Wreckless

by Bria Quinlan

  I could totally believe that after seeing the build of one of the brothers. If they all had that same tall, lean cut, they'd pretty much blend in anywhere a quarterback conference happened. You know, if there were quarterback conferences.

  “I don't know what got into me. I think I just felt like I didn't fit anywhere between the Dean's List genius and the two captains of everything. I got tired of hearing, your brothers, your brothers, your brothers all the time.”

  I had a feeling this wasn't going anywhere good.

  “It's my own fault. I just gave up trying to live up to anything. And with all of them in college, it was like the bar moved. It wasn't just trying to live up to them in high school, but Dave became the quarterback at State and then one weekend freshman year they had him start in a home game. Seriously, how do you live up to that?”

  No idea.

  “I know what you mean.” It was the stupidest thing to say. I had no idea how it crossed my lips.

  “Really?” He drawled out the word. “You know what I mean?”

  “We all have things we're trying to live up to—or not. I mean…”

  I just stopped talking. There was nothing I could say that was going to make it better. I had personal knowledge of how annoying it was when people who couldn’t have a clue said, I know exactly how you feel.

  “Sorry.” I settled back, trying to signal I'd be quiet from there on in.

  Jake just looked at me as if I were a puzzle he thought he'd solved. Then he grinned that grin, humoring me like a child again. I knew what that was like, too. To be humored. I was done being that girl.

  “I gave up. I mean, I didn't quit the team or drop out or anything. I just quit trying as hard. Stopped doing everything right. And next thing you know, I’m in Tommy Markson's truck and we're getting pulled over. We hadn't even been speeding.”

  My overactive imagination got the best of me. I had no idea where this story was going, but in my head nothing good was coming.

  “And?”

  “And Tommy Markson's truck turned out not to be Tommy Markson's truck. He'd lifted it on his way to get me and another guy. Told me it was his dad's.”

  Oh. Wow.

  “We'd been driving around, just going nowhere when we were pulled over. The cop hauled us all in. My parents came to get me, my mom in tears. My dad thought it was the beginning of a long slow descent into hoodlumdom.”

  I didn't want to admit I could see that path set out too from what he was saying.

  “Tommy finally admitted that me and the other guy didn't know he'd stolen the truck. Luckily, the judge believed him and we were let go. But my parents weren't so forgiving.”

  He looked past me, down the road. This certainly made the sign-stealing incident make more sense.

  “My parents shipped me off to this school for at-risk guys.”

  “Oh.” I mean, really, that kind of stunk.

  “Yeah. I hated it at first. I was really ticked off. But it was hard to stay mad.”

  “Why?”

  “Well, first off because it was a ranch. I spent five hours in the morning working, then five in school, then chores after dinner. I was too tired to be mad.” I knew the story was going to have a better ending than expected when he chuckled. “And because my counselor got it. Even called my parents and told them I wasn't at risk, I was just going through a stupid phase. But by then, I was on their scholarship roll and didn't want to go back home. I did my whole two years.”

  “So you were like roping cattle and stuff?”

  “Not so much. At first you dig a lot of holes. You have to work your way up to handling the animals.” He grinned. “I can plant a fence post quicker than you could change your outfit.”

  Which was saying something, since clothes and I had a very casual relationship when it came to picking and choosing.

  “You just got home from working a ranch for two years.”

  “Right, but you'd think I'd been to some juvie up north, the way people talked about me when I first got home. I’d come back thinking I didn’t have anything to prove to anyone, and I was so wrong.”

  I knew exactly what that was like, even if I couldn't own up to it. I knew the way people watched you as if you couldn't see them and the looks they’d give you. I knew what it was like with everyone thinking you were something you weren't. I knew about expectations that had nothing to do with you and everything to do with your circumstances.

  “And?”

  “And I thought why not take advantage of it? When Sarah started hinting at wanting to go out, I took her up on everything she was offering.”

  I thought that would hurt to hear. But it didn’t—not the way I expected. It hurt a little to hear how raw talking about her made his voice.

  “What happened to Sarah?”

  Jake snorted and rested his head back against the side of the truck bed.

  “Sarah found out that dating a normal guy with a reputation was the same as dating a normal guy. She thought my ideas of wild might run a little outside the lines. She was too wild to hold onto, I guess.”

  Even with the rawness, I still wanted to know if he'd loved her, if she'd broken his heart. I wanted to know if he was over her.

  I wanted to know if there was something so wrong with me that a few hours after catching Tanner and Leah together, my biggest concern wasn't that I no longer had a best friend. The heartache I thought would kill me had numbed. The most I felt now was anger and embarrassment. But Jake…he made me feel more things than I knew existed.

  “So...”

  “So when the summer was almost over, she dumped me and that was that.”

  I looked at him, trying to see the truth and then let the words slip out.

  “Was it?”

  I suddenly felt sick again, but not from the booze. I felt sick because I realized that it mattered. It mattered if he was over her. It mattered if he was interested in Mish. It mattered that he didn't look at me with anything more than amusement.

  If I'd been that girl, that daring girl, the one who was a little wild myself when I'd met him, would he be looking at me differently?

  But there was no going back.

  I couldn't be that all-the-way girl no matter what I crossed off that list, but that didn't stop me from wanting to hold on to the part of myself he'd kissed.

  “Jake?” I was still stuck looking at the hollow of his throat, which had at some point become my favorite part of him…next to his hands…and his smile…and his rear end…and…oh, I was hopeless.

  He looked down at me and must have read it on my face.

  “Now Bridget, don't be thinking that. No more kisses. That was our kiss.”

  “I don't think another kiss would hurt anything.”

  “Kindergarten teachers and wild boys don't date, darlin’.”

  “You said it was all a reputation.” I raised my head to meet his gaze. “You said you weren't really wild.”

  “Nah. I said I wasn't wild enough for her.” He stood and offered me a hand. “That girl was certifiably crazy.”

  Chapter Twelve

  “This one?” Jake rolled by Tanner's driveway. “You didn't say he lived right on the road.”

  “I said he lived in town.”

  “Fine. But—and I'm serious—no fire.”

  I rolled my eyes. In retrospect the fire was obviously a bad idea. Don't get me wrong. I wished it weren't. But arson, as Jake put it, was not on the list.

  He coasted us to the end of the street and parked about fifty yards beyond the last house.

  Between my hair and my pale skin and the red dress, I wasn't going to be sneaking the whole way without someone seeing me.

  “Here.” Jake handed me a black hoodie and the dark cap he'd been wearing before we'd gone swimming.

  I smiled as I tucked my hair up into it. I glanced over at his now-bare head, checking out his hair and it’s slightly mussed style. I liked it. It was dark and thick with a little bit of wave. I could see wanting to just run m
y hands through it all night.

  That was on my secret list. The one that started with kissing him again. The one I was going to have to keep to myself, tucked away inside, since he wasn't interested.

  We ran down the road, Jake shushing me every time a giggle slipped out. Before we got to Tanner's house, he handed me a roll of toilet paper.

  “Do you know how to do this?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Just throw it at the tree.”

  Jake laughed. “Pretty much. Make sure it has a good tail so it catches, and try not to get it stuck too quickly.”

  When we got to the yard, a light out back was still on. Hopefully no one was up, but it was almost two and Tanner’s curfew was midnight.

  Of course, that might just have been what he was telling me. But who knows.

  I was getting tired of questioning everything. I stood there, staring at that light, wondering if he'd just dropped her off. If my showing up had even slowed down their night. If they'd tried to call or wanted to talk to me. I wondered if either felt bad. I wondered why, if he was with her, he dating me.

  I felt the gut punch all over again. The idea that everyone had to have known and no one had said anything was…mind-boggling. I couldn't believe that people wouldn't tell me.

  Had they all thought I was that fragile? My family? Tanner? The entire school?

  It was the lies and betrayal that hurt. Not the fact that I’d lost Tanner. And, to be honest, even the pain of losing Leah was fading. Oh, it hurt, and I knew life was going to be completely different being alone without a best friend compared to being alone with a best friend, but you can’t unlearn a betrayal. There were things in life that once you knew them, the entire world was tainted with that experience.

  I should know.

  “Bridget?”

  Jake crossed back to me and tilted my chin up so he could meet my gaze under the bill of the snug black hat he’d stuck on my head. The only person who thought I had a little devil in me somewhere and he was already doubting me.

  “You want to skip this?”

  I looked at Tanner's house, knowing his parents would blame the team for pranking again and make him get up early on Sunday to clean it. There was some justice in ruining his morning after he’d ruined my night.

  I knew he'd never suspect it was me…even if that popped into his head for a second, he'd laugh and dismiss it because he didn't think I had it in me.

  And that’s what really ticked me off. I was tired of being underestimated, and I was going to do this even if I was the only one walking the halls of Greenville High School on Monday morning who knew.

  “Heck, no. Let's do this.” I headed for the closest tree, gave the toilet paper a little tail and tossed it, waiting for that streamer of white to wrap itself around the branch and blow in the breeze.

  Only to completely miss every branch.

  Jake looked at the toilet paper rolling to a halt on the ground and started laughing.

  “Shut up.” I picked it up and threw it again, trying to get it in far enough to hit a branch without the roll getting stuck.

  It slapped one branch and snagged before hitting several more on the way down.

  “Nice.” Jake actually sounded appreciative. Who knew a guy's level for being impressed could be so low?

  I chased it across the lawn and grabbed it.

  “Don't forget to give it some more slack again.”

  Wow, there really was an art to this.

  He unrolled his and went to the tree behind us. I heard it bounce through the branches and land with a thud.

  “Two minutes, Bridget.”

  I rushed through, getting in as many throws as possible. Going right under the tree and tossing my shrinking roll overhand when I had to.

  I stood back, proud of my work and wishing for the second time that night that I had my phone.

  “Jake.” I waved him over. “Take a picture.”

  He shook his head, snagging my hand and pulling me toward the road.

  “No, seriously. Take a picture.”

  “Bridget, pictures get you arrested. Come on.”

  “Oh.”

  I was really, really bad at this law-breaking thing, apparently. Thank goodness vandalism was now behind me.

  Jake ran, closing his gait up a little so I could sprint beside him. We jumped in the truck and drove off, me watching out our rear window for lights.

  “Wow! We did it!” I turned around and glanced back again. “I can't believe we did. And they'll never guess it was us.”

  I threw my arms around Jake, hugging him as he laughed and tried to shift around me.

  “Thank you so much. Thank you for picking me up and being a complete jerk and making me do all this.”

  “And getting you naked.”

  “Um, yeah. I'm still not sure about thanking you for that.”

  We headed away from town, just driving. The night stretched out before us. I glanced at the clock again. Just past two.

  “I can still take you home. I mean, technically it's the morning.”

  “This is definitely not the morning.” I laughed. I couldn't believe it. Two a.m. and there I was driving around town with a hot guy from a rival school.

  This was so not me. No, this was so not the me that I’d to become, the me who kept a lid on things, who kept life measured and safe, who kept the worry out of everyone's eyes.

  But this me—the me in the truck with the hot boy who was hoping she didn’t hear police sirens at any moment—she was feeling pretty darn happy.

  “Unless you want to. You can totally take me home if you're not up to staying out.” This new Bridget was also learning that a little turnabout was fair play.

  “Oh, darlin’, I'm up for whatever you've got.” He turned toward Fairview, heading back the way we'd just come.

  I stretched out on the bench again, my bare feet out the window as I listened to the low sound of the country station and some guy singing about the girl he'd been too stupid to hold on to and a road trip with his dog.

  We pulled up to the same pasture gate where we'd started our night. Jake jumped out and I went to slide over to move the truck.

  “I don't think so.” He pushed me back in and drove us through. “It was bad enough letting you move it once, sober. There's no way coming down from that happy little buzz am I letting you behind my wheel again.”

  I’d never, no matter how old I got, understand boys and their trucks.

  “You let me drive it last time. It's just through the gate.”

  “No. I let you move it through the gate. And, as I just pointed out, you were sober.”

  He hopped out and shut the gate behind us. We drove right to the trees again and Jake turned the truck off.

  “Here's your night out.”

  He slid out and motioned for me to edge past the gear and follow him into the night. He led me around to the back of the truck and lowered the tailgate. There was a pile of sleeping bags in the back.

  “We're sleeping out here?”

  “What did you think, I was going to sneak you into my room?” He laughed.

  I mumbled that I was betting he'd snuck girls into his room before.

  As usual, he just gave me that grin and a wicked look that could mean anything and started laying out sleeping bags. He stretched two open out on the bed and then laid two out side by side.

  Not exactly the way girls talked about camping with their boyfriends. There was a distinct lack of zipping the bags together.

  Another good reminder.

  He reached down and hauled me into the back, pulling the tailgate shut behind me like a door, and settled onto the bag on the driver's side. I sat on the tailgate and watched him get comfortable, hands crossed behind his head, one leg propped up.

  “You plan on sitting there watching me sleep for the next…” He checked the time. “…two and a half hours?”

  He patted the other sleeping bag and waited to see if I'd cave.

  But I was onto him now. He
wanted things both ways. He wanted to be able to push and tease me, but he wanted the line clear. He wasn't interested.

  And I was. I kicked my shoes off and stepped over his midnight blue bags and slid into mine. The night was cooling, and I was glad to have the extra layer around me. I balled up my sweater under my head and studied all the stars making pinpricks in the sky.

  Jake turned on his side and propped his head up on his arm, looking me over. “Your rebel night is almost over.”

  It was—and it wasn’t.

  I knew I wasn’t going to be lighting anyone’s truck on fire anytime soon, but I also knew I wouldn’t be going to school Monday and ignoring this weekend—ignoring the betrayals.

  Would I be creating a reality show-worthy scene in the hall, tracking them down to sob and scream and beg to know why? No. But Leah wasn’t getting her best friend back and Tanner wasn’t getting a “Hey, don’t worry about it.”

  They could deal with their own life-trash. I wasn’t going to sweep it up for them.

  “You’re too brave to let them mess with you.”

  I started to shake my head, but he interrupted before I even got going.

  “Yes, Bridget. You are. You were before, too. You just needed to test yourself a little. And,” he said, giving me that grin again, “look at what you did tonight. Not very many people could squeeze every high school rebellion into a weekend, let alone a few hours. You’re like a rebel overachiever.”

  “Thanks.” That's really all that mattered. That I'd done it. And that Jake had helped me.

  “Don't thank me.” He fell back onto his back. “It wasn't a favor to you.”

  “Yes. It was.”

  “No. It wasn't. I needed to get out of there. I had…stuff going on. But I couldn't just leave you. At first I was just teasing you. I didn't think you had anything in you. But then...”

  He turned on his side, focusing on me again. “Are you going to tell me what tonight was really about?”

  I wanted to say no, that I didn't know what he was talking about. But leave it to Jake to see straight through me.