by J. L. Perry
“I’m better now,” I whisper. “I’m sorry for the way I acted earlier.” Mason shifts beside me and turns his body so he is now facing me. He brushes the hair off my face and leans forward and kisses my forehead.
“Please don’t feel like you need to apologise to me for what happened before. I just wish you would talk to me about it, so I can understand why it happened…so I can understand you better. Maybe even help, if I can.” He sighs. “Honestly, it was hard for me to see you like that. I wish I knew what it was that made you so upset, so I can make sure it never happens again.”
Again, he makes me smile. This beautiful, muscly, sexy as hell, tattooed man lying beside me, really is a big softy on the inside. It’s time I lay all my demons on the table. All I can do is pray that he will still love me after he hears what I have to say.
He is watching me intently as I try to think about how I’m going to start this awkward conversation. “Please just open up to me babe,” he pleads. I decide the best place to start is at the beginning.
The whole time that I’m talking he is watching me carefully. Sometimes, I see the shock of what I’m saying evident on face, other times, I can see the heartache he feels for my mother and I. That just makes me love him even more. There are a few times that I get emotional as I tell my story, and he immediately comforts me. I tell him everything too. The whole sordid truth. As shocking as it is, he seems to understand. Even though I don’t know the whole story behind his childhood, I guess it was very similar to mine. Maybe that’s why he is so understanding.
When I get to the part that upset me earlier, I notice a shift in him immediately. His body stiffens and I think I even see tears forming in his eyes. I can’t be sure though, because before I finish the story he already has me encased in his big strong arms, holding me tight. Once I finish speaking, we are both silent. Mason finally says something.
“Fuck, I’m so sorry you had to grow up like that,” he says softly. “I wish I knew you back then so I could have saved you from that monster somehow.” That statement makes me cry. That’s the same thing Connor said to me years ago, when I first opened up to him. They aren’t tears of sadness, they’re tears of gratitude. I’m so grateful that I have him in my life. I’m also thankful he didn’t give up on me in the beginning. He fought for us when I was willing to walk away from it all. From this. What a fool I’ve been.
“Thank you for loving me and not judging me, despite all my problems,” I whisper back. “And thank you for not giving up on us. I’m blessed to have found someone as wonderful as you.”
“Oh babe…” Even though I can’t see his face, I can tell he is all choked up. “I love you too. Blake and I are the ones who are blessed to have found you.”
Mason pulls back from me so he can see my face. I was right; there are tears in his eyes. He moves his hand up and gently wipes away my tears. “Thank you for sharing your past with me. I know how hard it was for you to relive everything you and your mother went through.”
I’m sure he’s about to say something else, but I don’t give him a chance. I have this overwhelming compulsion to kiss him, so I do. Before long, we are going for round two. Honestly, I could do this with him all day and night if that was possible. I’ve gone from being a shy little virgin to a totally sex crazed hussy. Cass would be so proud.
****
After being awake half the night, I’m surprised to find I’m feeling quite refreshed when I wake—a bit tender between the legs, if you know what I mean, but I’m feeling a lot better than I thought I’d be. I have arranged to take Blake to school this morning, before I call over to the studio to see Brooke. She gave me the rest of the week off, because of what happened with Cassie but I’m eager to get back to teaching my classes.
Mason is getting himself and Blake ready, while I cook breakfast for them. I decide to give my mum a quick call. I feel the need to touch base with her after my flashbacks last night. I also want to check up on how Cass is doing. She was released from the hospital yesterday.
****
Mason
I’m feeling like shit this morning. After staying up most of the night with Red, I thought I’d sleep well after our marathon sex romp. I was wrong. Jacinta’s story kept replaying itself over and over in my mind. The more I thought about what she’d told me about her past, the angrier I became. I thought my father was an arsehole, Jacinta’s father was far worse.
My father would slap my mum around probably once a week, on a bad week sometimes twice, but it sounded like Jacinta’s mother copped it almost daily. Sure, my dad left bruises and marks on both my mother and I, but until that fateful night, before my mum disappeared, our injuries had never been life threatening. By what Jacinta confessed, it sounds like her mother was extremely lucky to escape with her life.
I’m not saying that either my mother or I were lucky, because my father wasn’t as bad as Jacinta’s. That would be wrong, on so many levels. Any man who raises a hand to his wife or child, with the intent to hurt or intimidate them, is the scum of the earth in my eyes. A total coward! It’s a low act to do that to anyone. Especially to the people who you are supposed to love and protect above anything else.
Hearing Jacinta’s story brought all the emotions and feelings I’ve locked away for years, right back to the surface. My heart broke for her and her mother but, also for my own mother. God, I miss her. I try not to think about her too much because it makes my chest fucking ache. There is also a lot of guilt there on my part. Yes I was just a kid but I regret not having the balls to stand up to my father. If I did, maybe she would be still with us today.
I’d still have my mum, and my boy would have his grandmother.
While I’m in my bedroom getting ready for the office, Blake’s in the kitchen talking to Jacinta. My gut is churning as images of my father and mother flood my mind. I thought I’d dealt with all this shit years ago. Maybe I haven’t, because I actually feel like throwing up. I guess blocking out the past and trying not to think about it, hasn’t been my smartest move. Right now I’m feeling a little overwhelmed. Well a lot actually.
Thankfully, Jacinta offered to drive Blake to school today because, honestly, I need to get the fuck out of here and clear my head. I’m already trying my hardest not to lose it and punch the fucking wall, or worse. I feel like driving over to my father’s house and taking my frustrations out on him. That fucker deserves a good beating but that would only make me as bad as him. I’m not going to lower myself to his standards, even though I’d love to give him a taste of his own fucking medicine.
FUCK, I want to scream!
Once I’m dressed, I try my best to put on a happy face before leaving my bedroom. It’s fucking hard though, I’m wound so tight. I feel like I’m on the verge of snapping and losing my shit. That’s the last thing Jacinta or Blake need to see. I know, in time, I’ll calm down. I always do. Right now though, I need to get the fuck out of here and onto my bike. My bike has always been a great escape for me when I feel like this.
If I leave now, it’ll give me time to take my bike for a cruise before starting work. I feel like saying, “To hell with it,” and blowing work off altogether, but I have an important meeting this morning that I can’t miss.
When I walk into the kitchen I find Jacinta tickling Blake. The sound of their laughter immediately makes me smile. It’s not enough to lighten my mood, but it’s a start. A few minutes ago I wouldn’t have been able to smile if you asked me too.
I quickly kiss them both goodbye, before Jacinta notices that I’m no longer the happy go lucky guy, I usually am. I’m not in the right frame of mind to explain the shift in my mood. I need her to feel like she can open up to me, tell me anything and everything. The way I’m feeling right now is my problem, not hers. I’m the one who has blocked out my shitty upbringing for all these years, not her. She is a lot braver than she thinks, because she is dealing with this on a daily basis.
If she thinks for one minute that what she told me last night is hav
ing an effect on me, she’ll be hesitant to open up to me in the future. I said last night that she needed to open up to me, or things between us wouldn’t work, which is kind of hypocritical. But this is about her. She needs to come to terms with her past and find some kind of peace, before I can even think about telling her the truth about mine.
****
Thankfully by the time I arrive at work I’ve calmed down, a lot. I still have that niggling feeling in the pit of my stomach, but the ride did wonders for my shitty mood. I’m at my desk for a few minutes when a text comes through, from Jacinta.
I just wanted to let you know that Blake arrived at school okay. I also want to thank you again for listening to me last night and not judging me. I’m so lucky to have found someone as wonderful as you. You mean the world to me Mason and I love you so much. I hope you have a great day at work. xoxo
Wow! The last of my shitty mood is instantly lifted as soon as I read her text. Fuck, I love her so much too. Once upon a time, the thought of ever getting this close to a woman scared the shit out of me. It wasn’t even an option I ever really considered. With her, I want it all—fuck, I want her forever, and all that sappy shit that comes along with it. She really has turned me into a love-sick pussy. The crazy thing is that the thought doesn’t scare me. Not one little bit. It actually makes me smile.
She makes me fucking smile.
I’m due in the boardroom in a few minutes for my meeting, so I quickly shoot her back a text before I leave my office.
Thanks for taking Blake to school. I’m sure he loved every minute of it. I’ll never be able to repay you for the kindness you have shown him. We are both so lucky to have you in our life. I love you and adore you, and so does my boy. You are everything that we never knew we needed. As for last night, thank you for opening up to me. I know it was hard for you. I’ll always be here for you babe, I hope you know that. Please don’t ever think there’s anything you can’t share with me. I’ll never judge you, because you mean the world to me and your past is part of who you are. I’m so proud of you. I hope you have a great day too. I can’t wait to see you tonight. xxx
P.S. I didn’t add in any hugs, because if I think of my arms wrapped around your sexy body right now, I’ll go into this meeting with a hard-on. ;)
Yeah, it’s official, I’m a fucking pussy.
I’ll be fucked if I didn’t mean every word of that text too.
****
Jacinta
Mason’s text has me grinning from ear to ear. He seemed a little off this morning. Maybe it is a touch of paranoia on my part after my confessions last night. He didn’t seem like his usual chirpy self. All those worries have vanished now, after reading his text.
Being in love and being loved by such a wonderful man is an amazing feeling. I never, in my wildest dreams would have thought that a man could make me this happy. But I am—I’m deliriously happy.
As soon as I walk into the studio, Brooke can tell. She is onto me straight away. I’ve mentioned Mason to her a few times, but I haven’t had a chance to tell her that we are officially together now.
“Oh my god,” is the first thing she says. “Spill,” is the second. She grabs my hand and starts dragging me towards her office. She makes me laugh. How she can tell is beyond me. Maybe the happiness I’m feeling on the inside is radiating through somehow. Or maybe she just knows me too well.
As soon as we are in her office, she pushes me into a chair and sits opposite me. “Okay, I’m waiting,” she says as she raises one eyebrow. I giggle at her.
“Mason and I are officially together…I told him that I love him.” Before the words are completely out of my mouth, Brooke jumps up and pulls me off the chair and into her arms.
“Oh, I’m so happy for you Jaz,” she squeals as she squeezes the air right out of me. “When am I going to meet him? You can bring him over to the house for dinner, or we can go out to a restaurant, whatever you’re comfortable with. I have to meet him though Jaz, I just have to. I’ve been waiting years for this day.”
She is so excited by my news that I don’t even think she took a breath as she blurted all that out. “Of course you can meet him,” I reply with a huge smile. “I’ll talk with Mason and see what we can organise.”
“Are you happy?” she asks then immediately adds, “Don’t answer that I can tell that you are. What does your mum think?”
“We’ve only been officially together for a day.” I laugh. “I’ll probably call her tomorrow. Besides, she’s busy looking after Connor and Cass.”
I’m certainly not worried about telling her, she’ll be over the moon. I just need a little more time to wrap my own head around it first. It has all come about so fast. I’m still getting used to the idea myself. I’ve known for weeks that I have strong feelings for him, but I never had any intentions of taking it to such a serious level. It’s going to take some time to get used to.
The rest of the day goes by quite fast. Brooke and I talk throughout the day about Mason and Blake. At least if we get together, Blake will have Angel and Christopher to play with. I don’t hear from Mason for the rest of the day. He told me this morning that he would be busy in a meeting for most of the day.
Brooke and I both leave the studio at the same time. She is off to pick up her kids from school and I am going to get Blake. I’ll be going back to the studio as soon as Mason gets home. My plan is to cook dinner for the boys before I have to leave to teach my evening classes.
Mason is going to take Blake with him to Bridge tonight, while I’m gone. Hopefully tomorrow night, I’ll be able to go along with him. I’m really looking forward to checking it out. It’s such a wonderful thing he does. I’d love to get involved and help out somehow.
After I pick up Blake from school, we head back home. I’ve only been staying with them for a few days, but we’re already falling into a kind of routine. It’s nice and doesn’t scare me as much as I thought it would. I’ll only be staying with them for a few more days. I’m going to enjoy it while I can.
Having this one on one time with Blake is good. It’s given us a chance to talk about his past. It breaks my heart as I listen to some of the stories but, he seems to be coping really well. I want him to be able to open up and hopefully deal with everything he went through, while living with his mother. I’m worried if he doesn’t, he will suppress it all like I did. That’s the last thing I want. I’d hate for any of this to come back and haunt him in later life, like it does me.
His mum sounds like she was a selfish bitch. I’m so grateful that he’s away from that life, and her. Mason is a wonderful father to his son. I’m very optimistic that Blake will come out of all this just fine. He’s a remarkable little boy.
I have dinner all ready by the time Mason gets home. He looks tired, but happy to see us both. Blake and I are setting the table when he walks through the door.
“Daddy,” Blake screams as he runs towards him. Mason immediately puts down his briefcase and scoops him into his arms.
“Wow, what a greeting,” he says to him with a huge smile on his face. “What did I do to deserve that?”
“I’m just happy to see you, that’s all.”
Mason looks over at me and smiles, before looking back at his son. “I’m happy to see you too buddy,” he says. When he places him back on his feet, he does his signature ruffle of Blake’s hair. I’ve come to notice that this is his way of showing his affection for his son. It’s the manly way I guess. I think it’s kind of sweet.
He then sets his sights on me. The nervous excitement that courses through my body as he stalks towards me is surprising. Well it’s not really that surprising—I’m slowly becoming accustomed to it. Any time that I’m near Mason my body goes into overdrive. He has that effect on me. Personally, I love this feeling—it’s new and invigorating.
It’s a nice kind of nervous. I actually like this feeling, it’s not the horrible kind I used to get when my father was around. It makes me feel like I am truly alive but, more
than anything, it makes me feel normal. Normal is not a feeling that I am completely accustomed to. No guy has ever made me feel the things he does. Even the look on his gorgeous face right now, is turning my insides to mush.
Before I get to analyse my feelings further, I’m in his arms and his mouth is on mine. Wow, I love being in his arms. I love everything about him. He’s kissing me like his life depends on it. I actually feel a little dizzy as all the air leaves my body.
Holy crap this is one hot kiss.
Unfortunately, the moment is broken all too soon when we both hear Blake giggling behind us. Mason pulls out of the kiss first and sighs, as he rests his forehead against mine. I smile up at him.
“Hi,” he breathes.
“Hi.”
We stay like this for a few more seconds before turning our heads to look at Blake. His eyes are wide and he’s smiling up at us. I’m now feeling a little embarrassed. Mason has this way of making me feel like we are the only two people in the universe, when he kisses me.
“What?” Mason eventually says when Blake continues to stare at us.
“You kissed a girl,” Blake giggles in response. That comment makes me chuckle too.
“You will want to kiss girls too, one day.”
“No way,” Blake answers and the look of horror on his face makes me laugh. “That is so gross.” Mason chuckles as he reaches down and ruffles Blake’s hair again.
“Trust me buddy, you will. Now go and wash your hands so we can eat.”
As Blake walks towards the bathroom, we both hear him mumble, “No way am I ever kissing a girl.” We both laugh at his comment. As soon as he is out of sight, Mason pulls me back into his arms.
“Now, where were we?” His lips are on mine again before I get a chance to answer him. His kisses make my toes curl and I kind of wish we were alone right now. But we’re not and after dinner I have to go to the studio anyway, so this is going to have to wait until later tonight when we are in bed.
Mason is obviously feeling it too, because he pulls me tighter against his body and I can feel that he is already hard. “Fuck, I want you right now babe,” he says against my mouth. As much as I want him as well, I need to pull out of this kiss. One, because he already has me worked up, and we cannot take this kiss where we want to. The second reason is because Blake will be here any minute and I don’t want him to catch us again.