Strange Allure

by Susan Lewis

  The house was empty when she got home. She put her parcels on the kitchen table, then sat down to wait. Her breathing was unsteady, and fear was billowing through her heart in huge, terrifying waves. She wasn’t entirely sure when she’d first realized Ryan and the stroller had gone; maybe it was only a few minutes ago, when she’d come in the door and realized everything was so quiet. She thought of ringing Harrods to see if anyone had found her, but she was too afraid of discovering that nobody had.

  ‘Oh my God!’ she suddenly sobbed. ‘I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.’

  A long time later Richard came home and found her cuddling Ryan on the sofa, making such a fuss of her, and looking so happy and relaxed with her beautiful daughter, that his surprise made Chrissie laugh.

  ‘How did it go?’ she asked, as he kissed her, then Ryan. ‘Did you see the man?’

  ‘Yes,’ he answered. ‘How are you? You look wonderful.’

  She laughed again. ‘I feel it,’ she said. ‘I went shopping and spent all your money. Then I came back here and gave Ryan her tea and a bath, and she didn’t cry once, did you, you little sweetheart?’

  She wouldn’t tell him that Ryan’s screaming earlier was what had alerted her to the fact that she’d left the pushchair outside in the cold. It wasn’t something he needed to know, it would only worry him, and seeing how pleased and happy he was to find her and Ryan together like this was so heartening that she really shouldn’t do anything to spoil it.

  Chapter 13

  ‘OK, YOU TWO,’ Carla called up the stairs to her niece and nephew, ‘last one down is a silly fat frog.’

  She was barely back in the kitchen when the thunder of four small feet pounding down the stairs startled Eddie from his breakfast, and very possibly registered somewhere on a Richter scale.

  ‘I’m first and you’re a silly fat frog,’ Kitty sang, bursting into the kitchen with her sweater inside out and her leggings back to front.

  ‘You are,’ Courtenay said, giving her a shove. ‘Toasted soldiers for me,’ he told Carla, ‘and can I have three eggs, please?’

  ‘Three?’ Carla cried, making him laugh with her shock.

  ‘I want thirty-three,’ Kitty declared, her big blue eyes simmering with mischief.

  ‘I want ten thousand,’ Courtenay boasted. ‘I can eat ten thousand.’

  Carla looked at Kitty. ‘I think he’s a bit of a banana, don’t you?’

  ‘I’m not a banana!’ he cried, waving his spoon and fork in the air. ‘You’re a banana, and an apple.’

  Carla rolled her eyes in horror. ‘He called me an apple,’ she gasped. ‘What shall we do with him?’

  ‘Put him in the rubbish and throw him out,’ Kitty shouted. ‘Because he’s rubbish.’

  ‘You’re rubbish,’ he told her, trying to hit her.

  ‘All right, enough!’ Carla barked. ‘Two eggs each and lots of toasted soldiers coming up. Then we’ll take Eddie for a walk. Did you remember to bring your wellies?’

  ‘Yes,’ they chorused.

  ‘And can we go and see the baby sheep in the farm?’ Kitty asked.

  Courtenay creased his cute, freckly face into a puking expression, then howled in protest when Carla squeezed his cheeks and pushed his head back to give him a kiss.

  ‘Auntie Carla,’ Kitty said, when Carla finally sat down to join them. ‘Who was that lady outside last night?’

  Carla frowned, and handed her a piece of kitchen-roll. ‘Wipe the egg off your nose,’ she told her. ‘What lady?’

  ‘The one who was outside last night,’ Kitty repeated.

  ‘I don’t know what you mean, darling,’ Carla said. ‘There wasn’t anyone outside last night.’

  ‘There was,’ Courtenay declared. ‘We saw her, didn’t we, Kitty? She was down by the tree, and Eddie was barking.’

  Carla was confused, and not a little alarmed, though Eddie often barked in the night if a fox or a badger, or some other nocturnal creature ventured into the garden, so it wasn’t so unusual. However, with the uneasy feelings she’d been having these past few months, of either being watched, or not exactly being alone, this was not something she wanted to hear.

  Realizing she was in danger of scaring the children too, she rolled her eyes and said, ‘Oh, I expect it was Beanie looking for Dumbbell.’ Which it could have been, though she’d never spotted Beanie down by the tree searching for Dumbbell before, but what other explanation could there be, if she wanted to keep this rational? And even if she didn’t, she wasn’t about to start believing in Maudie’s ghosts or squatters, or whatever they were supposed to be, next door, or anywhere else. ‘What did she look like?’ she asked.

  Kitty looked at her older brother. ‘Um,’ he said, ‘she was about this big,’ his hand was as high as he could reach, which was about four feet off the ground, ‘and she had, um, hair, and …’

  ‘And she was wearing a coat,’ Kitty finished.

  ‘Oh, then that’ll definitely have been Beanie,’ Carla said decisively.

  ‘Phone!’ Kitty suddenly yelled.

  ‘You don’t say,’ Carla responded, tilting her chair back to pick up the one on the dresser. ‘Hello, Carla, Kitty, Courtenay,’ she announced rapidly, presuming it was Sonya, and making the children grin with the alliteration they found so amusing.

  ‘I see. Does that mean you’ve got company, or have you taken to announcing all your names when you answer the phone?’

  Carla laughed. ‘Good morning, John,’ she said. ‘I was expecting my sister-in-law.’

  ‘I am not she,’ he confessed.

  ‘That you are not,’ she agreed. ‘So, what can I do for you at nine o’clock on a Sunday morning?’

  ‘You can tell me where you’ve put the first-draft script for Zanzibar,’ he answered. ‘I’m at the office, and I don’t like to go snooping around your desk, in case of what I might find.’

  ‘You’re at the office!’ she cried in surprise. ‘Don’t you have a life?’

  ‘You don’t know the half of it,’ he sighed. ‘I’ve been out auditioning starlets all night, and I’ve cast so many parts we might have to rethink the entire piece.’

  Carla’s eyes were shining. ‘I thought we were casting the harem locally in Zanzibar,’ she said, ‘not in London nightclubs.’

  ‘Ah, but you should see these girls,’ he groaned. ‘And if I’ve got to be playing the Sultan, I should have a say in who my babes are, shouldn’t I?’

  ‘Absolutely,’ she agreed, knowing very well that he was sending them both up. ‘So, why the first-draft script?’

  ‘Because there was something in it that doesn’t seem to have found its way into the second draft, and I think it should have.’

  ‘OK. It’s in the middle filing cabinet, bottom drawer, under Zanzibar. The keys are in the clay pot on the bookcase next to my desk.’

  ‘I see it,’ he said. ‘And now I’ll leave you in peace. Enjoy the day,’ and he rang off.

  It wasn’t until a few minutes later, as she helped Kitty to straighten out her clothes, that it occurred to Carla that Avril must be at the ménage too … So the reason John was there so early on a Sunday morning was very possibly because he’d spent the night there, with Avril, who wasn’t flying back to LA until late afternoon. For one surprising, and unpleasant, moment Carla felt much as she did with Richard and Chrissie, as though she was on the outside of a relationship, being almost deliberately excluded. Obviously, it wasn’t quite the same with John and Avril, but she still wasn’t thrilled by the idea that they might be getting involved. However, if they were, she wanted to know.

  ‘You are so nosy,’ Avril laughed, when Carla called and asked point-blank if John had spent the night there. ‘And what’s it to you if he did, may I ask?’

  ‘Nothing,’ Carla assured her. ‘I was just wondering, that’s all.’

  ‘Well, wonder away, because I’m not telling.’

  ‘Is he still there?’ Carla asked.

  ‘Yep.’

  ‘Dressed?’
>
  Avril chuckled.

  Carla had to laugh too.

  ‘If you must know,’ Avril said, ‘we went out last night, a whole gang of us, and yes, John did end up staying here, but he slept on the sofa. OK? Happy?’

  Carla was dying. Obviously he’d just heard every word Avril had said, and she didn’t even want to think about the conclusions he might be drawing. ‘I’ll kill you for that,’ she muttered. Then blithely added, ‘You must be losing your touch if you didn’t manage to get him off the sofa.’

  ‘Maybe I am,’ Avril agreed.

  Carla could hear John’s voice in the background, though she couldn’t make out what he was saying. Then, to her dismay, Avril burst out laughing.

  ‘Do I want to know what he just said?’ Carla asked her.

  ‘Probably not,’ Avril answered. ‘But don’t worry, it wasn’t about you.’

  Once again Carla cringed. ‘I’m going,’ she said.

  ‘No, wait,’ Avril cried. ‘I need to talk to you about the speaking globe thing. Jeffrey’s been in touch with the manufacturer, and they want to know how many you need.’

  ‘Two,’ Carla answered. ‘They’re the runner-up prizes. I think Abercrombie and Kent are going to spring for first prize with a safari. I’m seeing them on Wednesday. It could be a good idea for Felicia and Leo to come with me, since they’re devising the competition.’

  ‘OK. You can work that out with them. But make sure they keep me informed.’

  ‘I will.’ Carla turned to where Kitty and Courtenay, only half in their coats and wellies, were tearing open the back door to run outside and collect conkers. It reminded her of what they’d said about seeing a woman last night, so, changing the subject, she repeated it to Avril. ‘Who do you think it could have been?’ she said.

  ‘God knows. What time was it?’

  ‘I don’t know. The kids didn’t go to bed until late, so I suppose it must have been after eleven.’

  ‘And you don’t have any ideas yourself?’

  ‘I told the children it was probably Beanie looking for her dog, which I guess it could have been …’

  ‘Strange,’ Avril commented. ‘Maybe you should ask Maudie if she saw anyone, because not much gets past her.’

  ‘I don’t think I could bear to set her off again,’ Carla groaned. ‘Maybe it was just a shadow they saw. You know, some kind of trick of the moonlight. Anyway, I’m going, before they break their necks climbing the tree. Call me when you get to LA.’

  ‘Will do. Oh, hang on.’

  John was talking again.

  ‘Sorry, I thought he was giving me a message for you,’ Avril said, ‘but he’s thinking about his stomach and reminding me that we’ve arranged to meet everyone for breakfast. So, bye. Speak to you late tomorrow,’ and she was gone.

  By six o’clock that evening the children had gone home, and Carla had not only finished the work she’d brought with her, she’d also composed a long email to Richard, and carried out yet another search for his letters. Since they hadn’t turned up with everything from storage, they surely had to be in the house somewhere, but once again she’d failed to find them. She could now only presume that they had somehow been thrown out by mistake, which was a prospect she found almost as upsetting as the fact that she hadn’t heard from him at all in the past three days. Her heart gave a small, panicked beat as she thought of what that might mean, and could she bear it if he abandoned her again? With nothing material to bind them together, or acknowledge them as a part of each other, this unexpected silence had left her drifting in a fog of frustration and doubt. But maybe he’d gone off on assignment to a place where it was difficult to connect his computer. She’d never asked him about the sabbatical that had been mentioned in the paper, mainly because if she found out it was true, she would only start tormenting herself with the reasons behind his decision.

  Sighing heavily, she turned off the light in the study and went to stoke up the fire in the sitting room. She wasn’t at all proud of the way she kept skirting round questions that really ought to be asked, or of how she hadn’t insisted on answers to those that she had managed to pose. Her only excuse was that her sense of self-preservation was so strong now that she couldn’t even get a need for the truth past it, because the truth might bring pain, and pain was something she’d had more than enough of. However, ignorance was no state to be in, nor was this awful feeling of being so cut off, unable to call him, and so totally disconnected from the real events of his life. Avril was right, it wasn’t healthy, carrying on this way, so maybe she should summon the courage and agree to see him. It could even be that his silence these past three days was a deliberate ruse to bring her to this very conclusion. Her heart fluttered as she wondered when the best time would be, but there was no good time for something like this. Whenever it happened, it would be disruptive in the extreme, and she not only owed it to herself to be focused and together at all stages of the upcoming production, she owed it to John and the others too.

  Looking at the clock, she considered going back to London tonight. Graham was taking her and Eddie to the station in the morning, but maybe he wouldn’t mind taking them now, instead. But what was she going to do when she got there? Sit around her studio with nothing to do, and nowhere to go? At least here she could pop along to the pub. The trouble was, she didn’t feel like going to the pub. She wanted to go out and have some of the fun Avril always managed to have. Frankly, she wouldn’t mind some of the sex too, because God knew how long it had been … Long enough for her fantasies to have become confused, that was for sure, because just lately she’d started thinking about John in that way, and some of the thoughts were so unbelievably erotic that she could only thank God he had no way of reading her mind.

  Since talking to him this morning images of him making love to Avril had flashed in her mind all day, and though she knew it probably hadn’t happened, the idea of him naked and aroused, and her own body in place of Avril’s, was really stressing her out. Of course, it could as easily be Jeffrey, Avril’s VP, she was fantasizing about, or Frazer, her own production manager, because lust wasn’t particularly discriminating, so the fact that John had become its focus was simply because he was there, and the occasional attention he paid her was mildly agreeable. And if she weren’t always working, or sharing telepathic time with Richard, she might not be getting into this state! She’d be out there with Avril, and everyone else, partying and going to shows and dancing … Her heart turned over, and she wanted to scream at the frustration of feeling so restless in her body and uncontrolled in her longings.

  ‘Tonight?’ Graham said into the phone. ‘You want me to take you to the station tonight?’

  ‘Only if it’s convenient,’ Carla assured him.

  ‘Oh dear. You see, Betty’s just got back and we’re about to sit down and have dinner.’

  ‘Then, please, forget it,’ Carla insisted. ‘I’ll call Teddy, or Angie. Or maybe I’ll just stay with my plan to go back early in the morning.’

  Ringing off, she returned to the sitting room and stared down at the fire. Maybe she’d just take a long hot bath and find something to read that she could later discuss with Richard. Or maybe she should send him an email demanding to know why he hadn’t been in touch!

  The bath helped soothe her a little, but curling up in front of the fire with Rousseau’s Discourse failed to engage her thoughts the way it had before, when she’d been searching for Richard’s hidden message. Nor could she find anything to which she could allude herself, in an effort to get him guessing what she might be trying to tell him. Her mind just wasn’t there. It was flitting about all over the place, from John, to the programme, to Avril, to Graham, back to John, and not until Eddie started barking did her thoughts jar on the recollection of the woman the children had seen down by the tree.

  ‘What is it?’ she said, her heart starting to pound as, still barking, he ran into the kitchen then back to the sitting room. His little face was so earnest as he looked at her, still
barking away, that it wasn’t hard to work out that he wanted her to follow him.

  ‘No. You’re not going out there chasing foxes at this time of night,’ she told him, trying to calm herself with a sharpness of tone.

  He ran back into the kitchen, still barking.

  Carla’s heart was thudding even harder as she pulled her dressing gown more tightly around her, and got up from the sofa. The curtains were drawn, so she couldn’t see out, nor, she acknowledged with some relief, could anyone see in.

  ‘Eddie! Stop it!’ she cried, as he raced back in. ‘What’s the matter? There’s no-one out there.’

  But Eddie clearly thought there was.

  ‘Oh God,’ she muttered. ‘Eddie! Please, stop barking. I’m not going out there, and nor are you.’ Then she almost leapt out of her skin as the telephone suddenly rang. ‘Hello?’ she gasped, grabbing it up.

  ‘Carla? Is everything all right? Why’s Eddie barking?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ she answered. Then, puzzled, she added, ‘You can hear him, at the other end of the village?’

  Graham laughed. ‘I can hear him down the phone,’ he reminded her.

  Carla smiled, and put a hand to her head. ‘Of course,’ she said. ‘He’s just been going so berserk … Probably just a fox, but he’s spooked me a bit. The children said they …’

  ‘Hang on,’ he interrupted.

  She heard his hand go over the mouthpiece, the sound of muffled voices, then he was back on the line.