He sighed, making a show of how patient he was being. “I went to tell you that your truck was missing. Imagine my surprise when they said you weren’t there.”
“Yeah, Dad. I can imagine.” The hoped-for impact of his sudden disappearance had been part of the point.
“So I started talking to people. No one seemed to know anything except Carly.”
He closed his eyes and rubbed his jaw. Carly had promised him she wouldn’t say anything, but maybe that had been asking too much of her.
“It was bad enough you being out all those weeks. But the doctors were just about ready to okay you getting back in the ring. Now you set yourself that much more behind. Meanwhile, other guys have been winning. The longer you’re gone, the more you feed their confidence.”
“All right, all right.” Micah slammed his hand down on the hood of his truck. “I’m sick of you treating me like I’m only as good as my last score.”
“You’re a bull rider.” His dad’s eyes smoldered holes into him. “You are only as good as your last score.”
Micah willed his heart to translate his feelings into words that his dad would understand. “I’m more than just a bull rider, Dad. I’m your son.”
The look in his dad’s eyes burned hot then smoldered, like a campfire that had been doused with water. The silence stretched as he seemed to let Micah’s words sink in. When he spoke again, the intensity of his voice had tapered off some. “You know, I’ve done the best I could.”
A shiver of disquiet ran through Micah as he studied his dad. He was so used to the man’s cold emotional detachment that he found the slight edge of pain in his voice alarming.
His dad rubbed a hand across one side of his face then the other. “Ever since your mom died...” He trailed off and held for a stretch, as if to pull up some long-buried memory. “You’ve been all I have.”
Micah’s stomach tensed. This was the first time he could actually remember his dad showing any real emotion. Remorse gushed through him at the lengths he’d had to go to in order to awaken it. “I never meant to hurt you, Dad.”
Still gazing off in the distance, his dad gave a slow nod. “I just wanted to make a life for you.”
Micah’s mind went ahead of his words, testing for potential emotional land mines. “We could have stayed on the ranch, you know. That was a life.”
The suggestion was met with a slow shake of the head. “There was nothing left for us there, boy. Not after she was gone.”
Stiffening, Micah’s mind stumbled down the various paths this conversation could take. He settled on the one that felt the most compassionate, a sentiment he hadn’t known he possessed toward this man. “It’s okay to miss her, Dad. I miss her, too.” When that was received with a silent nod, he continued. “It’s just that I tried so hard to please you, but it was never good enough.”
That snapped his dad to attention. “Never good enough? You’re a champion.”
“I know that.” A wave of unhealed pain surged up in him and mingled with the guilt that had shadowed him since he’d left Texas. “But I want to be good enough even when I don’t win. I want you to be proud of me because I’m your son. Not because I managed to make more points than anyone else.”
His dad stared, with the barest hint of moisture rimming his eyes. “I’ve always been proud of you. I thought you knew that.”
The words stretched across Micah’s mind, their meaning slowly taking hold. His dad had always been proud of him. Emotion filled his throat, threatening to crowd out his response even as it formed. “You never said it. You were always pushing me. Always telling me I should be doing better.”
“I only pushed you because I thought that was what you needed. It takes a tough mind to make it as a bull rider. You can’t afford to let any negative thoughts in.”
“I’m sure you’re right, Dad. You taught me a lot about not giving up.” Micah felt the walls of defensiveness he’d spent years reinforcing crack like clay under the hot sun. “I just think it’s time to apply that to other areas of my life.” He paused, weighing how much he wanted to divulge. “I feel called to do some things that could make a real difference.”
“Huh.” His dad frowned, letting that thought settle.
“Besides,” he went on. “It’s not like you need me. You’ve gotten yourself pretty well established with the stock contractors.”
His dad nodded, apparently pleased that the conversation had turned to more stable ground. “The right stock is important. People don’t realize it takes a skill to transport those animals.”
“You’re real good at it, too. I’ve always been impressed with the way you managed to support us all those years.”
A smile curved his dad’s lips. “I just never thought I’d see the day you’d willingly give up bull riding.”
“I’m a little surprised, too, but I’m getting used to the idea.”
His dad gave him a cat-eyed look. “This wouldn’t have anything to do with that young lady you were with last night, would it?”
Micah’s breath caught in the space between his lungs and his throat, intensifying a dull pain that had been sitting there for the past half hour. “I wish I could say yes, but it looks like that’s not going to work out.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. Because I’ll tell you the truth...” He placed a strong, affirming hand on Micah’s shoulder. “As much as it hurt to lose your mother, I wouldn’t trade my memories of her for anything. When you find the right person, that’s God’s greatest blessing.”
Micah furrowed his brow. “You mean that? I always thought you blamed God for taking her away from us.”
His dad nodded. “It’s taken a while, but I’m finally starting to think I might have been wrong about that. I might be a stubborn old coot, but I’m not completely hopeless.”
“I’m glad to hear that. You know, Mom would be really pleased if you’d show your face in a church every once in a while.”
His expression warmed. “I might just do that.”
As the nice moment resolved into a comfortable silence, something sparked in Micah’s heart. “Dad.” His voice was slow. Contemplative. “Do you have another minute? There’s something I’d like to run by you.”
His dad’s look turned pensive, then pleased. “For you, son, I’ve got all the time in the world.”
* * *
As Janessa’s crowd of well-wishers started to dissipate, a panic crept up on her. What if Micah was leaving tonight? What if that was what he’d come to tell her and she hadn’t given him a chance?
Telling everyone she was exhausted, which was true, she headed out of the picnic area and down the midway. She’d seen Micah’s truck in the parking lot behind the barn when she parked there herself earlier in the day. If it was still there she would know he hadn’t left the fairgrounds.
As twilight ticked toward darkness, she shouldered her way through the carnival crowd. Why did she feel such a desperate need to see him? She wanted to move on, to make a clean break. Didn’t she?
Her truck. That was it. She couldn’t let him leave town without making an arrangement to pay for the work he’d done on Old Blue. Her mouth tightened as she tried to convince herself that was all she needed to say.
She rounded the corner of the barn and stopped. There stood Micah next to his Dodge, engaged in what looked like a serious conversation with his dad. She scooted back, leaning forward just enough to keep the men in her scope.
Straining to make out the words that were flying back and forth between them, she took a quick glance around the lot. No sign of Carly. Thank goodness.
And no chance of making out what the men were discussing, either. That was just as well, since eavesdropping was probably some sort of sin. It didn’t look like they were arguing, like the night before. In fact, their body language seemed to indicate tha
t things were downright amiable between them. She thought she even heard a laugh rise up on the evening air.
After a moment, the two men shook hands, as if they’d just completed a business transaction. Then Mr. Brody got into another truck that was just as nice as Micah’s but slightly more road worn. Micah stood there for a moment, looking caught up in his thoughts.
Before she could lose her courage, she darted out from the shadows. Even in the faint light from the streetlamps which dotted the small lot, she could see that his eyes lit up when he saw her.
Clasping her elbows, she nodded in the direction his dad had gone. “That looked encouraging.”
“It was.” A smile lifted. “I think we’re on the way to mending some fences.”
Her heart warmed at the news. “That’s really great.” For an instant, things were the way they’d been before, when they’d enjoyed an ease together that had made her feel as if they’d known each other for far longer than a few short weeks.
As quickly as that feeling came it was lost, as she recalled her realization that she’d been nothing particularly special to him.
She cleared her throat. “So, I just wanted to talk to you about...”
He waited, watching her with a keen interest.
With great effort, she forced the quiver from her voice. “You’ll have to let me know how to reach you, so I can send you payments.” She finished, out of breath and feeling awkward.
“Payments?” His brow furrowed. “For what?”
She tried not to dwell on how cute that made him look. “For my truck.”
“Oh.” He gave a long blink of understanding. “I told you, I don’t expect anything for that.”
Carly’s message from last night hung in her ears like an annoying hum after an explosion. I’ve been there for him through so many long nights. How was she supposed to get past that?
Her eyelids gritted. “I just don’t feel right about it. I mean, it’s not like you’re my...” She clamped the gate shut on the word she’d been about to say. Not my boyfriend or anything. Yeah, that would have scared him right onto the next stagecoach out of Dodge.
He slanted her a questioning look. “Not your what?”
She pulled back her shoulders, determined not to get sucked into the quagmire of his rodeo-boy appeal again. “Not my brother...or anything.”
He nodded, as a point ticked on the Janessa side of the invisible scoreboard. Taking in a deep breath, his face turned serious. “Look, Janessa. I had the idea of fixing up your truck for you because you’re...you know.”
She waited. Because she was what? In need of reliable transportation? That was apparent. But what else was he driving at? “Because I’m what?”
He rubbed the back of his neck, obviously not used to women who made him delve any deeper into his vocabulary than “Well, hey.”
He shrugged. “Because you’re...special.”
Special? Her eyes narrowed. Did he mean “my-one-and-only” special, or “my-gal-in-Montana” special? As long as there was a question, she had to assume the latter.
Folding her arms, she heaved a sigh. “So, when are you leaving?”
“Leaving?”
“Heading back to the rodeo.”
Confusion creased his forehead. “Why would you assume that?”
Resentment brewed. She hated feeling like a pawn in his game. “Because, of Carly. I mean, she’s pretty ‘special,’ too, right?”
He started to speak, then stopped. An array of emotions splashed across his face, ending with amusement, which seemed to be the one to stick. “Janessa. It’s not what you’re thinking.”
“Oh really?” She looked at him. “What am I thinking?” Suddenly gifted with a surge of boldness, she forged ahead. “That you see a lot of girls and that you always make sure they know you don’t want anything serious? You need to make that message a little clearer, because I don’t think Miss Texas got the memo.”
“Janessa, it’s not that way, really.”
“Oh, no? Well, let me tell you something about women. Any woman who’s there for a man through ‘lots of long nights when he can’t sleep and needs to talk—’” she made air quotes around that part for effect “—is going to be expecting that man to think of her as ‘special.’ If he doesn’t, then he’s what women like me consider to be a real jerk.”
He stood there, scrunching up his eyes and apparently hitting the replay button on what she’d just said. “So...you think that Carly—”
“Carly told me herself, so don’t try to lie to me.”
The crinkles fell away from his face and he let out a laugh.
“You think that’s funny?”
“No. Janessa—”
“Well, is it true or not?”
“Yeah, it’s true, but—”
“Okay, then.”
“It’s true that she was there for me through lots of long nights when I couldn’t sleep.” He paused, dipping down to force eye contact. “I couldn’t sleep because I was in so much pain after my accident.”
Her stomach clenched like a fist as she turned for her car. She really didn’t need to hear this.
“Janessa, listen.” He grabbed her arm, forcing her to stop and face him. “Carly was the night nurse at the rehab center where I went to recover. Yeah, she listened to me talk because that was her job.”
She stopped, allowing the impact of what he’d just said to soak in. She wanted to say something to reverse her downward spiral into utter humiliation, but all that came out was, “Oh.”
“And I’m not going back to the rodeo.” His voice was soft and reassuring.
“You’re not?”
He shook his head. “Nope.”
“But...” Her mind raced as she tried to call up all her reasons for being mad at him. “Carly said she was going to be handling your PR.”
He rolled his eyes skyward. “Apparently, my dad told her that if she could talk me into going back to Texas, he’d put her on the payroll. I never agreed to that, and I told her last night she needs to go back to her nursing job. She’s good at it. And if you’re wondering if there was any hope of a romance between her and me...”
She bit her lower lip.
“It was strictly one-sided. I’ve actually been the Lone Ranger for quite some time.”
“Oh.” That thought settled nicely. She looked up. “So...if you’re not going back to the rodeo...”
“I got an idea a few weeks back and it’s just stuck in my head. I can’t shake it. Then tonight...” He waved an arm in the direction of where his dad’s truck had been parked. “I got some real affirmation that this is the right way to go.”
“What is it?”
“Well, I’ve been thinking about buying a little ranch and starting up some kind of program for kids to learn about animals. Maybe even teach them some rodeo skills.”
“You’re starting a junior bull-riding school?”
He laughed. “No bulls. Maybe a sheep or two. I thought I’d offer some sort of scholarship for the kids who can’t afford it. You know, as my way of giving back.”
It warmed her to think of how great he was with kids. This was not the same Micah she’d met in her barn earlier in the summer. “Oh. Wow, Micah. That’s really great.”
He nodded. “The timing is right. I lost my passion for bull riding, and without that, I wouldn’t stand a chance of winning.”
He met and held her gaze with a sincerity that didn’t seem possible to counterfeit. There was something below the surface that not even a veteran Don Juan could pull off believably.
Tears welled in her eyes and a rush of emotion filled her. She realized in that moment, looking into his soul, that she couldn’t deny the truth anymore. She had fallen in love with Micah Brody.
This was terrible.
It went completely against her plans.
He seemed to get lost in the moment, too, then looked away as if reboarding his train of thought. “And then tonight...when I was talking to my dad, another inspiration struck.”
She couldn’t speak for fear of bursting into tears, so she just gave him a go on look.
“He’s worked for other guys for years helping with the rodeo animals. I’ve just had this feeling that what he really wants is to go into business for himself. So, I asked him if he’d like to go in with me on a ranch. We could work together raising rodeo stock and teaching the kids.”
Warmth rushed through her. This seemed so perfect. “And he said yes?”
“He said he loves the idea. We need to talk more about the details, but it sounds like it might just work out.”
A potentially immobilizing warmth crept up her spine, and she tore her gaze from his. She had to get away from him before his magnetic pull made leaving impossible. Whether she had misjudged him or not, she had plans. She had to stay the course.
She took a step back, putting herself at a slightly safer distance from him. “I should go. Are you heading home?”
Studying her, he gave a slow shake of his head. “I was, but I’m going to stick around. I have a lot to think about.” His eyes warmed in a way that made her stomach jump. “I hear they set off fireworks as soon as it’s completely dark.” He glanced up at the deep blue blanket that was slowly working its way across the sky toward the pillow of western mountains. “That should be any minute now. I think I’ll just head on over to the arena.” Giving a half turn of his body, his eyes pooled with an implied invitation.
An alarm went off between her ears, telling her to run while she had the chance. If she stayed, her heart would get lassoed, throwing her life plans for a loop.
She forced a wan smile. “Good night, then.” One foot moved in the direction of her car.
He hesitated just enough to make her think he was going to protest, then touched the brim of his hat and ambled away.
She watched after him for a few seconds, her heart feeling heavy. Just as she started for her car, Andra hurried around the corner of the barn. Seeing Janessa, her shoulders relaxed and she rushed toward her.
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