by J. L. Perry
“Why weren’t you watching him?” he asks angrily. Shit, here we go. He’s going to blame me. I know it. Sure, maybe I shouldn’t have let him wander off. He was only a few metres away though. I kept looking over at him constantly while I talked to Jenny.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“Sorry…fucking sorry!” he screams. “I trusted you to take good care of my son.” Maybe I’m a tiny bit responsible for her getting her hands on Blake. But, I’ll be fucked if I’m going to stand here and let him put all the blame on me.
I feel the tears rise to my eyes again as I turn to leave. He needs to calm down before we continue with this conversation.
I only get a few feet away when he grabs my arm. “Where the fuck are you going?” he snaps.
“I’m leaving. I’m not going to stand here and let you blame me for what happened today. I also don’t appreciate the way you’re talking to me.”
“Well if you were watching him properly she wouldn’t have been able to put her filthy fucking hands on him.”
That fucking does it. I’m out of here. “We’ll finish this conversation when you have calmed down.” I say as I pull my arm out of his grip.
“Don’t you fucking dare walk away from me.”
Seriously, he thinks he can order me around like that. Well I’ve got news for him; he can’t! I reach for the door knob and he grabs my elbow. “Please don’t walk away,” he says more calmly this time. I look up at his face, he looks angry and sad. He has every right to be. Unfortunately though, he’s taking it out on the wrong person. I can’t stay here with him when he is like this. Angry men scare me.
I try to shrug my arm out of his grip again but he holds it tight. “Let me fucking go,” I snap.
“No,” he screams in my face. Now he’s starting to scare me a little. “You’re not fucking walking away from me Red.”
Again I try to release my arm from his grip. He is not hurting me but he won’t let go.
“Please,” he begs. “I’m sorry I screamed at you.” I know this is hard for him. I’m not angry at him for screaming. I can’t talk to him when he’s like this. He’ll calm down soon enough and then we can continue this discussion. I sigh heavily. I don’t know what else to say to him. He lets go of my arm. He must think I’m going to stay.
Well he is wrong!
I reach for the door knob again. “Fucking hell Red,” he snaps in frustration. I feel bad for leaving him right now but I can’t stay when he’s like this. Maybe that makes me a coward but I just can’t do it.
I have the door open. I turn to look at him before I leave. I’m about to say call me when you’ve calmed down, but before the words come out he raises his fist and puts it straight through the wall. Instantly I cower. My hands come straight up to protect my head. It’s instinct. Kind of a natural reaction when you’ve grown up like I have. In my heart I know he wouldn’t hurt me like that. Well I hope he wouldn’t. Seeing him so angry scares me. Really scares me. I don’t like this side of Mason. Not…at…all!
****
Mason
Fuck! What in the hell have I just done? Seeing her cower like that because of me is a fucking heart breaking thing to see. I’d never hurt her. My head is just fucked up right now. I’m not even angry at her. I shouldn’t have said what I did before. I’m angry at that piece of fucking shit that gave birth to my son. I don’t know why I took it out on Jacinta. I know how much she loves Blake. She would never intentionally do something to put him in harm’s way.
I can’t believe I just lost my temper and put my fist through the wall. I haven’t done that since I lived with my father. I never had the guts to hit him back so I’d go inside my closet sometimes and punch holes in the wall. I’d pretend it was him. I couldn’t do it where he’d find it, otherwise I’d cop a beating for it. Or even worse, my mother would. Whenever I did something wrong it was always her fault because she was the one who gave birth to me.
Fucking arsehole!
Red’s still standing in the doorway. Her hands are still protecting her head. She’s frozen with fear. Fear that I fucking put there. Seeing her like this makes me want to cry. I never want her to be scared of me. I’d never hurt her. Never! I reach out for her but she steps away from me.
What have I fucking done?
“I’m sorry babe,” I whisper.
“I’ve got to go,” is all she says. She starts to walk away. I feel my heart shattering into a thousand pieces. When she moves her hands away from her face I see the first tear fall. I want to fucking cry too. Then I notice her hand. It’s all bruised and swollen. I reach for her again.
“What happened to your hand?” I ask. She doesn’t answer. Instead she starts to run. She’s running away from me. Again. This time I deserve it. For acting like a fucking arsehole. Maybe I’m more like my old man then I care to admit.
I want to chase after her. But, I can’t. I can’t leave Blake, especially after what happened to him today. I can’t bring him with me either. He’s been through enough drama. He doesn’t need to see or know that I just fucked up the best thing that has ever happened to me. To us. We both need her. It’s like she was made especially for us. We both adore her. I can’t believe I’ve just ruined it.
Blake and Jacinta are my world. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for either of them. There is no way I’m going to let her go. No fucking way! I’ll fight to get her back. She is my air. I can’t fucking breathe without her.
Once she’s in the elevator and out of my sight I step back into the apartment. I take a deep breath. I need to pull myself together and go see my boy. He needs me. Once I’m sure he’s okay, I’ll work on making things right with Jacinta again.
I give myself a few minutes before I make my way down the hall. When I reach the doorway of his bedroom I take another deep breath. I can hear his X-Box game playing. I step into his room and he looks up at me.
He puts his game control down and says, “Dad.” God, I love hearing him call me that. He smiles at me which makes me smile too. I don’t know what I was expecting to find when I walked in here, it wasn’t this. He looks okay. He looks exactly how he did when I left him this morning.
“Hey buddy,” I say as I sit down next to him on the bed. “I heard what happened today. How are you holding up?”
“I’m better now. Jazzi helped me.” Of course she did. Look at the way I thanked her for it. “We talked about it a lot when we got home. I know I’m safe now and Roxy can’t get me again.”
When he mentioned “Roxy” he put his head down. I think he’s trying to put on a brave face for me. Sure, he probably is okay, he’s such a resilient little guy. That action just now tells me he is still troubled by what happened. Or troubled about seeing his mother again. I’m so fucking angry at her right now. I feel like strangling the fucking bitch.
“Do you want to talk to me about what happened?”
“Not really,” he says with a shrug. “You should have seen Jazzi dad, she was awesome. She chased after Roxy and tackled her to the ground. She saved me dad. She held her down so she couldn’t run away and when Roxy pulled Jazzi’s hair and said mean things to her, Jazzi punched her and made her nose bleed.” So that’s what happened to her hand.
I couldn’t feel any lower than I do right now. I didn’t even let Red get to that part when she was explaining what happened. Instead I fucking screamed at her and blamed her for everything that happened. She fucking saved my boy and look how I treated her. I need to thank her. That’s if she ever speaks to me again. Words will never be able to convey the gratitude I feel for what she’s done.
Fuck I’ve really messed things up.
CHAPTER SE
VENTEEN
Jacinta
How could the first part of my day be so perfect and then rapidly decline into my worst nightmare? Saying I’m feeling crushed right now would be putting it mildly. I’m devastated…absolutely shattered. I really thought Mason was it for me. The one. Now I’m not so sure. I can’t believe afte
r all these years I finally let my defences down. Finally let a guy into my heart, only for him to break it in a few short minutes.
I’ve allowed myself to think for the last few days that maybe I could have a healthy relationship with someone. Despite my past.
Boy was I wrong.
The pain in my hand is getting worse, I welcome it. It’s better than the numbness that has now settled deep within my soul. I left Mason’s place with nothing. My purse, phone and keys to my apartment are still sitting on his kitchen bench. All I want to do is go back to my place and cry. I can’t even do that. I have nowhere else I can go. There is always Brooke but, even the keys to my car are in Mason’s apartment. Why didn’t I think to grab my damn handbag before I left?
It’s probably safer if I don’t go there now anyway. Just in case Mason comes looking for me. Right now I couldn’t face him. I don’t think I could face anyone. Thankfully, Connor and Cass are still in Melbourne. I miss them terribly but after what just happened I need a little space, some time to myself.
Its daylight saving at the moment and I’m grateful it won’t be dark for another hour or so. The city is a pretty busy place, even on a weeknight but, I still wouldn’t feel safe walking around on my own after dark.
I have no idea where I’m going to go or sleep for that matter. Even if I could find a payphone I don’t have any money or know anybody’s number off by heart. They’re all programmed into my phone.
I get the elevator down to the lobby. Once I’m out in the street I start walking. Even though it’s a warm night my body is trembling. I know why. It has nothing to do with the weather. I’m sure I look like a hot mess, but I don’t care.
The only thing consuming my thoughts is Mason and, of course, Blake. I wanted to stay close to my little man tonight so I could keep an eye on him. Mason is a whole different story. I’m still trying to wrap my head around what just happened.
As much as I love and want to be with him, I know now that I can’t. Whatever we had is over. I couldn’t possibly be with him after what he just did. My past won’t allow that. I saw a different side to him. A side that I don’t like…at all. It scared me. Thinking about it makes the tears start to fall again.
What am I going to do?
I love him completely. With my heart and soul. How do you get over someone that you love with every fibre of your being? How can I ever go back to my old life, how it was before I loved him? He has made me feel more alive in the last few weeks, than I have ever felt before.
The thought of never being with him again. Never feeling the things he makes me feel. Never touching him. Kissing him. Never making love to him, makes my life ahead suddenly seem grim. Very grim. I’d never do anything stupid though. The few years after my father and before meeting him weren’t that bad. I’ll get back there—somehow…someday.
I hope.
For now, I’ll wander the streets, seeing where my feet take me. The further away from Mason the better.
****
Mason
I’m lost in thought as I sit with Blake. “I’m hungry dad,” he suddenly says. It makes me chuckle. Food is the last thing I want at the moment. I’m glad he’s hungry though. At least he’s not letting what happened today affect his appetite. That’s a good sign I suppose. I ruffle his hair before asking, “How about I order you a pizza?”
“Cool,” he says as he picks up his game control again. Tonight I was supposed to take my two favourite people out for dinner. It’s funny how sometimes your best laid plans can go to shit in a matter of minutes.
I pull my phone out of my pocket as I leave his room. I want to call Jacinta first and make sure she got home safely, before I call the pizza guy. I know she probably won’t want to talk to me right now but, I need to know she’s safe.
My heart is beating out of my chest as I dial her number. When I hear her ringtone coming from the kitchen, I race in there, all the time hoping that she changed her mind and came back. When I see her handbag sitting on the kitchen counter, my heart sinks. I open her bag and notice her wallet, keys and phone are inside.
Fuck, she left here with nothing.
She wouldn’t even be able to get into her apartment since Connor and Cassandra are still in Melbourne. Shit, what am I going to do? I can’t go dragging Blake all over the city looking for her. On the other hand there is no way I’m going to sit here not knowing where she is and if she’s safe.
I quickly order the pizza, then I call Rob. Hopefully, he can come and sit with Blake for a few hours so I can go and find Red. I hate to leave him after everything that happened today, but Jacinta could be anywhere. I won’t be able to rest until I know she’s home safe and sound.
Even if I do find her, more than likely she’ll refuse to come with me. She’s so fucking stubborn sometimes. I’m not going to let that worry me. I’ll throw her over my fucking shoulder if I have to. She may be pissed with me right now, but I fucking love her more than life. It’s my job to look after her and keep her safe.
While I’m waiting for Rob to arrive, my phone rings. My heart starts to race again, even though I know it’s not Red. How can she call me when her phone is here? I pull it out of my pocket, it’s from a private number. When I answer, the male voice says, “Is this Mason Bradley?”
“Yes it is.”
“It is detective Watts from City Central Police Station. I’m calling in regards to the incident earlier today, involving your son Blake Bradley and a Miss Roxanne Adams.” Instantly my blood starts to boil when I hear her fucking name mentioned.
The call lasts only a few minutes. He informs me that Roxy will be detained until she faces court in the morning. He also advisers me that I’m welcome to attend. Honestly, seeing her right now is the last thing I want to do, but on the other hand I need to be there to make sure she gets what is coming to her. I have to make sure that she’s going to stay away from my son. Well technically our son, but in my eyes she lost that right when she neglected him and sold him to me without a second thought.
Fucked up junkie bitch!
The detective wants me to bring all the paperwork proving I have sole custody of Blake, down to the Police station as soon as possible. I inform him I’ll drop them off sometime later tonight. First thing’s first, I need to find my girl.
Rob still hasn’t arrived, so I decide to make a quick call to Connor. Shit, this conversation isn’t going to go down well. I need his help. I need to make sure that Roxy gets locked up for what she did today. Maybe, it might even help her to get clean. Connor, being a Police Prosecutor, will know where we stand and the best way to go about it.
He picks up on the second ring. “Hey bro what’s up?’
“Hey. How’s things with Cassandra?”
“Good. Real good. We’re going to organise our flights home tomorrow. How’s my little sis doing? You better be taking good care of her you fucker.” Any other time I would laugh at his comment. Not now though. It actually makes my heart sink into the pit of my stomach. He’s going to flip his fucking lid when he finds out what happened here tonight. I can’t mention it now. I’d rather talk to him face to face.
Probably not a good idea I know, since he’s so protective of her, but it’s the right thing to do. If he wants to kick my arse for what I did, so be it. I probably deserve it anyway. He’s also so far away at the moment, so he’ll be worried sick if I tell him Jacinta fled after I lost my temper with her.
Jacinta is my responsibility now anyway, not his. I’ll find her and make this right. Fuck, I need to fix this. Thinking about not having her in my life is almost too much to bear. I’d be fucking lost without her. I’m already fucking lost without her and it hasn’t even been an hour. Shit, I need to pull myself together so I can get through this phone call with Connor.
“That’s good mate,” I say. “I’ve missed seeing your ugly head.” My comment makes him chuckle. “The reason I’m calling is I need your advice and maybe your help on something.”
“Sure. You know I’d
do anything for you. As long as it hasn’t nothing to do with your fucking sex life. Because if it does you know I’ll fucking hurt you. I don’t need to know shit like that about my sister.”
“Like you could give me advice on sex you fucker. You’re talking to a fucking sex god here.” Again he laughs.
“Change the subject now you arsehole,” he says sternly.
I take a deep breath before I talk again. “There was an incident here today. Roxy tried to take Blake.”
“What the fuck. Is he okay?”
“Yeah he is fine. Luckily, Jacinta was there and she saved him.”
“What, Jaz was involved? Is she okay? Put her on the phone.”
Fuck, this conversation is going nowhere fast. “I can’t…she’s not here.”
“Where the fuck is she?”
“Look I’ll get her to call you soon.” That’s if I can fucking find her. “Roxy has to face court in the morning and I’m worried she is going to get off with a good behaviour bond or some shit like that. That’s what I need your help with. There isn’t much time. Is there something we can do to make sure she gets locked up for a while?”
“Maybe. I’ll make a few calls and see what I can do. I’ll try to organise a search warrant. More than likely they’ll find some drugs or something incriminating at her home, given the kind of lifestyle she leads.”
“That would be great.”
“Now, I want to speak with my sister. If she isn’t with you, where the fuck is she?” he asks in an angry tone.
“Honestly, I don’t know.”
“What do you mean you don’t fucking know!” he screams.
“We had a few words earlier and she left.”
“Fuck man. You are supposed to be looking after her while I’m not there. Did you call her?”
“No,” I say with a sigh. “I can’t. She left her phone here.”
“Did she go back to our apartment?”
“I don’t know. I’m waiting for Rob to come and sit with Blake so I can go and look for her.”