by Lisa Hobman
‘So… ahem… how is Caleb’s mum?’
There was a silent pause. ‘Oh, she’s fine. Jet-lagged obviously. Says it’s strange to be back in the UK. She doesn’t miss the weather. Typical it should chuck it down all day today. Oh, you should have seen Caleb’s face when he opened his presents. That microscope you suggested was a hit. Thank you for that.’
So he wasn’t going to talk about Katie. Maybe that was a good thing. ‘Well, I’m glad it’s all going well for you.’
‘Thanks, gorgeous. Hey, I can’t wait to see you. Maybe we can sneak in a meeting? I don’t think I can wait two weeks. And before we know it you’ll be off on your travels.’
She was relieved he wanted to see her but decided to stand firm. ‘Like I said, your focus should be on Caleb. I don’t want to detract from that. But I promise as soon as he goes home I’ll be right there.’
‘Hmm… if you insist on keeping away I might just have to come and break into your apartment.’ He chuckled.
‘Don’t forget I have a Marco. He’s not a dog but, I’m telling you, he can be a lot worse.’ She laughed as the image of Marco humping Josh’s leg came to mind.
‘What’s so funny?’
Zara tried to quell her amusement. ‘Oh, just my stupid sense of humour. Listen, I should go. Up early tomorrow. Unlike some of us, who get to play football and go to museums for the next two weeks, there are those of us who have to go in to work to earn a crust.’
‘Yeah, well, you can always ditch work and come with us.’
‘Night, Josh, lo—’ Oh, shit, that was bloody close. ‘Lovely to hear from you.’ She hung up before any comments could be made about her ridiculous almost-confession. It had begun to trip from her tongue and she’d felt this way for so long, it felt natural to say it. But now wasn’t the time.
*
Four days later she was sitting eating breakfast with Marco when out of the blue he asked, ‘Josh hasn’t been in touch for a couple of days, has he?’
Zara sighed. ‘No, but only because I insisted he focused on his son. I’m regretting it, to be honest. I miss him like mad. I don’t know what to do.’ She placed her spoon down and stared into her yogurt and berries as if the answer might miraculously appear there. An image of the berries forming words in the bowl sprang to mind. They’d no doubt spell out ‘Get a life, loser’ or something equally scathing.
‘Maybe you should just give in and call him? Ask him out for a quick drink. I’m sure he’s missing you just as much. Honestly, if I see you scroll through those bloody selfies you took once more I’m going to go over to his place and drag him here by his bed hair.’
Zara cringed and put down the phone that had become somewhat of a hand accessory. The post-coital, silly bed selfies were really sweet. Cheesy but lovely. But looking at them only made her miss him more.
‘What the fuck is wrong with me, Marco? I’ve pretty much loved him since the day I met him but I daren’t tell him in case it leads me to find out that he doesn’t feel the same. It’s pathetic. And not normal.’ She huffed.
Marco grinned. ‘Well, Zara Bear, you’ve never been normal. I mean, you put ketchup on everything. You drift off into your head all the time and let’s face it; I’m your best friend. So I think the whole normal thing is a ship long since sailed, honey.’
She couldn’t help giggling. ‘Sod off. And I don’t put ketchup in yogurt.’ She tilted up her bowl as if to prove a point. But then she did begin to wonder what that would actually taste like…
‘Oh my God, you’re considering it, aren’t you? See! Case in point! Not a shred of normality in you, girl.’
*
After stewing on the idea of calling Josh for the majority of her working day and being faced with an ever-increasing to-do list, thanks to the recent departure of her colleague Dillon, Zara couldn’t focus. As soon as the clock hands ticked round to five p.m., she grabbed her bag and dashed towards the exit. She was owed some time and she was damn well going to take it.
She had just reached the door when Noah’s voice stopped her. ‘Zara! Before you leave I have the details through about your bike hire for the NC500. Do you want to come in and we can go through it?’ he called from the doorway of his office.
With her back towards him, she sighed and rolled her eyes. A bike is a bike, surely? But, as obedient as ever, she turned and walked slowly towards her boss. ‘Look, Noah, would you mind awfully if I take a rain check? I’m shattered and I have somewhere to be tonight.’
Not used to people saying no, he looked a little stunned. His eyebrows were raised and the slow nod of his head told Zara he wasn’t keen on it. ‘Oh. Right. But it’s vitally important you get the right bike. We need to send some more details. Dillon, of course, had his own titanium-framed bike that cost him over four thousand quid…’ His nostrils flared at the mention of his new arch nemesis.
‘I totally understand, and I promise I’ll give it my full attention tomorrow, okay?’
‘Sure. Sure. Enjoy your afternoon.’ He stressed the word as if to make a point that she was some kind of part-timer. But Zara chose not to bite.
‘Great. Bye, Noah.’ She dashed once again for the door. It was raining hard and the fact that she had chosen the Tube again today became a huge relief. She couldn’t cycle over to Josh’s house in this bloody weather. Turning up looking like a drowned rat wouldn’t do.
Once off the train at the right stop, Zara put up her brolly and set off walking to Josh’s little flat. As she walked the rain became heavier and the wind whipped up so much that her umbrella turned inside out and broke.
‘Oh, shit!’ She wrestled with it for a while but to no avail. Eventually she stuffed the mangled metal and plastic into a dustbin and began to jog. She knew very well she was going to look like a drowned rat when she finally got to Josh’s but at least she’d get to see him. Maybe she’d even get to meet Caleb too.
She rounded the corner of his street and the rain was coming horizontally straight at her. She lowered her head and stared at the pavement as she walked quickly, too out of breath to jog any more.
She was freezing cold, in her flimsy little suit and heels and wished she’d rethought this whole visiting surprise. She reached the point in the road where she knew she needed to cross and lifted her chin to check for traffic.
Something caught her eye and she fixed her gaze on Josh’s building. A couple stood on the steps under a large stripy umbrella. It looked like a nice sturdy one, unlike the ridiculous excuse for a rain cover she’d just had to ditch. The umbrella lowered and she saw that Josh was its owner. The dark-haired woman with him was presumably Katie.
She stepped forward and lifted her arm to wave but stopped when Josh slipped his arm round the waist of the woman and pulled her into his arms. What happened next broke her heart. His companion tilted her chin up to meet Josh’s lowered face. And then he kissed her. But it wasn’t the kiss of two long-lost friends. It was the kiss of two people still head over heels in love.
10
Tears streamed down her face as she turned and walked back in the direction of the Tube station. Thankfully the heavy downpour went some way to disguising her heartbreak.
‘Zara! Stop!’ a familiar voice called from behind her. ‘Please! Let me explain!’ She ignored Josh’s pleas and kept walking, head down against the torrent. There was nothing to explain. He was a cheating, lying bastard. End of. He’d lied about having a son – or, rather, he’d lied by omission about that – and he’d lied about wanting a future with her. How the hell could she trust him now regardless of whatever stupid excuse he chose to present?
Eventually he caught up with her, grabbed her arm and pulled her to a stop. ‘Zara, please—’
‘Please what, Josh? Please forgive you for kissing your ex? Or for not telling me about your son? Or for forgetting to tell me you’re still in love with his mother?’
Josh swiped his wet hair from his forehead. ‘I didn’t mean for this to happen. Honestly… I…’
With a trembling lip Zara asked, ‘Was what I just witnessed the only thing that’s happened between you since she’s been back?’
He closed his eyes and tilted his head back. ‘Zara, please—’
‘I’ll take that as a no then, shall I?’
‘Please just come back to the flat. Let me explain. It’s all so damned complicated. There’s history and then there’s Caleb.’
Her heart squeezed in her chest at what was happening. They only had a year of history but it had been the best year of her life and all she wanted was more of it. More of him – especially his heart, seeing as he had hers. But, like the rain, her dreams of a future with the man she loved were also falling to the ground round her feet, only to be stepped on and washed away.
‘There’s nothing to explain, Josh. I get it. I loved you with all my heart. But you never felt the same. If you had this wouldn’t have happened. But do you know what hurts the most? It’s that you could have just been honest and told me we were over. Yes, it would’ve still hurt like hell, but it would have saved me this humiliation.’
He stepped towards her and cupped her cheek in his palm. ‘Don’t leave like this, Zara, please. Let’s just talk.’
She shook her head. ‘No. You had a chance to talk and chose not to take it. Please don’t try to contact me again, Josh. Goodbye.’ And with her final words she turned and walked towards the station. The fight was gone from her. The rain couldn’t soak her any more than it already had and she was past caring about how she looked. She just wanted to go home and be with people who actually cared for her. At least she had that chance.
11
Since having her heart broken, Zara’s days had involved cycle training and lots of it. For endurance purposes she had been cycling in all weathers, figuring she had to be prepared for every eventuality. She’d also spent time online researching places she could visit for the article. Some of them looked lovely but she would still rather be going somewhere warm. Shelley had bought her a kind of warts-and-all guide book that had scared the crap out of her with its real-life advice of what to do and absolutely what not to do. It had taken her mind off Josh, but she couldn’t say she’d enjoyed it and it hadn’t exactly helped reduce the dread for her impending trip north.
At work Noah had continually commended her for her efforts and praised her for her abundance of team spirit; he’d even given her several days off to train, which had been a big help. Although what would’ve been even more helpful would have been for him to have called the whole thing off entirely.
Shelley and Marco had rallied round her after Josh had been caught cheating. Neither one had said, ‘I told you so,’ and she was grateful for that fact. Her fragile and bruised heart still ached for all the things that might have been, but she was relieved that he hadn’t made any lame attempts to contact her. The last thing she needed was to be reminded of all the things she’d lost thanks to his lies and stupidity. And only now was she becoming resigned to the fact that time away in Scotland would be the thing to drag her back from the edge of the precipice she had been teetering on. She certainly hoped so.
The day of Zara’s travel arrived way too soon for her comfort. At eleven o’clock that evening she stood on the platform at London Euston with her compact camping gear in tow. Her mood was solemn and her bags weren’t the only things that weighed heavy.
Shelley rubbed her hands up and down Zara’s arms. ‘Aww come on, Zee. It’s only ten days. You’ve been away longer for work in the past, sweetie.’
‘She’s right, pumpkin. It’ll fly by,’ her mum agreed, cupping her face. ‘You’ll be home before you know it. Are you going to give Queenie a kiss? She’ll miss you.’ Her mum pouted and held up the shaking Yorkshire terrier.
Zara tried not to gag at the prospect, even though she adored the ancient pooch. ‘Erm, thanks, Mum, but no. I’m covered in midge repellent and it might poison her.’ Or, more to the point, the dog’s breath might poison me.
Marco stepped forward. ‘You never know, Zara Bear, you might meet some handsome man in a sexy kilt,’ he said dreamily. ‘And I want to know if it’s true about their underwear.’ He winked.
Zara laughed and hugged him. ‘Hmm. We’ll see. No wild parties while I’m away, you hear me?’
He saluted. ‘Aye, aye, Cap’n.’
Her dad held her at arm’s length. ‘Now, you listen to me. Anybody, and I mean anybody, tries to fleece you, tries to have their way with you, or tries anything, you tell ’em I know people, right? Scary people. And you take names, darlin’, right? I won’t stand for my girl being hurt again. I’m still thinking I should go round to that Josh’s house and take him down a peg or two.’
The scariest person her dad knew was Merv, the toothless alcoholic who spent most of his life in the King’s Head pub down the road from her parents’ house. Only he was scary for totally different reasons from the ones her dad was insinuating – most of them connected to his wild-eyed appearance.
‘Dad, I love you, but you really don’t need to do that. I’m moving on. I’m a strong, independent woman, you know.’ She forced a smile.
Her dad grappled her into a bear hug and for a brief moment she was ten again. He meant the world to her and his hugs could ease most ills.
Shelley tugged her sleeve. ‘And make sure you don’t miss your bloody train home, okay? I figure, sod it, we’ll go to that damned school reunion and we’ll show ’em how good we turned out,’ she insisted in a wobbly voice.
Marco whispered loudly through gritted teeth. ‘Shells, stop getting upset. You’ll make Zee upset too. You know how soppy she can be.’
Zara whacked him. ‘Oy!’
The station master called for boarding and she gave one last hug to everyone. This was the first time she’d been seen off by her friends and family, which made it apparent that they were all worried.
It really didn’t help.
*
Once she had waved to her leaving party, Zara was shown to her first-class sleeper cabin by an attendant who also took her breakfast order. The space was compact but clean, with a single bed, a hide-away sink and a little hanging space. Once she had closed the door, she placed her backpack in the corner of the room and decided she was too tired to walk up to the lounge car. She doubted that she would sleep thanks to the nerves jangling throughout her body, but vowed to at least try. Once her face was washed and her teeth were brushed, she stripped from her clothing and grabbed her old T-shirt from the backpack to sleep in. The thermals she’d bought would be saved for the tent. With the lights out, she snuggled down under the duvet and closed her eyes.
Instead of being irritating as she’d imagined, the clickety-clack of the train on the rails had a soporific effect and, before she could worry too much about the days to come, she drifted into slumber.
When she woke the following morning she was surprised at how refreshed she felt. Perhaps train sleeping was the cure for her recent insomnia? She washed and dressed just in time for the light knock on the door by the attendant who delivered her breakfast tray. She lifted the blind and, as she ate, she watched the last few miles of her picturesque journey pass by the window. Rugged plains and jagged, rocky hills were preceded by calm rivers and lakes. Little houses that looked like models sat out in clusters and she wondered what the people therein were doing. Preparing for work or for school probably. For the first time in ages she felt quite relaxed; or perhaps it was resolved. Either way, the worry that had plagued her since Noah’s announcement about the trip was gone.
She pulled her itinerary from a side pocket in her bag and checked the details of her bike hire as she munched on a warm croissant, brushing the flakes of pastry away and then feeling a little guilty as they fell on the freshly vacuumed floor.
She was going to cycle approximately fifty to sixty miles per day, which sounded horrendous. But she reminded herself that once she got moving she really could motor and that was on her own bone-shaker. The bike she was being loaned was constructed from titani
um, which, she was assured, was lightweight and tough. She had watched tutorial after tutorial on bike care and repair but in all honesty the information hadn’t really sunk in. She just hoped she wouldn’t really need any of it.
*
Armed with sandwiches, chocolate and water she had bought, Zara made her way to the bike shop with a riot of butterflies dancing the Harlem Shuffle inside her. Her nerves were totally unfounded, however, as the people at the shop were really helpful. She was given full instructions on how best to load the panniers and tent rack, meaning only her clothes and things she needed quick access to would stay in the backpack. The staff at Highland Trax waved her off with the assurance that they were happy to help if she had any major issues, so to call if she needed to, and she set off on her newly acquired two wheels, in the direction of the first stop.
The first day was supposed to be a fairly easy ride of sixty or so miles on smooth, flat ground. The words of the woman who had assisted her at the bike shop sprang to mind. ‘It sounds monstrous but, believe me, when you get going, the time and the miles will fly by.’
Hmm. I wish you were here doing this for me, she huffed to herself as she pedalled.
Her destination for the end of her first day was a little place called Lochcarron in Wester Ross. Considering she was starting on the right-hand side of the country and aiming to be way across the other side by the end of the day, she wondered if she’d even survive day one. It was daunting to say the least.