Choice

by Jean Booth

  “Tell him yourself. He may still be conscious, poor fellow. I’ve been trying to get him drunk for the past couple of hours so he can just pass out and forget the whole thing. That man has never lost a body before; he’s taking it rather hard.” The captain ushered us into his quarters.

  The captain was a short, stocky man so he had to move quite a bit out of our way for us to pass him. The entire room reeked of alcohol. Off to the side was a small living area. It boasted a love seat, coffee table, and two reclining chairs. A man was slumped in one of the chairs with an almost completed bottle of whisky dangling precariously from his fingertips.

  “Mr. Mendoza? My name is Natasha, and I do believe there was a mix-up earlier today. I was on your dive and must have gotten separated. I’m okay, sir.” I gently pried his fingers from around the bottle and tried to get him to look at me.

  “Oh, god! She’s come to haunt me for my failure!” He was slurring so badly it was difficult to understand him. His eyes were huge and bloodshot, but he was trembling as he looked at me. “Jeff, tell me you see her.” The captain came over and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

  “Jorge, she’s not an apparition. This young girl wanted to let you know that she’s okay and safely back on board the ship. Perhaps she’ll join us for drinks tomorrow when you’re more yourself again and explain to us exactly what happened. Sleep now, my friend, your record remains untainted.” He placed his other hand comfortingly against the instructor’s face, turning him close for an intimate hug.

  It was obvious that they were very close in the way that they responded to each other. I was glad that Jorge had Jeff to ease his frustration, and help him to figure out what had happened earlier today. I had a pang of grief for a loss I couldn’t remember as Keith took hold of my hand. The grief settled into a now familiar weight of guilt as I realized he thought he was supporting me.

  I didn’t think it necessary to explain to the captain and diving instructor that I wouldn’t be able to tell them what happened because I didn’t remember. Maybe I’d remember something if I wasn’t so confused. I was starting to become irritable and just wanted to be alone to figure things out. Keith and I said our goodbyes to the two men and he led me to my suite.

  It wasn’t as opulent as the captain’s, but it was cozy. Keith apologized as we walked into the room because he’d packed up my things. I didn’t care because at that moment I spotted the bed. I’d never been so tired in all my life. I walked over to it, curled up, and knew that even if he insisted on watching me the whole time, I’d finally find solace in sleep.

  “Keith, I’m sorry, but I’m so tired. Can I sleep for a while? I’ll try to remember things when I wake, but I’m so tired,” I whispered, as I got comfortable.

  “Of course. I’m exhausted myself. Is it okay if I stay with you? I feel like I’m dreaming and if I leave, you might not be here when I come back. I won’t do anything, I just want to hold you, please.” It was the pain in his voice that caused me to cave. I must have been very close to him for him to be so worked up about leaving my room.

  “Fine, you can stay, just please be quiet and let me sleep.” I drifted off within moments of my head hitting the pillow.

  I dreamed. They were very strange dreams of things that could not possibly exist. When I woke, the dreams still haunted me. There was death, fighting, and extreme, heartbreaking pain. Underneath the pain, though, was a love and acceptance I couldn’t understand. I was still trying to puzzle it all out when Keith walked in.

  “Hey, babe! You’re finally awake. I was hoping you’d come around soon.” At my puzzled expression, he elaborated. “You’ve been asleep for almost two days. You missed drinks with the captain yesterday. It’s the afternoon now. We’re leaving port in a few minutes and will be back in Miami tomorrow. There’ve been some people asking about you. Do you feel up to going to a late lunch or early dinner with me?”

  “I don’t know what good it’ll do, I don’t remember anything. I am hungry, though.” He smiled at me as if I’d just proven the existence of Santa. My guilt returned at not knowing this man who I must have once had a deep affection for. “Give me half an hour to shower and change.” I fell out of bed and staggered to the bathroom. He tried to help, but at my glare decided to sit on the bed and wait quietly.

  The shower was glorious. I couldn’t remember the last time a shower felt so good, and then started laughing because I couldn’t remember much of anything at all. The bathroom was steamy when I got out, sending another flicker of a memory to my addled brain. The last time I’d bathed, there hadn’t been any steam. I’d been in an elegant bath preparing for something important. I still couldn’t catch the thread of memory to place what it was, but I knew it had been an event that changed my world forever. The more I struggled for the memory the more elusive it became, and I was quickly frustrated. I threw the towel on the ground with more force than necessary and ran a brush through my hair, trying to eliminate my growing aggravation as easily as I removed the tangles.

  I sighed, grumbling to myself as I went into the bedroom to get dressed. I froze. I’d completely forgotten about Keith. His jaw dropped, and the smell of lust quickly filled the air. I dimly thought about how strange it was to actually smell lust as I grabbed the first thing I could find and wrapped it around me. He groaned, closing his eyes. I looked down to see that I’d covered myself with one of my sheer sarongs. My body was still completely on display, but in a much more sensual way.

  “I’m so sorry, Keith. I totally forgot you were still here. I didn’t mean to—” He cut me off with a wave of his hand.

  “Don’t worry about it. Please, just get dressed, unless you’ve changed your mind. We could just order room service and stay here.” Thankfully his eyes were still shut so he didn’t see the shudder I couldn’t repress. It wasn’t that I didn’t like him, but he just wasn’t Raif. My heart stuttered.

  “Raif! That’s it! Do you know that name?” I asked excitedly, finally remembering something important.

  “Um, no. Did you remember something? Are you decent yet, or are we having sex? My control isn’t that great when it comes to you.” He sat rigidly on the bed with his hand still covering his eyes. His other hand was clutching at the blanket so hard I thought it might rip.

  “Oops, sorry. I’m not sure, just the name; Raif. Maybe it’s reef? This is so frustrating!” Everything felt like it was just out of reach. “Give me another minute.” I quickly put on my swimsuit, a solid red sarong, and a black top. I looked presentable and told him so. He pulled himself together and led me out of the room.

  I couldn’t remember what types of food I liked, so Keith thought that going to the buffet would be an effective way for me to try a little of everything. On our way there, a man came barreling toward me and folded me into a fierce bear hug. He was screeching like a banshee as he squeezed the life out of me. He smelled musky, like freshly turned earth after a storm. Underneath that smell was something different, something I couldn’t quite place and didn’t have the opportunity to as he pulled away to talk to me.

  “Oh, girl! We thought we lost you. Don’t you ever do that to us again. Keith told us about your memory, so I’m Maurice, and this hot stud is Stuart. He’s mine, so don’t go getting any ideas.” He laughed at his joke, winking at me, and I couldn’t help smiling back. His excitement was infectious, even if I couldn’t place him. “We met you here on the ship, and just adore you. Your memory will come back, honey, I just know it. Do you have any memories at all?” He held me at arm’s length, tears filling his eyes as I answered.

  “Nope, sorry. I get bits and pieces, but mostly it’s all a blank.” I shrugged, feigning a nonchalance I didn’t feel and smiled at him reassuringly. His eyes threatened to spill over as he pulled me into another hug.

  “Well now, don’t you worry about anything, it’ll come back, if only so you can tell me all about what happened. Almost lost at sea! Stuart, I do believe this has been the most exciting vacation we’ve ever had. Co
uldn’t you just die?” Stuart grabbed him by the waist giving me a tight-lipped smile.

  “Sorry, he just gets a little excited. We are both very glad that you are safe.” He gave me a small hug and I caught a whiff of his deep, earthy smell. It was the same scent covering Maurice’s, but much stronger.

  My stomach growled and I laughed. We made our way to the buffet to fill our plates. Maurice thought Keith was brilliant to have thought about the buffet to help jog some memories for me and decided he’d try everything along with me. We were lucky to have gotten the big table as we had two of everything the buffet held, plus food for Stuart and Keith.

  I had an absolute blast eating a bit of everything with Maurice. He about fell out of his chair laughing at me when I attempted to eat seafood; the expression of disgust on my face was too much for him. Stuart and Keith kept to themselves mostly; joining in on some of the laughter, but mostly just watching us like parents watch their unruly children. We ate, laughed, and drank until the sun started to color the horizon. I was enjoying myself but couldn’t suppress the urge to go up on deck to watch the sunset on the water.

  I excused myself from the group, wanting nothing more than to be alone. I made my way to the pool and sat on one of the seats along the deck. The sunset was beautiful, but not as beautiful as the last sunset that I’d seen. I felt the memory tug at my subconscious and rather than struggle for it, I tried to relax and let it come back on its own.

  The clouds couldn’t hide the luminescent sphere protecting us from the miles of ocean water that pressed against it. The flickers of light twinkled as the bioluminescent fish moved above. It looked like strangely shaped fireflies dancing above our heads. Only, there were dozens of them, and some were larger than any fish I’d ever seen in person. The sphere was illuminated to the west, mimicking the sunset I knew couldn’t really appear this far below the ocean’s surface. I could feel strong arms encircling me, making me feel tiny, protected, and deeply loved. The body behind me trembled, in desire or despair. I turned to hold him close to me. I glimpsed his face and remembered everything about him. Raif. My soul’s mate, my other half, the piece of myself I wasn’t certain I’d ever see again.

  I sat up rigidly in my seat, pale and trembling. I remembered. Everything. I finally understood the grief I could still feel flooding through me, breaking my heart continuously. I now knew why I couldn’t cry, although I desperately needed to at this moment. I felt arms start to tentatively slide around my waist and for one glorious moment I thought Raif was here. I leaned into the embrace, turning to reciprocate and gasped.

  “No!” I breathed out a pain filled denial in Keith’s face, pushing him away from me. I knew my expression was one of crushed sorrow and felt bad knowing that he’d misunderstand the depth of my negative response. I watched in agony as he battled with the rejection. He failed miserably, crumbling into helpless tears on one of the seats.

  “Keith, I’m so sorry.” I dropped to his side, silently stroking his back. I didn’t know what else to say to him. Anything I could think of would just hurt him further and I didn’t want to do that after everything he’d done for me. I felt like a horrible person. He was mumbling something I could barely understand. “What do you need? Can I get or do anything for you? God, I’m so sorry.”

  “Leave. Please just leave,” he whispered between his tears. I left, but didn’t go too far. Perhaps it was better this way. He’d be able to forget about me and find his mate, as he should. I was grateful to have my memory back, but I wasn’t quite sure what to do now. I couldn’t very well go back home with Keith when I was married to another man. I shuddered to think of what would’ve eventually happened if I’d been unable to retrieve my memories. I just wished someone would tell me what was supposed to happen next.

  The pool deck was divided into two sections. The pool I’d just vacated being on the uppermost portion of the deck. I was currently making my way along the lower half of the deck, not wanting to completely abandon Keith to his frustrations but also needing to leave him alone for a while.

  I was thinking about Raif, when suddenly a familiar smell washed over me. A very strong cologne masked Stuart’s base scent, but he still smelled earthy. I’d been noticing that I was able to smell and hear things much more clearly than I had before, but still didn’t completely understand why. My lips curved into a slight smile in greeting as I turned to Stuart.

  “I saw Keith. He seems miserable. What happened?” He was showing a gentle, fatherly concern for me as he had throughout the entire trip. Underneath his concern, though, I thought I could hear a very controlled tone of anticipation.

  “I remembered things, but that isn’t what upset him. I rejected him again. I’ve been doing it since I got back and I think it’s been too much for him. He seems to care a great deal about me.” I wanted to explain myself, tell him why I continued to reject Keith, but I couldn’t. I wanted to shout to everyone that I was already mated, loved, and accepted by my soul mate, but I couldn’t. I tried to form the words, but they wouldn’t come out. I cleared my throat and attempted again to launch into the whole story for Stuart, but it was as if the words dried up in my throat before I could speak them. This was an odd turn of events. I wondered if I’d ever be able to tell anyone what had happened, or if this was part of the magic that is Atlantis—a spell to protect them.

  “Keith does love you. That much has been obvious every time Maurice and I have seen you together. Maurice is already planning our trip for your eventual wedding. You made quite an impression on him.” Stuart smiled as he settled himself against the railing beside me. He casually leaned against it, watching the last of the sun’s rays disappear beneath the waves.

  “You have both been wonderful. I feel as if I’ve known you forever, not just the few days of this trip. I’d love to see you if you two ever decide to visit,” I replied absentmindedly. “Oh, good. He’s going back to his room.” I visibly relaxed against the railing knowing that Keith wasn’t going to do something stupid. I looked over to see Stuart eyeing me strangely.

  “How did you know that? We cannot see him from here.” He couldn’t fully contain the suspicious glee from his voice.

  “I heard him, didn’t you?” I tried to mask my feelings. “Where’s Maurice? I thought you two went everywhere together.” If I hadn’t been watching, I’d have missed the barely suppressed shudder. My pulse increased as I realized that something wasn’t right. I unexpectedly felt off balance. I wasn’t sure if it was too much wine, or the recent emotional turmoil from the invasion of my memories, but suddenly I felt awful.

  “He is sleeping off some of the wine. I wanted to see the sunset before I retired. Did you know that this is the exact spot where we lost you?” He turned to gaze at the water as he talked. I was having a difficult time following what he was saying. I got a fresh whiff of his cologne and felt dizzy, the smell making me nauseous.

  “Really? I didn’t know that. I’m sorry, Stuart, I think I ate something that doesn’t agree with me. I have to go lay down.” I took a step to leave and he grabbed my arm in a vise-like grip.

  “You are mated,” he growled in my ear. “I could smell it the first time I saw you after Bimini. I was supposed to go home, but you had to go and get yourself mated. You bitch.” He spun me so I could see the barely contained anger swirling in the depths of his multi-hued brown eyes. I let out a startled gasp as I realized that he was from Atlantis.

  “H-how is this possible? How’d you get up here? Is Raif here?” I asked, hopefully, knowing that if he were, I’d have felt it.

  “Raif? You must mean Raifuku. He mated with you?” His disgust was palpable. “It’s no matter. You now have Atlantean blood running through your veins and must die.” He started pulling me toward the railing. I started struggling through the haze in my brain. Why was it so foggy?

  “What’d you do to me?” I didn’t really expect an answer, so I was surprised when he responded.

  “It is the way this cologne mixes with my natura
l aura. I discovered by accident that the smell causes other Atlanteans not of my clan to become violently ill. Victoria is still sleeping off the effects it had on her. Although, her blood is richer than yours; I was taking a risk assuming it would work on you. I believe it was a well-played risk.”

  I wanted to punch the smug expression off his face. I couldn’t believe Raif had wanted to save these people. They were constantly talking about, or actively trying, to kill me.

  “What about Maurice? Is he sleeping off the drug, too?” I tried to distract him since he seemed willing to talk to me. My vision started to blur and I knew that I had to keep him distracted until someone came on deck or I figured out how to escape. I couldn’t fight him and win.

  “No, I slipped a few sleeping pills into his port. He should sleep until we arrive in Miami. He was a fun toy, but has served his purpose. I’ll be taking you with me back to Atlantis, and finally be welcomed to my home like the prince I am!” As he gloated I brought my foot up to his groin, kicking him with all I had.

  He fell to the ground, groaning in pain. I was distantly relieved to know that Maurice was well, but concerned about Victoria. To think, she was from Atlantis as well! I pushed those thoughts from my head as I ran away from him. It was more of a drunken stagger, but I managed to make it through most of the chairs on deck before he grabbed me. I could see the stairs just a few feet ahead and I screamed for help. It was hoarser than I’d intended, but all I needed was one more person on the deck. I thrashed, twisted, and desperately tried to fight him through the fog that was my brain. It was a struggle just to stay conscious.

  I saw the railing again in my peripheral and I forced my limbs to do something. The fog was coming faster the closer I was to his body as all I could smell was him. It wasn’t as if I didn’t want to go back to Atlantis, but there was no way of knowing for sure that we would. I really didn’t want to die now that I’d found my soul mate. I prayed for a miracle.