Half Shelled Heart (Oyster Cove, #2)

by Foor, Jennifer

  I sneak out without grieving her more than she’s already experiencing. We shared an emotional night. I won’t regret it, not for all my living days. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. She forgave me for a time, but now she needs to go back to resenting me. I need her to block out the good and replace it with the heartbreaking condition I’m leaving her in. That way she won’t ask me to come back. I can’t deny her. If she asked, I’ll come running. It scares the shit out of me, but I’m tired of lying to myself. Something will always remain between us. It’s time I made peace with that, and felt thankful for the opportunity to share one night reminiscing with the first woman who ever owned my heart.

  Jamie doesn’t come out of her room when I carry things out to my truck. I’m not sure if she’s still sleeping, or hiding from the gut-wrenching goodbye. When I’m loaded up, I peer in her bedroom window and see a reflection I wish wouldn’t be there. She places the palm of her hand against the glass, while hugging her body with her other arm. I know there are tears in her eyes, and as I look away mine begin to burn.

  It takes everything in me not to run right back into that house and promise her forever.

  The five minute drive to the apartment I share with Leigh is full of animosity. I don’t want to be bitter. I shouldn’t be this angry, but Leigh betrayed me. I’m sitting outside the apartment when I decide to reconsider my decision.

  I pick up my phone and dial my dad’s number. It’s important I get his advice, especially considering this isn’t the kind of choice I can make on a whim. He picks up on the second ring. “What’s up, Brant?”

  “Where are you? I’d like to talk if you’re not busy. I could use some advice.”

  “I’m at the restaurant. Al took the car so you’ll have to come here.”

  “I’ll see you in a few,” I say before pulling away from the residence.

  Once I park my truck, I walk inside and find the place full of patrons having breakfast. The sound of silverware hitting plates and glasses clanking is so familiar it almost feels comforting. My family often spends time together here whether we’re working or just hanging out.

  My dad is sitting at a booth going over some receipts. He’s got a pair of reading glasses on, and I can’t keep myself from making a smart ass comment about them. “Hey, old man. I hardly recognized you.”

  “Watch what you say, boy.”

  I sit across from him and fold my hands together. It’s not like me to have man to man conversations with my father, so he already knows something is up. “Dad, I’m in a tough situation. I could use some advice.”

  “Coming to the wise old man, are you?”

  “Don’t gloat.”

  “What happened?”

  It suddenly occurs to me that I have to come completely clean with him in order to get the best advice, so I don’t hold back. “I stayed at Jamie’s last night.”

  “Don’t you live there now?”

  I stare at him while reiterating. “No. I spent the night in her bed, with her beside me, or on top mostly, if you want to get technical.” My rambling shows him how nervous and uncomfortable I am with this discussion.

  “I see.”

  “And in the middle of it happening, I found out Leigh is pregnant.”

  I can tell from the pure shock on his face that he understands the dilemma. “I don’t know if I can give you advice, Brant. You’re in a tough spot.”

  “Yeah, tell me about it. When I’m with Jamie I feel like it’s where I belong. I can’t explain it. It’s almost like no time has passed. We’re completely different people than we were before, yet the same when it comes to being in sync with each other. Does that even make sense?”

  “I suppose it does. If it’s love anything is possible. We always loved Jamie.”

  I rub my hands over my face. “I know, but now I have a huge problem. Leigh wanted to abort the baby before I found out about it. That’s why I left. I stumbled upon a message to her friend about the appointment so I left her. I just assumed she went through with it. Come to find out, she changed her mind at the last minute, but kept the truth from me in case she decided to end the pregnancy later on.”

  “So while Leigh weighed her options, you went to live at Jamie’s house?”

  “Well yeah, but not to rekindle a romance. At first I suggested it so I could somehow make amends. I want to be her friend again. We left things unresolved, and I figured if I helped her out with bills and did some minor repairs she’d come around.”

  “Clearly she did if you spent the night together.”

  I nod. “That’s just it. The whole time I stayed there we barely saw each other. It was rare to have full conversations. I tried to stay out of her way so I didn’t look desperate, but last night something changed. I don’t know which one of us started it. Before I could even comprehend what was happening we were both too caught up to stop. I mean, we talked throughout the night. We both knew I was going to end up going back to Leigh.”

  “That’s surprising.”

  This is what I need from him. He has to tell me if this is a mistake. “Why do you say that?”

  “Because, it’s obvious where your heart is.”

  I let out an air filled laugh. “You’d think, but I love Leigh too. Plus I know the anger I feel for her is new so I have to take that into consideration. Last night was supposed to be the end of me and Jamie. We promised each other, but deep down I knew it would be impossible.”

  “What do you want, Brant?”

  “I want to be a dad. I want to have a family with Leigh, but I also want to spend every single moment close to Jamie, because imagining letting her go again cuts too deep.”

  “I can’t make the choice for you,” he confesses.

  “I know.” I turn to watch a family having breakfast. The little boy is about four. He’s got a mouth full of food and laughs at something his dad does. The mom seems smitten over both of them. That’s what I want. “I don’t want to hurt either of them. Leigh is so damn fragile. I’m afraid if I walk away now she’ll terminate the pregnancy just to spite me.”

  “That shows what kind of person she is.”

  “Yeah. She’s young. She’ll make a lot more mistakes before she learns it won’t get her anywhere.”

  “Do you want to be with Jamie then?”

  “She has her life together, Dad. She’s everything she wanted to be, but she might not be able to have kids, not that I’d ever let that be the deciding factor for me. At the same time, I worry that my infatuation with Jamie could just be years of regret. Maybe it’s lust. It’s possible we’ll wake up one day and find we have nothing in common. Then I’ll have made a huge mistake giving up something I know can be great with patience and time.”

  “Damn,” he says with a shake of his head. “I thought my life was complicated for a time. You’re really in deep.”

  “I think I care deeply for both of them. It’s crazy. How can I feel this way about two people?”

  “There isn’t a written rule, Brant. It’s not fair to punish yourself. You can’t help how the heart feels. Your mom used to say that.”

  I nod. “Yeah, I remember. It just sucks. Leigh is walking around with an engagement ring on her finger because I promised her a future. She’s carrying my child. Worst of all, I know if Jamie wasn’t involved I’d have a great life with Leigh. When I take her out of the situation my life is already set.”

  “You know this isn’t a decision you should make right away. I can tell you’re struggling, son. Take some time. Consider all of your options. Maybe it is lust. She was your first love. Who knows if what you’re feeling is real. Only time will tell.”

  He’s right. I can’t run back to Leigh and pretend this will work itself out. “It’s tough, Dad.”

  “If I were you, I’d tell Leigh you weren’t coming back just because she’s pregnant. You don’t have to involve Jamie in the conversation. Just say you aren’t ready to jump right back in. Tell her you’re still broken up about the falling out.”


  “I want to do the right thing, Dad. I know I need to be there for my kid. It’s important to me.”

  “Because I wasn’t around much when you were a kid?” He asks.

  I shrug. “I know you were working. It’s not like you and Mom were divorced. You came home every night. I don’t blame you.”

  “I did what was best for our family at the time, but not a day goes by where I wish I would have spent more of my life with your mother and you kids. It’s something I’ll always regret, missing games, not seeing firsts. It’s hard.”

  “You did your best.”

  “That’s why I know you’ll do the same. You’re a good man, Brant. I know you’re confused. Hell, I’m sure you’re hurting inside, but it’s not the end of the world. No matter what happens, you’ll make it work. This isn’t the old days. You don’t have to marry someone because she’s pregnant. Take your time and make the right choice the first time around.”

  “You’re right.” I pat my hand on the table. “I guess I have a big decision to make.”

  “Want some coffee for the road?”

  “No. I’m good. I don’t need to have jitters on top of my nerves. My stomach is in knots.”

  “Son, before you go...” He shoves the calculator to the side. “I often think of what your mother would say if she were here with us. I could be wrong, but I think she’d tell you to follow you heart.”

  I smile. In the midst of my misery I find comfort in knowing he keeps her memory alive. “Thanks, Dad. I appreciate you saying that.”

  “Good luck, son. The couch is available if you need it,” he says as I exit.

  I’m reluctant to go to Jamie first. My conversation with Leigh is going to take awhile. She’s emotionally tied to this decision. Plus I know she’s probably pacing at the door awaiting my return. It’s important I let her down easy, and still leave her with hope. I’m unsure about my feelings for Jamie. If this is real there’s no question who I want to be with, but if it’s just lust, I can’t make a mistake that could cost me my unborn child and being a part of their life.

  When I pull back in front of the apartment my stomach is knotted up. I feel sick, like something terrible is about to happen. We fight a lot, so I’m expecting this to be a blowout. I can’t imagine her being kind about me asking for more time. Leigh isn’t wired to be patient, but I’m going to force her hand. She won’t have a choice. If she wants me, she’ll have to wait until I can wrap my head around the mess I’m making with my life.

  She opens the door before I can walk inside. Her smile instantly dissipates when she sees the worrisome look across my face. “Aren’t you going to bring your things in? Do you need help carrying it?”

  I shake my head. “No. That won’t be necessary.”

  “What? Why? You told me you were coming home today. I can see that your truck is full of shit.”

  “It’s true, I moved out of Jamie’s house.”

  “What then?” She crosses her arms and waits for my response.

  “Leigh, can I come in before you start on me?”

  She moves to the side so I’m able to enter. I toss my keys on the kitchen counter and flop down on the sofa in the next room. I’m rubbing the bridge of my nose when I feel the cushion move, letting me know she’s next to me. “There’s something we need to talk about.”

  When our eyes meet I can see the fear in her grimace. She places her hand up to her face while tears begin to form. “You’re not moving back in are you?”

  I touch her knee, but she retracts. “Leigh, it’s not that simple.”

  “Not that simple?” Now she’s standing over me, her body language pleading as she fights to come up with what to say next.

  “I’ve been thinking all night about this, and after talking to my dad I’ve decided to not rush things with us. I’m still upset about what you were going to do. I feel like my trust was tested, and it’s going to take me a little while to get back what I lost.”

  “You said you’d forgive me.”

  I nod. “I know what I said. I know you thought I was coming home. When the time is right I’ll make my decision.”

  “So you’re going back to Jamie’s, right? You’d rather be with her?” She rolls her eyes. “You must think I’m an idiot.”

  My brow raises. “Come again?”

  “Do you expect me to stand here and be okay with you going back to live under the same roof as your ex? Something else has to be going on, Brant. Spit it out. Why are you changing your plans? Is it her? Is it because of Jamie?”

  I peer down at my palms. Lying isn’t going to help. Leigh lied to me, but I won’t stoop to her level. She needs to hear it from me. “There’s some unresolved feelings where Jamie is concerned, so yes.”

  “I knew it. You’ve been screwing her this whole time haven’t you?” Her voice raises as she lets out a shocking scream. The hair on my arms stands up as I watch her losing it.

  I chase her into the bedroom, wondering how bad this is about to get. “I haven’t been screwing her this whole time, Leigh. You’re being ridiculous.”

  “Ridiculous. Look me in the eyes and tell me you haven’t slept with her.”

  Now that’s going to be a problem. I contemplate lying. At this point she’s way too emotional to handle the truth, but there again this defeats the purpose. I’m struggling here. My heart is being ripped in two different directions. I want to go to Leigh and comfort her, but not because she’s crying. I want to comfort her because I have feelings for someone else. This isn’t her fault. Not really. Sure, her actions led to me leaving, but I chose to be with Jamie. “I’m not going to do that.”

  She sinks down on the bed. “Because it’s true, right?”

  I take the spot beside Leigh, but don’t try to touch her. I already know she’d turn around and strangle the life out of me. I’m only trying to keep the peace if it’s at all possible. “Yeah. It’s true.”

  “When?”

  Of course she’d want details. Why do women ask when they really don’t want to know?

  I turn to face her. Her t-shirt is being stained by the constant tears that continue falling. I reach over and attempt to take her hand, but stop before she notices. “It was one night. Just leave it at that.”

  “Do you love her?”

  I should have written these answers down and handed them to her. Maybe it would be easier than knowing what’s coming next. “Honestly, I don’t know what I feel for Jamie.”

  “But it’s something, right? It’s enough to keep from coming back to me?”

  I sigh and wipe my face. “I’m confused, okay? I know you can’t begin to understand what I’m feeling, but I’m doing my best to make good choices. I don’t want to come back just because you’re pregnant. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us.”

  “So that little bitch gets to ruin our lives now?”

  “Leigh, don’t start calling her names. Jamie hasn’t done anything. If you want someone to blame it’s me.”

  “Yeah right. You expect me to believe that? She probably came back to town for you.”

  This is what I was telling my dad about. Leigh is still young. She sees things her way or not at all. I can’t expect her to understand how hard this is for me, or the fact that I deeply care about two women at the same time. Neither want to share. “Actually, I do, because it’s true. You wanted to know if we’ve been together and I told you. I have no reason to lie.”

  “Did she ask you to stay?”

  “No. She didn’t. As far as Jamie knows I won’t be coming back.”

  This gets her attention, because it makes her feel like there’s hope. “Really?”

  I nod. “I told her I was coming back to you so we could be a family. She understood.”

  Leigh is back to pacing around the room. She’s mumbling so I can’t hear what she’s saying. It’s probably about Jamie, so I’m almost glad I don’t know.

  “Do you still love me, Brant? Don’t you want to be a family? You did last night. You were excite
d.”

  “I was. I am,” I correct myself. “I never asked for this to happen, but I’m not sad that it has.”

  “Because you got to screw someone else.”

  “Will you shut up about it? I left you. I wasn’t planning on coming back, Leigh. You deceived me. I didn’t run to Jamie in order to start something new. While I stayed there I barely saw her.”

  “But you had sex?”

  “Yesterday. We had sex yesterday. Is this what you want to hear?” I’m raising my voice now, because we can’t make progress until we figure this out. “Do you want to hurt more?”

  “I want the truth, because right now I don’t even know if I want you back.”

  I stand. It’s almost music to my ears until she keeps at it.

  “I should have aborted the baby. Then you’d have no reason to pity me. I can’t even look at you without seeing you in bed with her.”

  “Well I can’t look at you without seeing my baby being sucked out of you with a vacuum cleaner, so I guess we’re even.” I’m already headed for the door. “I’m out of here. This is pointless. We both fucked up. We can either take some time and work it out for the sake of our kid, or call this what it is.”

  “What?”

  “Over.”

  My hand is on the doorknob when she says something that makes my blood boil, and heart crumble into pieces. “If you leave, you can kiss this goodbye. I’m not keeping the baby without you. You choose, Brant. Say it. Say we’re over again. Go on and leave and see what happens.”

  I turn to face her, my nose contorted with disgust. “Are you serious right now? You’re going to hold that over my head and force my hand?”

  “If it keeps you with me and away from her, then yes, that’s exactly what I’m doing.”

  While Leigh fights to keep me, I’m falling out of love with her a little more by the second. I should have been prepared for this outcome. She’s manipulative. If she can’t have me, neither will Jamie. She’ll make sure I’m too broken to fix. She’ll take what she has left of me and dangle her nasty threats in front of my face until I crack.