by Lisa Hobman
7
Much to her surprise Josh had invited her for dinner at his flat the following weekend, and Zara seemed to float through the week in spite of the obvious tense atmosphere in the office. Noah was trying his best to hide the hurt he was feeling over his best friend’s betrayal, yet he was acting rather like someone who’d just put their life savings on a three-legged horse and lost. To say his staff was walking on eggshells was an understatement. Zara, on the other hand, was immune to the stress. She had a date with Josh to look forward to. This was the first time he was going to cook for her at his own place. The tiny flat was usually just a stop off on their way to a gig or for Josh to collect undies or a toothbrush. But he had decided he was going to show off his culinary skills.
Good-looking, decent job, can cook… bloody hell, what did I do to deserve this?
*
‘So after all this time it turns out he can cook too, eh?’ Marco asked with a twinkle in his eyes as Zara applied lip gloss. ‘The dark horse.’
‘Well, I don’t know yet. It might be beans on toast or a takeout for all I know.’ Zara sincerely hoped she was wrong.
‘Has he been texting every day this week?’
A smile crept slowly across her face as she made eye contact with Marco’s reflection in the mirror. ‘You noticed, then?’ She had been relieved to see that Josh’s messages were back to normal now. No more single-word answers.
He chuckled. ‘Well, I noticed you were smiling again. And that there were lots of buzzes when notifications came through at the beginning of the week and then it all went quiet but you were still checking your phone every five seconds. I’m guessing you turned it to silent to hide the amount of communication that’s been going on; although I don’t know why. I think it’s marvellous.’
Still smiling, Zara continued to get ready. ‘I just didn’t want it driving you mad, that’s all.’
‘So is tonight the night the “L” word comes to play?’ He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.
She gasped. ‘Oh, Marco! I hadn’t thought of that! Oh, I hope so. I really hope so.’
‘Well, you’re going to his home for a whole evening. He’s cooking. He’s bloody gorgeous. So are you. You’re clearly crazy about each other.’ He stated the facts as if the conclusion to the evening was going to be a proposal rather than a simple expression of love.
‘I’m going with no preconceived ideas. I’m just going to enjoy myself. End of.’
Marco walked over to the window and peered out. ‘Ooh, I think your cab’s here, Zee. You should be going. You don’t want to keep the hunk of love waiting.’
‘Trying to get rid of me, are you?’ she asked with a grin as she walked into the room and collected her bag.
‘Well, obviously I am. I’m going to binge watch Ghost Adventures and get my Zak fix. Then I’m going to put some music on and dance round in my undies.’
She rolled her eyes and bent to kiss his head where he’d flopped onto the sofa armed with the remote control. ‘Don’t be having nightmares. And close the curtains when you’re dancing or you’ll give the neighbours nightmares.’
‘Cheek! And as if I could have nightmares about the man of my dreams! Never!’
*
Ten minutes after Zara climbed into the cab it pulled up at the address she had given and she climbed out, handing the cash to the driver as she left. Josh lived in a studio apartment at the top of a Victorian semi-detached house in quite a pleasant street. It had a tidy front garden dotted with pots of flowers and shrubs, which she guessed was cared for by the old lady on the ground floor, seeing as she owned the building.
Nervously, she walked up the gravel path, clutching the bottle of Pinot Noir she’d bought especially, and pressed the doorbell. As if he had been waiting behind the door it sprang open and there stood Josh, dark jeans, tight grey T-shirt and bare feet. The smell of his aftershave infiltrated her nostrils and for a moment she was ready to dive straight into bed if he made the suggestion.
For once, he was far more restrained than she, and he simply looked her up and down with an assessing gaze and said, ‘Wow. Look at you.’ He held out his hand and she slipped hers into it. He glanced round the street and tugged her forwards. ‘Come on in before you get a better offer.’
She followed him up the stairs to his flat. Once inside, he pulled her into his arms and surprised her with a passionate kiss, stealing her breath and her willpower to behave. His tongue slipped gently between her lips and her legs almost gave way.
He pulled away and gazed lustfully into her eyes. ‘I’m so tempted to say sod the food and to whisk you straight to the bedroom,’ he whispered huskily.
Please just do it. Whisk away. She smiled and cleared her throat. ‘Ah… b-but it smells like you’ve been busy in the kitchen and it’d be a shame to waste it.’
He closed his eyes for a split second as if to compose his thoughts. ‘True. Very true. Come on, I hope you like Spanish food.’
‘Oh, I do. What are we having?’ Her stomach growled.
‘I made tapas to start and paella for main course,’ he replied proudly.
‘Wow, not just a handsome face, then?’
He smiled and stepped towards her again. ‘Flattery will get you everywhere, Miss Bailey.’ He took the bottle of wine from her hand. ‘But first, let’s have a glass of wine and chat, eh?’ He took her hand and led her into the open-plan lounge. It was very clean and tidy as always. The main area was L-shaped with the couch at one side and the kitchen round the other arm of the L. It was simply decorated in blue and grey, with the feel of a seaside holiday cottage. A wall of glass bricks and a sliding screen separated the living area from the bedroom and a shower room was positioned in one corner, by the main entrance. As studios went it wasn’t a bad size really. The ceilings were high and the cornice was a beautiful original feature, as was the small fireplace. The flat had once been the servants’ quarters of the original house, Josh had told her on her very first, albeit brief, visit.
‘This is such a lovely place, you know, Josh. We should spend more time here.’
‘Ah, thank you.’ He cringed and shrugged. ‘It’s just so small. And it’s only temporary really. When I moved in a couple of years ago the space was plenty but now… Erm… anyway the rent’s low so I’m saving up to buy my own place… eventually. Have a seat and I’ll go and get us some drinks.’
She absently wondered why, all of a sudden, the place was too small. News of his intention to buy a new place was something he’d never mentioned before. Then it dawned on her that he might be about to ask her to live with him. He’d need a bigger place if that were to happen. Her heart leapt and she sat on the navy-blue sofa for a moment to gather herself together. Whilst Josh was opening the wine, she stood again to look at the photos lined up on the shelves surrounding the TV. Josh and his parents, who still lived up north. Josh and his younger brother, who was pretty much a younger carbon copy. Josh and Zara at some fancy-dress party – all familiar photographs that brought a smile to her face. But a new addition was most intriguing. A multi-aperture frame filled with photos of a young boy with mousey brown hair and the same blue eyes as Josh. The photos showed the boy at varying ages from about five years to possibly nine or ten. Her intrigue was piqued. Did he have an even younger brother perhaps? And if so, how come he had never mentioned this before?
Josh appeared at the corner of the unit. ‘Ah,’ was all he said.
Her smile faded at his reaction and she began to wonder what the hell was going on. He had gone very pale and the expression on his face was one of fear. ‘Erm, sorry, I didn’t intend to be so nosey. I just… who’s the cute little boy?’ she asked as her stomach knotted and confusion fogged her mind.
‘I thought I’d moved them all…’ he mumbled to himself.
‘All of what? Josh, what’s going—?’
‘Look, you’d better sit down. I clearly haven’t thought all of this through.’
Her heart skipped as worry niggled at the b
ack of her mind. ‘Thought what through?’ She walked over and sat down once more.
Josh joined her and handed her a glass of red wine. His hand shook as he took a sip of his own and glanced back at the unit where the photos were. ‘That’s Caleb. The boy. It’s Caleb.’
Zara nodded slowly, still not having a clue what was wrong with Josh. ‘Caleb? And who is Caleb?’
Josh swallowed hard and closed his eyes briefly. ‘He’s… he’s my son.’
Zara gasped in spite of herself. ‘What?’ Her eyes widened and her heart almost leapt from her chest.
‘I should probably have mentioned this last week when things kicked off with his mum but… I couldn’t get my head around it all. It was too much. And I didn’t know how to explain.’
She stood quickly and glared at him. ‘Well, how about you bloody try?’ Zara was aware her voice was raised but she didn’t care. All she wanted to know was how the hell he had kept this fact from her for all this time.
‘Look… I know this looks bad… so bad, but I was so caught up in… in you. And I was scared to lose you. I was going to tell you ages ago but there never seemed to be an apt moment and we were having such a good time together that I didn’t want to ruin everything.’
‘It’s been a bloody year, Josh. You’ve hidden this from me for a whole year. How could you not tell me? I don’t understand.’ Her insides roiled. It was a kind of betrayal – an omission of the truth was still a lie, after all.
‘Because… Because it’s a difficult and painful story to tell but I realise I owe you that much. If you’re going to continue to be in my life after this, which I hope you are, then you deserve to know the truth.’
Zara took a long gulp of her wine, almost spilling the contents of the glass as her hands shook. She sat once again. ‘Okay, go on.’
Josh nodded and sat gingerly beside her as if he was scared she’d bolt. ‘Okay… I was at high school when I met Katie, Caleb’s mother.’ He glanced down at his glass. ‘We were head over heels in love. I’m talking totally smitten. But her parents were so ridiculously strict. We had to sneak about to even get five minutes together. Her older brother used to hang around to keep an eye on us at school, which made things very tricky, as you can imagine. But… I genuinely did love her,’ he said wistfully. ‘She was so beautiful. Inside and out.’
He glanced up at Zara and shook his head. ‘S-sorry. Erm… anyway, her dad was Australian and when his mother died he flew out to her funeral and stayed for a few weeks. Luckily for us Katie’s brother became otherwise occupied and for the first time we were free to see each other. That was when we became physical. It was a kind of natural step really. I had no intentions of ever leaving her, you see. She was my soul mate. Or so I thought back then.’ He paused and gulped down more Dutch courage. ‘But she got pregnant. We were kids. But I knew we could make it work. I really thought we could. Until her father found out. I thought he was going to kill me. But instead he did something worse.’
Zara frowned. ‘What could possibly be worse?’
Josh swallowed and ran his free hand through his hair. ‘He took Katie to Australia to live. The whole family. Gone. Including my baby.’ His voice cracked and Zara was torn between wanting to punch him and wanting to hug him. He inhaled and continued. ‘I wanted to protest, fight for her… for us and our baby to stay together, but that bastard was determined he’d stop that from ever happening. My parents looked into it all and, after a long spell of research, they sat me down and explained it would be best if I let them go. That it was best for the baby not to have to deal with his father being at the other side of the world. That I should let him go and accept that I was powerless at that point in time. But that eventually, when he was old enough, he’d want to know me. I really struggled with that. I was too young to realise that what they were saying was true and I hated them for it. We all went through a really rough patch and I rebelled a fair bit. But eventually things settled down. Katie managed to get a message to me through a mutual friend here in the UK when Caleb was born. There was no photo. I had no other information. I couldn’t hold him. It literally broke me.’ Josh’s eyes twinkled with unshed tears and he cleared his throat and forced a smile. ‘Shit, sorry. You’ll be running under the next bus if I carry on.’
Trying to keep her own emotions in check, Zara shook her head. ‘Just… just go on, okay?’
‘Okay… so… About five years passed and then out of the blue a letter arrived at my parents’ house. There were all these photos of a little boy. My little boy, Caleb. Golden skin, such a cute face and smiling eyes. Turns out Katie’s dad had passed away and she realised then that Caleb had a right to know his own father. Because I was nothing like hers. He was a tyrant. Possessive and controlling. I just wanted what was best for my son. And that’s why I had given him up. Although I never stopped hoping and loving him. And now, I send him birthday cards and letters. Then at Christmas I get to speak to him over Skype. It’s bloody incredible.’ He clenched his jaw. ‘I just wish… I just wish I could reach out and touch him, you know?’
Zara’s lip trembled and she nodded, unable and unwilling to speak in case her emotions got the better of her. And they were so incredibly mixed up she really didn’t know what she felt.
‘Anyway, last week my mum and dad had the most amazing news.’
Aware she was about to hear the answer to why Josh had been behaving strangely, she guessed that whatever it was might be bad news for her. ‘Oh? What news?’
‘He’s coming to the UK next week, Zara. He’ll be here. Katie’s visiting family and friends and has asked if she can bring Caleb to meet me.’ His tear-filled eyes lit up and the huge smile on his face spoke volumes. The happiness radiating from him was a tangible entity in its own right.
Her own eyes stung and she chewed the inside of her cheek. ‘Oh, wow! That’s incredible.’ She did her best to sound enthusiastic but there was still a niggle of hurt and betrayal at the back of her mind. This was clearly something he wanted desperately. ‘Yeah. I’m so excited. I don’t know how long they’re staying but Katie has promised I can see him lots whilst they’re here. Saying goodbye will be so hard but I’m not focusing on that right now. I’m staying positive. I have a ten-year-old son, Zara. Shit!’
She held out her hands, unsure how to deal with it all. ‘You sure do.’
Josh’s smile disappeared. ‘This was why I invited you tonight. I was supposed to cook you dinner and ply you with wine and kisses before I told you the truth. I was in such a rush before you got here that I forgot to move the latest frame full of pictures that Katie sent me.’
Was the talk of plying her with alcohol and kisses supposed to be funny? Because she wasn’t laughing.
He stared at her for a few moments as if awaiting her response, but when none came he placed down his glass and took her hand. ‘Look, I know this is all a hell of a lot to take in. And I know that you and I are going to have more talking to do about this, but I really hope this doesn’t change things. I really care about you. I think we have something special here. What do you think?’ The former sadness and then joy had now been replaced by hope in his eyes.
She had no idea what to say. Of course it changed things but she just wasn’t sure how. His son lived in Australia so it wasn’t as if things would be impacted too much. Katie had clearly moved on if she had managed to stay away for so long. And the truth was Zara really, really wanted a future with Josh. He was almost a perfect package. She had gone from hoping he was about to tell her he loved her, to then thinking he was going to ask her to live with him, to finally discovering he had a ten-year-old son and a former true love. Talk about a roller-coaster ride of emotions. She really needed time to process it all.
She tried to imagine life without Josh in it but the brief moment she envisaged that reality her chest ached and she wanted to scream. Okay, so he had a child and an ex but so many men did, and women too. And most people got on just fine in those situations so why would this be any different?
She adored him. And, okay, he’d kind of lied to her but he’d had his reasons, hadn’t he? And he’d been going to tell her tonight, it just happened that she had found the photos and forced the issue. Her inner dialogue continued with both the angel and the devil on opposing shoulders almost coming to blows over what her next step should be.
‘Zara?’ Josh’s voice was tinged with worry now.
She turned to face him. His crumpled brow and teary eyes made him appear so utterly bereft. Without thinking, she launched herself into his arms and kissed him passionately. All the confusion and questions manifested in a heated exchange that went so much further than she had anticipated. Not that she really had planned any of this. But before she knew it she was naked and tangled in Josh’s arms in his bed, gasping in ecstasy as he kissed and touched every inch of her sensitive flesh. As he moved above her, his breathing heavy and his eyes filled with hunger, he smiled and she was done for. This sensitive, funny, passionate man had so many facets and a heart of gold and she was on the verge of letting go and just telling him exactly how she felt regardless of this new side to him. Tumbling incoherently and willingly into something scary and unknown but exhilarating at the same time. All she had to do was give in. And when he smiled down at her in the heat of that moment she lost her grip.
8
On Monday evening, Marco called a meeting of the besties and Zara arrived twenty minutes late. She dashed in and sat at the usual table where she was greeted by knowing grins from Shelley and Marco.
‘I’m so sorry I’m late, guys. I was just about to leave work when this huge bouquet arrived. Look at the size of the thing.’ She held out the fragrant and oversized bunch of roses.
‘Let me guess – Noah’s feeling guilty and these are an apology?’ Marco winked at Shelley.
‘Oh, yeah, he’s feeling so guilty he’s talking about me doing more of these horrible camping trips. He’s got absolutely no chance. No, of course, my lovely flowers are from Josh.’ She beamed as she placed them on the spare seat.