Patchwork Dreams

by Laura Hilton

  Kent had encouraged her to drink some sort of liquid that had burned her throat all the way down and settled like molten lead in her stomach. He’d said it would loosen her up. Maybe it had, but all she knew for sure was that the one time she’d tried it, she’d run the buggy into a ditch on the way home and broken it, and the next day, she’d awakened with an awful headache and felt terribly sick.

  Daed hadn’t been happy, though he hadn’t said much about it. The disappointment she’d read in his eyes had just about torn her heart out.

  She’d never touched the stuff after that. The aftereffects were too horrible. And she couldn’t remember what she did when she drank. It wasn’t worth it.

  She eased out of her corner, locating Emma asleep in her grossmammi’s arms, and wandered into the kitchen, where she poured herself a cup of coffee. Then, she pulled her shawl more closely around her and stepped out the back door onto the wraparound porch. She loved the way Onkel David had built it. She used to beg Daed to copy it and make their porch a wraparound. He’d said that the big front porch was enough. At least he’d hung a porch swing, her favorite place to read.

  Grasping the coffee in one hand, she started walking toward the front of the house, but male voices stopped her.

  “Just stay away from Daniel’s Becky,” she heard her cousin Ben say.

  When Jacob asked why, Ben repeated those awful words that Kent had said.

  Tears flooded her eyes, and her throat burned.

  She could only imagine what Jacob thought.

  She gripped her coffee cup handle so tightly that her knuckles turned white. With the other hand, she dug her fingernails into her palm.

  At the first singing she’d gone to after finding out she was pregnant, and after Kent had dumped her and started spreading those awful rumors, one of the Brunstetter buwe had tried to talk her up into the hayloft. She swallowed hard, remembering the scary look in his eyes, the whispers and pointing fingers and stares of the others there.

  She’d refused to go. Instead, she’d slunk off into the darkness and gone home.

  She’d never been back.

  Becky turned to go back inside, hoping no one had heard the creak of the loose floorboard she’d forgotten to avoid. She wouldn’t go to another singing. Ever. Not even Jacob’s brilliant blue eyes and smooth talk would sway her. But he’d probably never ask her again after hearing those lies from her cousin.

  She grabbed the doorknob and twisted it, blinking back the tears. If only she could take Emma and go home to the solitude of her room.

  Something brushed her arm. She bit back a scream and jerked her shoulder, the coffee in her mug sloshing out, spilling lukewarm liquid over her hand.

  “Bex.” Jacob spoke in her ear. He removed the cup from her shaking fingers and set it on the rail. “Kum, walk with me.”

  Chapter 10

  When Becky looked at him, the tears in her eyes almost undid him. Jacob never had been able to handle women’s tears. At least she seemed to have them under control. They sparkled on the ends of her eyelashes but didn’t run down her cheeks.

  He leaned toward her and swallowed when he caught a whiff of her scent. “Please.”

  Her eyes narrowed, and she studied him, as if unsure of his motives.

  “We’ll stay in plain sight.” She might open up once they were alone, but he knew suggesting such a thing would frighten her.

  “Nein. They’ll think we’re courting.”

  Jacob tilted his head. “I don’t care what they think. I have a girl. And your family should care enough for you to not jump to the wrong conclusions.”

  From what Ben had said, though, that wasn’t the case. Jacob wanted to throttle Ben, especially after he’d heard the creaking of the boards behind them, then seen Becky moving away. But, even more, he wanted to know the truth about what was going on.

  “Nein,” she repeated, and this time, she shook her head to punctuate it. “I need to be alone. Just…go.”

  Jacob frowned and tilted his head. “Bex. Walk with me a little ways.”

  She hesitated.

  “Kum.” He reached his hand toward her.

  She drew back, but after a moment, she nodded and headed toward the steps. Jacob moved to her side in silence.

  She walked in the direction of the barn but bypassed it for the fields beyond. Jacob stayed beside her, a body width separating them as they matched step for step. With everything in him, he wanted to ask questions, to clarify things in his mind. But Daed had once told him that silence forces people to talk to fill the dead air. He waited patiently to put that theory to the test.

  Becky’s breath was ragged, like she’d been crying or was angry or something. Jacob looked out over the fields, to the trees in the distance, and to the neighboring farms around them and waited for her emotions to calm down.

  But after fifteen minutes, she still didn’t seem inclined to speak. Perhaps she had more patience than he did. Waiting had never been his strong point.

  Jacob drew a deep breath and stepped a bit closer, not so much to crowd her space as to make speaking softly easier. He ventured a glance at her. Tears ran unchecked down her face, dripping off her chin.

  Jacob exhaled and looked away, glancing back toward the house. He couldn’t see it, not with the barn separating them. He reached his arm out to wrap his fingers around Becky’s, tugging her to a stop. If only he could comfort her with a hug. He spoke with all the sympathy he could muster. “Bex—”

  “It’s not true.”

  He kept still, waiting.

  She stomped her foot, a futile effort in the muddy ground, if she wanted the sound effect. “It’s not true! Not a bit of it!”

  That pretty much said it all. Especially when he considered her volume.

  He opened his mouth to apologize but then closed it again when he couldn’t think of what he had to be sorry for. Maybe for not understanding the situation completely. Jah, he definitely stood in the dark.

  She jerked her hand from his and wiped her brow, which glistened with beads of moisture. “And you shouldn’t listen to gossip.” She spat out the words, then whirled and headed across the field. Going away from him, away from her onkel’s house.

  Leaving him feeling like he’d run headlong into the side of the barn. Again.

  She’d said she wanted to be alone. He should have listened.

  He whipped off his hat and ran his hand roughly through his hair. “Women,” he muttered.

  ***

  Becky needed to get away. Her heart hurt, her eyes ached, and she had a sore throat. All from crying so much. Something she still couldn’t get under control.

  At least Jacob hadn’t followed her home.

  Why couldn’t he leave her alone?

  Emotions whirled about in her head. Jacob shouldn’t have listened to gossip—but then, how could he help it? Sometimes, it seemed she was a popular topic. Her choices, decisions, sins, all held up to the young people as an example of what not to do. The young men were warned to stay away from her. It just wasn’t right. And now, Jacob would be getting a warped opinion of her. He’d already been told to keep his distance.

  Yet he seemed to care about her in a way that no one else ever had.

  Becky hated the feelings of vulnerability that filled her. Why did she have to be the one who ran scared?

  Her hands trembled as she hitched up her buggy horse. Still, she had to go someplace to calm down. Someplace far away from Jacob and the flood of emotions he’d released. She couldn’t take it anymore. If he was going to invade her territory, she needed to get away.

  If only she could think of someplace to go.

  And she certainly wouldn’t run away without Emma.

  But right now, Emma was safely with her grossmammi, which was good, because Becky could hear chocolate calling her—a big, yummy Hershey’s candy bar, and maybe a cappuccino from McDonald’s. Both were rare treats and served as her method of dealing with extreme stress.

  Daed and Mamm knew her
well enough to guess where she’d go. They wouldn’t worry.

  Not so long as she was home by the time Emma got hungry. She should have about two hours.

  She hoped the escape would calm her down—build up her defenses—before she returned home and had to face Jacob over dinner and devotions.

  And if she wasn’t calm by then, well, she would think of something else. Like maybe coming down with a migraine.

  She climbed into the buggy, hands still shaking, and made a clicking sound. When the horse started moving, she turned the buggy out of the gravel drive. After a car passed, she headed down the road toward town.

  ***

  Jacob didn’t see any sign of Becky when the family returned home that afternoon. He figured she was hiding out upstairs in her room, away from everyone. It hurt to think that he might have been the cause of her distress. He only wanted to help.

  She didn’t seem to appreciate his efforts.

  Jacob tried to read The Budget as he sat in the living room with Daniel and Leah, but Daniel must have caught on to his restlessness, or maybe his frequent glances toward the stairs, because he cleared his throat. “Her buggy horse is gone.”

  Leah let out a noncommittal hum when Daniel spoke, not even looking up from her book. Jacob didn’t know how many horses they kept. He glanced at Daniel over the top edge of the paper.

  “Probably went to McDonald’s.” Daniel caught his eye and winked.

  Jacob scratched his ear. Was Daniel telling him to go after Becky?

  She’d told him she wanted to be alone. McDonald’s seemed a funny place to seek solitude.

  And why would she want to go there, anyway? Unless she planned to meet someone. Maybe she had a date, though that would be odd in the middle of the afternoon. Dating was usually done under the cover of darkness. In Pennsylvania, at least. Missouri might have different rules.

  Jacob shrugged and returned to The Budget. He started a new article and read two paragraphs.

  “A cappuccino sounds mighty fine, jah?” Daniel spoke again.

  A cappuccino? Jacob wrinkled his brow. He didn’t think he’d ever had one and wasn’t even sure what it would be. But since Leah ignored that comment, too, he figured it had to have been directed at him.

  For some reason, Daniel wanted him to follow Becky to McDonald’s.

  Jacob set his jaw and stood. He didn’t look forward to another run-in with that hard wall. How much would it take before the blockade around her began to crumble?

  Jacob refolded the newspaper and placed it back on the end table. As he did, he caught Daniel’s self-satisfied smirk.

  His distant cousin played matchmaker, for sure and for certain. Probably was in on Daed’s decision to separate him and Susie for good. Or maybe he thought Jacob liked Becky some.

  He did. More than some.

  Or maybe he just liked the challenge.

  Chapter 11

  Becky sat in a corner booth with her steaming cappuccino in front of her, waiting for it to cool enough to drink. She’d already inhaled one Hershey’s candy bar that she’d bought at a convenience store she’d passed, but a second one waited beside the coffee cup, just in case she needed it.

  At least she’d finally stopped crying.

  Actually, she’d quit before she’d reached town. She hadn’t wanted to be seen with red eyes and a runny nose, although with flu season in full swing, perhaps people would assume she was sick and keep their distance. Might be a good idea after all.

  She took a tentative sip of her coffee, watching the cars on the highway zoom along. What would it be like to have the freedom to go anywhere? Maybe even to Springfield? She’d been there once, when her older sister, Naomi Joy, had gone into labor prematurely and had to be rushed to the hospital. Little Regina had been kept at the hospital for months, and Naomi Joy had practically lived there with her.

  Becky had considered asking Naomi Joy to raise Emma, too, but Daed had put his foot down and said Emma would be Becky’s responsibility.

  She was glad he had.

  A shadow passed over her, and someone paused beside her booth. She silently willed the person to move on. Maybe if she ignored him, he would.

  “Mind if I join you?”

  He wouldn’t be moving on. Becky closed her eyes. “Jacob.” Couldn’t he just leave her alone? Fear that he’d followed her to see if she really was “loose” warred with hope that he might really be interested in her as a person.

  Of course, he might have come to dispense with some unwanted and unwelcome advice.

  He slid into the booth across from her, his knees brushing against hers. “Daniel said you’d be here.”

  “Jah. I needed….” To get away from you. “I needed some quiet time.” She opened her eyes and dared a glance at him. If he looked even the tiniest bit cocky, she’d get up and walk out.

  He gave a lopsided smile. “And I had to go interrupt it.”

  Thankfully, he didn’t make any comment about her claiming to need quiet and then going to a bustling fast-food restaurant.

  He reached out and picked up her candy bar. “Plain milk chocolate? Have you ever tried it with almonds?” He set it down again, his gaze resting on her.

  “So, did you pursue your Susie this relentlessly?”

  Jacob’s eyes widened. For the longest time, he didn’t answer. Instead, his gaze moved past her to the window. His lips thinned as he stared outside. Finally, he looked back at her. “Nein. She chased me.”

  Becky rolled her eyes. Of course, she did. And when the single girls in this community caught wind of Jacob, they’d be chasing him, too.

  “Did you want a coffee?” She gestured to the tall Styrofoam cup in front of her.

  He eyed the cup with a wary look. “Is that the, uh, cappuccino Daniel mentioned?”

  “Jah. It’s an espresso—really strong coffee—with flavoring and sugar, I think.”

  He wrinkled his nose. “Maybe not so much.”

  Becky laughed. “They have normal coffee here, too.”

  Jacob’s eyes jerked back to hers, and a slow grin spread over his face. “Bex, I’d drink a thousand of your cappuccinos just to hear you laugh again.”

  Her face heated. She lowered her eyes, flattered and intrigued. Ach, he was a bold one.

  ***

  Encouragement. He’d managed to find a small crack in her barricade. And she had a beautiful laugh. Jacob slid his hand over the table until his fingertips touched hers. “I’ll be right back. I’m going to order myself a cappuccino. I’m willing to give it a try.”

  “I probably should be going.” Becky glanced up. “Emma….”

  “Emma is fine. Leah’s taking gut care of her.” Funny how he didn’t want their time together to end.

  “But….” She started to stand.

  “Please.” Jacob stood and placed a hand on her shoulder, gently urging her back into her seat. “Wait.” After another long glance at her bowed head, he turned and strode up to the counter and stood in line.

  “Well, look who’s here. You miss me, babe?”

  Jacob had just reached the front of the line when he heard the loud voice somewhere behind him. He glanced back and hesitated when he saw a couple of Englisch guys stop beside Becky.

  Her face paled as she stared up at the two men. He saw her lips move, and although he couldn’t hear her, he knew what she said: “Nein.” She closed her hands around her drink and made a slight move. One of the guys, the dark-haired one, sat down on the edge of her booth, forcing her back in. The redheaded one sat on the other side. Jacob’s side.

  “May I take your order, sir?”

  Jacob frowned at the clerk and shook his head, then stepped out of line and walked back to the booth in front of Becky’s. He hesitated there, not sure whether he should interrupt now or wait to see if she needed help. Glancing out the window, he noticed the lone buggy tied to the red hitching pole.

  Out of the corner of his eye, he watched the man as he slipped his arm around Becky and pulled her
closer to him. “Wanna go out and have some fun, babe? There’s a party tonight. I can find a date for Luke, and we can—”

  “Nein. Kent, please. Go.” Becky’s voice wobbled.

  Kent. Emma’s daed. Jacob gave up pretending to look outside and openly studied the man beside Becky. What had she ever seen in this man?

  He took a deep breath and reminded himself that the Amish were pacifists. Then, he strode over to the table. “She’s with me.”

  The man Becky had called Kent looked up. Jacob’s fingers itched to form a fist and rearrange his face.

  Lord, forgive me. Help this to end quietly.

  “Found yourself a new plaything, babe?” Kent rose to his feet. “And who might you be?”

  “I might be Jacob Miller.” Plaything? How dare he treat Becky like this!

  “Chakob? What kind of name is Chakob?” The Englischer laughed as he pronounced the name the Amish way. He stepped forward, getting in Jacob’s face.

  The redheaded guy, Luke, stood up, looking uncomfortable. “Let’s go, Kent.”

  With one strong hand, Kent shoved Jacob away, then continued past him. “Yeah. She’s not worth it.”

  She was so worth it, but still…. Jacob let them go.

  Thank You, Lord.

  Becky’s hand gripped her fancy coffee so tightly that Jacob feared she’d crush the cup. He hesitated at the end of the booth, looking down at her, then glanced out at the parking lot to see the two men climb into a red car.

  “You about ready to go, Bex?”

  The two men slammed the doors shut, and the engine roared to life.

  “Jah.” Her voice shook.

  The car backed out and drove off.

  “Let me throw my bicycle in the back of the buggy, and I’ll take you home.”

  Jacob watched them pull out onto the highway.

  “I can take care of myself.”

  “What?” His attention leaped back to Becky. Her eyes were the same icy color as they’d been the day he’d arrived.