“And Stone is too. You know being in the city has to be killing her,” Nyx rasped, and I knew why. Stone had always been a part of their friendship.
While I’d always been a bit of an outsider, thanks to arriving at the clubhouse later than the others, most of the council had grown up together, had been raised as a family almost.
They knew each other’s shit, and while I was a part of the fam now, it wasn’t the same as having been reared together.
I wasn’t jealous, but I knew how they felt about Stone. She’d been one of them until Steel had changed, and suddenly, she wasn’t anymore.
Stone had remained like a sister to most of the guys, with Steel pushing her further and further away, until shit had almost turned to tragedy.
I could still remember the shock in the clubhouse the day Stone had almost died.
She’d taken some drugs from a local Colombian gang that had been lacing their shit with weedkiller. She’d nearly died that day, and still, Steel had stayed the fuck away from her. Two more ‘chemical’ attempts at seeking his attention had gone wrong too, and all she’d gained in the end? Losing her college scholarship and derailing her future.
She’d almost lost everything, would have done if Rex and the MC hadn’t stepped up to the plate when Steel had failed her.
Truth was, I had no idea why she was still pining for him. All the random shit he’d done to her, all the hurt he’d caused, none of it would have made me stick around the guy, that was for fucking sure. But hell, wasn’t that love?
Just because I didn’t get it, didn’t mean I didn’t get what love meant. I knew Tiffany could run me ragged and the love wouldn’t die. We’d be having fucking words, but my feelings wouldn’t be torn from me.
Sometimes, a love like this just endured, and I actually pitied the pair of them, Stone and Steel, because whatever the hell it was that was keeping them apart, it sucked.
Hard.
Rex looked tortured though, and I repeated, “Maybe we can’t fix shit, but maybe we can ease his concern about what it is he’s going through.”
He grimaced. “Me telling you guys is only going to make shit worse.”
“What’s it about?” Nyx questioned softly, evidently sensing, as the rest of us were, that Rex was softening up some.
“His father.”
My mouth dropped open at that. Whatever I’d thought he’d say, I’d never expected that. “His dad? I thought no one knew. Wasn’t his mom one of the clubwhores back in the day?”
Rex nodded. “She was. And that’s the issue.” He rubbed a hand over his chin.
“The issue is that she was snatch or that his dad was someone—” I blinked. “Someone, what? I mean, Grizzly wasn’t exactly a great daddy.”
Rex gnawed on the inside of his cheek. “We need to get going.”
“No.” Nyx shoved a hand on his shoulder and kept him down. Anger flared in the Prez’s eyes, but Nyx didn’t care.
Fuck, we all knew what Nyx and Rex were capable of. Every brother here was aware things between them would end up with them both in a coma if we didn’t stop them, but we also knew that Nyx’s temper far outweighed Rex’s.
“Steel would only be this messed up over one thing,” Nyx rasped. “You don’t have to say a fucking word, Rex, but just nod if what I say is right.” Rex’s nostrils flared, but Nyx, who’d turned a curious shade of white, muttered, “He’s Kevin’s kid, isn’t he?”
Rex’s mouth turned white, but he nodded.
And hell, that had us all blowing out a breath. All of us stared down at the scratches on the table, because suddenly, we got it.
Kevin was the cunt who’d been raping Nyx’s sister since she was almost a toddler.
He was the fucker who’d threatened Nyx with the same fate if he ever said shit to anyone.
And he was the same bastard who was Nyx’s first kill. I wasn’t sure if he haunted my brother’s dreams, but I knew Kevin had ruined his life. Nyx was on an eternal mission to stamp out any pedophilic bastard who roamed around freely.
He made them pay for Kevin’s sins. Made them burn for the torment they caused their victims. Until one man blurred into Kevin, and Nyx was killing the same man over and over again for the crimes he’d committed.
“Just because he’s his son, doesn’t mean he’s tainted.”
Unsurprisingly, Link was the first one to speak up, and though Nyx stunned me by nodding, Rex muttered, “Doesn’t help that Stone’s ma told him that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”
Link hissed, “Always hated that bitch.”
And that was saying something.
Link was the most easygoing bastard I’d ever met.
“If anyone deserved to get cancer,” Nyx agreed, “it was that old cunt.”
“Fucking clubwhores,” Rex rasped. “Make shitty mothers.”
I nodded, but I couldn’t argue or agree. My mother, apparently, was a daughter of a high-ranking Five Pointer. Fuck, talk about night and day. High-ranking or not, she’d still sucked as badly as the clubwhores as a mom.
Still, most of us around this table knew what it was like to have shitty parents. Only Rex, really, had had a good relationship with his folks.
He’d adored his mom, Rene, and I had too. Most of us had. She’d kept us going when things were bad. Link had a close relationship with his grandma, but as for the rest of us, we came from rotten backgrounds.
I had to figure it was why we were all nearly forty, and it had taken us a long ass time to even think about settling down. When we had, every one of us had gone for a woman who was the antithesis of the walking wombs who’d carried us.
Giulia was honest to a fault, willing to take on Nyx’s burdens and ease his woes. Tiffany was a good, kind woman, generous with herself, even if it unduly affected her. Lily was gentle while also strong, capable of hitting back after a lifetime of being taught to be one thing, and able to open her arms to a man like Link, who was the exact opposite of what she should probably be looking for in a life mate.
Rene was a woman to look up to, but Rex had done her proud by falling for Rachel, the MC’s lawyer. She wouldn’t take any bullshit, and when he eventually got around to claiming her, I knew she’d make a brilliant Old Lady, who’d lead the bitches and would do a fucking great job at it.
I rubbed my chin as I thought about how we could help our brother, but I had to admit—I came up blank.
“What did she say to him?”
“I only know any of this, Link, because Steel barged into Bear’s office while I was there. He didn’t see me, so I overheard something I wish I hadn’t. But…everything happens for a reason. He almost killed himself over this—I was the one who found him because I knew to go looking for him.”
“You’re shitting me?” Nyx rasped, his eyes wide with horror.
“Not kidding. Nothing funny about this messed up situation.” Rex rubbed his eyes. “Look, now you know, and you can’t let on that you do either. If he finds out I told you, he’ll freak out, and that’s the last thing any of us need—him acting out because he thinks he has something to prove.
“Steel is one of the most stubborn bastards I know. He’s denied himself Stone all these years, when he’s loved her longer than she’s loved him, all because he didn’t want to mar her with his taint.
“That tells you how powerful his will is. If we start treating him differently, then you know exactly what he’ll do.”
We all fell silent at that, because we knew just how steel-headed Steel was. He hadn’t just gotten his nickname for the plate in his head, but for the fact that he was a stubborn fuck.
Running my hand over my face, I muttered, “I think it’s time to head to the hospital now.”
Because none of us had a clue what else to say, the others just nodded, then shuffled onto their feet.
I, for one, didn’t feel a lick better for knowing the truth, and though I was glad I did, because if I could help him, I would, I was still as in the dark as ever.
/> The worst thing was, I knew my brothers felt the exact same way. And suddenly, all the shit we’d given him over Stone, the distance he’d shoved between them… I got it. It made sense. Steel was a man of honor, but we’d painted him as the villain. Yet the only villain in this story was Kevin.
I just wished Steel was aware of that too, and because I knew him well, I knew he never would.
Twelve
Stone
Before
“You sure you want me staying here, Bear?” I asked, lowering my rucksack to the ground as I peered at the small bunkhouse.
Normally, visiting chapters, friendly clubs, they’d stay in these places, especially the top ranks, but that Bear was letting me live here was a testament to how close I was to him and his family.
“Of course, darlin’. Didn’t want you living out there by yourself. Could have covered the rent, easy, but why have you so far away from family when here’s where you need to be?”
I gulped at his words and hated how close they brought me to tears.
I’d been crying way too much recently, and the tears were always close at hand.
I wasn’t sure if I was grieving my mom’s death or Steel’s absence in my life, but either way, I was hurting.
Being here was bittersweet though.
I knew he was across the way, knew that I could see him any time I happened to venture outside or into the clubhouse for food, and even though my heart was eager for the opportunity, I knew I wasn’t going to like what I saw.
He’d ignored a thousand calls and messages from me in the past six weeks, making a liar out of Mav.
Who could do that to someone?
Just cut them out so harshly when their entire world was collapsing around them?
Who could hit ‘ignore’ on a call when the woman they supposedly loved, even if it was only as a friend and not a girlfriend, was going through tough times? Trying to recalibrate her life, make sense out of the shit her mom had left her in?
If I didn’t know him as well as I thought I did, I’d wonder if he’d had some kind of personality transplant. But I did know him.
I knew him well.
So I knew something was going on, something that he didn’t think he could share with me.
I just didn’t understand why he couldn’t.
I’d been tagging along with him and the other guys since I was six years old, for God’s sake. Ten years, I’d been in his life and he’d been in mine, close range. Before that? I’d known him from around the clubhouse, because his ma and mine were buddies.
“What’s got that pretty smile hiding away like the sun behind the clouds?”
My lips twitched at Bear’s poetic turn of phrase. He was the kind of man a girl like me would have a crush on, if she wasn’t already in love with someone else.
He was protective, handsome, and I’d been reading way too many older guy romances…
My cheeks didn’t burn with heat though. After the life I’d led, even though I was only sixteen, and barely at that, I’d seen more pussies and dicks than I’d had hot dinners.
That was how it rolled when you lived life the way we did.
It was all I knew, but that didn’t mean it was all I wanted to know either.
“I’m just…” I hitched a shoulder, unsure what to say that wouldn’t sound trite. Wouldn’t make me sound like the kid I actually was.
He strolled over to me, curved an arm over my shoulder, and as he bopped a kiss on my head, I got the scent of Old Spice and leather up my nose which, in all honesty, was a pretty nice frickin’ scent.
“You need anything, you come to me, okay?”
“I will.”
He heaved a sigh. “I know you’ve seen it all before, but call me first, yeah? Don’t go into the clubhouse unless you have to.”
My brows rose at that, even as I answered, “Of course.”
Bear was hiding something.
He’d said it exactly how it was.
I had seen it all. Had seen everything there was to see. Brothers going down on the snatch, bunnies bouncing away with no clothes on as they fucked three, four, five brothers at a time.
I’d seen everything I shouldn’t have, so what the hell was Bear hiding?
And then it hit me.
And I got it.
I got it at long last.
Steel.
He was doing some of those things. Doing them, and Bear was trying to protect me…
I let him go, not really encouraging him to stay with my lack of talkativeness, and as he wandered out, I grabbed my cell and dialed Indy.
She was the only kid I knew who understood me, and while it wasn’t technically cool for someone my age to be talking to a thirteen-year-old, what choice did I have?
The bikers produced very few female spawn, and she was the only girl around my age. Plus, she needed me as much as I needed her, and I wasn’t about to throw her friendship in her face just because she was still in middle school.
“How is it?” Indy asked by way of a greeting.
“It’s fine.” And it was. Sure, the place was old-fashioned, but hell, my old house hadn’t been exactly modern.
It was clean, didn’t stink of piss, had a door that locked well, and I was on a compound full of bikers who’d kill to keep me safe.
The only danger I was in was from the DEA or FBI if they decided to raid the place, and even then, it wasn’t like they could arrest me for anything.
Sure, I knew more than most because of how openly the guys spoke in front of me, but they wouldn’t know that, would they?
“What’s wrong?” she pressed, when my tone was lackluster. “I thought you’d love being independent. I mean, I know I shouldn’t say it, S, but your ma was a bitch. It must be nice not to have to wait on her hand and foot like you were her slave—”
“Indy! That’s unfair. She was sick and in a lot of pain.”
She sniffed. “You and I both know that she’d have done the same whether she was sick or not. At least this way, you get to enjoy some of your frickin’ youth not being her butler.”
My lips twitched, and I couldn’t stop my laugh. Most people thought I should be glad Mom was dead, and maybe a little part of me was. It was definitely a relief not to have to worry about her Johns breaking into my room, and it was nice that any money I earned wasn’t going to be snorted up her nose.
Still, she was my mom. I wasn’t going to get another one, was I?
“Steel still hasn’t called.”
She heaved a sigh. “Want me to ask Nyx?”
I knew she would, even though she and her brother didn’t see eye to eye. “I don’t think he’d tell you even if he knew.”
Mrs. Biggins swiped at my feet, making me realize she was there. I’d almost forgotten about her, and that made me feel bad. She was Steel’s premature birthday gift to me, and I wasn’t used to having a pet. She was cool though. She didn’t mind being left alone while I worked or was at school, so long as I gave her attention when I was home.
I leaned down, picked her up, and kissed the top of her head. She squirmed a little, but by the end, she was purring as she settled into my hold as I moved over to the window that faced the clubhouse, unsure what I’d find when I looked over there.
“Bear said something that’s made me wonder about what’s going down around here.”
“What like?”
“He told me that he was here for me, but to call first and not go into the clubhouse.”
She fell silent at that, then questioned, “So when are you going to the clubhouse?”
I snickered, amused because she knew me so well. Amused because, in the same circumstances, she’d be heading straight for the clubhouse too. Pressing my forehead to the glass pane that was cool to the touch, I muttered, “He did it for my benefit.”
“You think Steel is—”
Her hesitation told me our minds were on the same track.
“Yeah. I do.”
“What did that bitch say to him
?” she ground out, sounding anything other than thirteen frickin’ years old. “How did he go from being all kissy-kissy with you, and then doing whatever the fuck this is?”
I bit my lip, wondering what the answer to that was, if there even was an answer.
“I don’t know.”
“Do you want to find out?”
“No.”
“Then don’t go to the clubhouse.”
“Is it as easy as that?”
“You know it is. If you called for me to talk you out of it, then you called the wrong person. Living in a dream world won’t do you any good, Stone.”
“I know you’re right.”
“Want me to come over? We can head in together?”
“No.” I sucked in a breath. “I’ll go over there now.”
She hummed. “It’s seven. Things should be picking up at the bar now. Nyx left the house a short while ago, so you know where he’s at.”
I ran a hand through my hair. “I’m nervous.”
“I would be too.”
That didn’t ease my nerves any, but I appreciated her lack of bullshit.
If I could rely on anyone for the truth, it was her.
“Call me after? I’ll be waiting.”
“I might send a text.”
She knew why I was hedging. “Got my fingers crossed for you, S.”
I sighed. “Me too.”
When we disconnected the call, I put Mrs. Biggins on the sofa and, cell in hand, drew in a deep, fortifying breath.
Licking my lips, I braced myself as I headed on out the door, and even as I approached the front of the clubhouse, I could hear the jeers and the chanting.
My stomach was in my throat at the sound, a sense of foreboding hitting me, and I shuffled inside the clubhouse, careful to stick to corners, not wanting to be seen.
Of course, everyone was focused elsewhere. It didn’t take me but a minute to see what.
There was a brother on the pool table, splayed like a star, with three women sucking him down as they all started one big tongue swap. The jeers were for the show, I figured, because the only thing that was interesting about the act was the fact that Steel was the one being sucked off.
Steel: A Dark MC Romance (A Dark and Dirty Sinners’ MC Book 4) Page 14