Two Halves (Cate & Kian Book 2)

by Louise Hall

  “Do you want some tinsel on your tree?” Cate asked, holding up a silver strand of tinsel.

  “What’s tinsel?” Lola asked. The decorator didn’t put tinsel on their show tree.

  Cate showed Lola the tinsel and let her hold it. “That tickles,” Lola giggled.

  When they’d got everything they needed, they went home. Kian was sat on the sofa watching TV.

  “Look Daddy, I’ve got some tinsel,” Lola ran over and jumped up on to his knee. “Are you ticklish?”

  “No,” Kian said.

  Lola brushed the tinsel against his face and he started laughing. “OK, maybe a little.”

  He looked up as Cate brought the tree inside. “But we’ve already got a tree?”

  “This is for Lola’s bedroom,” she explained. “Come on,” she turned to Lola, “let’s go and set it up.”

  Lola climbed down off Kian’s knee and followed Cate upstairs.

  “Hang on a sec,” Cate said, putting the tree and the decorations down on Lola’s bedroom floor. She went downstairs and grabbed a couple of cartons of apple juice and some mince pies and then asked Kian if she could borrow his laptop. “Uh, yeah, let me just go get it.”

  When Cate went back upstairs, Lola was sat on the floor looking wide-eyed at the brightly-coloured decorations in the boxes.

  Kian handed Cate his laptop. “Look at my decorations, Daddy,” Lola said, patting the floor at the side of her.

  While Cate switched on the laptop and found what she was looking for, Kian sat down next to Lola and looked at the decorations they’d bought. “Mummy says I can decorate this one,” Lola said proudly.

  Suddenly, music started playing from the laptop; it was “Rockin’ around the Christmas Tree.”

  “Let’s put your tree up, shall we?” Cate smiled. She loved Christmas songs.

  “Daddy, do it as well?” Lola said, grabbing Kian’s hand.

  “Sure, why not?” Kian smiled. They assembled the tree and Kian helped Lola put the lights on it. “Wow,” Lola said, when they switched them on.

  They sat on the floor for a second, looking at the small, artificial tree with its cheap fairy lights. “Here,” Cate said and poured them all a glass of apple juice. It was starting to feel more like Christmas now.

  Then came the decorations, Cate opened the boxes but she let Lola decide where to put all of the baubles. She sat back and sipped her juice and watched the fierce concentration on her daughter’s face. She was so cute.

  Kian put his hand over hers and mouthed “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s OK,” Cate mouthed back. Maybe, they would be okay. As long as there were little moments like this to remind her.

  The song changed to “White Christmas” and Kian stood up. He held out his hand to Cate and pulled her up to standing. “What are you doing?” she whispered as he tugged her towards him and wrapped an arm around her waist.

  “Dance with me.”

  As Lola finished decorating the tree, Cate and Kian swayed softly in time to the music. It was so perfect that Cate felt tears fill her eyes and she quickly blinked them away before Kian could see.

  “Look at my tree,” Lola clapped her hands.

  “It’s beautiful, sweetheart,” Cate said proudly.

  Kian went to get his phone to take photos. When he switched it on, he had a couple of texts from Jenna but he quickly deleted them.

  CHAPTER 8

  On Christmas Eve, Cate woke up early. She had this feeling in the pit of her stomach that something wasn’t quite right. She went through each member of hers and Kian’s families, ticking off what she’d bought them – she didn’t think she’d forgotten anybody?

  When she didn’t feel better, she got up and walked into the bathroom. She felt clammy; her vest was stuck to her damp skin. No, Cate braced herself on the sink, urging her stomach to settle down – she couldn’t be sick, not at Christmas.

  As if on cue, she heard Lola run into their bedroom and fling herself on Kian, who was still half-asleep.

  “What the…?” At least Kian had stopped himself before he dropped the f-bomb.

  “It’s nearly Christmas,” Lola squealed, jumping up and down on the bed.

  Cate tied her hair up in a messy bun and pressed a cool cloth to the back of her neck. Suddenly, she heard Kian yell and Lola start crying.

  “What happened?” Cate asked as she rushed into the bedroom. Kian was sat on the bed clutching the side of his face and Lola was stood in front of him, looking very sorry for herself.

  “I’m sorry Daddy,” she said softly, looking up at Kian.

  “It’s fine, Lo,” Kian said. “It was my fault.”

  “Should I kiss it better?” Lola asked.

  “Okay,” Kian slowly took his hand away from his cheek; there was a huge bruise forming around his left eye. Cate lifted Lola up on to her knee and she gently kissed Kian’s cheek. He tried hard not to wince.

  “Why don’t you go and get dressed?” Cate said to Lola, as she put her back down on the floor. “We’ve got mince pies to make for the party tonight.”

  “Okay.” When she got to the doorway, she turned and said, “I’m really sorry, Daddy.”

  Cate nudged Kian. “I know you are, Lo.”

  She went downstairs and came back with some frozen vegetables wrapped up in a tea towel. “Here,” Cate said softly, she pressed them against the side of Kian’s face. “What happened?”

  He’d been tickling Lola’s feet, she was extremely ticklish, and she’d accidentally kicked him in the face.

  “Oh no,” Cate tried really hard not to laugh.

  “It’s not funny,” Kian’s lip twitched. “What are the lads going to say when I turn up to training looking like this?”

  “Tell them you got beaten up your 3-year-old daughter,” Cate giggled.

  She spied his phone on the dresser and picked it up. “Ooh, I should take a picture of this.”

  As she swiped across the screen, Kian jumped up. “Don’t.” He snatched the phone back from Cate and shoved it in his back pocket, “your Christmas present is on there.”

  After Kian had gone to training, Cate and Lola finished making mince pies for Irene’s annual Christmas Eve party and then sat down to watch a film. Cate picked Miracle on 34th Street, the black and white version with her favourite actress, Natalie Wood and it had just started playing when the doorbell rang.

  It was Jenna, Sinead’s friend from Cut. “Can I come in?” Jenna said quickly, looking over her shoulder.

  “Um, yeah, sure,” Cate stepped back to let her inside.

  “Who is it?” Lola came out of the lounge and wrapped herself around Cate’s leg.

  Jenna looked uncomfortable and Cate sensed that whatever she wanted to say to Cate, she didn’t want to say it in front of Lola.

  “Lola, honey,” Cate knelt down in front of her daughter and gently brushed her hair out of her eyes. “Why don’t you go upstairs and play with your dolls for a few minutes?”

  “Okay,” Lola said, unusually compliant, as if she too sensed that something wasn’t right.

  Cate waited until she was certain that Lola was safely ensconced in her bedroom before she turned her attention back to Jenna. “Let’s go through to the kitchen. Would you like some tea?”

  Jenna shook her head, “no, thank you.”

  In the kitchen, Cate went over to the sink and poured herself a glass of cold water. She wasn’t particularly thirsty but it bought her some time to compose herself. The unsettled feeling in her stomach from this morning had returned ten-fold. She and Jenna weren’t friends – this was perhaps only the 3rd time they’d ever met and yet Jenna had come here in the middle of the day, when she knew that Kian would be out at training and Cate would be by herself.

  When the glass was empty, Cate rinsed it out and placed it carefully on the draining board. She turned around, gripping on to the edge of the marble counter for support. “So Jenna, what’s up?” Cate hoped that her voice came across as light and casual.

/>   Jenna paused for the longest time, like the host of a reality TV competition.

  “I didn’t want to come here today,” Jenna said. Her choice of words made it sound as if she was conflicted about what she was about to do but she wasn’t. She looked Cate directly in the eyes and her voice was clear and strong.

  Cate tried to breathe but her chest felt really tight. “Okay.”

  “I think you should know…”

  Suddenly, there was a loud bang.

  “What was that?” Jenna asked quickly, her eyes darting all around; her composure broken for a second.

  “Lola?” Cate called. “Are you okay, sweetie?”

  “Yeah,” Lola called back. “Barbie had a car crash but she’s okay.”

  Satisfied that it was nothing, Jenna walked over to the island in the centre of the kitchen and opened up her Chanel handbag. “I need to show you something.” She pulled out several sheets of A4 paper and slid them across the counter towards Cate. “I had sex with your husband last summer and since then he and your brother have been paying me to keep quiet.”

  Cate flipped through the sheets of paper, which looked like photocopies of cheques Kian had written, made payable to Jenna. The cheques dated back to June of that year.

  “How do I know these are real?” Cate asked. “They’re just photocopies.”

  “I thought you might say that,” Jenna smirked. She pulled out her phone and showed Cate a photo of Kian asleep, the thin white sheet just barely covering his groin.

  “Now do you believe me?” Jenna asked. “It’s a shame that sheet is in the way because your husband’s cock is really something.”

  “Get out,” Cate cried. She threw open the back door and waited for Jenna to leave.

  “You think you’re so much better than everybody else,” Jenna cackled as she walked past Cate. She leaned in close, her spittle hitting Cate’s cheek. “But you’re not. At least, I didn’t take advantage of him the night of his Dad’s funeral.”

  After Jenna had left, Cate locked and bolted the front and back doors and went upstairs. “Are we going to finish watching the movie now?” Lola asked, looking up from her Barbie dolls.

  “In a minute, sweetie,” Cate said weakly.

  She went to the guest bathroom, locked the door behind her, climbed into the bath and pulled the shower curtain across so she was cocooned in the tiny, little space. She pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her head on her arms.

  Kian cheated on me.

  Cate didn’t know if she wanted to laugh, cry or be sick. The room felt like it was spinning too fast. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut. “Don’t you dare cry,” she repeated. Rocking back and forth, she dragged her hands roughly through her hair. She knew if she started crying, she’d find it really hard to stop. “If I start crying, I’ll have really puffy eyes. I don’t want puffy eyes.”

  Oh God, Kian cheated on me.

  The words punctured her heart like daggers. “I always knew I wouldn’t be enough for him. I FUCKING knew it.” Cate threw her head back and cackled – she could feel her sanity spinning out of control. She grabbed her calves, digging her fingers in hard enough to leave marks.

  “That tree,” Cate felt her veins puff up with rage. “That fucking tree.” She wanted to run downstairs and tear the stupid, fucking thing apart branch by fucking branch. How could I have been such an idiot? They hadn’t been talking about her Christmas tree; they’d been talking about Kian fucking Jenna. Wow, all the breath whooshed out of her lungs. Ben knew. Ben knew her fucking husband had fucking cheated on her and he’d done nothing… No, he’d helped him cover it up. Cate clenched her fists. Sod the Christmas tree; I want to fucking kill Ben. How could he?

  She slid down until she was lying on her back in the empty bath. Using every ounce of strength, she forced herself to take some deep breaths. She needed to calm down. Calm down? Calm fucking down, your husband cheated on you?

  She had to go to her Mum’s Christmas Eve party tonight and tomorrow was Christmas Day!

  There was too much pressure building inside of her, she felt like a balloon stretched past breaking point. She needed to do something… She vaguely remembered seeing a razor blade at the side of the bath and her hands scrabbled about on the shelf, trying to reach it. She’d never understood the need to self-harm before. She licked her lips, thinking about making just a small cut on her skin, something to let out all this overwhelming pressure. Her fingers clamped around a small object and she brought it into the bath with her. It was Lola’s toy duck. Lola. Cate thought about her daughter and immediately she felt so ashamed of what she’d been about to do.

  “It’s Christmas Day tomorrow,” Cate sat up. She remembered Lola running in to them that morning, squealing “it’s nearly Christmas.” She was so excited for Christmas; Cate couldn’t do anything to ruin it for her.

  “I don’t have a choice, do I?” she said to the toy duck.

  For tonight and tomorrow, she was going to have to pretend that she didn’t know about Jenna.

  Okay, Cate quickly wiped her eyes with her sleeve. She climbed out of the bath.

  CHAPTER 9

  “Mummy!” Lola tugged at Cate’s dark-purple, faux-leather skirt. “You need to ring the bell.”

  “Huh?” Cate blinked. She realised that she was stood at the front door of her Mum’s house. She could hear the Christmas Eve party already going on inside.

  “Right,” she shook her head. She needed to focus. You can do this. “Sorry Lo, I was miles away.”

  “Mummy,” Lola giggled, “you’re not miles away, you’re here.”

  “I know smarty pants; it’s just something people say,” Cate smirked. She picked Lola up and kissed the top of her head. “I love you, Lo.”

  “I love you too Mummy but I’m cold.” Lola put her little hands on Cate’s cheeks. “Feel how cold I am.”

  “Wow, you are cold,” Cate flinched. Wow, you’re really going for it today. You’re such a rubbish wife that your husband cheated on you…

  No, Cate shook her head, not going there, not tonight. Anyway, you’re also the rubbish Mum who forgot to make sure that her daughter wore her gloves. “Do you want to ring the…”

  “Merry Christmas,” Ben opened the front door. Cate kept her head down and brushed past him. She couldn’t even look at him right now.

  “Cate?” As he turned around to close the door, she rushed down the hallway to the kitchen. This was a huge mistake. Everything was too much; the Christmas songs filtering up from the basement were too loud; the lights in the hallway were too bright and hot, she could feel beads of sweat breaking out on her forehead.

  “I can’t do this,” Cate murmured, closing the kitchen door behind her. She leaned back on the cool wood and closed her eyes for a second.

  “Mummy?” Lola’s voice penetrated through the darkness. “Sorry,” Cate apologised again. “I’ve just got a bit of a headache.”

  “Cate?”

  She jumped, banging the back of her head on the door. Erin was up a step-ladder, retrieving some bowls from the top shelf. She immediately climbed down. “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to startle you.”

  “Lo,” Cate said softly. She struggled to get Lola’s coat unfastened. “Can you…?”

  “Here, let me take her,” Erin offered, holding out her arms.

  “No,” Cate said a little too forcefully. She knew she was being rude. She couldn’t help it; all she could think was does she know? It wasn’t just Kian who’d betrayed her. Ben had known all about it. Worse than that, he’d helped Kian cover it up. Her own brother… Cate shook her head. No, she couldn’t think about it.

  She took Lola into the laundry room and sat her down on the washing machine. “Mummy, come here,” Lola said quietly. Cate leaned forward and Lola pressed her lips to Cate’s forehead. “Lola make it better.”

  Cate gripped the edge of the washing machine so tightly, her knees were threatening to buckle. She didn’t know what she’d do without Lola, the one true t
hing in her life. “I love you, Lo.”

  “Mummy, please don’t cry,” Lola looked worried.

  Damn it, Cate cursed, this was exactly what she didn’t want to happen. She turned around to hang their coats up on the rack and quickly wiped her eyes. “Mummy’s not crying,” Cate plastered a big smile on her face before turning back to her daughter. “Mummy’s happy, big smiles, it’s Christmas. There’s no crying at Christmas.”

  “Does your head still hurt?” Lola asked.

  “Nope,” Cate shook her head, ignoring the thick band of tension pressing down on her skull. “It’s all better. You’ve got magic powers, sweetheart. Let’s go and find your cousins.”

  When she turned around, Erin was watching silently from the kitchen doorway. “Cate?”

  From the look in Erin’s eyes, Cate could tell straight away that she knew. “I, um… I saw Kian’s eye.” It took her a second to remember that Kian had a black eye after Lola had kicked him that morning.

  “Merry Christmas, Auntie Rin,” Lola said as Cate hustled her out of the kitchen towards the stairs.

  When they got to the door of the play room, Lola quickly spotted her cousins, Rocco and Luca and ran off to join them. Without Lola, Cate didn’t know what to do. She was supposed to go back downstairs to the party, join her husband and family and act like nothing had happened. But she couldn’t do it.

  She found herself walking up the stairs to her old bedroom in the attic. It was just as she’d left it. Her Mum had never thought that Cate and Kian’s marriage would last and she’d wanted her to have somewhere to come home to.

  I guess she was right, Cate thought, as she switched on the light and looked around at her old room, her old life.

  She opened her closet door and there underneath the empty racks was her old squashy beanbag. She shut the door, switched on the fairy lights and curled up on the beanbag.

  We lasted longer than anyone thought we would. Cate picked at a loose thread. That’s something, isn’t it?

  Cate was surprised at how easily she’d condemned her marriage to the past tense. As though she’d already made her mind up to leave Kian?