?’

  ‘Again, a choice. We have charcoal grey or we have a midnight blue,’ Hermione informed, holding up the materials.

  ‘Ooo I like the midnight blue, hold it up against him,’ Kate ordered, becoming excited.

  ‘What is going on here? I mean, I don’t think I proposed but you know, sometimes after a few drinks I might say something a bit crazy but...’

  ‘Yes, we’re getting married! On TV,’ Kate explained.

  Joel just looked at Kate, none the wiser.

  ‘Don’t panic, it’s for Knowing Me Knowing You. We have to perform some dumb catwalk fashion thing, then decorate a cake, make up some vows and then pretend we’re actually getting married and gaze into each other’s eyes and say them like we mean them. But we aren’t allowed to buy outfits, we have to make them - so Hermione’s doing just that,’ Kate told him.

  ‘Come to me big boy and let me put my tape around you,’ Hermione beckoned, shaking out her measure.

  ‘God, what a lot of trouble to go to,’ Joel remarked, stretching out his arms for Hermione to measure.

  ‘The last hurdle though and then it will all be over and we won’t have to go through any of it again,’ Kate spoke with a sigh.

  ‘Hmm, like you haven’t enjoyed any of it. All that free food and drink and a night in a romance lodge,’ Hermione commented.

  Kate’s face reddened and she couldn’t look at Joel. She was still having dreams about what had happened in the romance lodge - erotic, sexy dreams she never wanted to wake up from.

  ‘Joel, Joel,’ Bethan exclaimed, waving her hand at him.

  ‘Free food and drink good. Sitting in a plastic booth with a blindfold on, not knowing where the Love Dove is going to strike next, not so good,’ Joel answered hurriedly.

  ‘And open your legs a tad Sweetie,’ Hermione said a big grin on her face.

  ‘Could you make a waistcoat with this too? I’m thinking white shirt, blue suit with waistcoat and a blue tie.’

  ‘Oh yes, I think that would look wonderful on you Joel, striking yet understated,’ Hermione agreed.

  ‘And what style is the bride going for?’ Joel asked.

  ‘Obviously something high fashion that covers all my lumpy bits,’ Kate responded.

  ‘Lumpy bits! You want to compare lumpy bits? I’ll show you lumpy bits! I’ve had three kids and a hysterectomy,’ Hermione spoke about to lift up her top.

  ‘No! No, that’s fine, I believe you,’ Kate replied with a laugh.

  ‘Do you want to come in?’ Kate asked as she and Joel stood outside her house.

  ‘Do you want me to come in?’

  ‘Yes, I have two cheese and bacon pasta meals ready to be microwaved and a bottle of German wine in my handbag,’ Kate informed him, putting Bethan down and letting her toddle up the hallway.

  ‘How can I refuse an offer like that?’ Joel asked her.

  ‘I also have a takeaway menu if you would prefer that,’ Kate replied.

  ‘I think I might,’ Joel answered.

  ‘OK, well you have a look at it and I’ll get Bethan ready for bed,’ Kate spoke.

  ‘Well, I could have a go at that, if you didn’t mind.’

  ‘Oh, well I...’

  ‘It can’t be so hard that I won’t be able to do it,’ Joel remarked.

  ‘No, of course not, that’s fine. Her pyjamas are in the top drawer in her bedroom and nappies are on the side. Mr Crisps is up there and I’ll come up and read her a story in a minute. Bethan, shall Joel take you up to bed?’ Kate asked her daughter.

  ‘Yes please, Joel, Joel,’ Bethan exclaimed, excitedly jumping up and down as best as she could.

  ‘Well, it sounds like I’m redundant. I’ll have a look at the takeaway menu then,’ Kate said, getting the wine out of her bag and taking it into the kitchen.

  ‘Come on then Bethan; let’s get you ready for bed,’ Joel spoke, picking the little girl up.

  Kate smiled and watched Joel take Bethan up the stairs, tickling her tummy and making her laugh.

  She opened the wine and poured two large glasses. It had been strange being measured for a wedding dress. She remembered it vividly the first time round. She had trawled every wedding dress shop in a fifty mile radius looking for something perfect. She had tried off the shoulder, round neck, square neck, halterneck, sleeveless, short sleeves, long sleeves and backless. Nothing had felt right. Perhaps she should have taken that as an indication that the marriage wasn’t right. In the end, she had left it so late she had to settle for the only thing the Highbridge Wedding Apparel shop had in her size. It had been nice though, slim-fitting ivory with a long train trimmed with fur. But she hadn’t felt a thrill of excitement when she’d put it on and she certainly hadn’t had the tingle running down her back the way she had tonight when Hermione draped the wedding dress material around her. And it wasn’t even going to be a real wedding dress, it was just a costume.

  She finished the glass of wine and was just about to pour another when Joel came back downstairs.

  ‘Oh, is she OK? Does she want me? I’ll go and read her a story,’ Kate said, getting up from the sofa.

  ‘No need, she’s asleep. She was asleep before I got to the end of The Princess and the Pea,’ Joel told her.

  ‘Bless her, she does love that story. OK, I think I’ll have a chicken tawa with garlic rice and a plain naan. Oh and poppadoms, an Indian isn’t an Indian without poppadoms. What would you like?’ Kate asked, passing Joel the menu.

  ‘I’ll have a lamb bhuna and pilau rice.’

  ‘Right, I’ll order and it’s my treat. Oh and I have a cheque for you, for your share of the five thousand we won,’ Kate said, picking up the phone and preparing to dial the number for the takeaway.

  ‘I don’t want any of the five thousand,’ Joel stated once Kate was off the phone.

  ‘What?’

  ‘I don’t want any of it. We didn’t know about it at the beginning so I don’t want any of it,’ Joel spoke.

  ‘Don’t be silly, we had an agreement.’

  ‘About the hundred thousand, not this. Buy something with it, trade your car in for a four door. Think how much easier that would be to get Bethan in and out of,’ Joel suggested.

  ‘But, that wouldn’t be fair and...’

  ‘OK, I’ll have my share and I’ll buy the car for you,’ Joel told her.

  ‘You’re so stubborn. Which one of your parents do you get that from?’ Kate asked.

  The second the words had passed her lips she wanted to draw them back in again.

  ‘Oh God, I’m sorry, I didn’t think before I opened my stupid mouth. Forget I said that,’ Kate spoke hurriedly.

  ‘It’s OK, don’t worry,’ Joel said.

  ‘Do you ever wonder about your birth parents? Have you ever thought about tracking them down?’

  ‘I tried to once; I found out their names and the area they lived. Social services contacted them, told them I wanted to make contact and that was that,’ Joel explained.

  ‘What d’you mean?’

  ‘They didn’t want to see me,’ Joel answered.

  ‘Oh Joel, I’m so sorry.’

  ‘Don’t be, it’s fine. I didn’t really need them, I was just curious. I suppose I just wanted to meet them to see if I looked like either of them, or to find out if I had any brothers or sisters.’

  ‘I don’t understand why they weren’t curious about you? How can someone have a child, give them away and then never wonder how they turned out.’

  ‘There are all sorts of different reasons why people give up their children. My parents were young, my mother was only sixteen when she had
me, my father was eighteen. They had no money, their parents had nothing either, I think it was the right thing for them to do. My adoptive parents gave me everything and believe me no one could have loved me more.’

  ‘They would have been so proud of you Joel.’

  ‘Maybe.’

  ‘So if you did all these qualifications, your degree and everything why did you join the Army? Was it something you always wanted to do?’

  ‘Well I left university with all the qualifications and I didn’t really know what to do with them. My parents have friends in high places, I had job offers coming from every which way but I just needed to be my own person and to find out who that person was. I needed to see where I fitted into the world. The Army offered travel and excitement, opportunities to learn skills you can’t learn outside of it. It was always just going to be a stepping stone to something else.’

  ‘And is that what you got? Was it good before, well you know, before Afghanistan?’

  ‘Yes it was. I made so many friends, good friends, friends who would put themselves on the line for you. We had great times and we laughed so much. But the job changed, it got more intense, it got more dangerous. The laughter dried up and we all had to turn into people we didn’t want to be,’ Joel tried to explain.

  ‘Sorry.’

  ‘No it’s OK. Before all my friends were lost that day, I was going to leave anyway. It wasn’t what I signed up for, the risks were increasing all the time and I started to think about my parents and what it would do to them if I was killed. All that time, raising me, all that effort, bringing up someone else’s child, I couldn’t do that to them,’ Joel explained.

  ‘Well I’m glad you came back. I can’t see us having met in the darkest regions of Afghanistan. I’d be like a fish out of water if there wasn’t an Asda within five miles,’ Kate answered.

  ‘But you would have liked the packet meals,’ Joel told her with a grin.

  The telephone rang.

  ‘Hello, oh hello - he’s what? Well he can’t mean it - he’s doing what? Oh I don’t know, I don’t know if that’s a good thing - yes I know but it’s difficult - are you sure he’s serious? Alright, calm down, don’t cry - well where is he? Alright, I’ll come, yes, OK, OK, bye.’

  Kate put the phone down and looked at Joel.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ Joel asked.

  ‘That was Helen, Matthew’s sister. Apparently he’s threatening to commit suicide,’ Kate informed.

  ‘What?’

  ‘I don’t believe it for a minute but he keeps asking for me. Helen’s round there but he won’t open the front door. I tried to tell her that things were difficult but he’s her brother and she’s worried about him and...’ Kate began.

  ‘Sure, you have to go,’ Joel answered.

  ‘I don’t want to go but...’

  ‘Kate its fine, he’s Bethan’s dad - you need to check it out,’ Joel responded.

  ‘Do you mind?’

  ‘Go, I’ll stay and mind Bethan. I can’t guarantee there’ll be any takeaway left when you get back though,’ Joel replied.

  ‘Keep a bit for me; I’m good at reheating things,’ Kate replied, finding her coat and putting it on.

  ‘Call me though; let me know what’s going on,’ Joel responded.

  ‘I will,’ she promised.

  ‘Hello,’ Hermione greeted as she picked up the phone.

  ‘Hello. I’m at the hospital,’ Kate spoke, breathing in the outside air as she left the entrance of the accident and emergency unit.

  ‘Oh Sweetie, what’s the matter? What’s happened? It’s not Bethan is it?’

  ‘No, no Bethan’s fine, it’s Matthew. He was threatening to commit suicide and he was really drunk and passing out so we called an ambulance,’ Kate answered.

  ‘Is he OK?’

  ‘I think so, Helen’s with him,’ Kate informed.

  ‘And what are you doing there?’

  ‘Well Helen called me and asked me to come. He wouldn’t let her in and he said he’d taken a load of tablets and he kept asking for me,’ Kate answered.

  ‘I see,’ Hermione responded stiffly.

  ‘What does that mean? You said it in a funny voice, I sense disapproval.’

  ‘Very perceptive. I’m just worried you’re sending out mixed messages here Kate. You’re telling him it’s over one minute and then racing to his bedside the next,’ Hermione told her.

  ‘It wasn’t like that, his sister called me.’

  ‘And you dropped everything and went to him. What were you doing? Were you with Joel?’ Hermione asked.

  ‘Well, yes, but it was only takeaway.’

  ‘You were having dinner with Joel and you left to be with your ex-husband, the man who no more than a week or so ago wanted a DNA test on your daughter.’

  ‘Why are you being horrible to me? I phoned you for support. I’m tired and it’s cold and the bloke in the bed next to him has spent the last half an hour on the bedpan.’

  ‘I’m not being horrible; I’m just pointing a few things out. What sort of message do you think that will have sent out to Joel?’

  ‘Joel and I are complicated.’

  ‘I don’t know why, I think that’s a convenient excuse you use so you have all of the dating and none of the commitment. Because you’re scared to move on, away from Matthew.’

  ‘That isn’t true.’

  ‘Isn’t it? You don’t seem to know what you want. One minute it’s over with Matthew, the next you’re nursing him back to health. And what am I doing at this moment in time? Making you a wedding dress so you can compete in a relationship game show with someone you’re treating very badly.’

  ‘Mione, I...’

  ‘I think you need to sit down and really think about what you’re doing,’ Hermione spoke severely.

  ‘It’s compli...’

  ‘I’ll see you in the morning,’ Hermione interrupted and she ended the call.

  Kate took the phone away from her ear and just looked at it. Hermione’s harsh words had hurt her. She had never spoken to her like that before. She had been the voice of reason on many an occasion but she had never sounded quite so angry. Matthew had looked weak and vulnerable, pale and inconsolable; he looked like he was quite capable of suicide. And Helen had been distraught, concerned for her brother. She hadn’t had an option, had she?

  It was almost 11.00pm when Kate got back home. She entered the living room to see Joel asleep on the sofa. She looked at him, so handsome, so genuine, so honest, such fun. He said he was falling in love with her. She was still looking at him when his eyes flicked open and he immediately sat up as if sensing her scrutiny.

  ‘Hey,’ he greeted, rubbing his eyes.

  ‘You were asleep,’ Kate remarked.

  ‘Yeah, I do manage an hour or two here and there. Bethan’s fine. She woke just after you left but I tucked her in and found her dummy and she went straight back to sleep,’ Joel replied.

  ‘Good, thanks for doing that,’ Kate answered.

  ‘How’s Matthew?’

  ‘He’s OK, he hadn’t taken anything. He’s in the hospital though because he drank almost a whole bottle of scotch. Stomach’s been pumped as a precaution,’ Kate responded.

  ‘Well, at least he’s OK. I saved you some takeaway; it’s in the microwave, ready to go,’ Joel spoke, standing up and putting on his jacket.

  ‘You’re going?’

  ‘Yeah, I’ve got an early start in the morning - sixteen stone Geoffrey again.’

  ‘But you don’t sleep.’

  ‘I need to try though, otherwise my body would completely get out of the whole sleeping routine and I may never sleep again,’ Joel replied.

  ‘Oh OK. Well, thanks for looking after Bethan and I’m sorry about dinner,’ Kate apologised.

  ‘That’s OK. Look, I’m quite busy for the rest of this week; shall we meet up next week for a practice before the final? Hermione said she was going to bake a three tier cake for us to decorate didn’t she?’ Joel as
ked.

  ‘Yes, but we’ll need more fittings for the outfits and...’ Kate began.

  ‘I’ll give you a call,’ Joel spoke as he headed down the hallway towards the door.

  ‘Joel, wait,’ Kate called.

  He turned back around and looked at her, waiting for her to speak.

  Kate swallowed a lump in her throat but couldn’t bring herself to say anything.

  ‘Bye,’ Joel said finally and he left, closing the door quietly behind him.

  Twenty Six

  ‘Morning,’ Hermione greeted as she let Kate and Bethan into the house the next day.

  ‘Morning. I can’t stop today; I have a tonne of paperwork to get through and two clients. Bye, bye Bethan, I’ll see you later,’ Kate spoke, kissing her daughter on the cheek and ushering her into Hermione’s home.

  ‘Ah, I see. We have a disagreement on the phone and suddenly you can’t stop,’ Hermione remarked.

  ‘No, of course not, I’m just busy that’s all,’ Kate answered with a blush not admitting to feeling awkward.

  ‘Well I saw you parking up and I’ve made tea and I’ll be cross if you waste it,’ Hermione spoke.

  Kate let out a sigh and walked reluctantly into the house.

  ‘Bethan, why don’t you go and find Cyrus. He’s building a tent in the garden,’ Hermione said, opening up the back door and letting the little girl go through.

  Kate sat down at the kitchen table, her arms crossed defensively.

  ‘I can’t believe you went to Matthew last night? What were you thinking of?’ Hermione blasted, putting a mug of tea in front of Kate.

  ‘I wasn’t thinking of anything. Helen phoned and asked me to go, she was going out of her mind with worry and he was asking for me. I had to go.’

  ‘No you didn’t, you wanted to. You needed to feel needed by him.’

  ‘That is so untrue Mione.’

  ‘Is it?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘I don’t believe you.’

  Kate didn’t respond but took a sip of the scalding hot tea and had to spit it back in.

  ‘That man is a snake. All those things he said to you. All the nasty, vindictive things he did when you split up. The way he left, the new girlfriend, the total neglect of his daughter - do you need me to carry on?’