Patchwork Dreams

by Laura Hilton

  Jacob hoped Becky wouldn’t be upset that Daniel had set this up. Her daed had even offered him money to take her out. Unbelievable. He’d refused it, of course. He could do this little thing for her.

  He gladly would have roped the moon for her.

  And if it meant eliminating Amos Kropf from the picture, well then, all the better.

  Since he’d always picked Susie up down the road, Jacob didn’t know whether to go inside and wait for Becky or to stay outside and let her come to him.

  He set the buggy’s brakes and sat there a minute, then decided he’d go in.

  He wiped his sweaty palms on his pants and climbed out of the buggy. As he approached the front door, he remembered the day he’d arrived, when he’d stared up at the beautiful girl who’d come to the door. She hadn’t seemed too happy to see him, but he’d been intrigued, in spite of his fears.

  That fascination had only grown.

  As he reached the door, it swung open, and Becky appeared, strands of her blonde hair coming loose from her kapp. She didn’t look mad. Just relieved. Maybe embarrassed. And scared.

  “Bex, you okay with this?” He studied her, hoping she’d say jah.

  She shook her head, then frowned and nodded. After a quick glance behind her, she whispered, “I’m confused.”

  Jah, he could relate. Still, he grinned and tilted his head toward the buggy. “Kum. I’ll explain it to you over dinner.”

  She took a couple of steps, then hesitated. “I don’t want to kum between you and your Susie.”

  Jacob blinked, then looked down. He’d jumped at the chance to go out with Becky, not giving Susie a moment’s thought. The letter she’d sent hadn’t even factored in. It still waited, unopened, on his bed. Half a world away. Maybe more.

  Becky looked around and then shut the door behind her. “I do want to get away from Amos Kropf.”

  “Kum schnell.”

  She nodded, and together they hurried to the buggy.

  Becky climbed in without assistance, then turned to look at him. “Where are you taking me?”

  That was the big question in Jacob’s mind, too. Where was this taking him?

  Chapter 17

  Becky tried to control her trembling as she perched next to Jacob in the buggy. She hoped that he wouldn’t take advantage of her by spiriting her away to an isolated spot. She wouldn’t have the strength to fight him off. But somehow, being alone with Jacob seemed less scary than facing Amos Kropf and his seven kinner across the dinner table.

  Jacob had done nothing wrong except flirt shamelessly with her.

  Of course, that was how Kent had begun, too.

  She swallowed and turned to look at the man sitting next to her. As she watched, his expression changed from thoughtful to mischievous.

  “Where am I taking you? Ach, I thought maybe McDonald’s. We could share another of your fancy coffees, ain’t so?” He shot a grin in her direction.

  “A cappuccino does sound gut, jah.” McDonald’s would be busy, so they wouldn’t truly be alone. And it wasn’t likely that Kent would interrupt them again.

  Jacob leaned over close enough that his shoulder bumped hers. “I’m teasing. You tell me where you want to go and how to get there, and I’ll take you. Daniel said there are a few places to eat in town.” Jacob turned the horse out into the road.

  “McDonald’s will be gut.”

  Jacob pulled closer to the edge of the road as a car sped past them. “Nein. We’ll stop later for your fancy coffee if you’d like, but this is a…a date.”

  “A date? Because Daed told you to take me out? Probably paid you to? I’m grateful he gave me an out from dinner at home with Amos Kropf, but there’s no reason to pretend this is a real date.” Becky heard her voice quiver. Tears burned her eyes. Ach, why couldn’t she turn off the waterworks?

  Jacob’s gaze turned thoughtful again. His brows drew together, and his forehead wrinkled. “Ach, Bex. Nein. Your daed didn’t pay me. And, if you remember, I offered to take you out when we talked earlier today.”

  “How did Daed know that?”

  A muscle flexed in Jacob’s jaw. He shook his head. “I don’t know. I didn’t go talking about the intricacies of our relationship to him.” His fingers slid over her hand, leaving tingles in their wake. “I’m going to be asking Susie for a break.”

  For a moment, Becky’s heart stopped. She stared at Jacob, eyes wide, hope building, cresting, then breaking, like the ocean waves she’d seen in pictures. “A break?”

  “Jah. I need to think about some things before I commit.” He glanced at her. “Let’s not talk about that. Are you hungry now, or would you like to drive around some first?”

  She hated the distrust that instantly flared, and she slid as far away from him as she could. “Where do you have in mind?” Looking around, she noticed a house not too far off. She could jump; they weren’t going fast. She wouldn’t be alone with him in some secretive place. Never again with a man until she said her wedding vows.

  Jacob shrugged. “I’m new here, Bex. Show me around the district. Where did you go to school?”

  “School?” Why did he want to see her old school? It wasn’t like he’d be attending.

  “Jah. Take me on the getting-to-know Bex tour. Where does your best friend live? Did you ever work outside the home? What is your favorite restaurant, or do I know that already?” He bumped her shoulder again. “Tell me about you.”

  Jacob was interested in her past? Warmth flooded her. “Turn here. The schoolhouse is down this road.” She slid a bit nearer to him, close enough that his arm pressed against hers.

  Or maybe he was taking flirting to a whole new level. She eased away.

  ***

  There was a smile hidden inside her somewhere. Had to be. Jacob glanced at Becky, wishing she’d slide closer to him again. He considered wrapping his arm around her and pulling her nearer, but, considering how skittish she seemed, he decided he’d better not.

  Probably best not to make any moves until he dispelled the confusion in his own mind.

  Though he probably wouldn’t be able to do anything about the temptation to tease her. He didn’t want to be so attracted to Becky, but he couldn’t help it. There was something about her that called to him. He couldn’t keep from flirting.

  He had to prepare her for someone else.

  He felt a twinge in his heart. And he frowned.

  Just not Amos.

  Jacob studied the set of the horse’s ears. To be totally honest, he wanted Becky. For himself.

  And if he married her….

  Jah, that would be his ultimate goal. To win Becky’s heart.

  “There’s the schoolhouse.” Becky pointed to a nondescript white building. ‘We usually walked across the fields to go to school, because it’s faster that way. My best friend, Annie, is the teacher. I wanted to be, but….”

  Sadness crossed her face.

  She didn’t need to explain. Her silence said it all.

  “Your Emma is a joy.” He said the first thing that came into his mind, hoping it would chase her unhappiness away.

  Her eyes brightened. “Jah. She is.”

  Jacob pulled the buggy up to the schoolhouse. “Can we see inside? Where did you sit?” He hopped out and went around to her side, then reached up to help her. “Kum, show me around.”

  She pulled back. “The building is probably locked.”

  “We could peek in the windows, ain’t so?” His fingers grazed her waist. “Kum.”

  Becky narrowed her eyes and scooted out of his reach. She stared at the school. Jacob glanced back at it, too. Plain and white, with windows in the front and around to the side, low bushes beside the front steps, and a volleyball net peeking out from around the corner of the building.

  He looked back at Becky. That was definitely fear in her eyes. He didn’t see anything to be scared of.

  “It probably looks just like your old school.” Her voice trembled.

  Jacob wouldn’t beg. He s
wallowed his disappointment. Why did she keep rejecting him? Walking around a schoolhouse seemed so safe, so innocent. He wished he could understand her.

  He opened his mouth to question her, but then comprehension flickered. After Kent, she had good reason to be wary of a man’s physical attentions.

  After a long look at Becky, he went back around to his side of the buggy and climbed in. He made a clicking sound to the horse, disengaged the brake, drove back to the road, and turned the buggy back the way they’d come.

  Time to go to town, have dinner, and hope that Becky would relax a little.

  ***

  She’d forgotten how isolated the schoolhouse was and didn’t know how to explain her fear to Jacob. How exactly would she tell him that the idea of being alone with any man scared her?

  Jacob hadn’t spoken one word since they’d left the school, but he’d pointed the horse toward town, so apparently their date wasn’t over. Did he still want to learn about her? She didn’t know. Taking a chance, she nodded toward a house on the right side of the road. “That’s where my friend Annie lives.”

  Jacob glanced in the direction she indicated. “Tell me about Annie. How did you become friends?”

  His voice was quiet, kind, and calm. It sounded like the voice Daed used when he spoke to a frightened horse. But at least the topic was safe. And a moving buggy didn’t involve empty buildings, low bushes, and dark, private places. Becky relaxed. “Annie and I were playmates ever since we were wee boppli….”

  Hours later, after dinner and a long conversation at her favorite restaurant, which was followed by cappuccinos at McDonald’s, Jacob drove the buggy up to Becky’s house, now dark. She couldn’t remember when she’d talked so much or had so much fun on a date. Never before had a man shown so much interest in who she was. But then, this wasn’t a real date. She climbed out of the buggy. “Danki for taking me out tonight, Jacob. I’ll always be grateful.” She turned and headed toward the house.

  “I enjoyed it, Bex. We’ll have to do it again sometime.” His voice came from right behind her, stirring the hair on the back of her neck.

  She spun around, surprised that he’d followed her, and stumbled slightly. His hand grasped her elbow, steadying her. “Easy there.”

  She backed away, mistrust growing again. “I’m not inviting you in.”

  She could barely see his nod in the darkness. “I didn’t expect you would.”

  “What do you want from me, Jacob?” She rammed her back into the railing on the side of the porch steps.

  Jacob’s gaze held hers. “Friendship. Trust. That’ll do, for starters.” He smiled. “Gut nacht, Bex. I’m going to take care of the horse and buggy. I’ll see you in the morning.” He reached out and pushed a cluster of loose hair under her kapp, his fingers lingering on her cheek. “Sleep tight.” Then, he turned and walked back toward the buggy.

  Chapter 18

  Jacob wanted to sing as he took care of the horse and secured the buggy in the shed, but, respecting the lateness of the hour, he settled for a low hum. His date with Becky had gone well, all things considered. Her skittishness at the beginning had settled into something he would have called companionable comfort. He’d enjoyed getting to know about her favorite foods, preferred pastimes, and other simple things that made her who she was. He hoped she’d liked learning more about him, too.

  But they hadn’t touched on her recent past or her hopes and dreams for the future. Both seemed to be taboo subjects at this point. And he still hadn’t earned a genuine smile from her.

  Jacob snuck into the dawdi-haus, hoping not to disturb its elderly occupants. He avoided the squeaky step as he went upstairs to prepare for bed.

  After turning on the gas light in his room, he knelt to say his prayers, a childhood habit he clung to, then stood up and crawled under the covers in the chilly room. The letter he’d tossed on the bed so many hours before stopped him in surprise. It almost felt like seeing a blinking neon light in Amish country. Susie would be furious if she ever discovered her message had received so little care.

  He fingered the envelope, studying it, trying to see it through Becky’s eyes. His calluses caught on the edge of the flap. He turned it over, carefully slid his finger along the flap to disengage it, and pulled out a single page, folded into thirds.

  Drawing in a deep breath, he smoothed out the paper. Unlined green stationery with a faint background image of two girls collecting flowers in a meadow—definitely a feminine print. He’d expect nothing less from Susie. Totally unlike the plain, white lined paper his mamm used.

  He closed his eyes, visualizing the gold chain she wore around her neck to let him know that she could leave the house without her daed noticing it. At the bottom hung an ornate heart-shaped locket, in which she’d put a picture of herself on one side and one of Jacob on the other. Jewelry and graven images were both forbidden in their Ordnung, but that never stopped Susie. She’d secretly purchased one of those cell phones that took pictures and used it often. He had a cell phone, too, but he’d never snapped a picture of anything, except his foot once, by accident.

  He smiled as he remembered the day that photo had been taken. It had been the last day of summer, and Susie had worn a pair of tight blue jeans with a revealing shirt that had nothing but tiny little straps going over her shoulders. He’d been in jeans and an unbuttoned shirt. Of course, those now hung in his closet at home. He hadn’t packed his Englisch clothes when he’d come to Missouri. After all, he planned to join the Amish church. Susie wasn’t so sure she wanted to remain Amish, another reason his daed was opposed to her. Maybe he could see Susie trying to lure him away.

  That last day he’d seen Susie before leaving Pennsylvania, she’d worn her tight jeans and a fuzzy sweater, and she’d brought along her boom box. It had looked so odd set up on the barn floor. She’d danced while he’d sat on a hay bale with most of their friends, drinking pop and talking.

  He missed his friends the most. More than the Englisch clothes, the freedom to drive cars, the music…everything. They used to get together every Friday and Saturday night. Sometimes, after their chores were finished, they’d go fishing. Maybe he’d make some friends around here, but so far, he’d met only Becky’s cousin Ben and his friends, and he hadn’t connected with any of them. But maybe some of his friends from home would be part of the arranged swap Daniel had mentioned. Josh Esh would volunteer, for sure. After all, he’d wanted to come with Jacob in February. And maybe Matthew Yoder would come. For some time, Matthew had been chafing at the lack of farmland in Lancaster County. Jacob relaxed on his bed, his thoughts still on his friends at home, but the crinkling of the letter drew his attention again. He opened his eyes, rolled onto his side, and began to read.

  Dear Jacob,

  I can’t believe you are gone to Missouri. I hope you’ve had a gut trip. Your mamm gave me your address since I hadn’t heard from you yet. I tried to call your phone, but I keep getting your voice mail. Are you avoiding my calls?

  Ach. He’d never even thought to check his phone since he’d arrived. But no matter. He didn’t know of any place to charge it here. He’d try to remember to check his messages tomorrow. And he’d need to ask Daniel about someplace to plug the phone in. Although, why bother? Might be better to make a clean break from Susie.

  Timothy Shultz asked to take me for a ride the other night. I agreed, since you aren’t here to take me. We had fun, and I thought maybe I should consider asking you for a break.

  Relief flooded him. God had this Susie issue under control.

  We could see other people until you get back. That way, I won’t be stuck at home without a date. Though you’re still my sweetheart.

  Write soon!

  Ich liebe dich,

  Susie

  Jacob folded the letter and dropped it on the floor beside the bed. Seemed he wasn’t the only one considering a break, even if Susie’s reasons were entirely different. Well, maybe not so different. Perhaps she needed to think, too. Timothy Shu
ltz had always been sweet on Susie, making eyes at her long before she’d set her attentions on Jacob. Timothy hadn’t waited long to make his move.

  Strange thing was, Jacob didn’t mind one bit. Not since he’d decided to ask her for a break, anyway. And Timothy was nice. He’d make a good husband for Susie. And maybe he’d be a strong enough lure to keep her from jumping the fence.

  Jacob hadn’t been strong enough for that. Susie had figured she could take him with her.

  He felt a weight slide off his back knowing he no longer had a girl back home in Pennsylvania to worry over. Although, maybe the break was unofficial until he wrote back and agreed to it. He wasn’t sure.

  Maybe soon he’d have a girl in Missouri, Lord willing.

  Though he’d assume nothing. After all, he’d thought they’d made progress before, only to have Becky turn into an ice princess overnight.

  Jacob sat up to extinguish the gas lamp, then collapsed back onto his pillow, thinking again of Becky.

  His stomach clenched as he tried to imagine her wearing revealing Englisch clothes like Susie’s. He couldn’t see it. Becky didn’t seem the type. And he liked that about her.

  ***

  Becky helped Mamm get breakfast on the table, setting the jams and jellies next to the basket of sliced bread. Jacob, Daed, and Grossdaedi came in to wash up. Jacob pressed something into her hand as he passed behind her. A folded piece of paper. She slid it into her pocket, but as she did, she remembered the letter from his mamm still sitting on the hutch. She picked it up and put it near his place at the table, hoping he wouldn’t say anything about her tardiness in delivering it to him.