by J. L. Perry
“I’ve missed you too Jazzi.”
****
I knock on the door when I get up to Mason’s apartment. He doesn’t answer. I’m not even sure if he is in there, but I use my key just in case. As soon as I step inside I see him. The sight before me breaks my heart. He looks so broken.
He’s sitting on the floor leaning up against the wall. He has a bottle of bourbon in his hand. His head is bowed and his shoulders are slumped.
After quietly closing the front door, I walk across the room towards him. He doesn’t even look up at me. Once I am standing in front of him, I squat down.
“Hey. Cassie told me about your dad,” I say as I reach out and rub my hand down his arm. He pulls his head up and looks at me. His eyes are all bloodshot. He looks so sad and tortured. I hate seeing him like this.
“Are you okay?” I whisper.
He stares at me without answering. Tears pool in his eyes. I move my hand up to the side of his face and gently stroke it. When a tear runs down his cheek, I feel my own tears come. Seeing him like this is hard.
I’m still squatting between his legs. I move onto my knees and take the bottle out of his hands. It’s nearly empty. After placing it on the floor beside him, I pull him into my arms. He wraps his arms around my waist and holds me tight. I’ve missed being held like this. I’ve missed his touch, his smell, his lips…I’ve missed everything about him.
When a small sob escapes him, my tears begin to fall. “I’m sorry about your dad,” I whisper.
“I’m not,” he says as his voice cracks. “I’m glad that fucker is dead.” His comment shocks me, but on the other hand, going on what he told me that night about his past, I understand. I’d probably feel the same if it was my father.
“The only thing I’ m sorry about is my mum. Now I’m never going to find out what happened to her.” His voice is slurring as he talks, but I can still make out what he’s saying.
I pull back from him so I can see his face. “What do you mean? What happened to your mum?”
“That’s how I know I could never hurt you,” he whispers as he puts his hand up and gently brushes the hair from my face.
“What are you talking about?” I ask confused. I’m not sure if it’s all the alcohol he’s been drinking, but he’s not making any sense.
“I watched him kill her,” he chokes out. Oh god. I can tell by the look on his face that he means what he just said. I pull him back into my arms and hold him tight. I don’t know what to say. There were so many times growing up that I thought my dad was going to kill my mum too. We have more in common than I thought.
“I’m sorry you had to see that. So sorry.” I hold him and let him cry. I can only imagine how he is feeling right now. He must’ve held this secret inside for all these years. My heart’s breaking for him.
After a few minutes, I pull back to look at him. We stare at each other for what feels like an eternity. No words are spoken, they’re not needed. We seem to have this silent way of communicating.
“I miss you Red,” he eventually says as his hands move up to cup my face. Instinctively I lean into it.
“I miss you too, Wolf,” I whisper as I close my eyes briefly and savour his touch. Even though he is visibly upset, my comment makes the side of his mouth turn up into a slight smile.
“Fucking Wolf,” he says as he shakes his head and chuckles. His speech is pretty slurred. I’m guessing by that and the strong smell of alcohol on his breath, he probably drank most of that bottle of bourbon.
His eyes meet mine again. I hold his stare. The electricity that moves between us is strong. I thought with everything that has happened that it would be gone. It’s not. It’s as strong as ever.
“Please take me back, babe. Without you, I can’t seem to function properly anymore.” His comment brings a lump to my throat. That’s exactly how I feel too. I put my finger up to his lips to silence him.
“Shhh. We can talk about this tomorrow when you’re sober.” He plants a tiny kiss on my finger and then smiles at me. I move my finger away from his lips and softly run my hand down the side of his face again. He really is beautiful. I’ve missed looking at him.
“Come,” I say as I stand and try to help him up off the floor. “Let me get you into bed so you can sleep it off.” This makes his smile widen. If he thinks I’m going to join him he’s delusional. Honestly, I’d love nothing more, but we have a lot to discuss before that can happen. This time I want to take things slow. I need to be sure things are going to work between us before I take that step again.
He helps me out by trying to stand. He’s nearly twice the size of me so there is no way I could pull him up by myself. It takes a few tries, eventually he’s on his feet.
I put my hand around his waist and guide him down the hallway towards his bedroom. He’s very unsteady on his feet and we nearly fall over a few times. Eventually we make it though. I lead him over to the bed, asking him to sit so I can help him remove his clothes. Instead of sitting, he falls backwards taking me with him. I land on top of him.
“Mason,” I squeal. “I need to help you get undressed.”
“Let me undress you first,” he says with a smirk.
“I’m not here for that.” I try to get up. He tightens his grip on me so I can’t. “Please Mason. Let me go. You’re in no condition for that anyway.”
“Babe, I’m always in condition for that. Especially with you. I miss you. I miss your eyes, your lips, your fantastic tits and that fucking heavenly pussy of yours. Come on Red,” he pleads as he grabs hold of my arse and grinds himself against me. “I know you love my cock.”
He’s already hard. Like always his dirty talk is turning me on. I need to stop this. I’m not ready to take that step again. When, and if I do, I want him to be able to remember it. I’m positive with the state he’s in now, he won’t remember anything in the morning.
“Mason, let me up,” I beg.
“No. I need you Red.”
“Not like this you don’t.”
“Come on babe it’s been weeks.”
“Are you sure about that? You looked awfully friendly with that girl the other night.”
“What girl…? Oh that girl,” he chuckles as it suddenly dawns on him. I don’t find it amusing at all. “I told you I only did it to make you jealous. I pushed her away as soon as you left.” I stare down at him. I can tell he is sincere, but I’m still so hurt by what he did.
“Look, I think I better go.”
“No fucking way. You’re not running out on me again. I want to settle this once and for all. I fucking love you Jacinta. I only want to be with you. Nobody else. You’re it for me babe. Can’t you see that?”
“We can talk about this tomorrow.”
“No. Talk to me now,” he slurs.
“Let me up.” I try to push myself off him again. He continues to hold me tight though.
“Come on babe. I said I was sorry. What about you and lover boy?”
“Lover boy?”
“Yes. That fucker you were with the other night.”
“He’s not a fucker. He’s my boss Mason. He didn’t deserve the way you treated him either.”
“He’s lucky I didn’t rip his fucking head off.” Okay, I’ve heard enough. I don’t like where this conversation is heading. I again try and break free, but he’s too strong for me.
He’s staring at me again. “He didn’t touch you, did he?” he asks.
“What do you mean by that?” I narrow my eyes at him. He chuckles.
“You’re so sexy when you’re angry Red. It turns me on.” His comment makes me roll my eyes.
“Of course he didn’t touch me. He’s my boss, remember.”
“Good, because I own this,” he says as he moves his hand down and cups me between the legs. “Nobody can touch this but me.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes it is. I own this fucking pussy.”
“Let me up.”
“No. Give me a kiss.”
“No.”<
br />
“Come on. I fucking miss your lips.” I’m trying to be angry with him, but his comment makes me smile. Drunk Mason is funny and kind of sweet too.
“Let me get up so I can take your shoes off.”
“Not until you give me a kiss.”
“Come on Mason. Let me get you undressed and then I’ll give you a kiss.”
“Promise?”
“Yes, I promise.” This makes him smile. I love his smile. He looked so sad and broken when I first got here.
“I love you so much,” he slurs as he loosens his grip on me. I love him too, but I don’t say it back.
I remove his shoes and socks. By the time I go to remove his belt, he’s snoring. I find myself smiling as I look down at him. It takes a little effort to get his belt off because he’s dead weight. I eventually manage.
I stare down at him. I could do this all day and never get sick of it. After a few minutes I lean down and put my lips on his. I leave them there for a few seconds as I savour the feel of his lips against mine. I’ve missed this. When I finally pull away, I run my hand down the side of his face. I sigh. I hope we can work things out.
He is snoring pretty loud now. He’s never snored when I have stayed over. It must be the alcohol. I roll him over onto his side, before I grab a spare blanket out of the wardrobe and cover him.
“I love you too,” I whisper in his ear, before I kiss his cheek. I then turn and leave.
CHAPTER TWEN
TY-SEVEN
Mason
When I wake in the morning I feel like death. My head feels like it’s been beaten with a hammer. I try to sit up but end up falling back down onto my pillow. Fuck, why do I feel so terrible? My throat is sore and my mouth is so dry. I have no recollection of coming to bed so I rack my brain trying to remember. It only causes my head to ache more.
I look over at the bedside table. It’s just after 8:00 a.m. Shit, I need to get up for work. I don’t know how I’m going to get through the day feeling like this though. I notice there is a glass of juice and a couple of tablets sitting on my bedside table. How they got there, god only knows.
I sit up and pop the pills into my mouth and down the juice in one gulp. Reluctantly, I climb out of bed and head into the bathroom. I need to brush my teeth. I look down and notice I’m still fully dressed.
When I look into the mirror, I’m not surprised to see that I look like shit. That’s when it hits me. Like a bolt of lightning. The phone call. My dad’s death. My mum. I place my hands on the basin and hang my head as sadness and guilt consumes me.
Now I know why I feel like shit. I remember hitting the bottle pretty hard. I don’t remember much after that. Shit, Blake. I left him with Cassandra yesterday afternoon. Fuck!
****
Jacinta
When I got back to my apartment last night, I ended up putting Blake into bed with me. I couldn’t take him home while Mason was in that condition. He’s so adorable to sleep with. He snuggled into my side and draped his little arm around me. When I woke in the morning he was still like that. It instantly brought a smile to my face.
His sweet little sleepy face when he woke also tugged at my heart strings. I’m blown away by the amount of love I feel for him. I’m not a mother, but I’m guessing it would be something like that. We laid in bed, talking for a bit before Blake said he was hungry.
While cooking breakfast, Mason arrived. “Dad,” Blake squealed as he ran to him.
“Hey buddy.” Blake wrapped his arms around Mason’s legs and Mason ruffled his hair. He had a smile on his face but I could tell it was forced. I could see under that façade he was incredibly sad. His eyes gave him away. My heart hurt for him. The little information I got out of him last night, I can only imagine how he is feeling right now.
“You look like shit,” Connor says as he gets up from the table.
“Thanks, arsehole,” Mason replies.
“Are you going to stay for breakfast?”
“No. I don’t really feel like eating. I’ll have a coffee though.” I’m not sure if the loss of appetite has something to do with what he’s going through, or if it’s because of the massive hangover I’m sure he has. Either way, I wish he’d eat something.
He follows Connor into the kitchen. When he looks over at me, it’s hard to judge what he’s thinking. “Morning,” I say with a smile.
“Hey.” That’s it. That’s all I get. He doesn’t even return my smile. After everything he said to me last night, I’m a little hurt. I wonder if he can even remember any of it.
“I slept in Jazzi’s bed last night,” Blake says with a huge smile on his face. “With Jazzi.” The look on his little face makes me smile.
“Lucky you,” Mason replies as he looks over at me. The sarcasm in his voice doesn’t go unnoticed. I guess things still aren’t good between us. I was stupid to think that a few drunken words last night would make everything okay.
I turn away from the boys and continue to make breakfast. I don’t want Mason to see that I’m upset. I ask Blake to go and sit at the table. I follow him over with his breakfast. I walk back into the kitchen and hear Connor say, “I’m sorry to hear about your dad.”
“I’m not. The arsehole deserved to die.” He sounds so bitter. After what he confessed I don’t blame him. I quickly grab mine and Cass’ plates and leave the kitchen. Maybe Connor can say something that will help. After all they did grow up together, so he knew his family well.
After the three of us finish eating, Mason and Connor come back into the room. “Come on Blake,” Mason says. “I need to get you ready for school.”
“Okay dad.” Blake goes to pick his plate up from the table.
“Leave it sweetie,” I say to him. “I’ll do it.”
“Thanks Jazzi.” He comes over and gives me a kiss before he goes. I look over at Mason, his head is down. He leaves without saying goodbye.
****
Mason
Seeing Red again was hard. I’ve missed her so much since she left to go to Melbourne. Usually, just seeing her beautiful face is enough to perk me up. Not today though. It only makes me realise I’ve lost her too. Just like I lost my mum.
With all this other shit going on, seeing her just now, almost seemed unbearable. I need her so fucking much, but I can’t take another rejection. It’s probably best if I just stay away from her for a while. I need to come to terms with all this other stuff first.
I don’t know if I’ll ever get past this. In my heart I always believed I’d get the answers. Somehow. Someday. Now that I realise that’s not going to happen, I feel like I’ve lost my mum all over again.
I need closure. I want to find her body and lay her to rest. That’s the hardest part. Not knowing. She was a beautiful person and a wonderful mother. She deserves a proper burial if nothing else. I’d be kidding myself if I believed she was still alive. I know she’s not. In my heart I’ve known that since I woke that morning to find she was gone.
I’m going to try my best to keep it together. For Blake. He needs me. Maybe if I can keep myself busy all this shit will go away. Who am I kidding? I have to try and get past it though. I have too.
****
Jacinta
It’s been over a week since I found Mason drunk in his apartment. I’ve seen him briefly twice since then, when he’s dropped Blake off for a visit. That’s it. He barely spoke a word on both occasions and wouldn’t even make eye contact with me. I’m worried about him and so is Connor.
I’ve tried calling and texting him a number of times but the calls go straight to voicemail and the text messages remain unanswered. I’m not sure what to do. I want to go to his apartment and talk to him, but I get the impression he wants nothing to do with me.
I’ve tried to keep myself busy with work and the studio, but it’s not really helping. He’s on my mind constantly. I’m becoming desperate. Connor says he’s been drinking a lot too. Which only worries me even more.
On a positive note, tomorrow I’m getting
my plaster off. It’s been driving me crazy. I haven’t been teaching the pole dance classes, but I continued to help out Mandy. She practically begged me. How could I refuse? Apparently, she’s having problems at home and is desperate for the extra money the classes will bring her at the strip joint. She said she felt comfortable with me and didn’t want anyone else.
There isn’t much I can do with the plaster, but I’ve managed to guide her through the routines. She’s a fast learner. There’s a big VIP night coming up at Leather and Lace. She’s trying out for the opening act. Her friend Cinnamon has been coming along to the private class also. They’re hoping to do a dual performance.
When I arrive home from work in the afternoon, Mason’s at my place with Blake. Blake runs to me and gives me a hug when I walk through the door. Mason however, avoids looking in my direction. I can’t take this anymore. I decide to seize the moment and ask him if I can have a word with him in private.
He looks up at me briefly before putting his head down. He exhales heavily. God, he looks so sad. “I’ve got somewhere I need to be,” he says before walking past me towards the door. Seriously! He’s giving me the fucking brush off again. I look over at Connor in shock. He quickly shakes his head. He’s pleading with me not to say anything to Mason. Fine. I give up.
I throw my hands in the air in defeat, as I quickly make my way towards my bedroom. Tears threaten to fall, but I’m not giving that bastard the satisfaction. Sure, he’s going through a rough time at the moment. I understand that. What he did right now though, was downright rude.
I toss my handbag onto my bed in frustration before sitting down on the edge. I rest my head in my hands. What am I going to do? A few minutes later there’s a knock at my bedroom door. It’s Connor.
“I’m sorry about that Jaz.”
“You have nothing to be sorry about. You weren’t the one that was rude. What’s his fucking problem anyway?” I know I’m being harsh, but I’m pissed. No actually, I’m hurt and pissed. Connor approaches my bed and sits down beside me.
“He’s not in a good place at the moment. Give him some time.”
“I know,” I say with a heavy sigh. “I’m worried about him too. I just wanted to talk to him. To see if there was anything I could do to help. I’ve been calling and texting him for days. He won’t answer or reply to my messages. I don’t know what else to do.”